The Summer of Good Intentions (15 page)

“It was awesome,” Teddy piped up. “Mommy, do you think Cole and Gretzky could come here tomorrow to swim?” She heard a noise escape from her husband, and her eyes darted to Tim. She felt as if she'd been punched. But Tim didn't look up. His hands gripped his cards in an angry little fan.

“Oh, buddy, I think Cole has to work.” She tried to sound surprised by the request and convincing at once.
Did Teddy know, too?
She was panicking and went over to the railing to shake the sand from her towel, buying herself time, pretending her little boy hadn't just suggested that they invite her lover, her
ex
-lover, to the summer house. She flung the towel over the railing, her hands trembling.

“It would be so much fun, Mommy!” Teddy persisted. “Cole could sleep in the tent with us.” The kids had all been begging to camp out in the front yard. This was her punishment, she thought. She deserved every little dagger her son unwittingly threw her way.

“Oh, honey. I'm sure Daddy would love to camp out with you guys. Right, Tim?”

“Please, Daddy, can we camp out in the tent tonight?” Teddy's focus shifted just as quickly. Forget about Cole and Gretzky. It was really the tent he was lobbying for.

“Sure, buddy,” Tim said, still not lifting his eyes. Jess watched as a bright crimson crept up her husband's neck.

Her heart was banging in her chest. She needed to escape before any other little volcanoes erupted on the deck. “I'm going to go get cleaned up,” she announced over her shoulder as she headed inside, but no one seemed to hear.

In the living room, Virgie sat on the couch, reading a book.

“Where's Maggie?” Jess asked. The back of her neck was sweating. Somehow Maggie would talk her down, make this all right. Jess had done something terrible. Even her son was picking up on her chemistry with Cole, as if he were a natural part of their family who belonged at the summer house. Had she forgotten she was a mom first?

Virgie shrugged without looking up. “The computer, maybe?”

Jess headed straight for the stairs. There was no time to waste. She needed to hear Maggie's advice. Needed to know what Maggie would do in her shoes. Of course, her twin would never cheat on her husband in the first place, but Maggie was good with these sorts of crises. As if they fueled her blood. She would set Jess on the right path. And, suddenly, Jess realized this was what she'd been hoping for this whole vacation. To confess her sins to Maggie. To, in some strange way, earn her sister's forgiveness. Once she'd heard from Maggie that what she'd done was terrible but not unforgivable, she would be okay.

And then she could focus on the work of getting her marriage back.

She stood outside the bedroom door. Her sister's back was turned to her. “Mags?” she called out. “I need to talk.”

After she slid the birthday cakes into the oven (they were having a little celebration for Arthur tonight), Maggie promised herself she'd only peek. Quickly. She knew it was crazy, but the idea had snuck into her head a few months ago. She'd been talking with the other moms at the playground one spring day while the kids whipped down the slide. Life was crazy; everyone was overwhelmed. But what was going to happen once their babies went off to kindergarten? they wondered aloud. “We'll finally have some time to ourselves!” her friend Kit joked. Maggie got that part—she looked forward to her freedom as much as the next person. But if she was being completely honest with herself, she also missed Luke's snuggles and baby coos, the warmth of a little body being rocked to sleep in her arms. “So, why don't you have another?” Kit asked.

“Not physically possible,” Maggie said. In a rush to get into the world, Luke had arrived in a way that made a hysterectomy a necessity. “We're done.”

“Oh,” Kit said. “I'm so sorry. I didn't know.”

Maggie waved her hand in the air as if it were no big deal.

“It's just that you're so
good
at it,” Kit struggled to explain. “I mean, I watch you with Luke and your girls and you're a natural. You make it look so easy.”

Maggie laughed, but she felt a twinge of recognition in Kit's words. She
was
a good mother. She loved playing and making fairy dresses and reading
Bedtime for Frances
a million times. What on earth would she do once everyone was in school?

“There are other ways, you know,” Kit said, a lilt in her voice. “Like adoption or foster care?”

“Oh,” said Maggie, right before yelling at Luke to stop climbing up the slide. “I suppose, though I don't think Mac would be into it.”

“Why not?”

Maggie shrugged. “I don't know. I think he likes seeing little replicas of himself running around,” she teased. “Seriously, though, I guess we've never really discussed it.”

“Well,” Kit said, “there are plenty of children who need someone to love them. Henry and I researched it when we had such a hard time getting pregnant with Sam.”

“Really?” Maggie was shocked. She'd had no idea that getting pregnant had been an issue for Kit, one of those moms who always had a nutritious snack and an organic juice box at the ready.

They watched while Sam ran and flung himself belly-first onto a swing. “Of course, now that Sam's here, it's impossible to imagine our lives without him.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Maggie said. She couldn't imagine their family without Lexie, Sophie, and Luke. They were all integral parts of the whole McNeil clan. But what had snuck up on her that day at the playground was that she
did
want another. Which took her by complete surprise. Because she felt as if she'd just crossed the finish line of the baby-toddler years. She'd somehow managed to usher all her children through their first years of life relatively unscathed, and it gave her a rush of accomplishment.
Look at how beautiful they were! How successful! How well adjusted
(well, she still had some work to do with Lexie). She had imposed order on the messiness of their lives. And now perhaps she and Mac could get some of their old life back—dinners out, nights at the movies with friends. They could hire a babysitter without endlessly worrying that one of the kids would be inconsolable until they got home.

And yet.

Maggie craved having another little one around. If not a baby, then a toddler. Luke was growing up so fast! Just once more, she wanted to nuzzle a small body against hers. To give love where it was needed. She thought back to a test she'd taken in college that matched her personality with careers. Every match that popped up for her involved helping others: nursing, teaching, mothering, social worker. “I guess you're a natural-born giver,” the counselor had said with a hint of condescension. Now, while Maggie watched all the kids at the summer house, the longing was palpable. It was almost as if a phantom child was following her around.

She didn't know the first thing about foster care, but the faces, their expressions! Children of all ages gazed out at her from the screen, their enormous eyes begging her to take them.
Pick me!
they seemed to cry. She scrolled down and clicked on “Frequently Asked Questions.” She learned that in Massachusetts, the average age for a child in foster care was eight, but that babies and toddlers were also looking for homes. She wouldn't mind skipping those first few sleepless months with a newborn, she thought. Perhaps there was a toddler in need of a family. Luke was so good with little kids, and Sophie was already like a second mother to him. Maggie loved the idea of expanding their family by one, of giving a home to a child who might not otherwise have one. “There are plenty of children who need someone to love them,” Kit had said. She was right.

Maggie's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and she quickly clicked off the site, her fingers trembling. She didn't want to get caught. There would be plenty of time to research foster care once Luke started kindergarten. She debated when would be the best opportunity to mention it to Mac, though. It should happen at the summer house, of that much she was sure. Here she had Mac's full attention. But when? Should she suggest a romantic dinner, just the two of them? Or should she try to sell the idea to the whole family at the risk of making Mac feel ambushed? She knew the kids would be on board, and if it were a boy, Luke might even want to share his bedroom. But she was getting ahead of herself.

“Mags?” She spun around in her chair. Jess stood in the doorway, looking as if she might have come down with a bad case of sunstroke. “I need to talk.”

“Jessie, honey, what's wrong?” She got up and went to put her hand on her sister's back, guiding her to the bed.

“I'm a terrible person,” Jess said and burst into tears.

Maggie felt herself pull back just a touch. “What do you mean?” She couldn't imagine Jess of all people—dear, practical, smart, caring Jess—doing anything terrible.

“I had an affair,” she choked out between sobs. And, at that moment, the timer for Arthur's cakes went off in the kitchen.

The adults sat at the table,
waiting for Arthur to make a wish. The double-chocolate cake dipped ever so slightly in the middle (Maggie had been a little late pulling it out, understandably so, she thought), but the seventy-two candles burned brightly. The kids were gathered around Arthur, their cheeks puffed, waiting for their grandpa to say “Blow!” Maggie would bet a hundred bucks she already knew her dad's wish: that Gloria would drop Gio and come back to him. She hoped, though, for Arthur's sake, that it was an entirely different wish. Perhaps to see the Galápagos Islands before he died. Maybe to learn how to scuba dive. Bucket list kinds of things. Those were appropriate wishes for a seventy-second birthday.

“Go!” Arthur shouted, and the whole gang blew.

“There's no question there's some spit mixed in with that,” Tim said, prompting laughter.

Maggie shot Jess a look, but her sister was preoccupied plucking candles from the cake, her eyes still swollen from crying.
An affair.
So that was it, although technically Maggie wasn't sure it counted as an affair since no actual sex was involved. An affair of the heart. Maggie knew things were off between Tim and her sister, but another man? She would have never guessed it. Where on earth did her sister find the time?

She should be angry with Jess.
Herington sisters didn't cheat!
They were loyal to a tee. And, though she hated to admit it, a small part of her was hurt that Jess hadn't confided in her sooner. Didn't they share everything with each other, sometimes even before they told their husbands? Maggie worked to set aside her pride and consider the bigger problem. The way she saw it, Tim was at fault, too. It sounded as if he'd gone missing as a husband for the last year.

Maggie cut generous slices of cake, chocolate frosting dripping from the sides, and slid them onto festive little party plates. As she did so, she found herself sneaking looks at her sister. Jess was undeniably pretty, with soft brown hair and eyes that were almost black; it was no surprise that another man had swooped in. What Jess needed to do, Maggie recognized, was precisely what her sister had already done. Break things off with this Cole guy and focus on getting her marriage back. Tim might be a wet towel, but he was Jess's husband. He had his strengths, Maggie, of all people, found herself reminding her sister. In fact, he'd been downright solicitous and helpful this vacation. A pleasant surprise. Maggie had seen marriages in much worse shape rebound from the grave. If other couples could do it, Jess and Tim most certainly could salvage theirs.

And she'd told Jess as much, once she'd recovered from the shock of it all. “Okay, so you've done something wrong. Pretty awful, actually,” Maggie counseled her. “But it's not the end of the world. For heaven's sake, it's not like you murdered someone!” She ran through a quick mental list of acts that would be worse but had difficulty coming up with much. Cheating on your husband was pretty bad. Still, it wasn't as if Jess had slept with the guy. There had been some kissing and groping, a few heart-to-heart talks. Why, it was practically a teenage romance!

“The important thing is that you've ended it. No more hanging out with this guy. You need to focus on Tim now. And your family.”

Jess nodded.

“And I have to say, Tim's been a really good guy this vacation. He's been helping out and doing a lot with the kids.”

“I know,” Jess said, wiping her nose. “That's what makes the whole thing even more awful. It's like Tim is making this concerted effort to be a dad again, to be my husband again.”

Maggie considered this. “Who knows? Maybe if he hadn't gotten jealous over Cole, he wouldn't have been so eager to get his act together.”

Jess crinkled her eyes at her in surprise. Had Maggie really just suggested what she thought she had? That in some ways, Jess's wandering heart could be the wake-up call her sister's marriage needed? Thank goodness Maggie hadn't gone into psychiatry. She would have lost her license years ago.