The Someday List (22 page)

"It means you tell God what you desire to happen in a particular situation and you ask him to make the best decision on your
behalf," Aunt Irene said. "Then you just stop worrying about it,
do the best you can with the options and opportunities available
to you, and let God work it all out. He's the only one in control
anyway.

"Believe me, that's easier said than done. But after lots of practice, you eventually learn to really let go and trust him. I'm not
a pro at this myself. There are things I'm still working through.
But I know God is in the fight with me."

Rachelle began to weep. "What if you're too angry to turn it
over? What if you just want to hurt the person who hurt you?"

Aunt Irene leaned forward and took her hand. "Whatever it
is, Rachelle, you have to feel the pain, then let it go. It will eat you alive if you don't. You have to work through the anger, then
forgive and determine what's next. Forgiveness is always key. You
have to release yourself and the other person:'

Rachelle wiped her eyes and looked at Aunt Irene. "I don't
understand. When I sit with you, you share all of this wisdom and
helpful advice. Then I find out you're out somewhere drinking
too much and driving. Which Irene can I trust?"

It was Aunt Irene's turn to tear up. "I deserve that;' she said.
"When I look in indigo's eyes, I can tell she's asking herself the
same question: which Mama does she really know, and which
one can she rely on?

"I fell into drinking years ago, after David and Meredith died.
Losing my only son left a hole in my heart that hasn't healed to
this day."

Rachelle sat back in her seat. Now she understood.

"When I got the call that he and Meredith had been killed
instantly on the Gulf Freeway, part of me died too" Aunt Irene
squeezed her eyes shut to staunch the looming tears. "But I had
to keep it together for his kids. Reuben was twelve, Indigo was
seven, and Yasmin was just eight months-not even old enough
to remember anything about her parents.

"I had to wipe their tears and provide them with whatever
they needed to make it through the loss. I stopped being their
grandmother in order to raise them, Rachelle, and when I did
that, I didn't have a chance to grieve"

Rachelle climbed onto the bed next to Aunt Irene and hugged
her.

"I accompanied Charles to his company Christmas party about
a year after the accident, and one of his bosses gave me a glass of
champagne to toast Charles for being named the top car salesman of the year;' Aunt Irene said. "I sipped it at first, then a waiter walked by and offered me a second one. When I drank
part of that, I felt a little buzz. I realized that for the first time in
what seemed like forever, my heart wasn't aching. I could think
about losing David and never seeing Meredith again and about
the tragedy of it all for my grandchildren and feel numb. Numb
was better than the pain."

Rachelle did the math and looked at her. Reuben was twenty.

"This started almost eight years ago?"

Aunt Irene nodded. Rachelle could tell the confession was
helping her.

"That's what your Uncle Charles was referring to when John,
the lawyer, was here:" Aunt Irene removed her glasses and rubbed
her eyes. "He's seen me cycle on and off alcohol several times since
then, usually when I'm stressed. I've always hidden it well-I'm
a deacon's wife, you know?

"I usually could pull myself together and quit on my own. The
hip injury last year threw me for a loop, though. Nothing the
doctors gave me would dull the pain. I tried the vodka one day
and it worked, and there I went again"

"What happened on the day of the accident?" Rachelle asked.

Aunt Irene sighed. "I mixed my prescription medicine with the
alcohol. I had scrubbed the kitchen floor late the night before,
after the barbecue. Because I had been drinking, I didn't realize
just how much I was moving my hips.

"That Monday morning, the pain was so fierce I wanted to
scream. My hips felt like they were on fire. I took my antiinflammatory medicine as usual, but this time, I also took a
prescription painkiller. Then I had the nerve to chase it down
with my usual morning drink-the vodka:"

Rachelle nodded. "Yeah, that would leave you impaired. But
where on earth were you going?"

Aunt Irene shook her head. "To tell you the truth, I really don't
remember. I recall thinking I was hungry. I believe I was headed
to the Chinese place on Thompson Avenue. Or maybe I wanted
to go to the cleaners. There's no telling"

Aunt Irene looked sunken and sad. She lowered her eyes and
surveyed her hands while she let her revelations sink in. Rachelle
hugged her again.

"Are you addicted, Auntie?"

Aunt Irene shrugged. "I don't think so, but then again, why
would I be drinking early enough in the day to crash a car at one
p.m.? I haven't had a drink since the accident and I haven't craved
one, but I'm also on prescription pain medicine now, for the hip
injury, versus over the counter."

Rachelle sighed. "Professional help is available if you really
need it, you know? You'll get through this. You'll be fine."

Aunt Irene nodded. "I think so," she said. "But now you know
why Reuben rarely comes home. He thinks I'm a hypocrite and
can't stand that Charles tolerates it. And look how Charles and
the girls are suffering because of me.

"I'm wondering if he's selling any cars these days, or if people
are shunning him at work too. He won't say. Yasmin, she's so young
and unaware, she loves me unconditionally. Indigo can't stand to
be in the same room with me. I'm really worried about her:"

"It's going to all work out, Auntie;' Rachelle said. "Isn't that
what you're always telling me faith is about? I just want you to
get better, and if you need it, get some help so this doesn't happen again."

"It won't, Rachelle. I know how much is at stake;' Aunt Irene
said. "I don't mean to change the subject, but I hope you do too"

he neck that had once enticed him with forbidden longing now drew his attention for a different reason. Gabe
was so angry that he wanted to choke the life out of Veronica.

She couldn't be telling the truth.

"Don't believe me? Call your wife and ask her what she knows;'
Veronica said and laughed. "Call her and ask her who she believes"

A caretaker at the orphanage joined Gabe and Veronica outside and began peppering them with questions about American
life. What was Hollywood like? Was everyone really rich? How
did poor people survive? Had they ever met Beyonce or Barack
Obama?

Gabe politely excused himself from the conversation and assured the man that Veronica would be happy to tell him everything he wanted to know.

"She's a big fan of Entertainment Tonight and the National Enquirer;' Gabe said with a straight face. "I don't think she has to
be anywhere this afternoon. Ask away!"

Veronica narrowed her eyes at Gabe while smiling at the caretaker, who led her to a bench where they could sit and chat.

That's what she deserves, he thought. First she seduces me, then
she tries to ruin my marriage.

All he could think about was Rachelle hearing Veronicas accusations and being devastated. Despite the disdain he had long
felt for his wife, he had never meant to hurt her. Veronica had
just been ... available.

He strolled through the orphanage, looking for a quiet, secure
spot in which he could make a cell phone call. Sometimes the calls
went through and sometimes they didn't.

He wondered where Veronica had been when she succeeded
in contacting Rachelle. How could she?

He finally got through and decided to play it cool, in case Veronica had been bluffing. When Rachelle didn't answer, he left a
message on her voice mail.

"Rachelle, I'm guessing you're still in jubilant, and ... that's
fine. Just wanted to say hi and let you know that things are going
well here in Uganda. We have a few more days left before we head
back to the States. The trip has been ... amazing, Rachelle. I can't
wait to see you and tell you about it"

God, please don't let her leave me.

He left a similar message at home, in case she had decided to
return to Houston. What if she were at their house, moving herself
and the kids out? The more he thought about losing his family,
the angrier he grew. It was all that selfish Veronica's fault.

Before fully thinking it through, he stalked off in search of her.
She was still on the patio, this time sitting by herself. Gabe moved
swiftly, until he was standing before her.

"Do you know what you have done? You may have ruined my
life! You think that's going to make you Mrs. Covington? Think
again!"

Veronica couldn't escape him from her seated position, so she cowered instead. "Stop yelling;' she hissed. "All these folks don't
need to know we've been sleeping together!"

"Too late:"

Gabe spun around and Veronica leapt to her feet.

Stevens stood before them, and he was fuming. "I really don't
believe this:' He looked at Gabe with a mixture of hurt and disgust. "Man ... why?"

Gabe lowered his head.

Veronica stepped in front of him and smiled at Stevens. "So
now you know." She stabbed her finger in Gabe's direction. "Your
partner here has been stringing me along for almost two years,
telling me how bored he is with his Barbie-doll wife, and how he
needs some true companionship. Well, I'm tired of playing second
string. He needs to make good on his promises"

Stevens looked from Veronica to Gabe and back again, without
speaking.

He bowed his head briefly before looking up again and gently
addressing Veronica. "This trip ends in another four days, but
under the circumstances, especially since our hosts have likely
heard this inappropriate exchange, I think it would be wise for
both of you to head back home early."

Veronica seemed unfazed. "I'm tired of this place anyway," she
said. "Please send me home!"

"The thing is, I can't send you out of here together-that would
be just as inappropriate as allowing you to stay. One of you has to
go tomorrow and the other can leave two days later. It's going to
be an extra burden for our drivers to keep going back and forth
to the airport two hours away, but I don't see any other way to
handle it"

Gabe sighed and shook his head. Not only had he broken his
marriage vows, he had disgraced himself with his colleague.

Mukasa, the director of the orphanage slowly approached
Stevens and tapped his shoulder. He took Stevens aside and gestured vividly while speaking too low for Gabe or Veronica to
understand.

Gabe looked at her and rolled his eyes. "Happy now?" he asked.
"Feel better?"

She rolled her eyes as well. "If I can't be happy, neither should
you. We went into this together, so we can go down together"

Stevens and Mukasa returned. Mukasa lowered his eyes so
that he did not have to look at either Gabe or Veronica. Stevens
addressed them matter-of-factly.

"Mukasa can arrange for you to stay in a nearby parsonage with
a minister and his wife for the next four days," he told Veronica.
"That would prevent us from burdening his drivers with extra
trips. It's more feasible for you to go than Gabe, because the family has three daughters. You are the more appropriate choice for
their sleeping arrangements."

Veronica put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "You're
trying to send me off to sleep in some hut? In Africa? By myself?
Who do you think I am?"

Stevens sighed and turned to Mukasa. "Thanks, friend, but
we're going to have to figure something else out, okay?"

By nightfall, it had been determined that Veronica would stay,
but would no longer serve in the same vicinity as Gabe. As long
as they weren't seen together, Mukasa agreed to tolerate their
presence for the duration of the trip.

Stevens had been sullen the rest of the day. Gabe finally garnered the courage to approach him after dinner, where he sat with
Chrissa, looking out into the bush.

Gabe walked over slowly and stood there, unsure of what
to say.

After what seemed like an eternity, Stevens broke the silence.
"Yes?"

Chrissa patted his back and rose from her seat. "I'll leave you
two to talk:"

Before walking away, she paused and gave Gabe a light hug.
"No matter how bad it seems right now, all things have a way of
working themselves out:"

Gabe didn't tell her that was what worried him most. When
she was gone, he took her spot next to Stevens.

"You disgusted with me?"

Stevens looked at him. "Yeah, Gabe, I am. How long has this
been going on?"

Gabe sat back and peered up at the sky. "Veronica exaggerated
a little. I'd say about eighteen months. Either way, it was too long.
The other night, when I was asking you about God's grace and
mercy? It was because of this. Veronica and I broke up about a
month or so ago, and my stay here only reinforced that decision.
She kept coming on to me and got angry when I told her it was
really over. I lost it earlier today when she bragged about calling
Rachelle and telling her about the affair. Is this how God redeems
our mistakes?"