The Stars Trilogy (78 page)

He stared blankly at it, lying near his feet.

His entire body went still. But the sudden rush of blood in his veins threatened to rob him of breath. As if in a trance, he slowly bent to pick up the object.

A necklace. So familiar.

Because it belonged to him.

The phoenix. HIS phoenix. His amulet.

God...! Why...? Why was it in the possession of Celine? I gave it to a little girl. A little girl named...Celine...Oh God! Celine...Celine...Celine...

Coney Island...

His heart was now beating so hard it might explode from his chest. He unfolded her letter and read it.

The opening words made his eyes wet.

God is in the rain.

He closed his eyes tightly as his emotions almost overwhelmed him. 
How can it be? How is this possible?!

He had to read the rest.

I hope that rings a bell. If not, then maybe the phoenix will remind you of a time some fifteen years ago. It was the fifth of November as you won’t let me forget. Indeed, I have never forgotten. Since then, I have treasured the phoenix as I have treasured you in my heart.

For years I nurtured this hope that one day, the phoenix will lead me back to you. To that person I met in Coney Island so long ago. He was full of light and exuberance and he was as gallant as the knights in my favorite fairy tales. He taught me how to be brave. He made me fly.

But like they say...fairy tales are just tales from long ago, made up by believers of the power of love. Sadly, they no longer exist today. I have learned that hard lesson very recently, when my own crashed and burned before it even began. Born of my naivete, I had hoped so much for the ideal, for the pure, but reality is far from that. Reality is full of human suffering.

But I realized, it’s not your fault or mine. It’s life and all its tricks and games. Life plays with some of us so cruelly that they get destroyed. They give up their ideals and transform, if only to survive.

Some are lucky to be spared such difficult tests. Like me. I have lived a very charmed life with my family. I have been surrounded by love and affection all my life and I was never ever hurt by anybody in any way that left a deep scar in my soul. Until now. I guess I’m not spared, after all.

But that’s okay. We all have our share of clovers and spades. I guess, I’m finally getting my share. So, it’s okay. It is just fair as nobody is exempted from this.

I’m hurting, I will not deny that. You hurt me so bad, Dare. But I know I’ll be fine… eventually.

But you, Dare...I think you’ve been getting too much bad luck in the past years. I’m not talking about the material things because you’re very lucky in that aspect. I’m talking about the intangible things, the ones that truly matter in our lives. Trust, hope, faith, love. I think you’re so lacking in those aspects and I can’t blame you, knowing the kind of environment that you live in.

And so I’m returning the phoenix to you. You once mentioned it to me, that the phoenix has brought you luck but sometimes you miss it when you’re having bad luck. I never truly understood what you meant by that as I could only see success written all over you. But now, I do.

Something hurt you so bad in the past. That’s the only reason why you are like this, as I cannot believe that you are really what you are now- a hard, cold, bitter, cynical and distrustful man. Indeed, you need the phoenix more than I do now. You’ve been so unlucky in your relationships and you need to break free from all tha
t.

I want you to believe again. In luck.

I want you to fully trust again. In people.

I want you to hope and have faith in something you treasure in your life again. Like you did with Faye.

I want you to love again, like you did with Alana. I know you loved her once. I’ve always felt that from just looking at you together in those movies and magazine pictures. You have this certain connection with each other that radiates even without words.

I want you to love like that again, deep, powerful and transcending.

I want you to be truly, truly happy. You deserve that, Dare. You really do.

God is in the rain. Yes. God is also in the sun. Life is cruel at times, yes, but the bottom line is, we decide what will become of us  amid all these storms. It is  how we have allowed ourselves to become that destroys all that is good and pure in us.

Believe it or not, even after everything that happened, underneath all the fame and fortune that have shaped you to be what you are today, I know, you’re still my V of the old. A good, good man. A real knight in shining armor.

So, embrace your luck again and decide your destiny. That destiny is happiness. Don’t let whatever hurt you in the past consume you. Life is still beautiful. Live. Truly live, my darling Daredevil.

God bless you always.

Love, Celine

PS 1: On second thought, I take it back. Fairy tales still do exist. I still want to believe in them. They don’t necessarily have to be love stories.  The essence of every fairy tale is slaying the inner dragons that keep us from being happy, and that’s always a happy ending.

PS 2: I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye. That won’t be a good ending. And so I’m writing you this letter. I owe it to you, for lending me the phoenix and I owe it to myself, for finally accepting the fact that you and I will never be. It took me more than a decade to realize that but what the heck, you can’t blame me for trying.:)   Thank you so much for everything. Really, minus the last part, our story is the stuff of fairy tales and my times with you had been the greatest moments of my life, so far. Don’t worry about me though. I’ll find my fairy tale with a happy ending, somewhere else, eventually. I’m such a sucker for it!:) Goodbye, Dare.

His entire body shook and he couldn’t remain on his feet.

He lost all strength and he let his body slide to the floor, until he was lying on his back, the warmth of the risen sun directly bathing his face. He closed his eyes and brought his hand holding the phoenix to his chest.

For the very first time in a long, long time, he let his tears fall again. And they won’t stop. So, he let them all fall like rain.

He wept. For all the tragedies of his past. For all the pain and hatred that he’d nurtured in his heart and soul to survive. For the people that he’d hurt because he was hurting so bad. For his very life that he had frozen in the middle of the past and future because he was afraid to move on.

He wept for that person, that cold, hard, bitter, cynical, distrustful person, for that wretched life that he’d lived and for making other people’s lives as hellish as his own.

Most of all, he wept for the greatest woman that miraculously came into his life despite being so damaged inside. She was the only person who actually, truly saw past all his masks and thick walls. How she’d scaled his towering fortress with such undaunting faith in him, in the man inside of him. She’d touched his soul, truly felt it and embraced it. And he had wasted her love because he was a fool and a coward.

Dare had never seen Kelsey this mad. If she had a gun, she would have probably shot him.

Clearly, Kelsey’s heart was with Celine now, not with him. But he cannot blame her. Every person that Celine had touched transformed somehow. For the better.

He didn’t know what kind of magic she possessed. All he knew was that she had changed him the moment she walked into that hospital suite. Or maybe even that very first time when she rode with him in that Cyclone cab.

“So, you believed all these years that you are sterile?”

He nodded.

“Without having tests?!”

“I had a test.”

“How many doctors?”

“One.”

Kelsey nodded grimly. “And that one doctor sealed your fate.”

He sighed. “I was devastated when I learned the test result, Kels. I didn’t want to have some other doctor tell me what I already knew. It was humiliating. I just wanted to forget about it.”

“Dare, did it ever occur to you that sterile is different from infertile?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t want to know. I was no longer interested after that first test.”

“All these years, didn’t you even wonder about it while you were with other women?”

“Alana and I had unprotected sex for six months and her test said she was normal. My test result said I was the one with the defect. I gave up on the thought of having children when I learned I was not capable of making my wife pregnant. After we split, I always used condoms with every woman I’d been with. I had no way of knowing as I never got anybody pregnant.”

“Oh, Dare...” Kesley shook her head in dismay.

“What shall I do now, Kels?”

She stared at him with those laser eyes of hers. “Do you believe you got Celine pregnant?”

He sighed. “Knowing what I know now...and the fact that she was a virgin when we...I didn’t use any condom with her. Never. I didn’t believe I could get her pregnant and she was clean, so...God, is it possible, Kels? I want to believe I got her pregnant. I do...but...” He made a helpless gesture with his hands. “I guess I can have the baby DNA-tested when she gives birth.”

Kelsey was thoughtful for a minute.

“Wait here,” she said and disappeared.

When she came back, she handed him an empty bottle of Gatorade. He looked at her blankly.

“There’s only one way to find out if you can make babies or not. Fill that up.”

His face warmed in embarrassment. “Kels!”

Her arms went akimbo. “Fill that up. Now, Dare. I’ll personally have your jizz tested.”

“For pete’s sake, shut up!” He grabbed the bottle and left her in the living room.

“Five minutes!” she shouted.

“What am I, a premature ejaculator?!”

She laughed. “Okay, twenty, tops!”

Dare tried to concentrate and absorb all the instructions that Agent Worthington was giving him. A trap was set.

He was determined to get things done as soon as possible. He had more important matters to take care of than this bullshit with Uly. But he had to deal with it first before he can deal with the other aspects of his life.

Chapter Thirty-three

“Hi. Been  a few months since I last wrote you. I was busy with work. Dad gave me a very demanding position in the company and it consumes me daily. How have you been? We thought the year would end without a new movie from you but thank you for doing that movie about the atrocities in  Darfur. It’s really a socially-conscious film and it made the rest of the world aware of what’s happening in those parts. George Clooney

did a great job directing it. Congratulations to the both of you.

I hope you will win awards for this movie. Take care always.”

“WHAT?! AND I THOUGHT you were living the dream, cuz! Your Cannes photos were in every tabloid cover!”

“Shh!” Celine chastised Shavonne who couldn’t stop gushing in the taxi. Her cousin fetched her from the airport. “I’m avoiding the paps. Don’t blow my cover,” she whispered.

“Nobody recognized you at LAX? I heard the paps hang out at airports to get scoops. Like who’s leaving with who to escape LA to some Caribbean country for a vacay.” Shavonne lowered her voice.

“I took a really early flight to avoid the paps. Some people probably recognized me. I noticed a few staring at me. But thank God nobody actually approached me. I hope there are no scoop-greedy paps in New York.”

“Don’t bet on it. They are all hungry for dirt anywhere you go. Dirt sells.”

“Buy me a wig.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll whip up a disguise for you. That’s my expertise. Wait, what really happened? Why are you running away from him?”

“Let’s talk about that in your house. I need to eat first.”