The Stranger's Woes (84 page)

“I think Echo is the most beautiful city in all the Worlds,” I said as I stopped the amobiler by the Ministry of Perfect Public Order. “Even that place I created near Kettari is not quite on par with it.”

“Don’t speak too soon, Max,” Juffin said. “You haven’t seen Cherxavla yet.”

“What’s that?”

“A charmed city on the Uanduk continent, in the heart of the great Red Xmiro Desert. I think you’d like it. Anyway, let’s go in. Are you ready for a long, painful death from suffocation?”

“Depends on whose arms I’m going to die in. If it’s in Lady Melamori’s arms, I’d be only too happy. Shurf’s or Kofa’s will also do. If it happens to be in the arms of General Boboota, I’d hate it. He’s not my type, to say the least. But I’m sure he missed me, too.”

We walked through the cool, empty hallways of the Ministry. I enjoyed breathing in the mild, familiar, but very distinctive smell of the walls of the House by the Bridge.

This idyll was interrupted in the rudest possible manner when something heavy launched into me from behind and gripped me in a headlock. I plummeted to the floor and cried out from the shooting pain in my knee. Out of the corner of my ear I heard Juffin’s laughter, which suggested that it was a well-rehearsed accident.

“Now you’re my trophy. I’m going to take you home and hang you on the wall, along with the other spoils.” Melifaro was sitting on my chest with the happy air of a victor. “Did I scare you?”

“What do you think?” I said, smiling from ear to ear. “You also hurt me.”

“It’s all right. I hurt myself, too.” Melifaro laughed. “A true hero such as yourself could have stayed on his feet.”

“I could have. But if I had, you wouldn’t have fallen and hurt yourself, which wouldn’t have been half as funny. It’s all right now, though. You know, I expected a bear hug from you, but boy, you totally overdid it.”

“That was my sweet revenge,” Melifaro said, helping me up. “I wanted you to feel exactly what I felt when I was standing in the doorway to your bedroom. Soon after you left, I remembered the crazy look in your eyes and began to worry. Then Melamori and I decided to take a walk down your trace and make sure you were all right. We followed the trace to your former apartment on the Street of Old Coins, only to see you vanish from under your blanket right before our very eyes. Can you imagine what we felt?”

“Good golly,” I said. “But I wasn’t exactly sunbathing at the beach all that time, either. Trust me.”

“Really? Well, that’s a relief. Makes me feel so much better,” Melifaro said.

“Gentlemen, we have much more comfortable rooms at our disposal here in this building,” said Juffin. “Or do you prefer to stay in the hallway?”

And we moved to our side of the Ministry.

“It was very wise of you to decide to return,” said Shurf Lonli-Lokli, getting up from behind the desk in the Hall of Common Labor. “There was something inappropriate in your absence.”

“Sinning Magicians, Shurf! I couldn’t put it better than that myself. ‘Inappropriate’ is just the word. You are a master of eloquence.”

“It is the result of subjecting the thought processes to many years of self-discipline. You will get the hang of it in another ninety years or so, I’m sure,” said Lonli-Lokli. Then he smiled and winked at me.

“Good golly, Shurf! What’s this I hear, irony? Do my ears deceive me?” I said. “Gosh, it’s so great to see you all.”

“It’s great to see you, too, Max,” said Melamori.

“No, my dear Melamori. It’s not just ‘great’ to see me. It’s wonderful.”

“I have to say that we were a little bored here without you,” said Juffin. “But let me tell you something, lad. You’re going to have to treat us all to a good lunch at your own expense. I can’t let you put dents in the Treasury anymore. After we paid the sculptors you hired, Sir Dondi Melixis kept giving me meaningful looks for at least a dozen days. Maybe after lunch we’ll be magnanimous enough to forgive you the irreparable blow to our nervous systems.”

“I’ve always known that I’d never be a rich man,” I said. “And now I have to stuff your bottomless bellies, in addition to my own. Speaking of bottomless bellies, where’s Sir Kofa?”

“Our Master Eavesdropper-Gobbler has already reserved a table for us at the
Glutton
and has been waiting there since yesterday evening,” Melifaro said with a laugh.

“Then let’s go,” I said. “Who am I to make Sir Kofa Yox wait?”

When we were leaving we ran into Lookfi.

“Sir Max, what a surprise!” he said. “I haven’t seen you in a few days. Have you been sick with a bad cold or something?”

“Or something,” I said, bewildered. Sometimes all the wonders of the Universe paled in comparison with Sir Lookfi Pence’s absentmindedness.

Then I felt I had entered the sweetest dream of a hopelessly lonely wishful thinker. Even better. The taste of Madam Zizinda’s half-forgotten house specials, combined with the faces and voices of people I had almost lost, and then found again . . . I felt I was dreaming, but that it was a good dream. And that the dream was
right
. It had nothing in common with the dangerous dream I had had for nine years—or forty-nine days, depending on who was counting.

We returned to the House by the Bridge and Sir Juffin Hully dragged me to the reception desk, where a blue-eyed young man in a rich, dark-green looxi was sitting. The stranger studied me carefully, his blue eyes shining from underneath his black turban. His stare felt even heavier than that of Sir Juffin himself.

“Max, I’d like you to meet Sir Nanka Yok, Grand Magician of the Order of the Long Path,” said Juffin. “I told you about him yesterday.”

“Do I look a little too young?” the stranger said with a smile, contemplating my bedazzled face. “I already see the downsides of my new countenance. No one wants to take me seriously.”

“In my book, that’s more an advantage than a downside,” I said. “It’s even better when nobody takes you seriously. No one gets in your way.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” the Grand Magician said. “Yet it is difficult for me to get used to my new circumstances. In my former life, before I took my people to look for power along the paths of the dead, everyone took me seriously. Very seriously, indeed.”

“Well,” I said, “ever since it was mandatory for me to wear the Mantle of Death, everybody’s been taking me seriously, too. But it doesn’t offer any comfort or facilitate inner peace. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

“Ah, a true conflict of Epochs,” said Juffin. “So quaint. I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you, however, Sir Nanka. Nuflin Moni Mak, Grand Magician of the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover, takes you very seriously, and it may come with a few provisos. Yesterday morning I talked to him about you. Nuflin is prepared to offer you and your people all you need to lead a comfortable existence, even more than that. But under one condition: you must stay away from Uguland.”

“We weren’t going to stay here, anyway,” said Magician Nanka with a cold smile. “We don’t need the powers of the Heart of the World, Sir Hully, as I have already told you. Furthermore, we have a vested interest in maintaining the balance of the World. We like to be alive, and we are going to stay that way for a long time. We really don’t have a preference in terms of our habitat.”

“The Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover is prepared to offer you some of its lands in Gugland,” Juffin said.

“On the
other
side of the bay, naturally. Well, I guess we’ll have to make do with the lousy Irrashi kamra, then. That’s all right, though. I’ve been in worse situations. Your Grand Magician Nuflin is truly a master of precaution. It’s amusing to see how much this World has changed.”

“It has changed, indeed,” Juffin said. “But you said it didn’t matter to you where you lived, if I understood you correctly. Sir Max, you’re in charge of this matter now. Magician Nanka’s people may stay in Echo for another dozen days. If, however, they don’t leave the Capital after this period—”

“We intend to leave tomorrow,” Nanka Yok said. “Don’t try to scare me, Sir Hully. That is completely unnecessary. We are not planning to wage war with anyone. We are going our own way.”

“I wasn’t trying to scare you. I’m simply offloading some of my responsibilities onto Sir Max. I apologize that I’m doing this in your presence.”

“No need to pretend,” said Nanka, smiling at both of us with a radiant, friendly smile. “Your logic is very transparent. You want me to know that the man my people consider the most dangerous person in the city is going to oversee our departure from Echo. I would have done the same, if I were you. But I assure you, there is no need to worry about us. Do you think one can return from a trip like ours and still be interested in such petty things as nominal power?”

“One never knows,” said Juffin. “My job is to warn you.”

“Your job, you say? I know what your job is,” said Nanka Yok, narrowing his eyes slyly. “Your organization resembles some sinister Order much more than it does the police, or even the Secret Police.”

“We’re not sinister,” I said. “We’re very harmless folks.”

“Harmless you say, Sir Max?” said Nanka Yok. “By the way, I must thank you for not leveling your full power against us. I must confess there was a moment when I thought the immortality we had acquired along the paths of the dead would be torn away from our weak hands. Your Lethal Spheres—I’ve never seen anything like them before. If you had truly wanted to get rid of us forever, you could have done so. We are lucky that you are not really fond of killing. Every time you experienced a momentary doubt, it left us a slim chance.”

“Silly me,” I said. “I went on a trip for holy water, even though I was a hair’s breadth away from defeating you. But I’m glad that you’re all right now.”

“Your idea of turning us into sculptures was simply marvelous,” Nanka Yok said. “It saved the lives of my people. But if we
had
been the undead, we really wouldn’t have been able to hurt the citizens of Echo. I must say, I was worried that my people were going to wear their stone clothes forever. That strange new formula turned out to be very strong. I thought they might have to stay like that until Sir Hully returned. That would have been extremely dire. Even thought we are immortal, we can still suffocate.”

“Jiminy!” I was horrified. “How did you manage to get out?”

“With the help of one kind man. What was his name again, Sir Hully?”

“It was no other than Sir Lukari Bobon, our Lookfi’s uncle,” said Juffin.

“The cemetery guard?” I said.