The Song of the Siren (43 page)

For one thing we were at war with France. There was no normal communication between the two countries. No one could land except secretly; only Jacobites were welcomed in France from England.

My parents would do what they thought best to bring Clarissa to England, but it might not be possible. My father, once a soldier in the army, would be suspect. A man of his kind riding through an enemy country would not get far.

I read the letter through again and again. Carlotta dying. . . . What could have happened? Lord Hessenfield was dead. It must be some sort of plague.

And Clarissa ... an orphan... . alone ... No, not entirely alone, there was a servant Jeanne, a one-time flower seller.

I was bewildered. I had to do something, but what?

318I was white and strained. My mother noticed and scolded me for doing too much.

I must rest, she kept saying.

So I pretended to rest, and all the time I was thinking of Carlotta’s letter and Clarissa in France ... needing me.

It was in the middle of the night that the wild idea came to me. I woke up in a state of great excitement. In fact I was trembling. I was sure at that moment that I could have got out of bed, ridden to the coast and crossed the sea to Paris.

I could feel strength flowing in to me so that when common sense said: // is impossible, I cried: “No, it is not impossible. I could do it.”

I lay in bed waiting for morning, and I must admit that with the coming of daylight all sorts of truths raised their heads and common sense said: It’s madness. It’s a dream-a fantasy of night.

My idea was that I should go to France myself and bring Clarissa home.

It was as though voices mocked me-my own voices! You ... an invalid... who tires quickly ... who has never been in the least adventurous ... who has always taken the quite conventional path .. .plan such an adventure? It’s incongruous. It’s worse than that. It’s madness.

All the same I could not dismiss it.

It excited me, and what was so odd was that, almost like a miracle, I could feel new strength growing in me.

Before the morning was out I was not saying to myself: // is impossible. But: How can I bring it about?

A woman travelling through France would not attract much attention, would she? I could hire horses, grooms. Paris was a big city. It was easier in big cities to hide oneself than anywhere else.

I would go to the house in Paris. I had the address. What joy it would be to see the child again!

It was after I had been with her that I had first begun to improve. She had made me want to live again. That was it, and now that there was this tremendous project lying before me I was growing more and more alive with every minute.

But how ... how ... ?

I knew if I broached the subject to my father he would think he must act. My mother would be frantic with anxiety. “We must see what we can do to bring her home,” she would say. And there would

319be lengthy deliberations and that would be too late. Something told me that I alone could bring Clarissa out of France.

All through the day and the following night the plan was with me. There were questions which kept coming into my mind. How? How?

The next morning I awoke fresh in spite of a restless night. I had made up my mind.

There was one person who might just understand. He had a knowledge of France. I would put my plan to him. He would laugh it to scorn ... at first. And yet if he would listen, I believed he would understand. And one thing I was certain of. If he could he would help me.

I rode over to see Jeremy Granthorn.

It was just as I had imagined. He was scornful.

“It’s madness,” he said. “You ... go to France? Even if you were in full possession of your health it would be impossible. How will you start on this venture ... tell me that?”

I said: “I will get someone to take me to France.”

“How?”

“I will hire a boat.”

“From whom?”

“That I must find out.”

“Do you realise that there is a state of war between this country and France?”

“France is not a battlefield.”

“I grant you that. But how do you think the English will be received in France?”

“I do not intend to be received. I shall make my way to Paris ... and go to this address.”

“You are talking like a child. What you suggest is wildly impossible. You betray absolute ignorance.”

He was regarding me with a certain contempt.

I said: “I had thought you might give me some advice. You know France. You have lived there. ...”

“I am giving you advice and it is: Leave this alone. Show the letter to your father.

You should have done that as soon as you received it. What happened to the man who brought you the letter?”

“He went away.”

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“You should have detained him. You might have gone back with him. It would have been madness of course, but I can see you are not using your common sense in this matter.”

I said: “And I can see that you have no advice to offer me.”

“I am offering you advice. Show your parents the letter. They will say the same as I do. There is nothing to be done but wait until the war is over. Then you can send for the child.”

“How long do you think it will be before the war is over?”

He was silent.

“And,” I went on, “you would advise me to leave the child. How do I know what is happening to her?”

“She had a father of standing, did she not? He will have friends.”

“I can see you don’t understand. This is so mysterious. It must be some plague or something. My sister, who was young and strong and should have had years left to her, wrote me this letter ... the letter of a dying woman. She begs me to care for the child. You suggest I ignore that.”

“I suggest that you wait, behave reasonably, consider all the difficulties.”

“Nothing has ever been achieved by considering all the difficulties.”

“Nothing was ever achieved by rushing madly over a precipice.”

I stood up. I was quivering with rage.

I walked out of the house to where Tomtit was waiting. I felt wretched and I had relied on him more than I had realised.

As I was mounting he came out of the house.

“Wait a minute,” he called. “Come back.”

I said: “There is nothing more to be said.”

“You are too hasty. Come back, I want to talk.”

So I went back. A great relief had come over me. I looked at him; and I knew my eyes were bright with unshed tears.

He turned away as though embarrassed.

He took me into the parlour and we sat facing each other.

“It is possible,” he said.

I clasped my hands in delight.

“It’s mad and it’s dangerous,” he went on, “but it is just possible. Now please remain calm. How do you propose to get someone to take you over? That is the first hurdle.”

321”I don’t know. Make enquiries.. .. There are people who have boats.

“My dear Damaris, one does not go round to people who own boats and ask to be taken into enemy territory. After the recent Jacobite scares, how do you imagine that would be regarded? It would have to be done in secret.”

“Yes,” I said breathlessly.

“I know a man. ...”

“Oh, thank you ... thank you ...”

“Mind you, I do not know whether he would agree. ... He would have to be approached very cautiously.”

“And you could approach him?”

He hesitated. “Perhaps.”

I said: “It would be costly. I am ready to pay. I have lots of things of value. I could sell them.”

“There would be delay.”

I felt sick with disappointment.

He said: “You could pay me back later.”

I was so happy. I couldn’t help it. I leaned forward, took his hand and kissed it.

It was a foolish thing to have done. He drew back at once frowning.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “But it is good of you. Please ... go on. You see, I love this child and I imagine what could be happening to her.”

“It’s all right,” he said gruffly. “I could see it is just possible. I could give you letters to friends of mine who would receive you in their houses as you cross France. Do you speak the language?”

“A little,” I said.

“A little is not much good. You will be betrayed as English as soon as you set foot on the soil.” He shrugged his shoulders.

I said: “I know you think it is madness. I daresay it is. But this is a child in need of me ... my own niece. I love the child .. . but one would have to do the same for any child.” , “You are running into danger, you know that.”

“I realise it. But I will do it. I must find Clarissa. I must get to the house and take her from Jeanne.”

“I will do what I can.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you. I don’t know how to thank you.”

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“Wait until you are safely back on English soil with the child before you do that.

I tell you this: You are running your head into a noose.”

“I am going to succeed, I promise you.”

“If I can find someone to take you, if it can all be arranged, you must tell your parents what you are doing.”

“They would do everything in their power to stop me.”

“That is what I hope they will do.”

“I thought you were helping me.”

“The more I think of it the more crazy it seems. You are not fit for such travel.

It will be hazardous and exhausting. You are tired out after a short ride on some days.”

“I feel different. Can you understand that? I felt as I did ... before this thing happened to me. I can stay in the saddle all day if I have to. I know it. It is different when you have a purpose, a determination “

“It’s a help,” he said, “but it doesn’t remove a sickness.”

“I feel well again. I am going to do this, whether you help me or not.”

“Then let me say this: If I can arrange it, you must leave an explanation for your parents. Leave the letter your sister wrote and tell them that I have arranged for you to go and am doing my utmost to make your journey safe.”

“I will,” I said. “I will.” I stood before him. I felt a great inclination to hug him.

I called next morning. He was not at home, Smith told me.

Later in the afternoon I went again to Enderby Hall. He was back.

“I have arranged it,” he said. “You are going tomorrow evening. At dusk you will leave England. Let us hope for a fair wind.”

“Oh ... Jeremy ...” I cried, and I realised that I had used his name for the first time.

The old embarrassment was between us. I must remember not to be demonstrative, not to show my gratitude.

“Go back,” he said. “Make your preparations. I have found someone to accompany you.

Come here tomorrow, late afternoon. I will take you to the spot where the boat will be waiting. It is a small boat and even in calm weather crossing is dangerous. But once you are on

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French soil it should not be too difficult. You will be taken to the safest places on the way to Paris. And if you are discreet, you should come through. Do what your companion asks. And do not forget to write to your parents before you leave and explain.

It is better for them to know what you are doing-even though your folly will cause them great anxiety-rather than that they should think you have just disappeared.”

I promised to do exactly as he said and I was ready long before the time to depart.

I went to Enderby, where he was waiting. We discussed our plans and how I was to act. The man who would accompany me would bring me back. I could trust him.

We set out just before dusk and in due course reached the coast.

When we reached a lonely spot a man came riding after us.

I thought this was my companion for the journey.

It was Smith.

We tethered the horses to iron spikes and walked over the shingle.

There waiting was a boat with a man in it.

“Now,” said Jeremy to Smith, “is all clear?”

“Yes, sir,” answered Smith promptly.

“You know exactly what to do?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very well. Thank God for a calm sea. We should be off.”

I stepped into the boat.

Jeremy was beside me.

I turned to say good-bye. “I shall bless you all my life,” I said.

“Let us hope that I continue to enjoy those blessings for a very long time,” he answered.

Smith was standing on the shingle.

Jeremy said: “Well, let us be off.”

I looked at him wondering: “You ...”

He said: “Smith will take the horses back. Of course I’m coming with you.”

I felt a great singing in my heart, an excitement such as I had never known before.

I wanted to turn to him, to tell him what this meant to me.

I looked at his face, stern, taciturn, expressing nothing but his

324disapproval of my folly in wanting to attempt this desperate adventure.

I quickly realised that I could never have done it without him.

He spoke fluent French, and that forbidding manner of his, with the suggestion of good breeding which accompanied it, forbade questions.

Sometimes we spent the night at inns where he demanded comfortable accommodation for himself and his niece and servant, and invariably we got it. If there was only one room I had it, and he and the man he called Jacques would spend the night in the inn parlour. We had to make various stops because in spite of my determination and my renewed strength I could not travel too far-or at least he would not allow me to. If I wanted to go on he would remind me of my promise of obedience, and he was not the sort of man it was easy to disobey.

That journey did something for us both. He smiled now and then; as for myself I was amazed at what I could do. I did not tire half as easily as Jeremy insisted that I did. I did not need all the care he was giving me.

I could not understand myself. The listlessness had dropped from me. Every morning when I awoke I was aware of an excitement.

“How many miles to Paris?” I would ask.

And it was wonderful to know the distance was diminishing.

I began to wonder about myself. How ill had I been since I could make this recovery?