The Sound of Your Voice, Only Really Far Away (2 page)

For some reason, that was as far as Marylin could get, Christina and Curtis sitting at the breakfast table, eating bowls of Special K. Every time she tried to make one of them say something or do something, they wouldn’t. They just sat there staring at each other, putting one spoonful of cereal into their mouths after another.

This is stupid, she’d finally decided. Rhetta was right. No one would believe that parents would abandon their children like that. Besides, it was depressing. Marylin had no interest in being depressed. She wasn’t a depressed sort of person. She was, she decided after thinking about it for a few minutes, the sort of person who needed new shoes.

She stuck her head out of her door and looked down the hall. “Dad? Can you take me to Target?”

“Sure, hon,” her dad called back from the dining room. “Let me just finish this e-mail.”

When she’d gotten home, she’d started a
new story in her notebook, one about a middle-school cheerleader who had to decide between three boys who all had major crushes on her. This is the sort of story I should be writing, she’d told herself, glancing happily at her new leopard-skin flats. Nobody likes depressing stories, anyway.

Walking down Hallway B of Brenner P. Dunn Middle School, Marylin could tell something was wrong the minute she got within twenty-five feet of Ruby Santiago’s locker. All the middle-school cheerleaders were there, Ruby at the center, Mazie by her side, everyone oohing and aahing over all the Christmas booty, the new sweaters and earrings, the makeup kits. Other kids stood around the edges of the circle, wannabe insiders, oohing and aahing along with the cheerleaders, who naturally ignored them. As she got closer, Marylin put on her best middle-school cheerleader smile. She ran her hand through her hair. Here we go, she told herself. The beginning of an amazing new semester.

At that moment, Ashley Greer turned and saw Marylin approaching. Her expression immediately changed. One second Ashley was smiling and acting like Mazie’s new palette of eye shadow was the most interesting thing in the world. The next second she looked like a jackal who had just come upon a wounded rabbit in the forest. Marylin’s stomach lurched. Ashley’s expression, she knew, was not a good sign.

“Look, it’s Mrs. Huddle!” Ashley exclaimed to the other cheerleaders, who all turned in Marylin’s direction at the same time, like they were a single organism, or a collection of puppets all connected to the same string.

So they knew. Okay, well, so what? Marylin kept the smile plastered on her face as she got to Ruby’s locker. Benjamin Huddle was a perfectly respectable boy. More than respectable! He was cute. He was a student leader. So maybe his wardrobe could use a little work. Marylin already had planned to make a few, very subtle suggestions that over time would take care of that problem.

“Oh, stop!” she squealed at Ashley in her
best cheerleader squeal voice, a voice that said,
I know you’re only teasing me because you love me so much
. “I am not Mrs. Huddle. We’re not even—a thing. Not yet, at least.”

“Not now, not ever,” said Mazie, taking a step toward Marylin. “We’re a geek-free squad, didn’t you know that?” She grabbed Marylin by the elbow. “Now come with me. We need to talk.”

Which was how Marylin found herself being dragged down the hallway to the girls’ bathroom by the library. “You’re hurting my arm!” she complained to Mazie, trying to pull free. But Mazie just held on tighter.

“You’re hurting my life,” she said through gritted teeth. “Now come on.”

There were two girls in the bathroom combing their hair, but one look from Mazie sent them scrambling to the door. Mazie led Marylin over to the row of mirrors and turned her around so that Marylin was facing her own reflection.

“Look at yourself,” Mazie commanded. “Do you see who you are? You’re one of us. And we do things a certain way. We wear certain clothes
and have certain boyfriends, and we do things the way we’re supposed to do them. What about that do you not get?”

“I—I get it,” Marylin replied limply. “Didn’t you notice my shoes?”

Mazie looked at Marylin’s shoes. “Yeah, okay, so you get the clothes part. Good for you. Glad you can get one thing right. But you’re getting the people part wrong. I know you’re all sort of ‘friendly girl’ and ‘Miss Nicey-Nice,’ and that’s okay up to a point. But it’s like you’ll talk to anyone. And actually be friends with anyone. It’s like you don’t get it. You’re special.
We’re
special. And I hate to tell you this, but Ruby is really getting freaked out by you.”

Marylin paled. Ruby’s opinion, as Marylin and Mazie both knew, was the one that mattered. If you were in with Ruby, every door you walked past automatically opened. Athletes spanning the spectrum of sports from football to track and field thought you were cute. Teachers you’d never had a class with smiled and waved at you in the hallway. The janitorial staff kept the door to your locker extra shiny.

And if you were out with Ruby, you were in Siberia. You simply ceased to exist.

A tiny voice piped,
Who cares?
into Marylin’s ear. It was Kate’s voice, and it was so clear that Marylin looked around to see if Kate was there. She checked under the stalls for Kate’s boots. But no Kate, only her annoying little voice inside Marylin’s head. Marylin supposed that was what happened when you’d known someone almost all your life. You got their opinions whether they were in the same room with you or not.

Well, easy for Kate to say. Kate could say,
Who cares?
because she meant it. Or at least sort of meant it. Marylin couldn’t believe that Kate didn’t really care at all. She was just better at hiding it than most people.

But Marylin cared. She’d always known that about herself. Had always been one hundred percent honest with herself about the fact that she cared. She cared a lot. She cared that people thought she was pretty, and that they thought she was nice. She cared about being popular. She wished that people understood it
was hard work being popular! Being popular meant you had to care about everything—how you looked, what you said, who you said it to, and what they thought about it later. You had to pay attention to every little detail.

Marylin stared at her reflection. What had she been thinking? How in the world had she thought she could have it all? Where had she gotten the idea she could be popular
and
have a boyfriend who didn’t meet Ruby Santiago’s approval? That she could be friends with Rhetta Mayes, who dressed all in black and was always drawing in an oversize sketchbook and would probably pierce her nose the minute she could find someone to do it for her?

But Rhetta’s your friend
, Kate’s tiny voice whispered in her ear.
You’ve spent the night at her house. She gets you. She makes you laugh.

Marylin shook her head. She would figure out what to do about Rhetta. Maybe they could just be school friends. They had almost every class together, after all; it wasn’t like they never saw each other. And Marylin’s schedule was about to get very busy with basketball season
starting up. She probably wouldn’t have time to hang out with Rhetta after school anyway. And Rhetta would understand.

No she won’t
, whispered Kate’s tiny voice.

Marylin took a deep breath. Rhetta would understand, she repeated to herself. Maybe she could encourage Rhetta to sign up to do makeup for the spring musical, and then Rhetta would be really busy too.

That was it. No problem. Marylin smiled at herself in the mirror. Her smile looked fake, but it would have to do. Now all she had left was the problem of Benjamin Huddle. One of his incisor teeth was just a tiny bit crooked in a way that Marylin totally loved. Could she really give that up? Or the lopsided way he grinned at her. Was she willing to sacrifice that grin just to stay popular?

Sadly, Marylin knew the answer. It made her want to cry, and it probably meant that deep down inside she wasn’t the nice person she thought she was. She was only nice on top.

It’s because my parents got divorced, Marylin insisted to herself. That’s why I need
to be popular. I can’t help it. It’s not my fault.

Yeah
, Kate’s voice said, this time a whole lot louder.
Right.

Marylin wished Kate would just shut up. Her life was hard enough without someone making comments about it all the time, even someone who wasn’t actually in the same room.

“Tell Ruby not to worry,” she told Mazie, reaching into her back pouch for her lip gloss. “I’m fine. I didn’t really like Benjamin anyway. I just thought if I went to the dance with him, he might help us get funding for new uniforms.”

A knowing look came over Mazie’s face, and she smiled at Marylin, nodding. “I thought you were up to something,” she said, patting Marylin on the shoulder. “That’s why I stuck up for you when Ruby started asking a lot of questions about your so-called friends. ‘Marylin’s up to something, just you wait,’ is exactly what I told her, and I was right. Wow, I bet Benjamin Huddle has no idea he’s getting played.”

None, Marylin thought miserably as she followed Mazie out of the bathroom. Absolutely no idea in the world.

“I’ve got bad news.”

Rhetta had turned around in her seat and was now leaning toward Marylin. She didn’t look so much like a vampire today. Usually Rhetta was a study in black and white, all black clothes and pale white skin, but today she was actually wearing jeans like a normal person, and although her T-shirt was black, it was a sort of silky-looking V-neck T-shirt that was nice. If only Marylin could make Rhetta see how good she’d look in pink!

“What is it?” Marylin asked, wondering if somehow Rhetta’s bad news could be that she’d heard about the conversation Marylin had just had with Mazie five minutes ago in the bathroom.

“I’m grounded,” Rhetta said with a dramatic slump so that her chin was now resting on the back of her chair. “For a month, if you can believe it. Just because I rode with Todd Venable to the Quick-E Mart after youth group Sunday night instead of getting a ride straight home with Samantha Werther like I said I would.
Todd brought me home safe and sound, and it’s not like he’s a psycho killer or anything. He plays drums in the praise band!”

Rhetta’s father was a pastor at a local church that was known for being hip and informal. Still, Marylin supposed a drummer in a band was a drummer in a band, even if the band was singing songs about Jesus.

“Did your dad kick Todd out of the band?”

Rhetta shook her head. “No, but he had a long talk with him in his office, which I’m sure was way, way worse. When my dad gives you a lecture, he goes on for, like, ten years.”

“Well, I’m sorry you’re grounded,” Marylin said. “What does that mean exactly?”

As it turned out, it meant exactly what Marylin hoped it meant. For the next month, Rhetta was confined to home except for family outings and church on Sunday, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. “Church is going to be the highlight of my social life for thirty days,” Rhetta complained. “How pathetic is that?”

“It could be worse,” Marylin said. “They could have kept you home from church, too.”

“Right,” Rhetta said, rolling her eyes. “That’s
so
not going to happen.”

Mrs. Clewes started to take attendance, so Rhetta turned back around, and Marylin slid back in her seat, filled with relief. She wouldn’t have to make any excuses for a whole month about why she couldn’t hang out with Rhetta after school. And who knew what things would be like in a month? In a month, Rhetta’s dad might decide to become a missionary to China. And yes, okay, Marylin would miss Rhetta if she moved, but that would definitely solve one of her problems.

And then a thought came to Marylin that was so brilliant she had to stop herself from blurting it out to the whole class. She didn’t have to give up Benjamin Huddle, either! Mazie thought she was using Benjamin to get the cheerleaders new uniforms. So she could hang around Benjamin all she wanted. If anybody asked her about it, she’d just mention how cute those uniforms would be if they could just get the funding for them (wink, wink). Ruby and Mazie would totally be on her side. They’d tell
her to hang out with Benjamin as much as she wanted!