The Sisters Club (9 page)

Alex put on The Hat at Family Dinner one
night. I’d been cooking a lot lately, and Family Dinner (Tacos à la Stevie, minus any ears) was actually edible now.

“OK, I have something to say — an important announcement.”

“Sounds serious,” said Dad, tapping his spoon on a glass to get everybody’s attention.

“What is it?” asked Mom.

“The play is only one week away, and we still don’t know our lines. So I asked Scott, the guy who plays Beast, to come over and practice with me.”

“Scott
Towel
?” asked Joey.

“Puh! That’s your big announcement?” I asked, like
Do I care?

“I just want Joey and Stevie to promise they won’t embarrass me.”

“What about Mom and Dad?” I asked.

“Ha, ha,” said Dad.

“I mean it, you guys. No calling him Scott Towel and stuff.”

“I promise!” said Joey.

“I don’t!” I said.

“I think you should ask him to stay for dinner,” said Dad. “We’d like to get to know this boy a bit if you’re going to be spending time together.”

“Good idea,” Mom chimed in. “I won’t be home after school, and I’d like to meet him, too.”

“Aw, do I really have to?” Alex asked. “It’s so embarrassing!”

“We think it’s a good idea, too,” I chimed in, getting Joey to nod her head in agreement. “He should meet the whole family.”

“Alex’s boyfriend is coming to dinner!” Joey said, teasing.

“First of all, Joey, and everybody, he is NOT my boyfriend. Second of all, if you embarrass me, I promise you will end up like the sisters in
Beauty and the Beast
— turned to stone!” Alex gave Joey and me an evil, squinty-eyed look.

“Since your
boy
friend’s coming over, does this mean I don’t have to play Beast anymore?” I asked. “If I have to say ‘I’ll die of hunger without your beauty’ once more, I think I’ll throw up.”

“Hmm. I’ll have to think of something special to make,” Mom said.

“But Mom, you’ll be tired of cooking, won’t you?” said Alex. “I mean, after cooking on the show all day?”

“You want Stevie to cook, don’t you?” Mom asked.

Alex nodded. “Well, that’s a relief,” said Mom.

It made me feel appreciated, for once. “I’ll think of something,” I said.

“Anything but Macaroni Disaster,” said Alex.

“OK. But it’ll cost you.”

“Beast!” said Alex, just like old times.

Everybody tried to act normal, like Alex was just having a friend over, no big deal. But really, you could tell everybody was holding their breath for the big night, all because it was A BOY.

I don’t get what the big deal is about boys. I mean, they have huge feet and their ears stick out. They snort in class and make armpit noises and call girls names like Maggot and Pootney. It’s not like some prince was coming to dinner. (Well, maybe the FROG prince.) After all, the kid
was
a Beast.

I thought about trying to make something special. Really I did. After all, I still felt kind of bad about the Sweater Pot Holder.

Then I had a brainstorm. A brilliant, boy-coming-to-dinner brainstorm.

I saw it on Mom’s show. Fondue Sue did a whole episode on fondue — the dinner you melt in a pot! You get these long forks and dip stuff like bread or strawberries into cheese or chocolate. It even has funny names like Chocolate Cherry Fun-due.

Fondue was perfect for the big dinner:

1. It’s French. (Alex would be all over that.)
   
2. How hard could it be to melt stuff?
   
3. If you drop fondue in the pot, something funny happens! (I can’t wait to tell Joey!)
   

FONDUES AND FON-DON’TS

Starring Alex

Me:
(Entering with the Boy and looking at all the bowls on the table.)
Wait! Stevie? What’s this? We’re having croutons for dinner?
(Not another Macaroni Disaster!)

Joey:
Not just croutons. There’s cheese glop, too.

Stevie:
Fon-due.
It’s French.

Me:
French? Of course! We’re eating French tonight. Yum! French cheese glop.

Scott:
Should I sit . . . where?

Stevie and Joey:
(At the same time.)
THERE! Next to Alex.

Joey:
And me!

Dad:
Fondue is French for “to melt.”

Joey:
I thought it was French for “to kiss.”
(I try to turn Joey to stone with my thought waves.)

Mom:
(Trying to save the day.)
Mmm. Look at this cheese and bubbly tomato sauce and chocolate for dessert. Where did you learn to make all this?

Stevie:
Mo-om. I saw it on
your
show.

Me:
(To Scott.)
Um, my mom has a cooking show on TV.

Scott:
Oh, yeah. My mom said she watches you, Mrs. Reel.
(Scott looks at Stevie.)
So you made all this? Looks . . . interesting.

Stevie:
Thanks a lot.

Mom:
Stevie, why don’t you tell Scott, and us, how this works?

Stevie:
OK, you pick up one of these long forks. Then you get bread or a marshmallow or fruit, stab it with your fork, and dip it into one of the sauces.

Me:
What are they?

Stevie:
There’s Cheese Fiesta Fondue and Pizza Fondue. This I call Chocolate Meltdown, and that one’s Yin-Yang.

Joey:
Yin-Yang?

Stevie:
Chocolate and Marshmallow.

Joey:
Those aren’t
toe
marshmallows, are they?

Me:
(Oh, no!)
Joey, shhh!
(Please, please, please don’t let anybody ask what toe marshmallows are!)

Stevie:
I made sure to use marshmallows that Alex didn’t put between her toes.

Me:
(Can’t they keep quiet about anything?) (To Scott.)
Just ignore them.

Stevie:
Eat the regular stuff first. Like the bread and vegetables. Then you get
non-toe
marshmallows for dessert. Or orange slices to dip in the chocolate.

Me:
(With a glare.)
I hope that’s the only orange thing tonight.

Joey:
And guess what?
(Looks at Scott.)
If you drop your food in the cheese, you have to kiss all the girls at the table!

Me:
Joey!
(What are those two up to? I’m going to kill them later!)

Scott:
Um, she’s not serious, is she?

Stevie:
That’s the rule!

Me:
You guys!
(To Scott.)
Aren’t little sisters really annoying?

Scott:
(Nodding.)
I know.

Joey:
Does your sister call you Scott Towel?

Me:
JO-EY!
(Alex Reel, promising young actress, found dead of embarrassment at the dinner table last evening. . . .)

Joey:
I didn’t make it up, you know. About dropping your fondue and kissing all the girls. Stevie learned it on Mom’s show.

Mom:
It’s true.
(Not Mom, too!)
It’s an honest-to-goodness custom that goes with eating fondue. Remember, honey?

Dad:
Boy, do I.

Me:
Then you had me and lived happily ever after. OK, can we please talk about something else now?

Stevie:
Does anybody need a
paper towel
— I mean napkin?

Mom:
Why do we have paper towels for napkins? There should be blue napkins in the cupboard, Stevie.
(Joey and Stevie burst out laughing.)

Joey:
I set the table. I really think we need
paper towels.
Good thing I put out
paper towels
for napkins, huh, Stevie?
(Scott turns bright red.)

Me:
Jo-ey!
(Boy is she gonna hear from me later!) (To Scott.)
See what I mean? Sisters are the worst.

Scott:
(Covers mouth with hand and coughs.)

Stevie:
At least we don’t go around kissing paper towels, right, Joey?
(I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again!)

Joey:
And talking to a sock monkey like it’s a person.

Me:
(OK, that’s it. I’m gonna wrap my sisters up and send them air mail to the moon!)
You guys! Mom, Dad, may they please be excused?

Joey:
I’m not done yet. I only had one crouton. One crouton is not dinner.

Stevie:
I made this whole dinner. I don’t want to be excused.

Dad:
Girls. How about . . . Let’s talk about the play. Have you two seen the rose garden I’m making for the outside of Beast’s castle? Each flower is handcrafted out of tissue paper.

Me:
That’s cool, Dad.

Dad:
Scott, tell us about playing Beast. What’s it like? Do you have your costume finished?

Joey:
Are you going to be really, really hairy?
(Joey bumps Scott’s arm for like the tenth time.)

Me:
JO-EY!