The Soul Room (25 page)

I was barely
aware of where I was as I waddled down the dark passageways between Fabrizio
and the guard; I was so focused on waiting for and dealing with the next
contraction. They were definitely getting closer together, but they weren't
lasting too long, so hopefully I was still in the early stages of labour,
labour
,
I was terrified of the word.

I stumbled and the man behind me reached out and steadied me. It was
Lorenzo, one of the men I had seen outside the hidden room. It was less than 48
hours since I had narrowly missed being discovered by Lorenzo and Stefano,
hiding in the bushes of the kitchen garden. I had been free then, now I was a
captive. I wanted to cry with shame and fear.

I kept running over the timings in my head - how long till John came?
What if Nonna didn’t even find the note? What if it blew of the table like the
note Dan had left to Nicholas had? Dad had been adamant that he would be on the
next flight if I didn’t ring him by 7pm each night, but how long then for him
to come? What if the traffic was bad? What if flights were delayed or
cancelled? Would he contact the Italian police? Interpol? Were either John or Dad
going to come at all? Perhaps they had had enough of me - my irresponsibility
and stubbornness. I put my hand on my stomach, pressed in gently, trying to
stroke him, to reassure him, but I didn’t have the strength to comfort him. I
had no right to tell him everything was going to be all right, I’d failed him.

Suddenly we were in the brightness of the kitchen. The gleam of polished
pots and pans, the flowers and varnished wood seemed unreal after the relative
squalor of the cellar, as if the room had been set up for a photo-shoot.

Fabrizio led me into the living room. I saw Rosa, sitting stiffly on one
of the large sofas that dominated the room. Her eyes darted up to me briefly
but then settled on Fabrizio. The strong-arm waited inconspicuously by the
door.

'Sit down.' said Amarena authoritatively.

I was glad to. I had begun to feel a little weak and shaky. I was also
expecting another contraction.

He looked down at Rosa. 'We are going to have to switch to plan B my
dear.'

'Perche
?' She answered in a whisper, her face white.

'Speak in English woman! She has a right to know.'

Rosa moaned and put her fist to her mouth, but didn't answer.

Fabrizio went and sat beside her, took her hand and kissed it. 'Others
know my love, and they are coming. We must act quickly.'

My heart raced, it felt like it was going to beat right out of my body. I
went to get up but found I couldn't, my legs wouldn't move and I let out a
little whelp of surprise.

Rosa looked at me reluctantly, as if the act of it hurt her. 'Oh God Fabrizio,
what have you done?'

'Don't worry, the sedative is a safe one, I checked with the Doctor.
Look, we have to move them both
now
, to the safe place we discussed. We
have a few hours, no more, and they will be here - and with the police too.'

'But two people missing! They know she was here, they will arrest you!'

'I will have left by then,
Tsoro
, I will go with Maddie and Dan,
make sure everything is all right. You must stay here and talk to the police.'

'I...I...!' I tried to speak but my voice wasn't working properly, tried
to raise my arm but it was enormously heavy.

Rosa reached up to Fabrizio, her arms contorted with supplication,
stopping before they met her husband's face. 'I can't do it Fabrizio! I can't!'

'Listen to me. All you have to say is that Maddie has gone into labour
and I am taking her to hospital. By this time Maddie and Dan will be out of
their reach. They can prove nothing about
him
, they have no evidence.
For Maddie, our agreement applies exactly as before.’ He turned to look at me,
his face a mask. 'Doesn't it Maddie?'

You bastard!
I wanted to scream at him,
You evil bastard I hope
you rot in hell!
But my mouth was slack, and I couldn't convince my lips to
make any sounds. He turned back to Rosa. I felt the next contraction come, but it
was weaker somehow, blurred at the edges.

'You see Rosa, she will still want to protect her brother, she will still
want to keep the right to see her son, so the deal - it goes on as before. I
will take her to Doctor Macellaio and he will perform the Caesarean. By the
time they get in contact with her the baby will be born and she will say
anything. You know that Rosa, you know that she will!'

Rosa sprang out of her chair and wrapping her arms tightly round herself,
stalked stiffly to the window.  Fabrizio followed her, held her, stroked her
hair. 'Do you want this baby
Tsoro
?' he cooed into her ear. 'Do you want
another chance? To have your son again? Another beautiful baby boy with big
black eyes?'

Rosa shuddered and leant against him. I knew he had her.

I can do this
. I thought groggily.
I still have my mind!
My
lips felt like pieces of meat. I wanted to cry. I willed the nerves and muscles
of my mouth to move against the numbing hold of the sedative; fought to form
the words. ‘So have you told Rosa that you raped my mother?'

He glared at me. Rosa caught at him, her nails digging in to his
shoulder. 'What does she mean?' she pleaded.

'He...raped...my...mother.' I was sinking, the effort of speaking had
taken something out of me, as if I had used up the last dregs of my soul.

‘She is crazy Rosa, I told you, Jane begged for me to take her. It was a
moment of madness, I never...’

‘Don’t lie to me Fabrizio.’ Rosa was near to hysteria. ‘Always with you
it is lies! How am I to know what to believe! You did it to me, once,
remember?’

‘What are you talking about Rosa? How could I? You are my wife.’

‘Ah and here he is!’ Rosa screamed. ‘Here is the
real
Fabrizio! I
am your wife, so it is not possible for me to say no! Now I
know
you
Fabrizio!’

Another contraction came, but it was so weak this time I barely felt it.
''You're killing him! You’re killing my baby!' I wailed, and each sob seemed to
send me deeper into an abyss.

‘
Bastardo!’
Rosa screeched, ‘She’s in labour! The baby will die!
The drugs, they will stop her being able to give birth by herself, it’s too
late to get her to the hospital now!’

‘No, no!’ Fabrizio peeled his wife off him, came over to me and knelt
down. My eyes were closing, he tried to keep them open with his fingers. ‘Stay
awake Maddie, stay awake!’

There was a crash and shouts in the hallway. Fabrizio’s head whipped
round towards the door. The noise brought me back a little towards
consciousness.

‘
Merda
!
Cazzo
!’ Fabrizio spat and leapt up. Rosa screamed.
There was the sound of a struggle, feet slipping, grunts, something fell
against the outside of the door.

‘What do we do Fabrizio? What do we do?!’ Rosa was clinging on to
Fabrizio again, shaking him, trying to get him to look at her, but he wrenched
her off him and raced to the door.  She sprang after him. I turned my head, to
better see what was happening; it was the only part of me that I could move,
the paralysis was almost complete. There was a brief struggle, Rosa grabbing at
him, trying to hold him back, Fabrizio snatching at her wrists to stop her.
After a few seconds of silent and horrible combat, their faces twisted with
sudden hate, Fabrizio managed to hold Rosa away from him, far enough to strike
her in the jaw. She fell heavily onto the plush carpet and didn’t move.

As Fabrizio made a dash to the door, it burst open, almost hitting him in
the face, and Mario fell into the room, struggling with someone, wrestling him,
trying to pull back to get a punch in. I realised with a jolt that he was
fighting with Lorenzo. Fabrizio leapt in to the fray, getting behind Mario,
trying to pull him off Lorenzo. Mario was strong though, the three of them fell
to the floor, a contortion of bodies, grunting, writhing.  I could feel myself
falling away, my breathing was fast and shallow, the edges of my vision started
to darken. I was violently shaken, the darkness receded a little.

‘Maddie! Maddie!’ It was the one voice that I wanted to hear most. I
couldn’t believe it was real.

‘John!’ I managed to whisper as his face settled into focus. ‘How did you…?’

‘Nonna found your note in the middle of the night, she called me.’

‘I think we’re dying.’

‘Oh God, no Maddie, stay awake, for fuck’s sake stay awake!’ He shook me
again. I was dimly aware of a commotion behind him. Police officers rushed into
the room, two dived straight into the fight between Fabrizio, Mario and
Lorenzo, pulling them apart. Another came over to me and John, firing out a
rapid volley of questions in Italian . And then Nonna appeared, her face rigid
with fear, she rushed over to Rosa, then saw me, let out a wail of anguish.

John took hold of my face and turned it so I was looking at him. ‘Stay
awake Maddie! You’ve got to stay awake!’

‘I’m sorry John, I can’t…’

The world melted away and my eyelids dropped, heavily, inexorably, as if
they were made of lead. I tried to fight it, but it was no good, and I went
down, straight down, into the dark.

When I came
round it took me a while to realise where I was. I was lying on my stomach,
arms flung out in front of me. The first thing I saw was the deep green and
brown gloss of the Victorian tiles; and there was that light, the
violet-luminosity of it that told you that the sea was near. My body wouldn't
move, as if my arms and legs were stuffed with straw like a scarecrow. With
effort I turned my head the other way, breathing hard... and I saw him.

He was sprawled about ten yards from me, his little shoulders rising
and falling with quick, shallow breaths.

'Jacopo.' I croaked. I didn't know where the name had come from, but
it felt right. 'Jacopo!' I managed a little louder, 'wake up!'. He murmured and
stirred. I called him again, I tried to move, but nothing was working - only my
head and neck. 'Jacopo! Please! Oh God please don't die!' I started to sob, my
cheek bouncing off the floor; my head felt so heavy, my shoulders immovable.

He stirred again, pulling his head up slowly and gazed straight at me.
He looked pale and disorientated.

'Mum.' he whispered. 'Mum you've got to touch me, you've got to touch
me right now.'

'Oh God, baby, I can't, I can't move. Fabrizio, he gave me something
to make me sleep. My body, it’s...'

'You've got to touch me Mum, Mum, please.' He reached his hand out
towards me. His head fell back onto the floor with the effort and he sighed.

'GOD OH GOD.' I wailed, pressing my forehead against the cold floor in
frustration. 'HELP ME, HELP ME PLEASE!' I tried my arms and legs again, still
nothing. I howled with anger. It wasn’t fair, it just wasn’t fair.

‘This is your Soul Room’ a voice said inside me. ‘This is the place that
Nonna told you about all those years ago. This is
your
room, you get to
say what happens in it.’  And suddenly I felt something, a little tremor of
movement in my arms. With a great wrench of effort I pushed down on my arms
till my shoulders were raised off the ground and my forearms rested on the
tiles. My head hung with the strain and I panted like a dog, needles of sweat
scoring my forehead. I shook my head and shoulders, willing the warm blood down
into the rest of my body, trying to communicate with the nerves and sinews
inside - imploring them to work. There was a tingle in my thighs. I grunted and
pushed up onto my hands, then used the momentum to push up onto my knees. I
couldn't bear to look at him. Couldn't bear to contemplate what I might see.

I tried to move myself forward and collapsed flat again with the
effort. I cried out in frustration, thrashed about, my limbs flapping like a
puppet’s. I couldn't let it happen - I couldn't. After everything I had put him
through I couldn't bear it. He was my son, he was mine and I wasn't going to
let him die. I screamed and forced myself back onto my hands and knees. I threw
myself forward again, and found that my arms and legs were finally starting to
move in a way that I recognised. My head was so heavy I still couldn't lift it
properly, but I could see the tips of his fingers at the edge of my field of
vision. I forced my other arm and leg forward, two more - just two more.
Another grunt, another act of will and I was a foot closer. Finally with a wail,
half victorious, half despairing, I flung myself blindly forward again,
crashing painfully onto my hip. I reached out my arms as far as I could and
finally my fingers brushed his small cool hand. I grabbed it, grabbed it as
tightly as I could; and as I did so a huge throb of pain engulfed me.

'That's it Maddie! Yes! Like that!' It was Nonna.

Then John’s voice, resonant and hoarse. 'She’s awake! Thank God!'

The next contraction gave me the impetus to open my eyes, they took a
while to focus. I was sprawled on the carpet in the living room, my legs apart
and bent at the knees.

‘Where’s Fabrizio?’ I managed to whisper.

John stroked my hair. ‘Don’t worry. The Police have got him, they’ve
taken them all. They’re at the station. He can’t hurt you now.’

Nonna was holding tightly onto my right hand, smiling, weeping. John
looked exhausted and anxious, but it was so wonderful to see him properly that
my heart almost broke. 'God John what if my baby’s dead, and it's all my fault!
What have I done?'

He held me, and we rocked, and I buried my face deep, deep into him and
took great breaths of him. And then there was another contraction, but this was
a different type, it hit me like a thunderbolt and I knew what I had to do.