The Single Girl's To-Do List (27 page)

‘Young ladies?’

‘Exactly,’ Mum replied. ‘And Matthew is back with Stephen?’

‘He is,’ I confirmed. ‘Apparently sometimes a break can work. I’ve never seen either of them so happy.’

‘And you?’

I turned in my chair to give her the full effect of my dazzling smile and jazz hands. ‘Haven’t you heard? I’m in a three-way relationship with two gays. It’s been the talk of the wedding.’

Aunt Beverley hadn’t been slow in getting the gossip out.

‘Well, yes, I’d heard that,’ she sighed. ‘I told Bev I’d had you all over for Christmas dinner last year and they both call me Mum.’

I loved my mother.

‘But really, what’s going on? Are you OK?’

‘I am,’ I replied. ‘Or at least I will be. But yeah, work is good, my friends are happy, my brother is going out with someone he won’t catch anything from and you’re smiling. What more could I want?’

‘I saw Simon outside earlier.’ She ignored my comment about Paul, just as she had been ignoring them for the last twenty-seven years. ‘Are you …?’

‘Absolutely not.’

‘Good.’

‘Why would I waste my time on a Scorpio?’ I gave her a nudge and sipped my wine while my alleged gay lovers joined in the slow dance. Cue mass murmurs around the room. ‘I’m going to give boys a miss for now. No point wasting time on the wrong one.’

‘Glad you’ve finally come round to my way of thinking,’ Mum said. ‘Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely. We’re made of stronger stuff, you and I. A man can’t make you happy if you’re not happy with yourself, you know.’

‘I know,’ I said, setting my champagne down and giving her a hug. ‘I’m sorry I’ve given you such a hard time in the past. I didn’t really understand before.’

‘You forget you’ll always be my baby,’ she said, hugging back. ‘You might think you’re all grown up, but you’ve still got a lot to learn before you’re as wise as your old mum.’

‘Point taken.’ Did it ever get any easier to accept your parents were right and you were wrong?

‘Ms Summers?’ Matthew appeared and held out his hand to lead me to the dance floor while Stephen offered the same to my mum. ‘Quick spin and then home?’ he suggested, spinning me out and then whirling me back in. ‘That really is a fabulous dress. Remind me to take you somewhere worthy of its presence.’

‘Thanks.’ I gave my dad a wave over Matthew’s shoulder. He looked happy. ‘I might take you up on that. Anywhere in mind?’

‘I’m feeling another list coming on actually.’ He dipped me low on the dance floor. ‘Ten more stamps in the passport? A country from each continent? Visit every state in America?’

‘Shall I get Sydney out of the way first and we can take it from there?’ I suggested.

‘Done and done,’ he said, pulling me in close. ‘Love you, Rach.’

‘I love you too,’ I said, nuzzling into his chest. Across the floor, I saw a tall, dark middle-aged man cut in on my mum and Stephen. It wasn’t anyone I recognized, but I was familiar with the glint in her eye. There was hope for her yet. ‘And if a little old lady in a navy suit asks, we’re doing it.’

‘Gotcha,’ he nodded.

And after another verse chorus and verse of the wildly inappropriate ‘Three Times a Lady’, he gestured for us to make a move. A plan I backed wholeheartedly.

At my request, we listened to Magic FM all the way back to London, Matthew and Stephen belting out power ballads as though their lives depended on it, while I attempted to harmonize. We had just put in a spectacular version of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ when our hire car pulled up outside my flat.

‘Night beautiful,’ Matthew kissed me on the cheek through the driver’s side window. I shoved myself halfway across him to give Stephen a sloppy kiss on the cheek that I still wasn’t sure he deserved, before turning on my heel and heading for the door. I was happy my friends were happy. I was happy my family was happy. I was happy I was drunk. Until I got home and saw a tall dark figure loitering around my doorstep. Why had I sent Matthew home without seeing me in the door? Now I was going to be murdered in this beautiful party dress and Aunt Beverley would tell everyone at the funeral I was having relations with a gay man.

‘Hi.’

I didn’t think it was usual for murderers to say hello.

I didn’t think it was usual for murderers to bring a suitcase.

But then I hadn’t counted on the murderer not being a murderer at all but in fact being a very tired-looking, two days’ worth of beard-wearing Dan. On my doorstep. At midnight.

‘Hi.’ I stayed at the bottom of the steps, my heart pounding and climbing up my throat. ‘You’re in LA.’

‘And you’re drunk,’ he replied, pointing to the case beside him. ‘I haven’t left yet. I’m on my way now.’

‘Oh.’ Heart crashing back down to my feet. ‘You didn’t call me back.’

‘No.’ He tipped his head to one side, his curls sliding across his forehead, covering up his eyes. ‘I had some thinking to do.’

‘Dangerous,’ I replied. This Mexican stand-off was starting to become a problem. I was drunk, it was cold and I really needed a wee. The unholy triumvirate of doorstep dilemmas.

‘Yeah, thing is,’ he said, peeling off his jumper and holding it out to me. This one was black, cashmere again. If we kept this up, I’d have quite the collection soon enough. ‘I’m in love with this girl who isn’t in love with me and I don’t really know what to do about it.’

‘Right.’ I skipped up the steps as lightly as possible given that the balls of my feet were burning. And I really, really did need that wee. ‘How do you know she’s not in love with you?’

‘Because if she felt the same way I did, I’d know.’ He took a deep breath and sat back down. I was just going to have to hold it. Afraid to stop him mid-sentence, I sat down beside him.

‘I knew it from the first day we worked together but I didn’t know what to do about it. I’d never, ever felt that way about anyone before, but she really didn’t seem that impressed by me. And she had a boyfriend, although that had never stopped me before if we’re being entirely honest.’

‘You were wearing a baseball cap,’ I said in a completely flat voice, praying for my cloudy brain to clear up. I was going to need all my wits about me for this one. ‘That first day. It was a
Cosmo
shoot.’

‘And you told me you couldn’t take me seriously while I was wearing it,’ he went on. ‘But I remember thinking that, sooner or later, you’d break up with your boyfriend and realize that we were meant to be together. So I threw away all my baseball caps.’

Jaw on the floor. That was hands-down the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. Even if I didn’t know it at the time.

‘You did?’

‘I say all. Most of them,’ he shrugged. ‘But I never wore one on a shoot with you ever again. I just waited for you to break up with your boyfriend. But when you did, by the time I’d heard about it, you’d got another one.’

‘I was a bit of a fast worker,’ I acknowledged. This was bizarre; I’d had no idea for six years. Talk about playing it cool.

‘Luckily, that one didn’t last,’ Dan kept talking. ‘But I told myself to wait because I didn’t want to be your rebound fling. So I waited, just a bit too long, because as soon as you’d told me you’d broken up with one bloke, you’d met Simon and you practically moved in together right away. Once you bought the house, I thought it was all over, so I started dating Ana to try to distract myself. But then … well, but then. And now we’re here.’

Even if I’d had any grasp over my vocabulary, I wouldn’t have been able to speak for all the butterflies dicking about in my stomach. What was it butterflies actually did, anyway? Besides make me feel as if I was absolutely, positively about to throw up? What was pretty about that?

‘Rachel?’ Dan took hold of my hand. ‘I would feel really good if you could join in with something right now. Anything really.’

‘I went to Canada to see a boy,’ I started, forcing the butterflies under control. Now if I could just hear myself over my own heartbeat. ‘He was my first crush.’

‘I know I said say anything, but I’m not sure I meant this,’ Dan interrupted. ‘Anything else?’

‘Shut up,’ I ordered. His hand was so hot around mine. Hot and big and solid, like him. I had long fingers but, compared to Dan, I had tiny hands. ‘I went to Canada to see this boy and it was lovely. He was lovely. But the whole time I was there, all I could think about was you.’

‘Oh,’ he nudged me with his knees. ‘That sounds better.’

‘And then I did a bungee jump at Niagara Falls and called you to tell you but you didn’t want to listen and then I came home to see you but I thought you’d gone to LA which you bloody hadn’t,’ I added. ‘So I sort of gave up.’

‘Oh yeah.’ He wrapped his other arm around my shoulders, rubbing my back absently. Boom. The butterflies took cover from the uncontrollable lightning bolts. ‘Sorry about that. Hang on, you did a bungee jump?’

‘Kind of. It was on my list.’ I turned my face up to look at his. ‘I came back a day early. When you wouldn’t answer your phone, I flew back a day early to see you but you’d already gone.’

‘I panicked.’ He pushed my hair out of my face, then traced a fingertip along the neckline of my dress, brushing my collarbone. ‘But I’m here.’

‘But you’re leaving,’ I pointed out, wrapping my fingers around his and putting them back on his knees. This was going to be hard. ‘Tonight?’

‘I’ll be back in a week.’ Dan squeezed my hand but I shook it free. ‘Or you could come with me. Go in and pack a bag. Just come.’

‘I can’t.’ My voice wasn’t even really a whisper. ‘I’m going to Australia.’

‘You booked the Sydney job.’ He closed his eyes and retracted his hands. The lightning subsided for just one minute. ‘Of course you did.’

Old Rachel wanted to tell him she’d blow the job off, that she’d just tell them she was sick or stuck in Canada or something and run off to LA with Dan, but I just couldn’t. New Rachel wouldn’t let her.

‘How long are you gone for?’ He fiddled with the hem of his T-shirt before looking up and turning those big brown eyes on me. ‘I’ll be back next Sunday.’

‘I’m staying for a month. At least.’ This time, I was the one who took hold of his hand. ‘Veronica booked me some jobs, I’m going to travel for a bit.’

It was as though I’d just gone to tell Bambi the bad news about his mum.

‘I thought you’d gone, Dan,’ I said. ‘I thought this wasn’t happening. Getting away for a bit was the best idea.’

‘My timing is shit. ‘He pushed his too-long curls out of his eyes.

‘It’s not brilliant.’ A tiny fluttery laugh escaped from my throat. Probably wasn’t the right time for giggles, but if I didn’t laugh, I was absolutely going to cry. ‘What time’s your flight?’

‘Not until morning.’ Dan rapped a fist against his case. ‘To be honest, it was either convince you to come with me or go out and get totally hammered. Tried-and-tested method of dealing with rejection.’

‘It’s not rejection,’ I said after a few too many moments of silence. ‘I’ll be gone for a month. In the greater scheme of things, it’s really nothing.’

Didn’t feel like nothing, though. From my perspective, it felt like this was really not meant to be. I was right in the first place: never give in to the butterflies, they just make you sick. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what Dan was thinking.

‘Can I stay tonight?’ he asked.

Oh. So that’s what he was thinking. I suppose six-year epic unrequited love or not, he did still have a penis.

‘I really want to say yes,’ I whispered, my forehead resting against his. ‘But I don’t think it’s a very good idea.’

‘I think it’s a very good idea.’ His breath tickled my ear and my resolve wavered as that now-familiar feeling shivered all the way down my spine.

‘I need a bit more time.’ The words didn’t come out easily but I knew they were the right ones. ‘I don’t want to mess you about but I’m not ready.’

‘Right.’ He pulled away abruptly and leapt to his feet. ‘Plan B then, I’ll go and get hammered. Have fun in Sydney.’

‘Dan, wait.’ I tried not to keel over as he vanished from my side.

‘I’m done waiting,’ he called back, dragging the case noisily down the street. ‘Maybe you can put “call Dan” on your list when you get back from Australia.’

Of course, the grand romantic gesture would have been to kick off my heels, forget that I was desperate for a wee and run down the street after him. But New Rachel didn’t run after men. New Rachel stood on her own two feet, high heels attached, and unlocked the door to my house.