Authors: Barbara Delinsky
"You could begin, " he assured her, and his voice was suddenly thicker, "and I'd show you what to do from there. "
"But you've been with so many women! You're so experienced! You're so
big!"
She grasped on to that. "You said it yourself—I'm too short. You're nearly a foot taller than me. "
"You liked that when you were thinking of having a boy. "
"I
do
like it, but that was when I thought we'd be doing this in a doctor's office. Honestly, Spencer, it would be so much better that way. "
"Maybe for you. Not for me. And since I'm the one this thing hangs on... " Unfolding his arms, he straightened away from the counter. "Need time to think, Jenna? I'll give you time. " He strolled toward the door. "Take as much time as you want. I'll be in Florida for the next six months, but after that I could be God knows where. Caroline has the number of my place in the Keys. You could leave a message, then when I get back—"
"Wait, " she cried just as his foot cleared the threshold. She couldn't let him walk away, not when she was so close to getting what she wanted. "Okay. " She rose from the chair, determined to commit herself before she could be paralyzed by shyness. "Okay, we'll do it that way if you want. " She could handle it; she knew she could. "We'll do it that way. "
A small smile lifted one side of his mouth. "Good. "
"But will you promise me one thing in return?" she begged. "If it doesn't work that way—I mean, if you can't—if I can't help you—" She sucked in a breath and pushed it out with the words "If the actual act is a total disaster, will you do it my way?" Her cheeks burned, but she held steady.
"The act won't be a disaster. "
"Don't be so sure. I'm
really
not good at this. "
He frowned. "You think you won't turn me on?" He started toward her.
"It's been known to happen. "
"I find that hard to believe. "
"It happened. "
He stood directly before her. "With all three of your lovers?"
"With the last. "
"Then that was his problem. It won't be mine. "
"How do you know? Here we stand, fully dressed—at least, you are, and I'm covered up. How do you know what will happen when we're in bed? This is like a business arrangement, for goodness' sake. Is it realistic to expect that you'll be turned on enough to—" she swallowed "—enough to... "
"Come?"
She nodded.
"Yes, it's realistic to expect that, " he said. Lifting a hand, he ran the backs of his fingers along the side of her breast.
Jenna gasped in surprise. Her first instinct was to move away, but the lightness of his touch and the fact of who he was and what she had asked of him, held her to him. Within seconds, she'd begun to tremble inside. Eyes riveted to his dark face, she saw the small, seeming involuntary rise of his head and the faint flare of his nostrils. There was nothing more by way of touching, just the backs of his fingers shaping her breast through two layers of fabric for what couldn't have been more than another ten seconds, before he dropped his hand to her waist, then away. In the next instant he looked down at himself. Jenna followed his gaze to the swell of arousal at his fly.
"I don't think I'll have a problem, " he remarked dryly.
Ridiculous, given the circumstances, but she felt guilty, as though she had walked in on him when he'd been performing a private act that had nothing to do with her. Unable to meet his eyes, she backed down into the chair.
"Anything else you want to test now?" he asked.
She studied her hands. "No. "
"Want to change your mind about me fathering your child?"
She looked up at him. "No!"
He chuckled, then shot a glance at the coffee maker. "That smells good. I could use a cup. Want one?"
"Uh, sure, " she said, but she didn't move. She let Spencer do the pouring, while she struggled to regain her poise. One part of her was near to bursting with excitement about the baby she was going to have. The other part was totally unsettled by the thought of what she was going to have to do to get it.
She took the cup and saucer he handed her and quickly put them down on the table so that the shaking of her hands wouldn't show, then she waited while he set down his own cup and took a seat across from her.
"Okay, " he said, stretching out his legs, "let's talk specifics. Yesterday you said you'd be ovulating in two weeks. Do you have your period now?"
She focused on the coffee. "I'll be getting it tomorrow. "
"How can you be sure?"
"I have a twenty-eight-day cycle. Always. Besides, I can feel it. "
"You're crampy?"
"Bloated. "
"You don't look bloated, " he said, then tacked on, "not that I can see much more than your face, but that looks fine. "
Jenna didn't believe him for a minute. She had barely had four hours' sleep, and she hadn't washed, hadn't combed her hair, hadn't put on a bit of makeup. As if that wasn't bad enough, she felt totally unprepared for the conversation they were having. She knew everything there was to know on the topic of artificial insemination, but Spencer had shifted topics on her. It wasn't fair.
She looked down at her coffee again. "Spencer?"
"Yes, Jenna?"
She heard his amusement and felt worse. "I'm very nervous about this. "
"I can see that, " he said gently. "But I thought I put your worries to rest. "
"There's something else. It's the awkwardness. You're Caroline's brother. I never intended we'd actually have sex. "
"Neither did I, but I spent all last night thinking about it, and I was hard then, too. "
"You're just saying that. "
"I'm not. "
"You never would have thought of it if I hadn't drafted you. "
"Maybe not, " he admitted, "but only because I'm not around here enough to get ideas like that. Which raises another point. Where should we do it? The doctor's office is out. "
She eyed him beseechingly. "You could reconsider. It'd be so much more controlled if we did it my way. " She watched him take a drink of his coffee and set down his cup, and noticed that his hand didn't shake in the least. He looked as though he was enjoying the discussion. No self-consciousness on
Ms
part
"I don't like things controlled, " he said, "not things to do with sex. So. Where'll it be? My place or yours? We could use a hotel, but that'd be kind of sterile, don't you think?"
"Sterile is fine. After all, this is a business arrangement It's not like it has to be romantic or anything. We'll only be doing it once. "
"I thought you said the ideal thing was to do it every other day around the time you ovulate. "
"We don't have to. "
"If we're going to do this, we'll do it right So. We should get together twelve days from now?"
Her stomach was jumping.
The baby. Think of the baby,
she told herself. "Twelve days. That sounds right. "
"Unless you want to take a few months to get used to the idea. "
Jenna didn't think
any
amount of time would get her used to the idea of having sex with Spencer. Figuring that she was best to get it over with, she gave a quick headshake. "I want to get pregnant as soon as possible. I'll be ovulating around the eighth of July, which means that if I conceive right away, the baby will be born next April. "
"Boy, you've got that down pat. "
"I've had plenty of time to count. "
He finished off his coffee. "Then I should fly back here on the sixth?"
"If you could. " She thought ahead to that time. "I had everything figured out when I assumed we'd be using artificial insemination. We would have been able to see the doctor separately during the day and go our own ways at night without even bumping into each other. I thought it would be less awkward that way. " She grimaced. "This way will be more complicated. "
"How so?" Spencer asked. He sank down in the chair, stretching his legs out even farther. "I don't see any complications. I'll stay here. You have plenty of room. "
"Here?"
"My parents and I don't do well under the same roof. I doubt I'll even tell them I'm in town. "
"But they'll want to see you. "
"They won't miss me if they don't know I'm here. "
"What if they see you around town?"
"They won't. I'll stay here the whole time. "
Jenna had visions of trying to entertain him and proving as inept at that as she would be at sex. He was a man of action. He was used to exciting things happening, which they certainly wouldn't do in her stately old house. "Good Lord, Spencer, you'll be bored. Besides, I was planning to work. "
"No sweat. You can work. You won't even have to break up your day to keep a doctor's appointment, since we'll be doing our thing at night. "
At night. Of course. She supposed it would be easier in the dark. Then again, she doubted it would. Thought of being naked with Spencer—with Spencer Smith of the dashing scar, author, adventurer and expert on women—was daunting.
But she wanted that baby.
"We can't sleep together, " she informed him in an attempt to set some rules that would make her less shaky. "I mean, we can't spend the whole night together. "
He frowned. "Why not?"
"Because this is a business arrangement It wouldn't be right"
He looked displeased. "But I was looking forward to having a warm body next to me. And what if we want to do it more than once? Am I supposed to run back and forth down the hall?"
"We can't do it more than once in one night. The books say that would be counterproductive. You'd be continually depleted. "
Spencer arched a brow.
"Some
men might be depleted, but when I get going—"
She interrupted. "Please, Spencer? I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea of this, but you're not making it easy. "
"It'd be plenty easy, " he groused, "if you'd swing with it a little. This doesn't have to be all work, y'know. "
"But it does. The only reason we're doing it is so I can have a baby. It's not like
we feel
anything for each other. "
"We don't have to
feel
anything to be able to enjoy each other's bodies. I liked touching your breast. I might just like touching the rest of you, and the feeling may be mutual. I'm told I'm a decent lover. "
"I'm sure you're a wonderful lover, but I can't play games. " Feeling vulnerable, she whispered, "Please, Spencer? I've agreed to do things your way because I want this baby more than anything, but I can't pretend this is something it's not. I want everything we do to be honest. Please?"
Spencer stared at her for a long time. Finally, looking rebellious but determined, he got to his feet. "I'll be here on the sixth. If
there's any change in the plan, you know how to reach me. " Without another word, he left.
Chapter 5
The sixth of July fell on a Saturday. Given a choice, Jenna would have had it fall on a weekday, when she could busy herself at McCue's from morning to night and thereby keep her nervousness about being with Spencer in check. But her ovaries knew nothing about apprehension. They operated the same as always. Her temperature followed its established pattern, staying well below normal in prelude to a dip on the eighth.
Spencer called on Friday morning before she left for work. "Just wanted to confirm our date, " he said.
"It's not a date, " Jenna chided. "It's an appointment. " She was determined to keep things on the up-and-up regarding the exact nature of their liaison. Spencer hadn't chosen her as a lover. She couldn't pretend that he had—and she couldn't let
him
think she was pretending it. That would be humiliating. Things were awkward enough without it.
"Appointment, then, " he conceded in a deep but agreeable voice. "Are we on?"
"Yes. "
"Good. " Nonchalantly, he said, "I made an appointment to have some work done on the plane. The best mechanic around is at Norwood Airport, which is about an hour's drive from your place. Feel like taking a ride and picking me up there tomorrow afternoon?"
"Uh, sure. "
"That way we can talk a little before we—well, we can talk. "
For a split second Jenna imagined that he was feeling awkward himself. Then she ruled out the possibility. Spencer wouldn't feel awkward about sex. He was too experienced for that.
"Sounds fine, " she said, managing to sound fully composed. "What time should I be there?"
"I won't be able to leave here until afternoon. Allowing for air traffic, then time to make sure my guy knows what I want done—is six-thirty too late?"
She felt instant relief. "Six-thirty's fine. " That meant she
could
keep herself busy all day, and it meant that she'd only have to worry about entertaining Spencer on Sunday. On Monday morning, she'd be back at work.
"Drive right around to Hangar C, " he instructed, "and give a honk to let me know you're there. See you then. "
"Okay. 'Bye. "
He looked unfairly dashing. He was wearing a navy shirt with the cuffs rolled and the tails out, and khaki shorts that left his long legs bare to his deck shoes. He had a worn-looking duffel thrown over his shoulder and a bulging briefcase under his arm, and might have been mistaken for a weekending yuppie if it hadn't been for the carved lines of his face. They were bold and lent him an untamed look, upheld by his scar, his dark tan and his even darker, windblown hair. And then there were his eyes, always his eyes.
With a helpless sigh and more than a flutter inside, Jenna waved and waited while he crossed the tarmac to where the Jaguar was parked. She half expected him to come to the driver's side and shoo her over. Instead he opened the passenger door, tossed his gear into the back and slid in.
"Sorry, " he muttered, and stared out the front. "The goddamn mechanic forgot I'd called, and he took off for the weekend. His partner was there, but he doesn't know his ass from his elbow. He's not touching
my
plane. "
"So what will you do?"
"Mac'll be back on Monday. He'll have to do the work then. " He looked at her. "Have you been waiting long?"