The Sins of the Mother (12 page)

“We ought to try that sometime,” John said to his older brother, who grinned.

Amanda commented instantly, “Don’t count on me.” She had already changed to a dry bathing suit, and an enormous pink hat to shield her from the sun. Olivia was delighted by her ride on the jet ski, and Alex had promised to take her on it again.

They all had an enormous lunch, after which the crew pulled up anchor and they took off again, this time to head straight for Portofino. The plan was to arrive in time for dinner and go to a restaurant in the port. And they’d been told the shops would be open till midnight. There was something for all of them to look forward to.

As the
Lady Luck
cruised toward Italy at full speed, John and Sarah played Scrabble, the rest of them read or slept, and the kids went to watch a movie in the theater. Amanda decided to have a manicure, as Olivia had suggested, and they all looked happy and at ease. And after they played Scrabble, John did a few quick pencil sketches of Sarah’s face. He always returned with several sketchbooks full after their summer trips.

It was eight-thirty at night when they got to Portofino, and the crew tied up the enormous boat to the rocks, and dropped anchor. The tiny little port town was sparkling at them, and they all went to dress and get ready for dinner. They had a dinner reservation at nine-thirty at a restaurant the captain assured them was excellent.

They reassembled on the deck half an hour later, nibbled delicious hors d’oeuvres, and could hardly wait to get ashore and explore Portofino. A large tender took them in, and only a few minutes later they reached the dock, and three crew members accompanied them to the restaurant.

“I feel like visiting royalty,” Olivia giggled, and each of her granddaughters put an arm around her waist as they walked along. Alex walked along beside them, and Olivia’s three children followed at a distance, watching her with her grandchildren, and talking among themselves.

“Sometimes I wonder if we even know who she is. She’s so different than she used to be … with them …,” Phillip said as he watched his mother with her grandchildren. She was laughing and talking, and she looked happy and relaxed. He had no memories of her looking that way in his youth.

“I think she really enjoys the kids,” Liz said kindly. She was happy to see her daughters having fun with their grandmother. Her own relationship with her grandmother had always been so important to her—she was glad to see that her daughters could share something like that too.

“Why?” Phillip said, looking sour for a minute. “She never enjoyed us.”

“She probably did, it was just different. She was younger, so were we. It’s easier when they’re not your kids,” Liz answered.

“Maybe,” Phillip conceded, but he looked unconvinced. This was not the mother he had known. This was someone entirely different, riding on jet skis, laughing and playing. He couldn’t recall a single instance of seeing her this way when he was a boy. Although she’d been around more when they were younger, as they got older, she had been either tired, busy, or away. All he remembered was his own grandmother, and his father, and a mother he now realized he had never known. He had felt cheated all his life, and seeing her this way made him feel more so. If she had had this to give, why hadn’t she given it to them?

Only Liz seemed to realize that maybe she had been different then, and more pressured by what she was trying to build. Liz recognized too that maybe some part of her had grown in the meantime. Too late for them, but not too late for her grandchildren at least. And as far as Liz was concerned, Granibelle had given them all the mothering they needed. But Phillip had wanted it from his own mother, and still resented her for what she hadn’t been able to give, or hadn’t had time to.

“I think she’s mellowing as she gets older,” John added, and Phillip shook his head again.

“I haven’t seen that in the office.”

But at least they were seeing it now. That was something.

They looked into the shops briefly, and Amanda wandered into a shoe store, and then Hermès, and then they all went to dinner, at a small friendly restaurant, with strolling guitarists serenading the guests. They were given a table on the terrace, and took their places randomly. The grandchildren seated themselves around Olivia, and she chatted animatedly with them until they ordered dinner. The pasta was delicious, and it was after midnight when they stopped for a gelato and wandered back to the dock, where the tender was waiting for them. The castle and the church were lit up high on twin hills, just as Olivia had remembered, and a few minutes later they were taken back to the boat. As soon as they reached it, they saw that the crew had set out hundreds of floating candles on the water. They looked like they were floating in chrysanthemums, and they had done it so that they could swim at night. The young people squealed with delight as soon as they saw it, and went to their cabins to change, and the adults waited on deck. It was a beautiful sight, and Phillip and John ordered cognac, while Amanda and Sarah drank champagne. Liz had gone below to change with her girls. And Olivia settled happily in a chair to watch the action.

As soon as the kids appeared, they dove into the water off the loading deck, and swam between the candles in the warm water. Liz was in the water with them, looking like a kid herself, and for an instant Olivia was tempted to join them. Being with them was like drinking from the fountain of youth. She hadn’t had this much fun in years. And the two couples sat happily on deck nearby, chatting quietly and enjoying the romantic scene. They could still see the church and the castle in the distance, and the candles on the water were magical.

Sarah and John were the first to go below to their cabin, even before the young people came out of the water, and Phillip and Amanda followed a few minutes later. And when Liz and the kids came out of the water, Olivia was waiting for them.

“That was so much fun,” Liz said, breathless.

“It looked like it,” her mother said, smiling at her, and a moment later all the kids were around them, dripping water on the deck. They had decided to change and watch a movie. Their time together was one long party. Olivia loved being on the fringes of it, and so did Liz.

“Are you tired, Mom?” she asked her. It had been a long day for all of them, and she and her girls had only arrived that morning. The others had benefited from a good night’s sleep.

“Not in the least,” Olivia said, looking relaxed. “I think I’ll go to bed now, though,” she said as she stood up. She’d had a wonderful day with her children and grandchildren. It was the whole purpose of the trip, and their first day together had certainly been a great success. She hoped the rest of the vacation would be too. Even Sarah had finally relaxed, and been lively and outspoken at dinner, and more like herself. The only one who never really changed or warmed up was Amanda, but they were all used to that, year after year. “Are you going to watch the movie with the kids?” Olivia asked Liz.

“No, I think I’ll work on my—” She stopped herself before she said “book,” and looked panicked as she glanced at her mother. She didn’t want to tell her about it. What was the point? What if, like everything else she’d ever done, it was no good? “Work on my beauty sleep,” she filled in. “The kids stay up way too late for me.”

“Me too,” Olivia said as they walked down to their cabins together. Olivia gently kissed her cheek, and wondered what she was really working on. She knew her older daughter better than that. She was sure she did not intend to work on her beauty sleep. She wondered if Liz was working on a new book. But she was wise enough not to ask questions. She kissed her goodnight, and walked on to her own cabin, pleased at how well everything had gone. It had been a very good first day indeed.

Chapter 6

A
manda went back into Portofino with a crew member and the tender the next day. She was itching to get back to the shops and see what she could find. There were several fancy little stores strung along the port, some Italian, some French, a fun jewelry store, and she came back to the boat laden with her purchases. The crew member she’d taken with her looked like a beast of burden, carrying six or seven shopping bags, and Amanda wore a look of victory. She had worn a short pink strapless sundress with a matching hat for her trip into town, and she came back looking like the consummate shopper. Phillip always said that Amanda shopped as a form of relaxation, so he never complained about it. And Olivia suspected it was true. And as a side benefit, Amanda always looked like a page in
Vogue
. And she knew that her son liked that.

Amanda was beautiful, without a doubt, but even at her best, she was never warm. It worried Olivia for Phillip. And oddly, although he had suffered from how busy she had been when he was a child, he had picked a woman to marry who was just as intent on her career, or even more so. To the point that she hadn’t wanted children, and it always struck Olivia that she wasn’t much fun to be around. She was so intense about everything she did, and so determined to become a judge. She wanted to know the right people, be seen at the “right” events. There was nothing spontaneous about her. Even her shopping seemed calculated and determined. It was hard to imagine her with messy hair, or laughing herself silly. She seemed humorless and cold to all of them, although they never said so to Phillip. He wasn’t a particularly spontaneous person either, and he was serious by nature, but Olivia couldn’t help thinking that a more easygoing woman might have softened him, and done him a world of good. But he never commented on Amanda’s coolness, so maybe he didn’t mind it, and liked her the way she was.

Olivia had far more fun with Liz, whose humility was touching in many ways. She was bright and funny and beautiful, and never seemed to know it. She was quick to laugh at herself, which was endearing. And Olivia enjoyed talking to Sarah, who was intense but extremely intelligent, and madly in love with John, which pleased Olivia no end. It touched her heart to see her so loving to her son.

Olivia had come to know her children better as adults than she had as children. She was far more aware now of their sensitive points, their fears and weaknesses, and she worried about them more in recent years than she had when they were young. In the early days, they had had their father and grandmother to protect them, and Olivia had been around as much as she could. In those days all they had had to do was keep them healthy, safe, and warm, and keep them out of harm’s way, or from doing something foolish in their teen years. But now the stakes were so much higher, the risks greater, and the price of mistakes they made potentially enormous. A wrong spouse, a bad decision, a serious health problem—in their early forties they seemed so much more vulnerable to her than they had been when they were small. And there was almost nothing she could do to protect them. She had to respect them as adults, remember not to pry, and pretend not to notice when they looked unhappy. She seriously wondered if Phillip was really happy with Amanda, if she was enough for him, if all he wanted was a clothes horse obsessed with their social status and her job. It was hard to know, and she couldn’t ask him, although she was tempted to at times.

When the rest of them got up, the crew slipped the yacht free of its moorings on the rocks, and they went out to find a good place to swim, and for the young people to play. It was nearly lunchtime by then, but they had all agreed to eat late. And Phillip and John wanted to go fishing. Once they had anchored at a good swimming spot across from a beach, the boys took off in one of the tenders with a crew member, and their fishing equipment. John promised to come home with dinner, and as they motored off, Olivia couldn’t help thinking how much like their father they were in many ways. They were both good, quiet, solid men, who were kind to their children in John’s case, and loving and supportive of their wives. And a day of fishing was a slice of heaven to them. It made her smile thinking of Joe, and knowing how pleased he would have been with how they turned out, and how devoted to the family business. He would have been very, very proud, just as she was.

The kids tried the banana again before lunch, with the same results as the day before. Everyone fell off in less than a minute, with squeals of laughter. Sarah tried to take their picture, but they fell off too quickly. Olivia was laughing just looking at them, and so was everyone else. The top of Liz’s bathing suit fell off twice when she tried it with them, and Alex nearly lost his swimming trunks. It looked like a lot of fun. The only one who wasn’t amused was Amanda, who was slathering sunscreen on her long graceful arms, then decided to sit in the shade. She paid no attention whatsoever to the merriment caused by the banana. She was oblivious to all of them.

It was three o’clock when everyone came back on board for lunch. Phillip had caught a tiny fish and thrown it back, and both men were determined to do some serious fishing at their next stop. They had decided this wasn’t the right place. And once again the lunch the chef had prepared for them was plentiful and delicious. There were two long buffet tables, and a round table in the middle of the deck, all laden with food they all helped themselves to generously. Sarah said she’d never seen Alex eat so much, but everyone was hungry, and the food was too good to resist, so no one even tried.

Liz, Sarah, and Amanda made a date to meet in the gym late that afternoon, and to try the hair salon after that. And after lunch, they all went water-skiing. Everyone but Sarah and Olivia got up and had a good run around the boat, and everyone was in great spirits when they finally came back on board.

They were planning to have dinner anchored to the rocks, and then take off for a night sail to Elba. And the captain promised that in the quiet waters around Elba, the fishing would be excellent. Phillip and John were looking forward to it.

And that afternoon, after their water-skiing adventure, everyone lay on the sundeck, except Amanda had gone downstairs to take a nap. She clearly needed a break from having that many people around. And Phillip seemed more gregarious after two days of hanging out with his siblings. Olivia thought it was good for him to loosen up. He was so serious, and older than his years at times. He was very sedate and respectable but was becoming more irreverent as the days went by. He was telling John funny stories about a hunting trip he’d been on, when Liz quietly confided to Sarah about her book.