The Soldier's Baby Bargain (16 page)

But despite all of that didn’t he want to talk about what had happened in the car? Despite her outburst she wasn’t at all sure she wanted to go back to respecting each other’s space. She’d admitted to herself she’d fallen in love with Ryan, after all. Another part of her was sure she’d made a mistake yesterday by giving in to her desire for him, for falling prey to the magic of the day.

Her ambivalence seemed to be having the effect of freezing her up completely.

As far as Ryan went there could be little doubt he was swayed by the fact that they were going to have a child. She understood at this point, both from Mari and from Ryan himself, just how crucial family was to him. Their physical attraction for each other combined with his euphoria over becoming a father was confusing him into thinking he should spend the rest of his life with her.

“Are you okay?”

Faith blinked at the sound of his voice.

“Yes. Of course.”

His dark eyes toured her face quickly before he spoke. “I’ll probably stop by the hardware store on the way home for some supplies. Do you want me to pick up some paint and carpet samples for you?”

“That’d be terrific,” she said gratefully.

He nodded once and turned to leave.

“Ryan.”

“Yeah?” he asked calmly, looking over his shoulder.

She hesitated. She wanted to apologize for her outburst in the car, but she wasn’t entirely certain she’d been wrong in what she’d said. Bewilderment swelled in her chest. She grabbed desperately for a certainty.

“I...I wanted to let you know that I have an appointment at the obstetrician’s this Thursday. I don’t think very much exciting is going to happen, but...well, you can come. If you have time. And...want to,” she added lamely.

“Thursday at what time?”

“Two o’clock?”

“I’ll make sure Scott is available on Thursday then,” he said.

Faith stood there, watching helplessly as he walked away.

* * *

Ryan was gone for most of the day on Monday. When he finally did return home that night, he carried some wood and supplies with him. He greeted her pleasantly enough, explaining that the lumberyard would deliver the majority of the supplies for the bookcase later in the week. What he carried was just enough to get things started in a small way. He immediately disappeared into the basement, leaving Faith to stew in her confusion.

The next morning when she woke up in her room, Faith knew he was gone by the flat, empty feel to the house. She dragged herself out of bed with a heavy heart. Her work helped to ground her for the next two days. On Tuesday night, however, she succumbed to a wave of gloom, recalling the golden glory of the wedding in the tranquil, color-soaked orchard, the look in Ryan’s eyes when he’d repeated his vows, the full, incendiary moment when he’d uttered those words...

You’re mine, Faith. Can’t you feel it?

Then she remembered all too clearly what she’d said in the car in a fit of fear.

Because it wasn’t a
real
wedding.

A pain went through her at the memory, causing her to clutch at her chest. She walked out onto the back terrace and took deep breaths of the mild spring air, staring at the thousands of stars in the sky, and feeling her loneliness like an ache deep in her spirit.

The next afternoon at closing time, she was talking to Jane about a lab order and glanced up to see Brigit Kavanaugh walking into her office.

“Brigit! How wonderful to see you,” Faith exclaimed. She came around the reception desk into the waiting area and greeted her friend with a hug.

“I haven’t had a chance to offer my congratulations on your wedding,” Brigit said, smiling. She handed Faith a flat, thin package wrapped in silver paper. “This is for you.”

“Oh, thank you! You shouldn’t have, Brigit.”

“It’s not much. Derry and I had one from an aunt of mine, and I always treasured it.”

Faith gave her a warm smile. “Come back to my office and we’ll chat.”

“Go ahead and open it,” Brigit encouraged a moment later after they’d both sat in chairs in her sunny office. “Ryan won’t mind. He’s a man, and this is something that goes in the china cabinet. I’m quite sure Derry never had a clue what was in ours.”

Faith laughed and unwrapped the gift. Inside the box was a lovely sterling silver filigreed platter with a simple inscription bearing their names and the date of their wedding. Seeing Brigit’s thoughtful gift made tears well in her eyes for some reason. Much to her embarrassment, they spilled down her cheeks unchecked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. It’s...just beautiful,” Faith managed shakily as she hastily dried her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Brigit reached for some tissues on her desk and passed them to her, looking mildly concerned. “Is everything all right, Faith?”

“Oh, yes,” Faith assured. She glanced into Brigit’s face, however, and another shudder of emotion went through her. More tears spilled down her cheeks. She’d never had a nurturing, overly involved mother figure in her life, and something about Brigit’s kind, concerned expression at that moment undid her. She sobbed, holding the tissue to her face as if to hide from her misery when she felt Brigit’s touch on her shoulder. “It’s just...well...I’m pregnant, Brigit,” she wailed, as if that explained everything.

Which, perhaps, it did.

Brigit just made soothing sounds while she had her cry. After a minute she took several more tissues and mopped up her face, feeling contrite.

“I’m really sorry,” she mumbled. “I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat these days. The platter is absolutely beautiful.”

Brigit waved her elegant hand, making it clear her gift was hardly crucial.

“How far along are you?” Brigit asked.

“Fifteen weeks,” Faith hiccupped.

“And Ryan...”

“Is the father, yes. He came to my house last Christmas Eve—after he spent the holiday with you and your family, actually,” Faith explained wetly. “He said he wanted to see if I was all right. He and Jesse were...good friends, you know,” she said brokenly. She inhaled to calm herself, but more tears spilled down her cheeks. “That’s when it happened. The baby I mean. Well...everything.”

She swallowed painfully and gave Brigit an apologetic glance, saw that the older woman’s face was tight with understanding. She stroked Faith’s shoulder as another wave of emotion shuddered through her.

“And so you two decided to marry because of the baby?” Brigit asked.

Faith nodded, ignoring the new tears that spilled down her cheeks this time. They just seemed to keep coming.

“It’s supposed to be in name only,” she said miserably. Brigit patted her when her face clenched up and she sobbed again quietly.

“Shhhh, try to calm down now, honey,” Brigit murmured comfortingly. She stood and made her way to a small refrigerator Faith kept in her office. She opened the bottle of water she found there and handed it to Faith. Faith thankfully took several sips of the cool water, feeling herself calm.

“From what you’ve said so far, I’m gathering that you care about Ryan,” Brigit said, sitting down across from her again.

Faith just nodded.

“And how does he feel about you?”

“He thinks he cares about me, but it’s all wrapped up in his need to sort of...protect me or something ever since Jesse died. We’re attracted to each other. Obviously,” Faith said, glancing down at her stomach and then back up at Brigit. When she saw a look of amusement pass over Brigit’s face, she couldn’t help but grin tiredly. “Oh, Brigit,” she said, shaking her head. “How is anybody supposed to know
what
they feel in a strange situation like this one?”

“Are you talking about you, or Ryan?”

“Both, I suppose. Ryan is being incredibly sweet about the baby. He’s very excited. Mari told me he’s always wanted to have a child.”

Brigit nodded. “I can see that. The Itanis were a very close-knit family, and Ryan has always been loyal to the bone. I had reason to resent his familial loyalty after the accident and during the lawsuit, but that was years and years ago. I understand his need now to protect Mari—his only family—and provide her with whatever compensation was available to her for the loss of their parents. Not that money can replace a loved one, but...well...” She faded off for a moment, looking thoughtful. “Ryan was practically a kid himself then, but he took on the full responsibility of a man, making all the decisions and fulfilling all the obligations that came along with the death of both of his parents.”

Faith sniffed. “I guess I’m not the only one he gets protective over.”

Brigit smiled and patted her hand. “He cares deeply about his sister. For a while she was his only living family. If Ryan is concerned for you, it means he cares.”

Faith’s lower lip trembled. She wanted to believe what Brigit said was true, but...

“But he’s gone so much, Brigit. He’s a pilot...like Jesse.”

Brigit’s blue eyes sharpened on her. “Oh, I see.”

Faith blushed. Brigit Kavanaugh could be quite formidable, at times. When Brigit said she saw, she
saw
with that incising gaze of hers.

“You’re afraid that Ryan is going to turn out to be the rootless, womanizing type.”

Faith said nothing, but her cheeks turned warmer.

Brigit sighed after a moment. “There are no guarantees when it comes to marriage, Faith. But if it helps you any to hear it, I’ve known Ryan since he was about six years old. He and Marc were best friends. In the summer months he was practically one of my own children, he was around the house so much. By the time he was thirteen, practically every girl in Harbor Town had a crush on him, including my Deidre,” she added wryly.

Faith smiled uneasily.

“Lots of men as good-looking, as athletic and smart as a boy like Ryan would have let it go to their head. But he wasn’t like that. He had girlfriends, all right, but to my knowledge, he was always loyal to them. And trust me, I would have heard about it if he wasn’t, with two teenage daughters in the house who somehow always knew what everyone else in Harbor Town was doing.”

Faith laughed.

“There. That’s better,” Brigit said, her gaze warm on Faith.

“Thank you, Brigit,” she said, squeezing the other woman’s hand.

“It’s my pleasure. I wish I could say something more to assure you. In the end I think the only thing you can do, though, is take it one day at a time. Try to trust in Ryan unless you see some clear reason you shouldn’t. I know it’s hard, when you’ve known heartache and betrayal. Trust me. I
know.
Derry and I made our mistakes in the early part of our marriage, and there were times I wondered if I’d ever be able to trust him again. But in the end, you either choose to have faith or not. I know it’s like tying a blindfold around your eyes and walking along a ledge. It’s terrifying, but it gets easier over time. And that’s just...”

“Life,” Faith whispered, giving Brigit a grateful smile. She stared out the window on to the sunny day, feeling the shadows of her doubts recede into the corners of her mind.

Chapter Twelve

F
aith left her bedroom hastily that night when she heard the front door open at around seven. Ryan paused at the entryway of the living room when he saw her.

“Hi,” she said, smiling.

“Hi.”

For a second or two they just stood there, gazing at each other. He looked wonderful to her, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a blue-and-white button-down shirt, his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. The mail had come late today. He clutched the envelopes in one hand. As usual his good looks and utterly masculine aura left her a little breathless. Would it feel like this every time he returned home after an absence?

“Did you have a good trip?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a step into the room. “I met with Nick Malone while I was out there. He told me that I can take Eagle Air as far as I want. DuBois Enterprises can give me enough work to keep nine or ten planes moving alone, and that doesn’t even include the new business contacts I’ve made. I’m thinking of keeping some hangar space in the Bay Area, as well, and keeping some planes there for a more convenient turnaround.”

She beamed at him. “Ryan, that’s wonderful. Nick really believes in your work ethic.”

He shrugged and swung his overnight bag off his shoulder. “He’s ex-Air Force, too,” he said, as if that explained all Nick’s faith in him.

“I think it’s more than just that,” Faith said, smiling knowingly. She noticed him turn his head toward the kitchen and wondered if he’d caught the aroma of the chicken she had baking. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving.”

“Good. I made baked chicken and homemade potato salad.”

“Sounds great,” he said, but she saw puzzlement flicker across his features. Obviously he was confused about her running from hot to cold to hot. She inhaled slowly for courage and stepped toward him.

“Ryan, I want to apologize for what I said in the car the other day. It was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have been so disrespectful about the good feelings we were having, being together. I was...scared.”

She saw his throat convulse as he looked at her. “I know. I understand.”

She sighed and gave a small laugh. “I’m glad one of us does, then. My point is, I realized while you were gone that we just have to take this one day at a time. I’ll try not to give in to my insecurities, but that’s all I can really promise for now.”

“One day at a time is good enough for me.”

She gave him a tremulous smile. “Thank you, Ryan.” She straightened and took a deep breath. “Now...dinner is almost ready. Do you want to take a shower before we eat?”

“If there’s time.”

“There’s time,” she told him with a smile before she walked to the kitchen.

Faith set the table in the dining room, complete with lit candelabra. “Wow, I’ve never eaten in here before,” Ryan said when he entered, looking appealing in jeans and a fresh shirt, his dark hair still slightly wet.

“Too bad it’s not a very fancy meal,” Faith said, setting their filled plates on the table.

“Fancy or not, it’s fantastic,” Ryan said a few minutes later as he ate, appearing to completely appreciate her efforts.

They talked comfortably enough during dinner about some immediate plans for Eagle Air, including the fact that Ryan was interviewing two potential candidates for the administrative assistant position in addition to a pilot the following morning.

“I’ll still be available for the doctor’s appointment, though,” he said after they’d finished eating, but they remained sitting at the table, sipping their water and iced tea. “Have you been feeling all right?”

“Yes. Very good, actually. I haven’t been tired at all at the office for the past few days.”

“Good. I’m glad,” he said, reaching up to touch her hand where it rested on her placemat. It seemed like a completely natural gesture, given their comfort with one another during dinner. But as he continued to stroke her hand warmly, and prickles of pleasurable sensation shot through her arm, Faith became aware of a shift in the atmosphere. She glanced at him hesitantly and saw that his eyes were on her, dark and intense.

“Earlier you said one day at a time,” he said quietly. “And I’ll do whatever I can to make this work for you, Faith. But I have to be honest—now that I’ve made love to you again, I’m not sure I can go back to abstinence. It just doesn’t seem...natural to be here in this house with you and not touch you.”

Her cheeks warmed. She looked at her plate. “I understand. For some things, it’s impossible to go backward. I hadn’t really expected that we could, either.”

He squeezed her hand softly. She met his stare.

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yes. I don’t want to run anymore from what’s happening between us,” she said in a hushed tone.

He nodded slowly, still stroking her wrist with his thumb.

“I appreciate you saying that. I know this isn’t easy for you.”

“Making love with you is the easiest, nicest thing in the world, Ryan. It’s not that part that’s hard.”

His expression went flat. His caressing thumb stilled. She sensed his incredulity at her words.

“You honestly didn’t think I wasn’t loving
that
part, did you, Ryan?”

He blinked, as if awakening from a trance. “To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what to think after Monday morning.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t mean for you to apologize again.”

“I know,” she whispered.

He inhaled slowly. “Why don’t you go and relax while I clean up the dishes?”

“That’s not necessary, I can—”

He surprised her by leaning across the corner of the table and kissing her, quick and potent.

“You cooked. I’ll clean up.”

“Okay,” she said when she’d recovered her voice. “Maybe I’ll just go...take a shower.” Despite what she’d said, she remained seated, and so did he. Faith grasped for her courage and finally found it. “You can sleep in my room tonight. If you want.”

He raised his eyebrows in a subtle, wry gesture that said loud and clear that he most certainly
wanted.
Faith chuckled softly, and he smiled.

* * *

Faith was in bed when he tapped on the door later. She wore a dark green nightgown that left her shoulders and a good portion of her chest bare. Her skin gleamed in the golden light of the lamp. Her dark hair was piled on her head, but some of the rebellious tendrils had escaped down her back and coiled at her shoulders. She was wearing glasses and reading a publication called the
American Journal of Veterinary Research.
He paused next to the door, his body going on instant alert at the tempting sight she made.

He closed the door and approached the bed, smiling.

“Looks like fascinating reading,” he said.

“Oh, it is,” she said so confidently that his smile widened. She had to be the most adorable woman he’d ever seen. Her green eyes flickered down over his bare torso, making his nerves tickle in awareness, and landed on the envelope he carried.

“What’s that?” she asked.

He sat on the edge of the bed. She scooted over, giving him room. He hesitated for a second. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. She might think he had mercenary reasons for his actions, but in truth, he’d done what he’d done out of concern for Faith and their child.

He handed her the envelope. She opened it, a curious expression on her face, and withdrew the papers inside.

“I had these medical tests done just before the wedding. I know with the baby, you’ve probably had lots of blood tests done to make sure you were healthy. I thought it was only fair for me to do the same. I wasn’t promiscuous when I was single, by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn’t abstinent, either. I’ve always practiced safe sex, Faith,” he said in a quieter tone.

She glanced up at him, a startled expression on her face.

“Except for Christmas Eve,” he said sheepishly. “I thought maybe given our first night together, you might have very good reason to doubt my assurances in that regard.” He nodded toward the envelope. “I got a completely clean bill of health.”

“Ryan, you didn’t have to do this,” she said, her voice shaking a little.

“Yes, I did,” he said firmly. He took the papers and set them on the bedside table. The journal she’d been reading slid off her blanket-covered thighs onto the floor, but neither of them paid any notice. He took her hand.

“I’m not going to be with another woman, Faith. Not for as long as we’re together.”

Tears swelled in her eyes. “I’m not going to be with anyone else, either,” she said in a choked voice.

He leaned forward and caught her soft gasp with his mouth. Her arms flew around his neck, and she pulled him closer. He came down on the bed, partially sprawled on her, kissing her like she was his very breath. Her scent filled his nose—flowers and some singular scent that came from her skin. He came up for air from their kiss and buried his nose in the fragrant juncture of her neck and shoulder.

“I can’t believe I was only gone for two days. It feels like weeks since I touched you,” he said between feverish kisses. A shudder went through him at the sensation of fingernails scraping his scalp.

“I missed you, too,” she said breathlessly.

His mouth coasted down her throat, nibbling hungrily at her skin. She moaned and grabbed at his waist when he gently took a love bite from her shoulder. He’d never known a flame of desire to leap so high and powerful so quickly as it did with Faith. It was like he existed constantly on a low simmer for her, and a touch, a kiss, could send that fire to the boiling point instantly.

He ran his mouth over her chest, breathing her scent, testing her skin with his lips and tongue. Her hands moved restlessly over the bare skin of his back, making him shiver uncontrollably. He felt need swell in him, hard and hot, as he moved his lips over the lace of her nightgown and the upper swells of her breasts. He tugged on the straps of her gown, suddenly impatient to taste her...drown in her sweetness.

She cried out sharply when he slipped a nipple between his lips and drew on her, so he softened, laving his tongue over the stiffening tip, soothing and exciting her at once. His hunger mounted soon enough, however, breaking through his feeble restraints when it came to Faith. He gently gathered her breast in his hand, molding her softly to his palm, while he applied a steady suction with his mouth. She tasted like woman and sex and something so sweet, so precious, he couldn’t find the word if he tried.

He pushed her gown down lower. The skin over her ribs tasted just as good, and so did the exquisitely soft stretch along her sensitive sides. He heard her whimpers of excitement through the sound of his heart pounding in his ears as he licked and kissed and nibbled at the skin there. An almost unbearable ache of longing went through him when he kissed her abdomen. Was it his imagination, or had it swelled slightly even since the last time he’d kissed her there? It felt so warm, taut and smooth beneath his cherishing lips.

Her fingernails raking his scalp—this time more forcefully—added a welcome spice to his excitement as he kissed the tender strip of skin below the slight swell of her belly and ran his hands along her silky thighs. He lifted his head and worked her gown down over her legs. He sensed the tension rise in her muscles when he lowered her panties. For a few strained seconds he just looked down at her, stunned by her beauty. He glanced up at her face and saw the glaze of desire in her eyes.

A ripple of excitement went through her when he kissed her just above her pelvis. He lowered his head, closed his eyes and tasted her for the first time. He moaned softly, and was lost.

He was gentle with her, focusing exclusively on the soft, nectar-sweet folds of her outer sex and the precious kernel of nerve-packed flesh nestled between them. The essence of Faith filled him, her flavor, her scent, the sexy sounds of her soft whimpers and increasingly desperate moans.

She called his name wildly when she bucked in release. He came at her bidding, waiting until she’d quieted beneath his kiss.

When he slid into her, his mouth fused to hers, it was like a sharp blade of distilled pleasure knifing through his flesh. He’d only ever been inside a woman naked once before. Faith had been his first.

As he began to move, and ecstasy became his entire world, Ryan sent up a silent prayer that she would be his last.

* * *

Ryan and Faith stood when Dr. Feingold, her obstetrician, greeted them both in the waiting area of the clinic.

“Are you the baby’s father?” the friendly doctor, who was in her late forties, asked Ryan unabashedly.

“Yes.”

“Would you like him to come back for your visit?” Dr. Feingold asked Faith.

“Yes, that’d be wonderful,” Faith said, giving Ryan a warm smile. He seemed a little embarrassed, walking back with her and Dr. Feingold to the exam room, but all in all, she thought he handled the appointment with calm aplomb. It was a singularly female environment, of course, decorated in soft colors with tasteful paintings on the wall, many of them alluding to the theme of mother and child, or families. They passed several women in varying stages of pregnancy in the hallway.

After Dr. Feingold had completed her brief exam, she asked Ryan if he had any questions for her. Much to Faith’s surprise, he did. He asked first about how frequently Faith would need to come for prenatal care from now until the pregnancy was over. Then he asked about the pros and cons of ultrasounds.

“We’ll do an ultrasound for the fetal anatomy survey in...” Dr. Feingold flipped through Faith’s chart. “Four weeks, just to make sure all is well with the fetus. Faith is very healthy. She’s a low-risk pregnancy. If all goes well, there won’t be any need for another ultrasound after that.”

“Will we be able to identify the sex then, if we choose to?” Ryan asked.

“Absolutely,” Dr. Feingold said.

“One last question. Should Faith be painting the nursery? I can do the regular painting, but she’s been planning to do a wall mural.”

Faith blinked in surprise. Why hadn’t she thought to ask about that?

“We generally recommend that someone else do the painting, Faith,” Dr. Feingold said kindly. “It’s probably too low of a toxicity to matter, but might as well play it safe, right? Luckily enough, you seem to have an interested party here,” she said, smiling at Ryan, “or you can just wait to do the project after the baby is born.”