The Summer of Cotton Candy (20 page)

“Oh. You know, I try not to think about that kind of stuff. Live in the moment, that’s what I say.”

“That’s nice, but don’t you need to have a sense of where you’re going?” she prompted.

“Nope.”

“But don’t you ever think about what you’re going to do next year or next month?”

“I try not to even think about next week,” he said with a laugh. “Why would I? I like my job, I’m dating a cute girl, everything’s great.”

Her heart began to pound when he called her cute, but she forced her thoughts away from that. “But, you can’t work at The Zone for the rest of your life.”

“I don’t know. Someday maybe I’ll figure something else out, but until that day comes, why bother?”

His answer irritated her. He had so much potential, but he seemed content just to waste it. “So that you’ll be prepared,” Candace said, louder than she had intended. “We’re not kids forever. I may not know what I want to do with my life yet, but I know I want to do something. The whole world is out there, and I want to see more than just Rivervale. Sooner or later you have to take responsibility for your own life, and I’m trying. What are you doing? You couldn’t even commit to finishing high school.”

There, it was out. All her misgivings — all her fears about him — shimmered in the air between them. She took a deep breath, afraid of what he was going to say.

“What do you want, Candace?” he asked.

There were so many ways to answer that. She wanted to be valued, respected, taken seriously. She wanted to really live and grow. She wanted to share all of that with someone. “I want a guy who values the same things I do,” she said after a moment. It was the truth. A Christian guy who valued what she did would take her seriously, would help her grow as a person, and would love and respect her. She wanted — needed — Kurt to be that guy.

“Then you’re going to have to find some other guy, because I’m not him,” Kurt said, his voice cold and distant.

She nodded. She had backed him into a corner, and she shouldn’t have expected anything else. She stood up slowly. “Then I guess there’s nothing else to say.”

He wouldn’t look at her. He just sat, staring off into the distance with his jaw clenched. He shook his head but didn’t say anything.

“Okay,” Candace said, and she walked off.

Earlier with Kurt the empty park had seemed like a magical place, but now it felt like a ghost town, haunted by memories and silent as the grave. She walked through the Exploration Zone, and The Atomic Coaster reared up against the dark sky, cold and unfeeling.

She kept walking until she reached the Splash Zone. There the sounds of swiftly moving water broke the silence and comforted her. Josh had once told her that they kept the water circulating in all the rides, even at night, so that it didn’t grow stagnant. She found a bench and sat down, closed her eyes, and let the sounds wash over her.

She was changing. She could feel it. Day by day for the last several weeks she had been changing just a bit at a time so it took a while to notice. At the beginning of the summer she would have been content to let Kurt be as he was, and his lack of ambition about his future would not have bothered her. The changes in herself also caused a lot of friction between her and Tamara. At the beginning of the summer Tamara was her only close friend, and now she had others who she also confided in, like Josh. Once she would have been content to let Tamara pay for everything for the rest of their lives, but that had changed too. Candace wanted to make her own way in the world. She wanted a future and a goal, and neither Kurt nor Tamara seemed to understand that. At least she knew she could eventually get Tamara to respect her wishes, but Kurt was a different story.

She tried to tell herself she just wanted what was best for him, that she was looking out for his good, but in reality she was looking out for what was best for her. She liked Kurt, a lot, and she wanted to continue dating him for a long, long time. She knew, though, that they were not walking the same path in life, and unless that changed there was no future with him.

“When did I become so grown up?” she asked out loud.

The water seemed to murmur an answer that she couldn’t quite understand. What was it Martha had said?
Never date a guy you ain’t willing to marry.
It was good advice, even if it had seemed much too grim when she had first heard it. Candace wished she could talk to Martha just then. She thought about calling Tamara back but decided against it. There would be enough to talk about later. There were only a few hours left of the night anyway, and soon she would be free. It seemed Candace had regained her best friend only just in time to help her cope with losing her boyfriend.

After sitting and listening to the soothing sounds of the water for about an hour, curiosity overcame Candace. The park was very dark, but her eyes had adjusted somewhat. When would she ever have a chance like this again? She had the park nearly to herself, so now was the time to do some exploration.

She wandered around for a few minutes, poking her head in various places before inspiration struck. She hurried to the Kids Zone and approached the Little Red Riding Hood ride. She was able to climb over the railing and then walk next to the tracks through the ride. She stopped to peek around characters and scenes. The tinny music was absent, and nothing was moving in the ride. It was cool and weird at the same time. She finally came to a good scene inside the Grandmother’s cottage, and she walked over and touched the bed gingerly.

It seemed real enough. Feeling completely naughty, she sat down on it slowly. It supported her weight. She lay down on it and started pretending to be the wolf. “The better to eat you with!” she finished with a growl. The figure of Red was standing close by with a surprised look on her face, and Candace laughed.

“Yes, this is definitely where I would live if I lived in the park. My own little cottage with a comfy bed.”

Too comfy
, she realized as her mind started to drift. She sat up abruptly. It would be bad to fall asleep and be found here in the morning. She got up quickly and made sure to straighten the flowery quilt.

Whew, that could have been embarrassing
, she realized as she continued walking through the ride to the exit. Once outside, she debated briefly where to go next until inspiration struck again.

Minutes later she was in the Game Zone. Rows of games of skill and chance stood silent. She herself had claimed a few of the stuffed animal prizes over the years. There was one game, though, that had always taunted her. One game she believed impossible to win.

She walked past several games until she stood before the ring toss. The idea was simple enough: toss a plastic ring and have it land around the neck of one of the hundreds of glass bottles sitting wedged together in a square. So simple, yet so utterly impossible. The giant stuffed dogs hanging from the ceiling of the game mocked her. She’d tried before to win one. She had seen an occasional person walking through the park carrying one, but deep down she was sure they must be ringers, bringing false hope and taunting people with the thought that it must be possible to win.

Candace hopped over the counter and scooped herself up several bucketfuls of plastic rings. When she had a large number, she hopped back over the counter. It was one of the few areas of the park that seemed to have some low emergency lights on, and the moon had begun to shine brightly, glinting off some of the bottles.

She went through more than a hundred rings, and none of them found their mark. Finally, she picked up a bucket and tossed the entire contents at the bottles. There was a hail of sharp pings as rings hit and bounced crazily off the glass bottles. When all the rings had landed, she saw that one bottle had a ring around its neck. A shaft of moonlight illuminated it and she stood in awe, staring. It was as though God was shining the light down just for her, trying to get her attention, trying to get her to talk to him.

She sat down on the counter, leaned her back against the corner pillar, and began to pray.

“God, I’m so tired and confused,” she said, whispering the words out loud. “I like Kurt so much, but we are different and I know he thinks I’m trying to change him. God, I just wish he could open his eyes and see his own future, his own potential.” Tears started to roll down her cheeks. “It’s been a terrible summer and a wonderful summer, and so much is changing in my life that I feel so lost. Please, help me. I get upset at Kurt, but I’m just as bad as he is. I don’t know what I want out of life. It’s like I’ve always believed that somehow there would be a giant neon sign in the sky saying ‘Candace, do this.’ Well, there isn’t.”

She opened her eyes for a moment and stared at the shaft of moonlight which was moving slowly from the bottle with the ring around it toward the counter on which she was sitting. She smiled and closed her eyes again. “At least, I don’t think there is. It’s hard to imagine that in a few months I’ll be applying for colleges and trying to pick a major. How do you pick a direction when you just don’t know? God, help me to find the place where I belong in this world.”

A few minutes later she fell asleep.

“Candace!”

She woke, hearing someone call her name. She opened her eyes to find that it was much lighter out. A janitor was staring at her, an amused expression on his face. She was still sitting on the counter, and she felt stiff all over.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I think so. We got locked in.”

“We know. When we showed up this morning to unlock everything we found Kurt. He told us what happened to you two. He didn’t know where you were, so we’ve been looking for you.”

“I’m so sorry to be so much trouble. My cart?” she asked, thinking about it.

“We’ve got a maintenance guy over there fixing it. We’re still not sure why no one came to get you last night. Some mix-up, no doubt. We called your supervisor, and she said for you to go home. You can make up for today by working on Friday instead.”

“Thank you,” Candace said, very grateful to have other people taking care of everything. She stood slowly, trying to stretch out the kinks. “Is the Locker Room open?”

“Yup, you can get your stuff.”

“Awesome,” she said with a yawn. She started to go.

He gestured toward the bottles and she stopped, puzzled. “Did you get that ring around the bottle?”

“Yes.”

“Were you standing where you’re supposed to? You didn’t just drop it there?”

“No, I was standing outside. I went through ten buckets.”

“Well, then, why are you leaving without your prize?” he asked, reaching up and unhooking one of the big dogs from the ceiling.

“But, I didn’t pay to play,” she said.

He looked her over, and she was suddenly aware of her bedraggled, disheveled appearance. “Oh, I think you did,” he said. “If you feel too bad about it, you can always come by later and throw some more money away trying to get one of these things. It’s nearly impossible, you know.”

He handed her the big dog that was at least four feet tall. “It took a miracle,” she admitted. “Thank you,” she told the man.

He gave her a brief salute, and she took the dog — which she decided to name Happy — to the Locker Room where she rescued her stuff. She made it to the car, settled Happy in the passenger seat, flipped open her phone, and called Tamara, waking her.

“So, how did it go?” Tamara asked. “Was it wonderful? Was it romantic?”

“We broke up,” Candace said shortly.

“Oh.”

“Take me out to breakfast and I’ll tell you all about it.” “Deal.”

Candace drove to Tamara’s. Tamara stared incredulously as Candace hauled Happy into the house with her. “Can he stay here while we’re out at breakfast?” Candace asked. “I don’t want to leave him in the car.”

“That depends. Is he house trained?”

“Does it matter?” Candace asked, too tired to come up with something witty to say.

“No. Let’s go get you some food.”

“I have to work Friday to make up for the fact that I’m not working today,” Candace said, hoping Tamara would understand.

“That’s okay,” Tamara said, “I’m overdue to see that Glider ride you told me all about.”

A few minutes later Candace was tearing into a huge chicken, cheese, and onion omelet. She hadn’t realized just how hungry she was until the waitress set the plate in front of her.

“I take it dinner last night was less than stellar,” Tamara said.

“Beef jerky and cotton candy.”

“By the time the summer is over you won’t want to eat cotton candy ever again.”

“Or smell it.”

Tamara wrinkled her nose in distaste. “So, what happened with you and Kurt?”

Candace shook her head. “Everything was fine. We were walking around the History Zone and he was telling me all about it. Before I knew it we were talking about the future and I basically accused him of being a total slacker.”

“Ouch. I’m guessing that didn’t go over so well.”

“Good guess. I mean, the weirdest part is that he’s a smart guy. He could totally be a history teacher or something.”

Tamara shrugged. “You never know. Maybe his parents put too much pressure on him and he just doesn’t want to deal for a while.”