The Story of Me (13 page)

“I love you, Bails.” I can’t think of what else to say to him.

We chat for a good half hour, about Sam and the kids, my parents, my other two brothers, and then I ask him the question that’s been on my mind since I first called his number.

“What exactly did Cam say when he called you last night?” He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, then I hear him let out a long breath.

“The first time he called, he said he had just spoken to you and you sounded a little off. He just wanted to know where you were living so he could go around and make sure you were all right.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him not to worry. I’d deal with it.”

“Bet that pleased him.”

“Na, George, it fuckin’ never.” I close my eyes. Thinking about how pissed off that would have made control-freak Cam, causes a little tug at my heart. “He got right on the turn and started having a go, saying we should be looking after you better, you shouldn’t be on your own, et cetera. And course, he doesn’t know you’re in fucking Australia, does he, so he’s wanting to know why you’re off your tits at five on a Saturday afternoon, and why ain’t none of us doing anything about it.” I shouldn’t laugh, but after hearing my brother’s strong cockney accent and imagining the conversational standoff that would have gone on between the two of them, I just can’t help it.

“So, how was it left?”

“Well, first he threatened to blow my legs off if I didn’t tell him where you were.”

“
What
?”

“George, this is Cameron King we’re talking about; he has been known to get a bit nasty.” I’m only too aware of how ‘nasty’ Cam can get. I witnessed him blowing off a bloke’s kneecaps in a pub car park many years ago, but I’m not about to confess that to my brother.

“So then what?”

“I told him if he blew my legs off then he would have no chance of ever getting back with you, and that the ol’ man would hunt him down and blow his fuckin’ head off.”

“
Bails!
” I shriek at him. I don’t know what bit of his last sentence I’m more pissed off about.

“Look, George, the bloke’s bang in love with ya, babe; he always has been. He was devastated when you got back with Sean, then after the accident, he called constantly.” He goes quiet for a few seconds. “He was actually really good to me. We had a few beers and chatted a few times, ya know, when you weren’t doing so good.” I feel a sharp stab of guilt in my heart at the negative effect my suicide attempts have had on my family. “He’s had his own shit to deal with in the past, George, what with what went on with his misses and kid and everything.”

“Chantelle, yeah, he told me about it.”

“Did he? Strange, really, that you two have both been through something similar, both lost your other half and your babies.” We both remain silent for a few seconds as we get lost in our own thoughts and digest that coincidence. I had in fact thought about that a few times since my birthday; how many people in this world lost a partner and child at the same awful moment? Thankfully, very few but it had happened to both Cam and me.

“He was one of the first people to call me after the accident, like within a couple of hours, George.” I wasn’t aware of this fact; I’d only found out months later, on my birthday, that he had asked about me at all. “He called a couple of times a week in the beginning, just to see how you were doing, asking if there was anything he could do.” He pauses then takes a deep breath. “Why were you talking to him last night, George? How come you were on the blower to him?” I knew this question would come, and I’d already decided I’d be honest with my brother; it was the least I could do.

“When I was out last night, somebody laughed; you know, that big loud laugh Cam has?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, somebody laughed like that, and I just started thinking about him and then when I got home, I was drunk and a little bit stoned and I, erm… I texted him.”

“Georgia!” I felt like I was seven with the way he said my name.

“I know, I know, Bails, but I did it. Don’t judge me, okay. We’ve all sent a drunk text before.”

“Yeah, but he said he spoke to ya.”

“Yeah, he did. I don’t think my texts were making much sense.” I need Bailey to be honest when he answers the question I’m about to ask him, but I actually don’t know if I want to hear the answer. “Why’d he panic? Bails, does he know? Does he know what I did? Does he know about my time in the psych unit?” I know the answer’s going to be yes.

“I just told ya, George, me and him had a few beers when you were, you know, when you weren’t coping.”

“Bailey, you can say it. We both know what I did, when I tried to top myself.” My face burns with shame as I say the words.

“Yeah, then.” There’s a few seconds of silence. “Anyway, yeah, he sort of told me how he’d turned to drink and drugs and how in the end, his family stepped in. They had him put into some rehab place by force, and it was the best thing ever for him. He hated it and he hated them for a while, too, ya know, for doing it to him, but he said it’s what needed to be done.” He’s quiet for a second again. “Did you know all this about him, George, about Cam?”

I nod, remembering the day Benny came to fetch me, when I found Cam in such a mess. “You remember that day I went off with Benny, and you all thought Cam had kidnapped me?”

“When you still lived in the flat above the shop?”

I smile at the memory of that place. “Yeah, when I had the welcoming party from Hell waiting for me.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Benny had come and got me cos Cam had relapsed. When I got to his place, he was out of it on coke and booze. He was collapsed in the shower when I got there. I tried to sort him out, but he was too big and heavy for me to move.” I let out a long breath, remembering the mess he had gotten himself in, remembering him telling me he loved me, remembering the absolute panic in his voice when he thought they were going to lock him up again. Him screaming at his brother and Benny to get me out, to not let me see him in that state. I close my eyes for a few seconds, trying to get those thoughts out of my head. “His brother turned up and he and Benny got him into bed and cleaned the place up; you know, the place he had above the wine bar?”

“Yeah, yeah, he’s still got it, I think. He just moved his office out, that was all.”

“Does he still own the wine bar?’

“Yep, he’s never sold it, despite the success of ‘Kittens’.” My stomach churns.

“Kittens?”

“Yeah, the chain of clubs he has.”

“He has a chain?”

“Yeah, you went to the opening night of the first one in Shoreditch the other year. Don’t you remember when you punched that bird’s lights out and it was in all the papers?” My jaw clenches at the mention of Whorely.

“I thought that club was called KK’s or something like that?”

“It is, Kitten and King’s, but everyone calls it KK’s. He’s got three of them on the go in England now, and he’s just opened one in Ibiza and one in Madrid.”

He’d called the club Kittens and I didn’t even know. I’d fucked him in his office, in a club he’d named after me, and I didn’t even know.

“You still there, George?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I’m just tired.”

“D’ya want me to call ya back tomorrow?”

“Na, na, I’m fine. So yeah, anyway, his brother Robbie turned up,” I continue to tell Bailey about what I had found out about Cam’s past from his brother that day.

We end the call a while later, with him assuring me he won’t inform our parents or brothers of what had happened last night. God, if any of them knew the actual truth, I’d be packed in a crate and shipped back to England in a flash. I wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

It’s getting late and I’m tired, but I want to talk to Cam. I just want to put his mind at rest and thank him for his concern. That’s all.

That. Is. All.

I find his number and press call, my stomach in knots. It’s Sunday morning in England, and I wonder if he will be up yet… And alone.

“Kitten, what the fuck’s going on? Are you okay? What was wrong last night, and don’t tell me nothing.”

“Fuck, Tiger, you’ll let me get a word in edgeways, won’t ya?” I hear him sigh and I know, I just know he’s shaking his head. My heart likes that I know that about him and does a little skip and a dance in my chest. “Stop shaking your head at me.” I hear him laugh, a little laugh, not his big, head thrown back, boom of a laugh, but it makes my heart let me know it still has life pulsing through it, and it stirs something in my belly.

“What happened?” he asks me quietly, and I suddenly want to tell him everything. I want to curl up in his big lap, feel his big arms around me and breathe in that unique smell that is Cam.

“Do you still wear Givenchy?” He gives another little chuckle.

“What a strange question. Now stop evading mine and tell me what the fuck happened.”

“I fucked up.”

“What did you do?”

“I got drunk. I got stoned. I snorted coke.”

“Kitten,” he whispers, and I know his eyes are closed. I’m not sure whether or not I should continue but I do.

“And then I couldn’t sleep, so I took a couple of Valium, but I was so fucked-up that I forgot I had taken the Valium already and I took some more.” I say it quickly, and then cringe as I wait for his response, but nothing could prepare me for the roar that comes down the line. I have to move the phone away from my ear it’s so loud. I catch words like ‘who, where, kill, dead, fuck, murder, dead, cunt’ and he says Georgia a lot; not Kitten but Georgia. I put the phone on speaker as a precaution so I don’t have it against my ear.

“Have you finished?” I ask when he finally stops and is breathing heavily into the phone.

“Not by a long fuckin’ shot. What happened? Did Bailey get you to the hospital? The fucker wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“You threatened to shoot my brother.” It wasn’t a question.

“And?”

“He’s my brother and you threatened to shoot him.”

“He threatened to get your dad to blow my balls and my head off.”

“He told me about your head, but he didn’t mention your balls.” I tried to hide the smile in my voice. “And anyway, he only threatened after you did.”

“He wouldn’t tell me anything. He wouldn’t tell me where you were… I was… you scared the fuck out of me, Georgia.”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’m a fuckin’ idiot where you’re concerned.”

“But you do care?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” He lets out a long sigh.

“What’s it to you, Kitten? Why do you care that I care? You made your choices a long time ago, and they didn’t involve me.”

“They weren’t choices. I had no control. I explained that to you then.” My heart is pumping the blood around my body at such a rate that I can feel the pressure and hear a ‘whoosh’ in my ears.

“We all have choices, Kitten, and you chose him.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know and I’m sorry for that; I’d do anything for that not to be the case.” That’s such a Cam thing to say.

“I’m glad you care.” And it hits me in that moment just how glad I am that he cares. A wave of so many emotions washes over me. One of them is something I’m not sure of yet, desire is another, then want and of course, guilt.

“Are you?”

“I am.”

“Why?” he asks in a voice that’s so quiet for Cam.

“You’ve turned this right around.” How the fuck did that happen?

“Answer me, Kitten. Why are you glad I care?”

“Despite what you might think, I’ve always cared, and there’s always been something there.”

“But not enough.” I don’t know if that’s a question or a statement. If it’s a question, I don’t know
how
to answer it, so I go for honesty.

“You know what, Cam, it probably was enough. But by the time I realised it, I was back with Sean and it was too late for us. Please don’t think I never cared, because I did. I always have, and I still do.” Whatever he may think of me now, I need him to know this; it’s suddenly important to me.

“I don’t know what to say to that.” I can’t help but laugh at that.

“Seriously? You mean, for once, the great Cameron King has no comeback?” I know he’s smiling.

“Fuck, Kitten, I don’t think I do.”

“I love that I can do that to you.” The words come out before I think about them; they’re the truth and I just can’t help it.

“You’ve just made me hard.” God, the things he says. I clench everything inside me and unconsciously grind myself into the mattress as I sit.

“You mean you weren’t already?” I’m all bravado, but I blush as I think of Cam with a hard-on; he still has the biggest dick I’ve ever seen.

“Semi,” he says casually, but I know he’s grinning.

“That works for me.” My stomach curls in on itself as I say the words aloud that really were just meant to be said to myself, in my head.

“Fuck, Kitten.” It sounds like he growls; my head spins, my eyes feel heavy and my skin heats.