The Song Remains the Same (29 page)

With a sigh of regret, I headed up to my room. Showered and dressed in raggedy sweatpants and a holey tank top, I found my emergency stash of weed and rolled a fat blunt. Popping in the
NOLA’S JUNK Live at Budokan!
DVD, I settled in for a long, lonely night.

Sleeping for eleven hours straight, my bladder was so full that I had to cross my legs and scurry into the bathroom before I exploded. Afterward, I was fully awake, and I descended into misery once more. Making my way over to my bed, I sat and reached for my phone.

I had three missed calls and three text messages, all from Phil. He never left a voice mail—it wasn’t his style—but his texts assured me that he loved me still, that he missed me, and for me to call him when I woke up.

My hands shook as I pushed the speed dial for his number.

“Hey, Baby Girl,” he answered after the first ring.

“Hey, babe.”
Why is my brain drawing a blank now?
Last night, I’d known all the things I needed to say to him, but now, I couldn’t fucking think to save my life. “I, uh…I got back okay.”

“How was your flight?”

“All right,” I said, my voice trembling.
Fucking A, man!
I’d left because I was so sick of crying, and here I was, fucking crying again.

“Kenna Baby, don’t,” he said softly
.
“It’s all right. I promise. I ain’t mad at you. You gotta know that.”

“I th-thought I wa-was co-coming home!” I stuttered, gasping for air just to be able to talk. I was a fucking wreck. “Bu-but I wasn’t! I-I have no ho-home if you’re not here!” I wailed. I proceeded to make an utter ass of myself as I snorted and honked. “I never should have left! I-I ju-just gave up! I let her wi-win!” I sounded like a fucking lunatic.

For fuck’s sake, can I just shut up?

“Baby, she didn’t win shit.”

“I was so sc-scared that I lost you. You wo-wouldn’t answer your ph-phone, and…” I clapped a hand over my mouth to hold back the sobs. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to calm down.

“You ain’t gonna lose me. I had to turn my phone off. After you left, I went and looked for Devon. He checked out of the hotel last night. I don’t know where he is, and I have no clue if Brigid is with him or not. I thought about gettin’ ahold of one of the other guys in the Cannibals, but to be honest, I don’t think that would help. We ain’t friends anymore, you know?”

Hearing Phil’s voice helped settle my emotions some. “Mmhmm.”

“So, first thing on Wednesday, I’ll find Devon, and I’ll listen to what he has to say, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you so much. I never should have left. I thought that by putting distance between me and everything else, I would feel better. It didn’t help. I just took my baggage with me.”

“Yeah, but it’s understandable. You got tired of dealin’ with her shit. Anyone would have.”

“Maybe. But what woman in her right mind wouldn’t fight for you?” I whispered. “So what if I was being bullied? I had
you
. You
always
have my back, Phil. I deserve to be miserable right now.” Hiccups started, so I made my way downstairs to grab a glass of water.

“No, you don’t,”
he replied.
“You never, ever deserve to be miserable. I was so sick of seein’ you in pain that I…” He swallowed audibly. “I fuckin’ let you go. What I should have done was gone with you. I didn’t even think about it at first. I thought if I spoke to Devon, then that would make you happy. But I can’t even get that accomplished.”

“I know that when you hear what he has to say, you’re going to understand what I’m talking about. I want to tell you, but it’s not my place, and he asked me to let him be the one to do so.”

“You wouldn’t have asked this of me unless you thought it was important. It’s the only reason I’ve even considered it.”

Sitting down on the back porch with my glass of water, I sighed. The relief and security I had hoped to find from coming back here started to show itself, and the pressure in my chest eased. Knowing that Phil valued my opinion as no one else did meant the world to me.

I told him softly, “I wish you were here with me.”

“Me, too, Kenna Baby. Nothin’ feels right when I ain’t with you.”

“Something like that.”

“What are you gonna do today?” he asked.

“Well, I think a mega yoga session is definitely needed along with a heavy dose of meditation, for obvious reasons.”

He laughed.
“What reasons are those?”

“I let that bitch get to me when I normally wouldn’t have wasted my time or energy on even thinking about her. My head feels messed up, and I need to set it straight.”

“I think you’re expectin’ way too much of yourself. Jason told me this shit goin’ down between us might be a good thing because I might wake up and realize that you’re human. And you are. You are wonderfully, exceptionally human. You’re so strong that when you finally break, you fuckin’ shatter, and that’s just what this is.”

“Damn, Phil…”

“It’s true. So…after mega yoga and meditation, what are your plans?”

“Well, there’s no food in the house, so I guess I’ll be heading to the store. Then, I’ll just come home and relax. What about you? What are you doing right now?”

“I’m lyin’ in bed, wishin’ you were with me.”

I sighed. “Yeah, I wish I were, too.”

“I guess I’ll hit the gym. Get somethin’ to eat.”

“How come you didn’t go out with everyone last night?”

“I just wasn’t around.”

“Connor was going on and on about how awesome this one Cuban restaurant was. Maybe you should make him take you out,” I suggested.

“Naw. I’ll find somethin’. Don’t worry about me.”

“All right.”

“What do you plan on makin’ for dinner?”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure that out later.”

“If I were with you, I’d have you make your homemade macaroni ’n’ cheese. Fuckin’ comfort food at its finest. Fuck. Now, I want your macaroni ’n’ cheese.”

That cracked me up.

“Will you make it for me?”

“It does sound pretty tempting. I could use some fuckin’ comfort food, I guess.”

“Too fuckin’ right. Will you call me when you get home?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Baby Girl.”

“I love you, too.”

Pulling into the driveway after my grocery haul, I spotted something next to the door on the front porch. Lugging the shopping bags as I approached, I saw it was an odd-shaped package tied with plain string, and a small envelope was attached. Setting down the bags, I opened the envelope.

It was a printed note.

Make a wish. And not for fucking world peace or anything like that. Just something you really, really want, all for yourself.

Phil

Opening the light package, I found a gorgeous bouquet of white and fuchsia lotus blossoms.

“Aw!” I crooned at the beauties.

Unlocking the door, I went in and dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter. I had no idea how long the blossoms had been sitting in the hot sun, so I hunted down a vase and got them in some water. After reading over the card once more, I closed my eyes.

Something I really, really want, all for myself…

Like that was hard. All I really, really wanted was Phil. He was all I ever really, really wanted. Leaning the card against the vase, I got to work on making myself a Caesar salad and an obscene amount of macaroni and cheese. While it was baking, I headed upstairs to roll a joint and give Phil a call.

“Hey, Baby.”

“Hey! I got the flowers. They’re beautiful!”

“What did you wish for?”

“I can’t tell you. It won’t come true.”

“Don’t gimme that bullshit. What did you wish for?”

Licking the rolling paper, I made a noise that conveyed itself as, “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Tell me.”

Rolling it up, I replied, “You.”

“But you have me, Baby Girl. You have all of me.”

“I do?”

“Mmhmm. Whenever you want.”

“Well, that’s what I wished for. Not taking it back.”

He laughed. “All right then.”

Heading back down to the kitchen, I asked, “Did you go out for Cuban food?”

“No,” he replied.

My heart skipped, for I hadn’t just heard his voice. I’d
felt
it. Hurrying the last few steps, I turned the corner, and there he sat at the island.

“I’ve been waitin’ for some fuckin’ comfort food,” he replied, grinning and showing all sorts of dimples.

Snapping his phone shut, he held out his arms, and I launched myself into them, kissing every inch of his laughing face.

“When did you get here?” I cried, sniffling and laughing and kissing.

“Last night,” he replied, tightly hugging me. “I caught the first flight I could get. I got in around one thirty in the mornin’.”

Pulling back, surprised, I asked, “Seriously?”

“I tried callin’ you. You must’ve been dead to the world. I didn’t want to sneak in. I didn’t know if you’d be happy I was here.”

I mashed my face on his, kissing him for all I was worth. Growling, he kissed me back just as enthusiastically. The raw, hot, and passionate tongue-sucking and face-gnawing were awesome.

Pulling back, he sucked in a huge breath. “Fuck, Kenna. You keep that up, and I won’t give a shit about your commitment to your convictions.”

“To be honest, I don’t give a shit about them either,” I replied, going in for round two.

Moaning in defeat, he kissed me back before gently pushing me away. “You don’t mean that.” He pressed his Third Eye to mine, breathing harshly, his eyes closed. “I want you, Baby, more than anythin’, but I ain’t gonna do this. You told me what you wanted from me, and I’m gonna do what you asked, okay? What kind of person would I be if I didn’t?”

Wow. Damn it. But wow.

“Okay,” I whispered.

He nodded, making me nod, too. “I love you too much to make you go back on your word. It’s somethin’ I should’ve taken care of already.”

“Okay.”

“Okay then. Now…quit tryin’ to take advantage of my ass, and bring me some fuckin’ comfort food.”

“There’s still about twenty minutes to go.”

“Now, you’re just teasin’ me, and that ain’t okay.”

“Not even if I get you stoned?” I asked, waving the joint under his nose.

“Well, when you put it that way…”

I grinned.

I was so fucking happy that I was already stoned. And it was all on him.

Three days with only each other and no sex hadn’t been easy. The sexual tension was nearing combustible levels, but we had done it. There were times when we’d both been like
fuck it
and nearly caved in. But we’d proven to each other that our relationship wasn’t based on sex.

For three days, we’d just talked, hung out, watched movies, and made food. Phil had taken me shopping again, and this time, he’d let me buy him some stuff, too. He’d tried yoga, which was pretty fucking funny. He’d said he liked it and that maybe he’d do more of it in the future.

Most importantly, we’d connected like the best friends we’d always been. We’d had it in us to show each other just how much we meant to one another. It was one of the best times of my life.