The Surrogate, The Sudarium Trilogy - Book one (3 page)

1:6

“Out of my greatest pain has come my greatest joy. Life has a way of constantly surprising us, doesn’t it?” Letitia Greene reached for a tissue and delicately blotted the corners of her eyes, which glistened with tears. “The day I took Ricky home from the hospital was the happiest day of my life. A life that had almost come apart at the seams. Hal and I - that’s my husband - were on the brink of divorce. I didn’t think we’d survive. I didn’t think
I’d
survive.”

Hannah waited, while the woman behind the antique rosewood desk took a moment to compose herself. She looked to be in her late-40s and, although she was expensively dressed, had a confidential manner that put Hannah at ease.

“Can you imagine? After 15 years of believing I would never be a mother, this…this
angel
came into our lives. Her name is Isabel and she made us whole again. Yes, a perfect stranger! She wanted to help, but I don’t think that even she was prepared for the rewards that would come from her actions. She brought us together and made us into a family. I remember the day I took Ricky home from the hospital. That’s him there by the way.”

A gold-framed photograph of a freckled-face, red-headed boy of seven sat prominently on her desk. She repositioned it so Hannah could see.

“I thought I would explode from joy. It was almost too much to bear. And it only seemed to increase every day. I used to say to Hal, ‘What am I going to do with so much joy?’ I’m sure he had no idea at the time what a profound effect his answer would have on me. But he turned to me—”

Letitia Greene leaned forward, as if she didn’t want anyone else to hear. The silver charm, hanging around her neck, swung forward, too, catching the light. It was expensive-looking. “Do you know what he said?” She let the silence gather dramatically.

“No,” Hannah replied. “What?”

“He said, ‘Spread it around. Spread the joy around, Letitia!’ Well, it was like being struck by a thunderbolt.” The words seemed to leap from the woman’s mouth. “What was I going to do with all that joy? I was going to spread it around, of course. So four years later, here I am, helping other childless couples come together with some very special people to create even more happiness.”

She gestured proudly to the photographs on the wall behind her desk, which hung on either side of a gilt-edged mirror. In them, a variety of smiling couples and adorable babies shared their contentment with the camera. Next to some of the photographs were framed letters, brimming with gratitude and attesting to the efficacy of Letitia Greene’s mission.

Hannah took them in respectfully. To think that she almost hadn’t come here. The back streets of the city had been impossible to negotiate and by the time she’d located Revere St., a mere two blocks long, and parked the Nova, she was ten minutes late for her appointment. The offices of “Partners in Parenthood” were on the second floor of a 19th century brick edifice, and the stairway leading to it from the street was so dirty and dimly lit that Hannah had actually considered turning around and heading home.

As soon as she had opened the door, however, her impression changed instantly. The office was bright and attractive, closer to a living room than an office. The floor was carpeted in beige. Two sofas, covered in a cheerful floral fabric, faced one another, with a low-slung coffee table between them. Objets d’art were positioned on the shelves of a bookcase, while an arrangement of silk flowers stood on a pedestal of its own. Mrs. Greene’s rosewood desk and the gilt chair in front of it in which Hannah was presently sitting, seemed to be the only utilitarian pieces and they hardly qualified as office furniture

“I named our group ‘Partners in Parenthood,’ because that’s how I see it.” Letitia Greene was saying. “People reaching out to one another, sharing their respective hopes and abilities, coming together to create a life. The thing to realize, Miss Manning, is that our surrogate mothers give life in many ways. The obvious one, of course, is the child. But you’re also renewing the lives of the man and woman, who often feel broken and incomplete. You’re giving them a future, too. You become their savior.”

Hannah could feel her emotions welling up, the more she listened to Letitia Greene. The woman’s passion and her sense of purpose made her seem so alive. She thought of her aunt and uncle, shut off from one another, and the pointless bickering that filled their days. And she thought of the dreary customers in the diner, going from meal to work to meal, back and forth, endlessly. Even Teri, good-natured as she was, was so mired in a dead-end job that her only relief seemed to be trading insults with Bobby. They all led such small, limited lives.

Then Hannah considered her own - the smallest, most limited life of all. She was nothing like this vital woman, who seemed so full of energy and drive.

“I’m so sorry to have gone on like that, but as you can tell, I love what I do.” Letitia Greene gave an apologetic laugh. She put on her eyeglasses, and took a moment to review Hannah’s application form. “I guess we should get back to work here. You don’t have all afternoon to listen to me. As I indicated, every situation is different and every surrogate mother is special. We try to come up with the arrangement that suits you best - the most appropriate client family for you, how much contact you want to have with them. Do you want them present at the birth? Would you like them to send you photographs of the child, as it grows up. That sort of thing. The details are all worked out to everyone’s satisfaction beforehand. The fees - well, I am sure you will find them generous.”

Letitia Greene turned the application form over and ran her eyes down the back. “You seem to have answered all our questions satisfactorily,” she said, approvingly. “And we want to give you every opportunity to ask the questions you may have, now or later. You are aware, of course, that there would be certain medical tests. Nothing to worry about. Just to make sure that you are as healthy as you look.”

“Yes, of course. Whatever is necessary.”

“While you’re here in the office, I’d like to ask you just a few personal questions, if I may. It may seem like an invasion of privacy, but we are talking about a very personal and intimate commitment. It’s important that we all get to know one another as well as possible. I hope you understand.”

“Please. Ask me whatever you like.”

Letitia Greene settled back in her chair and the silver charm came to rest just above her sternum. “On the application, it says you are single.”

“Yes.”

“How does your boyfriend feel about this?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“What was you most recent relationship?”

Hannah felt her face flush. “I’ve never…I go out now and then with friends…what I mean…there’s never been anyone serious enough to call a relationship, I guess.”

“I see. Are you a lesbian?”

“What? On, no. I like boys. I just haven’t found anyone who, well…” She found herself tongue-tied. There was Eddie Ryan, who lived down the block and occasionally took her to the movies, and all through high school, she’d had crushes, although she’d never acted on any of them. Teri said the girl had to initiate the action sometimes, but Hannah could never bring herself make the first move.

“Do you live with your parents still?”

“No, I live with my aunt and uncle.”

“Oh?” Letitia Greene looked over the top of her glasses.

“My parents are both dead. They died when I was twelve. A car accident.”

“I’m so sorry. That must have been very hard for you. It still must be very hard.”

“Yes” was all that Hannah managed to mumble.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” It had been so long since anyone had asked her that question that Hannah was unexpectedly moved. Most people avoided the subject or simply assumed she had put the past behind her and gone on with her life. But Letitia Greene really seemed interested.

“It was Christmas Eve,” Hannah began tentatively. “We were coming back from my Aunt Ruth’s house. That’s where I live now. We used to spend every Christmas Eve together because they were…
are
…my only family. We lived in Duxbury then. I fell asleep in the back seat and the next thing I remember was being thrown onto the floor and my mother screaming. She was asking me if I was all right and telling me to remain still, that help was on the way. From her voice I could tell she was in a lot of pain. When I tried to move so I could see her, she shouted, ‘No, stay where you are. Don’t look here.”

Hannah felt her throat constricting and paused to take a deep breath.

“Take your time, dear,” counseled Letitia Greene softly.

“It’s just that it was so terrible, lying there, waiting for the ambulance to come and not daring to move. I realized later that she didn’t want me to see my father. He was killed instantly. We were hit by a GMC truck that had drifted over the dividing line onto our side of the road. It was snowing and the driver had fallen asleep and …”

She was surprised how sharp the details still were in her mind. It was as if the accident had occurred seven days ago, not seven years. Ruth and Herb had never once talked about it with her, so she’d kept the awful memories to herself all this time. Now she had the strange impression she was telling the story for the very first time and to someone she barely knew. But that person cared.

“The truck slammed into the driver’s side of our car, which is why my father died so quickly. Crushed. They said he never felt a thing. Miraculously, nothing happened to me. But on the way to the hospital, my mother lapsed into a coma. She died from internal injuries a week later. ‘I’m sorry, baby’ was the last thing I ever heard her say. ‘I’m so sorry.’”

“Your parents must have loved you very much.”

“Yes, I think they did.” Again the choking feeling in her throat.

Hannah hadn’t thought about love for such a long time. Love was something that belonged to that faraway time of her life before the accident happened and everything changed. She remembered shuffling through the autumn leaves on the sidewalk, holding her mother’s hand tightly, never wanting to let go, because they were so happy in the sunlight.

“You, two!” her father would say, pretending to be jealous. “There’s just no separating you.”

Hannah became aware of the silence in the office and realized that she had allowed herself to get carried away on the flood of memories. Letitia Greene watched patiently, her head tilted slightly to one side, an understanding look on her face. This woman was not like all the others who squirmed at the slightest display of emotions. She welcomed it, her manner so accepting that Hannah felt no embarrassment whatsoever.

Letitia Greene reached across the desk and extended her hand, which Hannah took. The simple contact produced another wave of unexpected emotion. For a while, the two women held hands and looked at one another in silence.

They were not alone.

On the other side of the gilt-edged mirror in a small room directly behind Letitia Greene’s rosewood desk, two other people were watching, as well. Watching and listening, as Hannah spilled out her life story. Although the tinted glass allowed them to see and not be seen, they hadn’t permitted themselves the slightest movement, nor had their eyes strayed from Hannah’s face for a second. All that had changed was their breathing. Measured at first, it was shorter now, short and shallow with mounting excitement.

“I hope that wasn’t more detail than you wanted,” Hannah said.

Letitia shook her head gently. “You can’t put any of that in an application. Thank you for sharing it with me.” She released Hannah’s hand. “This is exactly what I mean when I say that ‘Partners in Parenthood’ is about people getting to know one another. People who are going to take a very intimate journey together. Tell me, Hannah, why do you want to take this journey?”

Hannah had thought about her answer for days. She couldn’t say she felt the newspaper ad was speaking directly to her. Understanding as she was, Mrs. Greene might find that a bit bizarre. She wanted to tell the woman that she had been looking for a sign for months, and just when everything had seemed the bleakest, the brochure had arrived in the mail. But there was so much more to it than that, really.

“I’ve been working in a diner and, well, I have the feeling that I’m wasting my life. I can’t do a lot, but when I saw the ad and read the brochure, it seemed to me that maybe I could do this. Maybe I could give the sort of gift you’ve been talking about and make someone else happy. I guess…I just want to be of use.”

Letitia got up, came around the desk and gave Hannah a hug. “I hope you can be, too. Of course, nothing is certain until it is certain. All the information you’ve given me will have to be reviewed, and we may ask you to come back for an interview with a psychologist, just so you can be sure this is the right choice for you. And, of course, the medical tests I mentioned.”

She escorted Hannah across the room, her hand resting on the girl’s shoulder, and for an instant, Hannah flashed back to the walks she’d taken with her mother.

“Oh, just one thing,” Hannah said, as Letitia Greene opened the door for her. “The number on the application is the diner where I work. If you have to reach me, it would probably be better if you called me there.”

“I understand. Now you go home and think about some of the issues we’ve discussed today. This is nothing to be undertaken casually. I want it to be the absolutely right decision for you. For all of us.”