The Stranger's Woes (50 page)

“So I really have two hearts now?” I said.

Juffin nodded.

“Okay. The more the merrier, I guess. But what’s the Shadow, and where did you find it?”

“Hmm, how shall I put it . . . I found it in my own dream, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. Frankly speaking, no one truly knows what the Shadow is, but every person has one. The easiest way to find the Shadow is when you’re asleep, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s your own Shadow or someone else’s. Yours, by the way, is pretty good at playing hide-and-seek. It took me quite a while to track it down. The Shadow has everything its owner has, including a heart. Unlike us, thought, the Shadow can get along fine without all that junk. In fact, the Shadow is much better off without it—it feels lighter and freer. Do you follow me at all, Max, or is this an exercise in futility?”

“I don’t follow you at all, but it’s no exercise in futility,” I said. “The sound of your voice is very soothing. So, how am I supposed to live with two hearts now?”

“The same way you did before, only better. You’ll see. You’re one lucky guy, if I do say so myself.”

“I’m lucky, that’s for sure,” I said, winking at Tekki. “Unlike you.”

“How come?” she said, startled.

“Because I swear in my sleep, spit venom left and right, work at night, and I’m a glutton. Oh, I almost forgot: on top of that, I’m the king of some tribe of nomads or other. Now do you see who you’ve gotten mixed up with?”

Tekki smiled. “Mother always told me I’d come to a bad end.” Her smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared. “Wait a minute, Max. Why do you think I’d be interested in all that? Why are you so sure that I—”

“Who’s asking you?” I said. “You poisoned me with your love potion. Now be so kind as to take full responsibility. I’ll be needing a prolonged course of treatment. For the next six hundred years, at least, my life will still be in critical condition, so I’ll be needing daily medical checkups. Then we’ll see. Am I right, Sir Juffin?”

“If you say so,” said Juffin, yawning. “Okay, now, put yourself back together. I’m expecting you back tomorrow at noon.”

“At dusk,” I said firmly. “Death is a valid reason for me to run a little late, don’t you think?”

I tapped the tip of my nose twice with my right index finger, the favorite Kettarian gesture, meaning, “Two good people can always come to an understanding.” Juffin melted right away. Then again, he wasn’t particularly cold to begin with.

“You are a shirker, mister, but Magicians be with you. At dusk it is, then. Go ahead and live your life to the hilt. I’m going to get some sleep. By the way, I didn’t even ask anybody’s permission to leave work today.”

“Ask mine,” I said. “I’ll let you go, I promise.”

“Will you really?” said Juffin. Then he smiled at Tekki. “I hope to see you again under less dramatic circumstances, child. I’m sorry if I scared you, but when I realized just
what
had happened, I might have done something even worse.”

“
He
scared me even more, to tell you the truth,” said Tekki, nodding in my direction. “I don’t remember much of the rest.”

“All the better for you, then,” said Juffin. “I suspect I didn’t behave quite the way a good-mannered old gentleman should. Oh, and one more thing: if you are going to let this young man laze around in your bed all day, you’re going to have to stock up on Elixir of Kaxar. He consumes that stuff by the crate.”

“Oh, no,” said Tekki. “Maybe he should buy it himself, then?”

“Him? No. He’s also a cheapskate.”

When we were alone, Tekki gave me a long, intense look.

“Are you sure you really want to stay here, Max?”

“Absolutely,” I said.

“Strange,” she said. “But why?”

“Because you are here,” I said. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Is this a confession?”

“Don’t be silly. It’s much more than that.”

“But do you even know who I am? All children of Loiso Pondoxo—”

“Did he have many children?” I said in an indifferent tone.

“I had sixteen brothers. We’re all his illegitimate children, with different mothers, of course. But we get along very well, because we don’t really have anyone but ourselves. Especially my brothers.”

“And all of your brothers are ghosts now. That’s great. I’m sure I’ll get along with them, too, because I myself am Magicians-know-who from Magicians-know-where.”

“I thought as much,” said Tekki. “A man who changes the color of his eyes every minute . . .”

“Have you noticed already?”

“Have I? I’ve been staring at you all along.”

“Why?”

I was quite openly fishing for compliments. Tekki noticed it and made a funny face.

“I had to be looking at something besides dead bodies.”

“Speaking of dead bodies. I’m feeling hungry all of a sudden. Do you have anything I can peck?”

“You ate it all up, don’t you remember?”

“O woe is me! I met the owner of the only tavern in this World that doesn’t have any food on the menu.”

“I can send over to the
Fat Turkey
.”

“Forget about turkeys and Turks. Let’s just say I’m on a postmortem diet.”

“What are Turks?” she said.

But that would remain a mystery to her. I didn’t have time to launch into geographical discussions, for I had just managed to reach her. To my delight, she had neither the strength nor the desire to resist.

An hour before dusk I appeared at the House by the Bridge like a well-trained employee. I hadn’t been able to follow Juffin’s advice to get some sleep. Nor had I managed to get anything to eat. I was too busy.

“Oh, no,” said Juffin. He immediately assessed the situation and showed me the door. “I hope you have enough strength left in you to carry yourself over to the
Glutton
. Go ahead and have a snack. I can’t stand looking at you like this.”

“He’s not going to make it, for sure. But I can carry him over there.”

That was the omnipresent Melifaro, chuckling behind my back. It looked like he wasn’t suffering from a hangover.

“Just in time,” I said. “You owe me one after yesterday.”

“Uh-oh, did I make a mess?” said Melifaro.

“You bet you did. You broke all the dishes in that wonderful tavern and then fell asleep. They made me glue them all back together. I just finished.”

“Oh, so that’s what you’ve been up too all this time,” said Juffin. “I never would have guessed. Look, boys, if you’re going to stay here another minute, you won’t have time to eat, so off you go.”

“You’re so strict today,” I said, doing an about-face. The truth was that I did feel a little queasy.

“And take it easy, boy,” said Juffin.

I felt his heavy stare fixed on my back as I turned to go.

“Hey! You look like a scruffy farm cat during mating season,” Melifaro said as he sat down at our favorite table in the
Glutton Bunba
.

“Right you are, man.”

I didn’t want to argue. I was feeling too good for that. I wanted to send a call to Tekki and ask her how she was doing, but I withstood the urge bravely. I was afraid that if she heard my question, she’d be convinced she was dealing with a madman. It was crazy to ask how she was doing already, only thirty minutes after we had parted.

So I decided to attend to the matters at hand. I started devouring everything in sight. For the first several minutes I was incommunicado to the outside world. Then I gave a long and satisfied sigh, asked for a second helping, and fixed my gaze on Melifaro.

“Did you have fun this morning?”

Melifaro’s face changed. “Why didn’t you kill them, Max? It would’ve made me so happy.”

“Well, I kind of hoped they’d follow my advice and clean up,” I said. “And then I thought you’d be pleased to butcher them with your own hands.”

“It was the worst morning in my life,” said Melifaro. “I woke up with a headache and a heavy feeling in my chest. Besides, I had no clue how I’d gotten home and didn’t remember how the evening ended. How did it end, by the way?”

“You broke a glass.”

“Just one?” Melifaro was sad. “How unlike me. I’m ashamed.”

“Don’t fret,” I said. “You can always make up for it. Better tell me what happened in the morning.”

“Oh boy. So when I went down and saw those guys in their fur hats, I really did want to kill them. You know, if I had your talents—”

“Did they really stay until morning?”

“When I went down to the living room, they were right there, asleep in the armchairs. Guess what I did? The first thing I did was snatch off their hats and throw them out the window. But they didn’t wake up. I went to wash up because I knew I had to calm down. By the time I came back, I almost found the situation amusing. I pushed and prodded those men in pink tights until they woke up, and I told them to get out. That got them talking, as you might imagine. Mostly about my brains, of course.”

“Right. That’s almost all they talk about. It’s some kind of national obsession, I believe.”

“Anyway, I tossed two of them out the same window as their hats. I hadn’t expected it of myself. You should have seen them kicking and struggling. It was a hoot! Oh, and how they cursed . . . The third one left of his own volition.”

“And what about Rulen Bagdasys?”

“Oh, he’s another story,” Melifaro drawled. “At first I wanted to kick him out with the others. After all, if someone’s going to raise a ruckus in my house, it should be my own guests, not someone else’s, right?

“Absolutely. You should invite me someday. I’ll teach you how to raise the roof.”

“Really?” said Melifaro. “And how, may I ask, are you going to do that? You drink almost nothing except for Elixir of Kaxar, which only makes you want to work like a horse.”

“Only a sober man can get a good brawl off the ground,” I said with authority. “No one can wreak more havoc and destruction than an absolutely sober man who wants to turn the world upside down.”

“Hmm,” said Melifaro. “Never thought of it that way. I’ll have to try it sometime. Anyway, I decided I’d have to show this Isamonian the door. He could rent his own apartment and live as he saw fit. I was even prepared to give him some money just to get rid of him. But he started screaming something about my diminished mental capacities and other grievous shortcomings. Of course he didn’t hear a word I was saying. Mr. Bagdasys suffers from a peculiar variety of deafness: he can hear himself, and the small pieces of information he’s genuinely interested in. By the way, when I was explaining to him the rules of etiquette in the Quarter of Trysts, I was whispering yet he caught every single word.