The Snack Thief (24 page)

shuffling the cards.

Had he guessed right?

In what sense?

Was there someone or something waiting for the fishing
boat?

Come now, Montalbano! That would have been a useless
massacre!

And you engage only in useful massacres, is that it? And
how do you plan to keep the crew quiet?

With the carrot and the stick, to quote again that writer
you dont appreciate. In any case, Ive said everything I had
to say.

No.

What do you mean, no?

I mean: thats not everything. You have very cleverly
taken me out to sea, but I havent forgotten those left behind
on land. Fahrid, for example. He must have learned, from
one of your informers, that Ahmed had been killed; but the
fishing boat had docked at Vig, inexplicablyfor him.
This troubled him. At any rate, he must now proceed to the
second part of his assignment. That is, neutralizing, as you put
it, Lapra. So he shows up at the guys front door and, to
his amazement and alarm, finds out that somebody got there
first. And so he shits in his pants.

I beg your pardon?

He gets scared, he no longer knows what is happening.
Like the captain of the fishing boat, he thinks your people are
behind it. It looks to him like youve begun removing from

circulation everyone who was in some way involved in the
operation. For a moment, perhaps, he suspects it might have
been Karima who did away with Lapra. You may not
know this, but Karima, under orders from Fahrid, forced
Lapra to hide her in his apartment; Fahrid didnt want
Lapra to get any brilliant ideas during those critical hours.
Fahrid, however, didnt know that once shed carried out her
mission, Karima had gone back home. In any event, at some
point that morning, Fahrid met up with Karima, and the two
must have had a violent argument in the course of which he
told her that her brother had been killed. Karima then tried to
escape. She failed, and she was murdered. She would have had
to be eliminated anyway, at some later point, on the quiet.

As Id suspected, said Lohengrin Pera, youve figured
it all out. Now I ask you to pause and think.You, like me, are
a loyal, devoted servant of our state. And so

Stick it up your ass, Montalbano said softly.

I dont understand.

Let me repeat: you can take our state and stick it up
your ass. You and I have diametrically opposed concepts of
what it means to be a servant of the state. For all intents and
purposes, we serve two different states. So I beg you please
not to liken your work to mine.

So now you want to play Don Quixote, Montalbano?
Every community needs someone to wash the toilets. But
this does not mean that those who wash the toilets are not
part of the community.

Montalbano felt his rage growing; one more word would
surely have been a mistake. He reached out with one hand,

brought the dish of ice cream nearer, and began to eat. By now
Lohengrin Pera had got used to the ritual, and once Montalbano
started nibbling the ice cream, he stopped talking.

Karima was killed, correct? asked Montalbano after a
few spoonfuls.

Unfortunately, yes. Fahrid was afraid that

Im not interested in why. Im interested in the fact that
she was killed by the authority of a loyal servant of the state
such as yourself. How would you call this specific case, neutralization
or murder?

Montalbano, you cant use the standard of common
morality

Colonel, I already warned you once: do not speak of
morality in my presence.

I merely meant that sometimes, the reason of state

Thats enough, said Montalbano, who had wolfed
down the ice cream in four angry bites. Then, suddenly, he
slapped his forehead.

What time is it, anyway?

The colonel looked at his wristwatch, a dainty, precious
item that looked like a childs toy.

Its already two oclock.

Why on earth hasnt Fazio arrived? Montalbano asked
himself, pretending to be worried. Then he added: I have to
make a phone call.

He got up, went over to the phone on his desk two yards
away, and started speaking in a loud voice so that Lohengrin
Pera would hear everything.

Hello, Fazio? Montalbano here.

Fazio, drowsy with sleep, spoke with difficulty.
Chief. What is it?
Come on, did you forget about the arrest?
What arrest? said Fazio, at sea.
The arrest of Simone Fileccia.
Simone Fileccia had been arrested the day before, by

Fazio himself. And, in fact, Fazio understood at once.
What should I do?
Come pick me up at my place, and well go get him.
Should I bring my own car?
No, better make it a squad car.
Ill be right there.
Wait.
The inspector put his hand over the receiver and turned

to the colonel.
How much more time will this take?
Thats up to you, said Lohengrin Pera.
Be here in, say, twenty minutes or so, the inspector said

to Fazio, not before. I have to finish talking to a friend.
He hung up, sat back down. The colonel smiled.
Since weve got so little time, tell me your price imme

diately, if youll forgive the expression.
I come cheap, very cheap, said Montalbano.
Im listening.
Two things, thats all. Within a week, I want Karimas

body to turn up, and in such a way that there can be no mistake
as to its identification.
A billy club to the head would have had less effect on

Lohengrin Pera. Opening and closing his mouth, he gripped
the edge of the table with his tiny hands, as if afraid he might
fall out of his chair.

Why? he managed to utter with the voice of a silkworm.

None of your fucking business, was the firm, blunt
reply.

The colonel shook his little head from left to right and
right to left, looking like a spring puppet.

Its not possible.

Why?

We dont know where she was...buried.

And who does know?

Fahrid.

Has Fahrid been neutralized? You know, Im starting to
like that word.

No. Hes gone back to Tunisia.

Then theres no problem. Just get in touch with his
playmates in Tunis.

No, the midget said firmly. The matter has been put to
rest at this point.We have nothing to gain by stirring things up
again with the discovery of a corpse. No, its not possible. Ask
me anything you like, but that is one thing we cannot grant
you. Aside from the fact that I cant see the purpose of it.

Too bad, said Montalbano, getting up. Automatically,
Lohengrin Pera also stood up, in spite of himself. But he
wasnt the type to give in easily.

Well, just for curiositys sake, would you tell me what
your second demand is?

Certainly. The commissioner of Vig has put in a
request for my promotion to vice-commissioner

We shall have no problem whatsoever having it accepted,
said the colonel, relieved.

What about having it rejected?

Montalbano could distinctly hear Lohengrin Peras
world crumble and fall to pieces on top of him, and he saw
the colonel hunch over as if trying to shield himself from a
sudden explosion.

You are totally insane, said the colonel, sincerely terrified.

Youve just noticed?

Listen, you can do whatever you like, but I cannot give
in to your demand to turn up the body. Absolutely not.

Shall we see how the tape came out? Montalbano
asked politely.

What tape? said Lohengrin Pera, confused.

Montalbano went over to the bookcase, stood up on tiptoe,
took out the videocamera, and showed it to the colonel.

Jesus! said the colonel, collapsing in a chair. He was
sweating.

Montalbano, for your own good, I implore you...

But the man was a snake, and he behaved like a snake. As
he appeared to be begging the inspector not to do anything
stupid, his hand had moved ever so slightly and was now
within reach of the cell phone. Fully aware that he would
never make it out of there alone, he wanted to call for reinforcements.
Montalbano let him get another centimeter
closer to the phone, then sprang. With one hand he sent the

cell phone flying from the table, with the other he struck the
colonel hard in the face. Lohengrin Pera flew all the way
across the room, eyeglasses falling, then slammed against the
far wall back first, and slid to the ground. Montalbano slowly
drew near and, as hed seen done in a movie about Nazis,
crushed the colonels little glasses with his heel.

19

And while he was at it, he went for broke, pounding the cell
phone violently into the ground with his heel until hed half-
pulverized it.

He finished the job with a hammer he kept in his tool
drawer. Then he approached the colonel, who was still on the
floor, groaning feebly. As soon as he saw the inspector in
front of him, Lohengrin Pera shielded his face with his forearms,
as children do.

Enough, for pitys sake, he implored.

What kind of man was he? A punch in the face and a
trickle of blood from his split lip, and hes reduced to this?
Montalbano grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, lifted
him up, and sat him down. With a trembling hand, Lohengrin
Pera wiped away the blood with his embroidered
postage stamp, closed his eyes, and appeared to faint.

Its just that ...blood ...I cant stand the sight of it,
he muttered.

Yours or other peoples? Montalbano inquired.

He went into the kitchen, grabbed a half-full bottle of
whisky and a glass, and set these in front of the colonel.

Im a teetotaler.

Montalbano felt a little calmer now, having let off some
steam.

If the colonel, he thought, wanted to phone for help,
then the people who were supposed to come to his rescue
must certainly be in the neighborhood, just a few minutes
drive from the house. That was the real danger. He heard the
doorbell ring.

Chief ? Its me, Fazio.

He opened the door halfway.

Listen, Fazio, I have to finish talking to that person I
mentioned. Wait in the car. Ill call you when I need you.
But be careful: there may be some people in the area who are
up to no good. Stop anyone you see approaching the house.

He shut the door and sat back down in front of Lohengrin
Pera, who seemed lost in dejection.

Now try to understand me, because soon you wont be
able to understand anything anymore.

What do you intend to do to me? asked the colonel,
turning pale.

No blood, dont worry. Ive got you in the palm of my
hand, I hope you realize that. You were foolish enough to
blab the whole story in front of a videocamera. If I have the
tape aired on TV, its going to kick up such a fucking row on
the international scene that youll be selling chickpea sandwiches
on a street corner before its all over. If, on the other
hand, you let Karimas body be found and block my promo-
tionand make no mistake, the two things go hand in

handI give you my word of honor that Ill destroy the tape.
You have no choice but to trust me. Have I made myself
clear?

Lohengrin Pera nodded his little head yes, and at that
moment the inspector realized that the knife had disappeared
from the table. The colonel must have seized it when he was
talking to Fazio.

Tell me something, said Montalbano. Are there such
things, that you know of, as poisonous worms?

Pera gave him a questioning look.

For your own good, put down the knife youre holding
inside your jacket.

Without a word, the colonel obeyed and set the knife
down on the table. Montalbano opened the whisky bottle,
filled the glass to the brim, and held it out to Lohengrin Pera,
who recoiled with a grimace of disgust.

Ive already told you Im a teetotaler.

Drink.

I cant, believe me.

Squeezing the colonels cheeks with the thumb and forefinger
of his left hand, Montalbano forced him to open his
mouth.

Fazio heard the inspector call for him after waiting some
forty-five minutes in the car, as he was starting to drift off
into a leaden sleep. Upon entering the house, he immediately
saw a drunken midget, who had vomited all over himself to

boot. Unable to stand on his feet, the midget, leaning first
against a chair and then against the wall, was trying to sing
Celeste Aida. On the floor, Fazio noticed a pair of glasses
and a cell phone, both smashed to pieces. On the table were
an empty bottle of whisky, a glass, also empty, and three or
four sheets of paper and identity cards.

Listen closely, Fazio, said the inspector. Im going to
tell you exactly what happened here, in case anybody questions
you. I was returning home this evening, around midnight,
when I saw, at the top of the lane that leads to my
house, this mans car, a BMW, blocking my path. He was
completely drunk. I brought him home with me because he
was in no condition to drive. He had no identification in his
pockets, nothing. After several attempts to sober him up, I
called you for help.

Got it, said Fazio.

Now, heres the plan. Youre going to pick him uphe
doesnt weigh much, in any caseput him in his BMW, get
behind the wheel, and put him in a holding cell. Ill follow
behind you in the squad car.

And how are you going to get back home afterwards?

Youll have to drive me back. Sorry. Tomorrow morning,
as soon as you see hes recovered his senses, youre to set
him free.

Back at home, he removed the pistol from the glove compartment
of his car where he always kept it, and stuck it in

his belt. Then he took a broom and swept up all the fragments
of Lohengrin Peras cell phone and glasses, and
wrapped them in a sheet of newspaper. He took the little
shovel that Mimad given Frans and dug two deep
holes almost directly below the veranda. In one he put the
bundle and covered it up, in the other he dumped the papers
and documents, now shredded into little pieces. These he
sprinkled with gasoline and set on fire. When they had
turned to ash, he covered up this hole as well. The sky was
beginning to lighten. He went into the kitchen, brewed a
pot of strong coffee, and drank it. Then he shaved and took a
shower. He wanted to be completely relaxed when he sat
down to enjoy the videotape.