The Soulmate Equation (14 page)

“So, seriously,” Michelle said, “I think most people will want to know if this feels different. The first time you saw each other, I mean really
looked
, was there some sort of internal reaction? A score of ninety-eight—you must've known on some cellular level.”

There
. Right there. She'd found River's vulnerability. The biology of it, the assumption that his body would somehow just
know
. Jess couldn't get past the unlikelihood of the number. He couldn't get past the way he knew he should feel it in every cell of his body.

“Attraction, yes,” he said without hesitation. “But we're only programmed to think about first encounters on a very primitive level. Sex. Coupling. We are animals, ultimately.”

Heat crawled up her neck, and she was treated to a mental image of River behind her, his front curled over her back, teeth pressed into the bare skin of her shoulder.

“But we aren't really programmed to wonder on first sight whether someone is our soulmate. At least, I'm not.” Beside her, he shrugged. “It may be ironic given that I want to find it for other people, but I somehow hadn't self-inserted into any of DNADuo's findings. Truly. Given that we're a couple months away from my first IPO, and having set my own criteria so high, the last thing I was expecting was a notification on my own app. So, if you're asking whether I was surprised by the result, the answer is yes… and no.”

Her brain felt like it was chewing, digesting each one of his words. He sounded so sincere, but what was real and what was just for show? Michelle's voice jolted her out of her thoughts. “Jess?”

Jess cleared her throat. “Like I said, I took the test on a whim. I wasn't looking for a relationship. Had just sworn off dating, actually.” Michelle laughed in easy comprehension. “So yes, I was surprised.” She looked up at River's open face and, maybe because her defenses were down, a low hum began in her bones. The deep vibration coursed through her, synchronizing with the high-frequency-static feeling along the surface of her skin. He was so gorgeous it made her woozy. “And no,” she added quietly. “In another way, I wasn't surprised at all.”

“River,” Michelle asked, “I have to ask: Is sharing this finding publicly a conflict of interest?”

“I expected you to be more suspicious that it was a media stunt.”

She grinned. “Is it?”

“No.”

She gestured around them. “But you're leveraging it, surely.”

“It's serendipitous. Doesn't mean it's false.”

“Jess,” Michelle said, leaning in, “does the pressure to fall in love with him feel… intense?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “I don't know what it's supposed to feel like to find your soulmate. I've never found mine before, obviously. And in this case, I second-guess every feeling, even when they seem genuine.”

“River, hearing that—does it make you uneasy?”

“Not at all.” His voice rang true. “We're both scientists. It wouldn't be our natures to dive headlong into anything.”

“Maybe that's why you matched,” Michelle mused.

Jess looked up at him. He looked down at her. She couldn't help mirroring his new, private smile. “Maybe,” he agreed, and dropped his voice, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Project Be Genuine but Cautious.” Jess nearly shivered at the sensation.

Michelle cut a knife through the tension, clapping her hands. “Let's grab some photos over by the benches there.” She stood, and if she was aware of the dense emotional fog that clouded Jess and River, she didn't show it. She and Blake conferred, then waved them over. “We'd like to get the water as the backdrop, so if you could stand”—she put her hands on Jess's shoulders, turning her to face the parking lot—“here. River just beside and a little behind her, yes, good, however is comfortable for you. I'm going
to be over here, we aren't listening. Just—talk to each other. As naturally as you can. Forget we're here!”

Jess wanted to stare at her with deep, unmasked incredulity. She and River were on what was essentially their second date, and Michelle wanted them to stand together and be knowingly photographed just—conversing intimately? Naturally? For a newspaper with a circulation in the hundreds of thousands? They weren't even good at being natural when they were alone.

“No pressure,” Jess mumbled.

“Just,” he said, searching, “tell me something about your—car.”

“My… car?”

He laughed, and stepped closer beside her. “It's the first thing that came to mind. Don't assume I'm any better than you are at this.”

“I absolutely assume that,” she said, cheesing a grin as Blake lifted his camera to his face. “Look at you.”

“What does that mean?” River asked.

“What does what mean?”

“ ‘Look at you,' ” he repeated.

Jess laughed.

Blake clicked the shutter.

“It means,” Jess said, “that this is what you do. Of course I expect you to be smoother at all things dating and public-appearance related. I mean, I'm—”

“If you say ‘average,' I'm going to toss you into the bay.”

“I wasn't going to,” she said, laughing.
Click.

River exhaled a long, slow breath behind her, warm on her neck. A shiver ran through her, rattling her spine.

He noticed: “Are you cold?”

“Freezing,” she admitted.

Jess felt him shift so he stood fully behind her. Just as she was going to ask him what he was doing, he stretched his arms out and she found herself being wrapped up in soft warmth, pressed against a wall of hard heat. River had tucked her into his coat, enclosing her inside it with him.

Click.

He wasn't shaking or unsteady. He held her firmly, his front pressed all along her back like it was no big deal. Jess's senses went haywire.

Michelle laughed. “Jess, you're blushing.”

She couldn't even pretend this was normal. “I'm sure I am.”

“So, I take it the physical side of—”

“No comment,” River cut in, voice sharp.

But now the image was well and truly sparking inside her mind: Sex with River. Him over her. Sweaty beneath her. Growling and commanding behind her. Jess's body betrayed her, arching back a bit, and his tiny muffled groan told her the movement had registered.

Michelle turned and conferred with Blake over something on his camera screen, and Jess leaned minutely forward for some physical cooldown, but River pulled her back against him again, wrapping his arms around her waist. Pressed to her.

“You're cold,” he reminded her, murmuring into her hair.

“Less so now,” she said under her breath, and he laughed warmly.

Click.

Jess bit her bottom lip, restraining a hysterical laugh that bubbled up her throat. “Are you turned on?”

His voice was a blend of embarrassed and matter-of-fact close to her ear. “I might be.”

“Oh my God.”

“You just—pressed yourself against me.”

Jess bent, stifling a laugh—

Click. Click.

—but this just pushed her ass back into him further and he let out a quiet hiss, pulling her closer. “Jessica.”

She unleashed the laugh. For just a tiny beat, she wielded the power of the entire universe. Jess had turned on the formidable River Peña.

Click.

“You're enjoying this,” he growled.

“Of course I am. So are you, apparently.”

“I'd enjoy it more if we didn't have an audience.”

Click.

“Are you hitting on me?”

“It sounds like I am.” He seemed as surprised as she was.

“Do we even
like
each other?”

He adjusted his arms around her, heavy and secure. “Still under review.”

Click.

He sighed. “I think… well, I don't know about you, but I'm starting to like you.”

Easier to be brave facing the parking lot instead of his handsome face, his arms grounding her from floating away. “I don't know
about soulmate, but I'd admit to lust.” She turned her face to the side. His mouth was so close to hers.

River stilled, glanced down at her lips. “Is that right?”

His tone snagged Jess, who finally felt brave enough to meet his eyes. Heat melted through her.

Click.

I
T PROBABLY SHOULD
have occurred to Jess that her wrapped up in River's coat would be the perfect candid, but it absolutely did not occur to her that they would end up on the front page.

Of the
San Diego Union-Tribune
.

Fizzy dropped a copy onto the table before unloading her bag from her shoulder.

“Holy shit, Jessica Davis.”

Jess brought her mug to her lips, hiding a grimace behind it. “I know. I saw it on my iPad this morning.”

“How fucking adorable are you two?”

She set the mug back down. “Stop it.”

Fizzy cleared her throat, reading aloud. “ ‘The pair have the sparkling gleam and nervous tremble of new love. Seemingly without realizing it, Jess leans into him when she speaks. River looks at Jess like he's waited his entire life for her. But despite the outward impression that love is in the air, neither believed the result when it first came in. “We're both scientists,” Peña said plainly. “It wouldn't
be our natures to dive headlong into anything.” Even so, it's hard to not believe it when you see them together.' ”

Jess groaned. “Seriously. Stop, please.”

“No, no,” Fizzy said, holding up a hand and flipping to the second page. “The next part is my favorite. ‘When the wind picked up and Jess was visibly cold, River wrapped her up in his coat. My photographer and I went quiet, witnesses to the love story unfolding in front of us. GeneticAlly may be entering a crowded sea of seasoned dating services, but it's clear they're getting the important things right.' ”

By now, Jess was leaning her head on the table, wishing for the building to collapse. “Can we stop now?”

“If we must.” She heard Fizzy fold up the paper and set it down on the table. “Was it fun?”

“No,” Jess said immediately, reflexively. She sat up, and the lie hung filmy between them. “Yes?” She took a too-hot sip of coffee and coughed. “I mean,
no
. It wasn't fun in the sense you mean. It was weird and awkward… but good?” She squeezed her eyes closed. “Stop it, Fizzy.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

Fizzy laughed at her. “Your mainframe is actually melting.”

“He's a good-looking man, okay?” Jess conceded. “So, yes, there's a proximity effect there.”

Pointing to Jess's giggling smile in the picture, Fizzy said, “You look like you want him to eat you for dinner.”

“Okay, nope.” Jess sat up straighter, dragging her hair into a bun. “I don't want to talk about it anymore.”

“Melting.” Fizzy stared at her in wonder before shaking herself into action and unpacking her laptop. They got to work; Fizzy wrote, Jess crunched data. But she could feel Fizzy look up at her every once in a while, studying her like a sample in a dish. And she felt the weight of her scrutiny so physically that Fizzy might as well have been standing behind her, hands on her shoulders, pressing down. Lucky for Fizzy's head and the external hard drive on the table between them, she looked away just before Jess reached for something to throw at her.

Jess knew Fizzy probably had a thousand questions about all of this. She did, too. What in the fresh hell were she and River actually doing? How did she feel about being so physically attracted to someone she wasn't sure she actually liked? What should she do with all of this interest in her loins? And in all this silent questioning, it never occurred to Jess that 8:24 was coming soon.

The door opened with a jubilant ding, and her heart skipped away, double tempo.

Stride, stride, stride.

River passed through the room with the sweeping confidence of a king through a court, and Jess felt the air shift all around them, an honest-to-God change in atmospheric pressure.

Fizzy leaned to the side, spotting River, her eyes going wide. “Holy shit.”

Jess didn't have to turn to know that everyone was watching him. And then, even with her back to the room, Jess felt them all turn to look at
her
.

Ignoring the feeling, she turned around. River was smiling…
at people? A healthy flush to his cheeks, a tiny yet unmistakable upturn to his mouth.

Fizzy's voice glimmered with wonder: “What did you do to him?”

“We did
not
—”

“He's smil—”

“I
know
,” Jess snapped. “It's weird. Shut up.”

She did not shut up: “When you two actually—”

Leaning in, Jess hissed: “
Shhh!
”

She pretended to be very, very engrossed in her work, but it was useless. And she knew without having to watch him that once he'd picked up his drink, he was headed their way.

He set down two cups on their table. “Hey.”

Jess and Fizzy stared dumbly up at him. He was so gorgeous and commanding that all Jess could manage in response was a flat “What.”

He nodded to the drinks he set down. A flat white. A vanilla latte. “I thought you might want a fresh one soon,” he said.

“Thank you,” Fizzy and Jess said in monotonal sexbot unison.

The left corner of his mouth tucked in. “You're welcome.” He held Jess's gaze, and the dark weight of it lit the fuse leading to the bomb in her libido. “Did you see the
Trib
?”

Her neck and cheeks flushed as she remembered how it felt to have him behind her. “Uh, I did, yeah.”

River smiled knowingly, waiting for more, but she was unable to mentally undress him and make words at the same time. Finally, he offered, “I thought Michelle did a good piece.”

Why was she out of breath? “It was really good. She was… nice. Even though she mentioned my clammy hands.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You were great.”

“Thanks.” Imaginary River was naked and beneath her on the floor, which explained why it took her a few seconds to add, “So were you.”

He looked to his watch. “All right, well… catch you later.” With a final amused pursed-lips smile, he turned to leave Twiggs with his Americano in hand. Stride, stride, stride. The bell over the door cried when he left.

Fizzy stared after him. “What just happened?”

“He bought us coffee.” Jess was extremely casual. Not at all unsettled. “Calm down, Fizz.”

Meanwhile, her brain was shouting in all caps.

“My vagina just unfurled like a flower,” Fizzy said, still staring at the door.

“No.”

“A fucking
flower
, Jess.”

Jess cupped her forehead in her hands. It was going to be a long day.

HOURS LATER, FIZZY'S
attention was back on the newspaper. “Look at this goddamn chemistry.” They'd left for lunch but, both being on deadline, had returned to crank out a bit more work before calling it a day. “It drips from these goddamn pages. Tell me you don't believe this shit.”

“Stop.”

“You're going to set the town on fire.
Everyone's
humping tonight.”

“Oh my God, would you—” Jess stopped abruptly, realization falling like an anvil. “Oh
shit
.”

“Can you just bang him and then describe—”

“Fizz. Seriously, wait.” Jess looked up at her. The effect of River's thoughtfulness this morning had worn off, and the chill of dread washed over her, head to toe. “Today is Monday.”

“So?”

“Juno and Pops go to the library on Monday.”

“So?”

Jess jabbed her index finger down at her copy of the paper. “Fizzy, there are about seventy copies of this picture in the library! My kid is going to see me on the cover of the
U-T
wrapped like a horny cat in River's coat! Do you know how many questions she has about giraffe vertebrae? Do you know how many she'll have about this?”

Fizzy bolted upright, turning left, turning right, before hastily shoving her laptop into her bag. Jess followed suit, packing up like Twiggs was on fire.

IT WAS NORMALLY
a ten-minute walk from Twiggs to the University Heights library. They made it in six.

Fizzy stopped on the sidewalk just outside, hands on her knees. “Holy shit. Why did I pick such a sedentary job? When the zombies come, I am screwed.”

Jess leaned against the bus stop and panted, “Same.”

“If the point was to get here fast, we could have, I don't know, taken a car?”

Jess straightened, glaring at her. “I panicked, okay? It feels a lot easier when I walk it.”

She took a deep breath, marveling over how deeply winded she was.
Add to the to-do list: More cardio.
She checked her watch. “Juno's school got out four minutes ago. They'll be here in about ten. We need to bust ass.”

Fizzy brushed the blunt ends of her dark hair behind her shoulder. “What could possibly go wrong?”

They headed up the ramp that led to the main entrance, smiling nonchalantly at an older woman as they passed.
Nothing to see here. Just your average trip to the library to hide every copy of your daily newspaper
. Emily, Juno's favorite librarian, was on the computer at the main desk, and Jess slowed to a stop.

“What are we waiting for?” Fizzy said over Jess's shoulder as she collided with her back.

“Emily is up there,” she whispered. Emily was Juno's favorite partly because she was a sweetheart and knew where everything was, and partly because her hair was pink and she rode a sparkly blue Vespa to work every day. “If she sees me come in, she'll want to say hi. Juno will see us, and we're toast.”

“A friendly librarian,” Fizzy said sarcastically, narrowing her eyes. “The worst kind.”

Jess glared at Fizzy over her shoulder. “Hush.”

“You hush. I feel like I'm committing a crime even being in here,” Fizzy whispered behind her. “I'm late renewing my library card!”

“It's not like an alarm's gonna go off,” Jess said. “They don't scan them as you walk through the door.” A patron stepped up to the counter, and she watched as Emily listened, smiled, and then nodded, motioning for the person to follow her. Jess reached for Fizzy's hand. “Come on.”

They slipped through the door and headed straight for the back near Adult Services, darting behind a bookcase when they saw an older man standing right in front of the giant rack of newspapers. Fizzy looked around nervously.

“Would you stop it?” Jess whisper-hissed. “You wrote an entire romantic suspense series about a female assassin. We're hiding newspapers. Why does this look harder for you than the time you realized halfway through a game of pool that you'd bet a bunch of Hells Angels that we could kick their asses?”

“I'm not good with peer pressure, okay? Usually I'm the one talking you into doing something stupid. This is all backwards.”

Jess looked around the corner, groaning when she saw the man still standing there. “I can see six copies of the front page right there. We just need to grab them all.”

An older woman walked down the aisle, and they both tried to look casual. Fizzy leaned against the bookcase; Jess picked up an escargot cookbook off the shelf and attempted to appear engrossed. The woman eyed them warily as she passed.

Fizzy took the book from her and shoved it back into place. “Do we really have to do this?” She looked around. “This feels oddly naughty.”

Jess honestly never expected Fizzy to have a pearl-clutching side. “Do you remember when you were writing
My Alter Ego
and
you asked me to hoist my leg behind my head to”—Jess made air quotes—“ ‘see if a normal person could do it'?”

Fizzy frowned, thinking. “Vaguely.”

“I pulled my hamstring and could barely walk for a week. For you and your book. But you still told Daniel I'd pulled a vaginal muscle in a sex accident. You
owe
me.”

“I'm going to kill you off in the next Crimson Lace book.”

It wasn't the first time she'd threatened it, definitely wouldn't be the last. “Sure.”

They both peered around the bookcase again, relieved when they saw that the coast was finally clear. Jess could already see herself seated across from the bad cop down at the police station, given sludgy coffee in a Styrofoam cup and shown surveillance footage of her skulking over to the Adult Media section, unspooling an armful of
Union-Tribunes
from the rack, and jogging away. She made a silent promise to Juno and San Diego County that she would volunteer and read at story time until her kid was eighteen if she could just keep Juno from seeing these papers… or her.

They walked through the library as if they had every right to be carrying two armloads of newspapers, and then arranged them carefully behind a long row of Mary Higgins Clark paperbacks.

“Is that all of them?” Fizzy asked, face flushed as she checked over her shoulder.

“Yeah. Let's get out of here.”

They walked down the aisle and stopped short just as the entrance came into view. Jess pulled Fizzy back, ducking her head out just long enough to see Juno and Pops walk through the door.