The Suicide Project (Rebirth Book 1) (40 page)

Without giving it another thought, I flew past Sergeant Ramsey in a blur of movement, and was up and over the railing before anyone could stop me. My main priority was getting to Marisol. I saw her get bucked off of Thundershanks, and she flew upside down in the air as the enraged bull suddenly pivoted and charged for Marisol’s exposed belly.

Putting on an extra burst of speed, I caught Marisol around the waist before she could hit the ground, and swung her around in a big arc in an effort to fling her up and off to the side, out of the direct path of the bull. I was thankful that her light weight made it possible for me to toss her a few feet away from me. I saw in my peripheral that one of the clowns had caught Marisol and had carried her to the safety of the bleachers where Jamie and Doc Duffy were located.

Of course, that left
me
vulnerable and I dodged quickly to the opposite side in a tuck-and-roll maneuver to hurriedly get out of the path of the bull. I could practically feel the heat of Thundershanks’ malodorous breath on the back of my neck. In the background, I suddenly heard people frantically screaming my name from multiple directions, but I couldn’t pay attention to them at the moment because I wasn’t in the clear yet.

I felt the bull nudge my ankle, and in the next second, to my shock I was flying through the air. The wind was painfully knocked out of me when my ribs connected with the top of Thundershanks’ head, and I started to feel sick from the frenzy with which the bull turned and bucked. A quick glance down showed that one of my shoelaces was caught in the bull’s horns, and no matter how hard I jerked my leg, I couldn’t get it free.
Seriously? I’m getting taken down because of my shoelace? So embarrassing…

The bull was spinning in circles so fast that I became really dizzy, but still, I was able to see that most of the sergeants and all three rodeo clowns were now on the arena floor with me. Belatedly, I wondered how much trouble I was going to be in for interfering with Marisol’s ride, but in good conscience there was no way I could’ve just sat there and
not
done anything to help. It wasn’t in my nature to be passive when danger was present.

On the next turn, Thundershanks tossed his head back and finally I was free…but not clear. Since I had been tossed like a ragdoll and was momentarily airborne, I couldn’t do anything to stop the events that took place next. With me now clearly in his sights, the bull tossed his head again and I felt nauseous from the pain as I took another brutal hit to my already sore ribs. Lightheaded, I tried desperately not to black out from the agony as I landed hard in the dirt on my back. Not done with me yet, I saw a pair of angry hooves coming down to stomp on top of me, and in a last ditch effort to protect my ribs, I curled onto my side and felt a pain so excruciating that I
did
pray to pass out just to escape it.

Before Thundershanks got the chance to trample me a second time, I felt a pair of hands hook beneath my armpits and quickly but gently drag me several feet away out of the bull’s path. I remained curled on my side, wheezing and gasping for breath. Every breath I tried to take was agony, and I was helpless to stop the tears that flowed down my face.
DAMN, this hurts!
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to do the mind-over-matter thing, mentally telling myself that the pain wasn’t really there and that it was all a part of my imagination. The problem with that plan, is that it
really
freakin’ hurt. “Ouuuuccchh…” I moaned breathlessly.

I felt a gloved fingertip trace my tear-stained cheek in a soft caress, as I heard someone say, “Hang in there Teagan. Fight through it. You’re gonna be okay.” I think I was starting to get delirious from my pain because I could’ve sworn that I recognized that deep voice. A plaintive whine sounded in my ear just before I felt the gentle lap of Mercer’s tongue. Intuitively, he knew his master was in trouble but didn’t know how to help.
What a sweet puppy.

In the next moment, I heard more footsteps running a direct path to me, and out of the jumble of exclamations and terrified sobbing came Jamie’s tender voice. “Teagan…can you hear me? We’re going to have to move you to Medical, but first we need to put you on the stretcher. This is going to hurt.”

I could only nod my head in a jerky movement, afraid to speak due to the wet rattle I kept hearing in my chest every time I tried to take a breath.
That couldn’t be good.
I trusted the military staff to take care of me – to take care of
all
of us and I’d agree to do just about anything right now if only they’d stop the pain. Multiple hands gripped me gently beneath my arms in preparation to move my upper half on top of the stretcher, but as soon as I felt hands touch my right leg, I let out a loud gasp, shuddering in pain. That was the last thing I remembered before passing out in sweet, merciful oblivion.

I had no idea how long I had been unconscious, but it was difficult for me to tell when I was awake or dreaming since I couldn’t open my eyes. My eyelids felt so heavy, it was almost as if they were glued shut or something. There were moments where I was positive I was awake and lucid, because I could hear distinct voices having one-sided conversations with me.

I remembered hearing Sam and Gideon as they came by to visit. A gentle hand was clutching each of mine as I sensed they sat on either side of my bed. “You were so brave, Teagan, rushing to Marisol’s rescue the way you did without a single thought to your own safety.” Sam’s sweet voice was filled with sadness as I felt him tracing patterns on the back of my hand. “Your fearlessness is one of the traits that I admire the most about you. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to run out there to help you
,
Teagan. You should never have gotten hurt. I hate that I was frozen with fear.”

Oh Sam…when I wake up and get out of this bed, I’m gonna kick your ass for always blaming yourself for things you have no control of.

“Come on, Sam. Don’t put all the blame on your shoulders.
None
of us could’ve gone to help her even if we’d wanted to. I tried, remember? After she ran into the arena, Sergeant Ramsey ordered us all to stay put … or else.”

“Since when has that ever stopped Teagan from doing what’s right? She needed our help and we failed her, Gideon.”

A deep sigh escaped Gideon before I felt my right hand being raised and a gentle kiss was pressed to the back of it. “Teagan is kindhearted. I’m sure she’ll forgive us Sam. In the future, we’ll do a better job of protecting her, okay?”

There was a brief moment of silence before Gideon blurted out, “I love you Teagan.”

A loud gasp sounded from Sam’s side of the bed. “You can’t say that! That’s cheating! You have to wait until she’s
awake
before you can say the “L” word! Tsk! Geez…don’t you know anything?”

Oh wow.
Well, it’s not like you didn’t see this coming, Teagan.
I would’ve laughed outright at Sam’s reaction to Gideon’s declaration if I had been able to. He was definitely right though. Telling someone you loved them didn’t count if that person wasn’t conscious to hear your confession. As I lay there replaying Gideon’s words in my mind, I couldn’t deny that a warm feeling was starting to spread through my chest. Could it be possible? Did he
really
love me, or did he just
think
he loved me?

As I pondered it, softly in my ear I heard Gideon’s doleful plea. “Come back to us, Teagan. I know it’s painful, but you have to fight your way out of it. Come back…”

I don’t know how much time passed after that visit, but I became aware of other people’s comings and goings. A gentle caress of my cheek here… the tender press of lips to my forehead there…it all became a haze of confusion in the far recesses of my mind as one day blurred into another.

Even though I knew I should’ve woken up by now, I wasn’t yet ready to leave the warm, secure haven where I was currently resting. It was peaceful here. There was no pain here. What could it possibly hurt to rest just a
little
while longer?

And then out of the darkness, I heard a sweet voice weeping my name. “Wake up, Teagan! Please wake up! Just open your eyes and tell us that you’re going to be okay.” I felt wetness falling onto the back of my left hand which was being held in a vice-like grip. Recognizing Kyrie’s voice, I felt remorse that she was crying over me.

On my other side, I heard Marisol’s wavering voice as she attempted to choke back her own sobs. “Teagan, you have to get better soon. It was you who saved me from my own darkness. You can’t just come here and make me care about my life again, only to abandon me. I know that it’s my fault that you’re injured, because you saved me from getting hurt by Thundershanks, but Kyrie and I
need
you.” I felt my right hand being lifted, and a gentle kiss was pressed reverently on the back of it.

I lay there helplessly, listening to the sound of their combined hysterics, wondering if something had happened recently while I was recuperating to cause this sudden surge of emotional distress. Listening intently, I surmised that it was a few more minutes before Kyrie’s cries finally quieted down to a few sniffles. She released a pent up sigh before I felt her stroking the back of my hand, trying to wipe the moisture of her fallen tears away.

“Since Nurse Jamie and Sergeant Kami said that you might be able to hear us, I want to tell you my story. Then maybe, you’ll decide that you want to wake up. Maybe you’ll come back to us if you understand why we need you so much.”

Perking up, I listened intently to Kyrie’s voice. I had been beyond curious about Kyrie’s circumstances ever since I had met her. I didn’t feel like she belonged here, primarily because of her age, but also because she had such a sweet disposition and was well-liked amongst all her peers. The thought of her purposely harming herself was inconceivable to my mind. With a slight catch to her voice, she began to tell me her personal story.

“My parents were high school sweethearts and my mom was really young when she got pregnant with me. She was only 15. Her parents, and her boyfriend’s parents, tried to talk sense into them to give me up for adoption but my mom wanted to keep me. I think in
her
head, it was a way to trap my dad into staying with her. When they both turned 18, they moved in together in a little apartment with me…and that’s when things started to get bad, I suppose. They started to grow apart, and they were angry all the time because taking care of a toddler when you’re a teenager yourself is a very hard job. They were forced to grow up too fast.

Shortly after I turned 6 years old, my dad left my mom for another woman. They never got married after all, so in the end, he felt free to leave since there was nothing to tie him down. In the beginning, my dad was a great dad and I was allowed to spend a couple of weekends with him every month. But when he finally got married and his wife became pregnant with their first child, my dad’s visits grew farther and farther apart. My mom made it difficult for him to visit me because she was angry and bitter that he got his “happily ever after”, while she got stuck being a single mom with a child that she hadn’t really wanted in the first place.

After I turned 10 years old, she started leaving me at home alone more frequently because that’s around the time when she started going to clubs, partying, and living the life she should’ve had when she was younger…if she hadn’t had me. When she
was
at home, she always looked at me in anger as if it was my fault that her life turned out the way it did. She was disowned by her parents when I was just a baby, so she never had their support— emotional or financial. I never knew my grandparents. My childhood was a very lonely one.”

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat as I listened to Kyrie describe the type of relationship she had with her mom.
Selfish bitch!
How could anyone who knew Kyrie
not
love her?? That’s when I realized what the majority of the problem was. Kyrie’s mom
didn’t
know her. Not really. She probably viewed Kyrie as an unwanted responsibility, just another mouth to feed. If she had taken the time to really get to know her own daughter, she would’ve realized what a precious and amazing gift she was.

“When I entered Middle School, I made some really great friends and life started to get a little bit better. Around this time, one of my classmates, Jason, started paying attention to me, and I thought it was nice having such a cute and sweet guy paying attention to
me.
But there was this one girl named Brittany on the Drill Team, and I knew she liked Jason too. He told me he didn’t like her that way, so I just tried to ignore her even though she went out of her way to be mean to me. She picked on me at school and bullied me a lot.

Then one day after school, she came up to me and apologized for being such a bitch. Brittany said that she had been having problems at home, and that she didn’t mean to take her anger out on me. She said she knew I got good grades, and asked if I would help her study for the upcoming History test. My friends told me not to help her, but I didn’t listen. I thought she deserved the benefit of the doubt. I agreed to meet her at her apartment the following day after school.”

It was at this point, that I heard the distinct waver in Kyrie’s voice, and instinctively I knew she was about to confess something horrible.

“We actually lived in the same apartment complex – my apartment was just one building away from hers. I remembered sitting with her on her couch, going over the test materials. Her parents were both working so nobody was at home. She asked me if I’d like some juice…I said yes. After that, I didn’t remember too much. Apparently, she had slipped something into my drink to make me pass out. When I did start to regain consciousness, I was aware that I was on a bed and someone was holding my arms above my head. I saw one of my classmates on top of me…his name was Brian. We had Math together. He was moving on top of me and it hurt, but I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do
anything
. I felt the tears running down my face, but there was no one to help me. I became aware of what was happening, but it’s like I was paralyzed. I felt weak and sluggish. I couldn’t protect myself, and I couldn’t call for help.