The Sweetness of Salt (4 page)

chapter

6

Dad was sitting at the dining room table drinking a glass of seltzer when Sophie and I came downstairs again. “It’s the head cheese!” he said, slipping an arm around my waist. I kissed the top of his head. Sophie stood behind one of the dining room chairs, cracking her knuckles. Mom walked in from the kitchen, placed a salad down on the table next to a vase of pink tulips, and nodded to Sophie and me. “You girls have a seat. I just have to finish up the pasta, and then we can start.”

Sophie eyed Dad, who was staring into his water glass, and then reached for her own. Taking a long, slow swallow, she wiped her mouth with the back of her wrist and set the glass back in its place. “You guys don’t have that silly no-smoking rule in this house anymore, do you?”

“We sure do.” The ice cubes in Dad’s glass rattled as he brought it to his mouth. “If you need to smoke one of those things, take it outside.”

Sophie took another sip from her water glass. Above the rim, her eyes had formed two dark slits. Suddenly, she held it up. “Julia, here’s to you.” I bumped my glass clumsily against hers. Dad extended his glass toward Sophie and me. We clinked and then set them back down. Sophie pushed back her chair. “I was going to wait until later but…” She raised her eyebrows, looking first at Dad and then at me. “Well, I guess I can do this now.”

I watched carefully as she leaned down and retrieved an envelope from her back pocket. She held it against her chest for a moment and looked at me. “I’m really proud of you, Julia, for everything you’ve accomplished.” She took a deep breath and then let it out, cocking her head as she did. “This is for you,” she said, leaning over the table and handing me the envelope. “From me and Goober. For all your hard work.”

I took the envelope gingerly, giving Dad a sidelong glance as I ran my finger under the flap. He was holding his breath. Literally. My cheeks felt hot. “You didn’t have to do anything,” I said. “Really.”

Inside the card were two tiny envelopes. One was pink. The other was blue.

“Open the blue one first,” Sophie said.

Mom came back in, setting a large platter of shrimp and linguine down as I opened the envelope. She put her hands on the back of her chair and watched us, smiling. Inside the envelope was a large silver key. The letters
VW
were printed on the rubber edge. I held it up and looked over at Sophie, confused.

“It’s yours,” she said, calm as daylight. “The Bug. Sitting outside. It’s yours, Jules. I’m giving it to you.”

I swallowed. Closed my eyes tight for a moment and then opened them again, as if the words I knew I should say would appear suddenly in front of me. They did not.

“She’s speechless!” Sophie laughed. She got up from her chair and came around the back of mine, putting her arms across my shoulders. “What do you think? Are you excited?”

I nodded. There was no way I could take it. The gift totally outdid Mom and Dad’s, which had been a Prada briefcase for my internship at the courthouse.

“Wow,” Dad said softly. He cleared his throat. “That certainly is generous of you, Sophie.”

Mom’s eyes were still roving over the key. She sat down and pressed her hand against the base of her throat. “The car?” She looked at Sophie. “You’re giving her your car?”

Sophie nodded gleefully. “She’s gonna need one anyway, right? Getting to and from Pittsburgh, driving God knows where else.” She grabbed my shoulders with both hands and squeezed. “You gotta hit the open road, girl. Spread your wings. Take a road trip now and again.”

Mom’s face had paled considerably. “I just…” She glanced over at Dad for help. “It’s just…such a…”

“Big responsibility?” Sophie finished.

Mom nodded, and fiddled with the cord on her hearing aid. I knew responsibility was not her main concern at all. Mom’s main concern was my safety, which no car—however well built—would be able to live up to. Every morning, she watched from the front window as I got into the back of Zoe’s rusty Ford Taurus, waiting until I fastened my seat belt. Once, I had forgotten, and she dashed outside, arms waving, shouting, until Zoe slowed again. I was mortified.

Sophie shrugged. “I got it covered,” she said. “I just paid this puppy off in April. Julia won’t have to worry about car payments at all. Just insurance.”

Mom looked over at Sophie. “It’s a wonderful gift, Sophie. You’re very generous, honey.” She glanced down at the large serving dish. “We really should eat before everything gets cold.”

Sophie grinned. “Hold on, Mom. There’s one more thing.”

“Oh?” Mom’s voice was faint. “What’s that?”

Sophie nodded at me. “Open the pink envelope, Jules.”

I looked inside it again, shaking another, much smaller key out of the side corner.

“What’s that?” Mom asked, making her way around the table with the bowl of linguine.

“It’s a key to my place,” Sophie answered. “I want you to take a trip this summer, Julia. To Vermont. Come visit me for a few days. I’ll show you around Poultney. It’ll be great.”

Dad set his water glass down. “That sounds terrific, Sophie. We’ve never been to Vermont and I’m sure…”

“Just Julia.” Sophie did not take her eyes off me. “You guys can come another time.”

Mom exchanged a quick look with Dad. “Well, I don’t know about that,” Dad said. His voice was much too loud, as if he was trying to regain control of the situation. “Julia’s never driven such a long distance before. It’s not an easy drive. And she’d have to do it alone.”

“This is Julia’s gift,” Sophie said. She had started eating, shoving enormous forkfuls of the long, oily pasta into her mouth. “It should be her decision.”

I held Sophie’s gaze as long as possible before dropping it again.

Sophie put her fork down and swallowed. “You don’t want to go, do you?”

I shrugged helplessly, fingering a lone piece of linguine that had drooped over one side of my plate. Mom and Dad’s eyes were burning a hole on one side of my cheek; Sophie’s eyes on the other. “Of course I do. I mean…”

“Then why do you look as if I’ve just asked you to donate an organ?” Sophie asked.

“She’s not…,” Dad started.

“Can you let her answer a question for herself?” Sophie turned on him, eyes flashing. “Just once?”

“Sophie.” Mom wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Let’s go for a walk around the block. Cool down a little.”

“I don’t need to cool down,” Sophie retorted. “And I don’t need to go for a walk. What I need…” She paused, turning back to look at me. “What I need is for Julia to answer me. Herself.”

“I’ll come,” I said, flicking my eyes at her quickly, wanting to get this over with. “Okay? I will. Sometime.”

Sophie inhaled deeply and then took another sip of water. The heavy
clink
of silver against Mom’s good china echoed throughout the room. Dad chewed violently, the sides of his jaw flexing in and out, while Mom ate in small rabbit bites. I speared a wilted piece of lettuce and snuck a look at Sophie, who was busy twirling another forkful of pasta. “I hate you,” I thought to myself. “You ruin everything.”

Suddenly Sophie set her fork down on the side of her plate. “You know what? This is going to be my last visit to Silver Springs.”

“Sophie.” Dad’s voice had assumed the exhausted-impatient tone reserved strictly for her. “Please. Don’t start.”

Sophie held up her hands, palms out, as if surrendering. “I am not starting anything. On the contrary, Dad, I guess I’m ending something.”

“What?” Dad’s lips had begun to twitch. “What are you ending?”

“This.” Sophie encompassed the table, the living room, the entire house with a swoop of her wide-open arms. “All of this. It’s a lie. And you know it’s a lie. Until you tell her the truth about what really happened in Milford all those years ago…”

Three hours. It had only taken her three hours to bring up Milford. If there was one thing I could say about my big sister, it was this: she did not disappoint. Not when it came to Milford.

“Sophie, come on!” I said. “I already know what happened—”

Sophie cut me off with a stab of her index finger. Her eyes were still boring down on Mom and Dad. “And I’m talking about the stuff she
doesn’t
know about…”

“Can you stop?” Mom begged. “Please, Sophie. You’re ruining Julia’s whole celebration.”

Sophie stared at Mom. “When are you going to stop living on another planet?” She shifted her eyes toward Dad. “And you…what alternate universe have
you
settled down in? When are the two of you going to stop pretending like everything is so perfect in this family, and start…”

“God Almighty!” Dad cut Sophie off, throwing his napkin on top of his plate. “I cannot believe you’re seriously thinking of getting into all of this right now.”

“Yes,” Mom said. “Please stop it. You really are being selfish.”

Sophie looked down at the word “selfish.” She began to work her lower lip with her teeth.

Dad’s teeth were clenched. “You want to talk about Milford, we’ll talk about it. But there is no need to do it right now. Right now, we are celebrating Julia’s graduation and…”

Zoe’s signature three-beep alert came blaring from the street. I stood up hurriedly, gratefully, and pushed back my chair. “That’s my ride. I have to go.”

I practically ran for the door, taking my first real breath as I pushed it open.

“Ten o’clock, Julia!” Dad’s voice followed me. “No later than ten!”

The door slammed behind me, loud as a gunshot.

chapter

7

I had already decided, while running out of the house, that if Milo was not in the car, I wouldn’t go with Zoe to the party. I just didn’t have it in me tonight. But there he was in the passenger side, one elbow resting on the window. Just like always.

“Hey, guys!” I tried to sound excited as I got in the backseat, as if I had not just left a train wreck behind me. Milo nodded at me. He looked weirdly handsome in a white button-down shirt and pair of green swim trunks dotted with red lobsters. Only someone like Milo could pull off an outfit like that. He’d slicked his hair back too, and I could make out the faint scent of soap as he leaned his arms over the top of his seat.

“You guys ready to party?” Zoe had done her eyes up in some kind of glittery purple eyeliner. Her own outfit was a study in dichotomy: black leggings paired with a hip-length T-shirt that said
I LIKE CATS;
I JUST CAN’T EAT A WHOLE ONE BY MYSELF
, and a bright red pair of cowboy boots.

“Chill, rock star,” Milo said. “And keep your hands on the wheel.”

“Oh, you’re such a fart,” Zoe said. “Relax.”

“I’ll relax when you get us there without getting into an accident.”

Milo turned and looked out the window. He stayed that way too, as Zoe yammered on about the party, not so much as even turning his head in my direction for the entire trip. It was as if the whole conversation we’d had after graduation had never even happened.

Like we were strangers all over again.

Melissa’s backyard looked like something out of MTV’s
Spring Break.
Dark purple material had been draped canopy style over the pool umbrellas, while disco balls, spinning tiny coins of light, swayed lightly underneath. A rap album blared from the outdoor speakers, and tiki torches, standing well over seven feet, blazed against the lengthening shadows. Then there was the food. Aside from the usual pretzels and chips, there were two tables filled with platters of triangular pita toasts, seeded crackers, bowls of strangely hued dip, and small phyllo-dough pockets. Whole sides of ribs were buried deep inside a charcoal pit across the yard, and pieces of chicken sputtered and sizzled on a large silver grill on the patio.

Off to the right was a kidney-shaped pool, complete with a diving board and circular steps. It was filled to capacity with students from Silver Springs High, including Melissa, who was sitting like a queen on the top step, surveying her subjects, and Cheryl, who was sitting in a lawn chair next to a few other girls.

“You guys coming in?” Milo asked, pausing at the front gate as Zoe and I peered out from behind him. “Or are you just going to watch everything from back there?”

“Of course we’re coming in!” Zoe stepped forward, pushing her brother out of the way, and made her way over to the food table. Milo cleared his throat loudly as Melissa came toward us. She had tied a sarong around her hips, and she was spilling out of her bikini top. Behind her, I could make out the slightest tilt of Cheryl’s head as she watched us from her chair.

“Hey, guys!” Melissa draped a hand casually on Milo’s shoulder. Her eyes took in every inch of Zoe’s appearance in the span of three disgusted seconds. “I’m so glad you could make it! Did you just get here?”

“Just now.” Milo shoved his hands in his pockets, rose up on his toes. “Wow, Melissa. Your place is great.”

“Thanks!” Melissa still hadn’t moved her hand from his shoulder. “Did you get anything to eat yet?”

“We were just admiring all the options,” Zoe said, waving a hand at the phyllo-dough pockets. “There’s a lot of stuff here.”

Melissa rolled her eyes. “God, that is
so
all my mother. She belongs to some culinary group down at the country club, so of course she decided to try out all her freaky recipes for my party.” She tossed her head. “Whatever. I mean, just eat what you want. There’s chips and stuff too. You know, real food.” She squeezed Milo’s shoulder, looking at him slyly. “How about drinks? Did you get something to drink?”

“A drink would be great,” Milo said.

Melissa bumped him with her hip. “There’s soda in the silver buckets over there, or we have punch in the pool house.” She used her fingers to make air quotes around the word “punch.” “Just get one of those big red plastic cups and fill it up, okay? My parents are upstairs, so don’t even worry about it. Seriously.”

I glanced over at Milo. He was staring directly at Melissa’s chest. “Cool,” he said. “Thanks.”

Melissa tossed her hair and looked at me. “Oh, and you guys too, of course. Help yourself.” She tilted her head toward the party. “Okay, well I’m gonna get back in the pool. Come on over when you’re ready.”

She bounded off across the lawn, running lightly on the balls of her feet. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t help it. There was no way any part of my body looked—or moved—like that in a bathing suit. Cheryl was still watching Milo from her seat.

“Hey, Milo!” The three of us turned as a guy inside the pool house yelled his name. “Come on, man! Get your ass over here!”

Milo glanced at me and then Zoe.

“We’ll be fine,” Zoe said.

“I’ll come find you in a little while.” He looked at me. “You gotta be back by ten, right, Jules?”

I nodded and looked away.

“Okay.” He pointed at Zoe. “
You,
behave. See you later.”

“See you,
Dad
!” Zoe called out behind him. I watched him lope across the lawn, his hair unmoving and stiff on top of his head. “Hey, Julia.” I turned around. Zoe had stuck two baby carrots into her mouth, inserting them at such an angle that they looked like enormous buck teeth.

I laughed. “You’re such a dork.”

She let them fall from her mouth one by one. “Listen, are you okay? You hardly said a word in the car.”

I selected a cucumber spear from an exotic vegetable plate and nibbled on it slowly. “Yeah. Everything’s fine. Guess what Sophie got me for a graduation present?”

“Um…” Zoe looked up at the sky for a moment. “A hundred bucks.”

“Nope.”

“Two hundred bucks.”

I leaned in. “A car.”

Zoe’s eyes bloomed wide. “A car?”

“Yup. And not only that, but it’s the Bug.”

“The Bug?” Zoe squealed. “Oh my God, Julia!” She hopped up and down, holding onto the side of my arm. “That’s so cool! Did you try it? Do you love it?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t taken it out yet.”

Zoe stopped jumping. “You just got a car for graduation and you haven’t taken it out for a spin yet?”

“There was a lot going on. There wasn’t really time.” I paused as Zoe studied me curiously.

“You need to talk?” she asked.

I looked away.

Zoe nudged me. “Julia?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I do.”

Zoe and I slipped out from the patio, circled back around the side of the house, and sat on the front steps. It was much quieter out here, and more private. A set of pale bricks formed a semicircle of stairs that lead up to the front door. Next to us, two stone lions rested on their haunches, heads up and alert, as if guarding the house.

Zoe took a long drink from a can of root beer and then gasped, wiping her lip with the back of her wrist. “Who drinks this shit?” she asked. “And how can they even think of serving it at a party? It’s garbage.”

“Zoe. It’s root beer. It’s the same stuff as Dr Pepper.”

Zoe’s face darkened. “Take that back!” she said. “Take it back! Now!”

“Fine.” I shook my head, giggling a little. “I take it back. God, you’re such a nut.”

“Nothing is the same as Dr Pepper,” Zoe said. “
Nothing
. Especially root beer.” She set the can off to the side. “Okay. So now that we’ve cleared that up, tell me what’s going on.”

I plucked a piece of grass from the lawn and tried to sound nonchalant. “Oh, Sophie just got into another fight with my parents. I don’t even know why I’m upset about it. They’re always pissed off at each other. This is nothing new.”

“What were they fighting about?”

I shrugged. “What they always fight about, more or less. All the horrible years in Milford before I was born.” I paused. “I’m just so sick of it. Sophie’s always jumping down my father’s throat about it. My mom’s too.” I stared down at the space of brick between my feet. “I’m not saying they’re perfect. I know they’re a little overprotective.”

“Um…
yeah
.” To her credit, Zoe stopped there.

“But they still don’t deserve all this drama every time my sister comes home. It’s so freaking annoying. And totally uncalled for.”

“Have you ever asked your Mom and Dad what happened in Milford?” Zoe asked. “I mean, to make Sophie so mad?”

“Well, yeah. My dad used to drink back then. And I guess my parents fought sometimes. But Sophie always makes it sound like she grew up in a war zone or something. And my dad has been sober for fifteen years now! That’s gotta count for something, right?”

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “Fifteen years is pretty good.”

A long silence followed. Zoe and I stared at Melissa’s beautiful front lawn. A row of narrow cypress trees separated one side from the neighboring house, and the grass was lush and green. Twilight had begun to descend, and the summer air was fragrant with the purple scent of lilac blooms.

“Except…” The words came out barely over a whisper. “I might be crazy, but something sounded different this time.”

“What do you mean?” Zoe asked.

“I’m not really sure. Something she said about Milford.” I smoothed my palms down the sides of my hair. “She said there were things I didn’t know about. Stuff my parents hadn’t told me.”

Zoe took another swing of soda. “Well, maybe you should find out,” she said.

I closed my eyes.

I didn’t want to find out.

Zoe shook my shoulder. “Listen, let’s go have fun. It’s your graduation! You can worry about all this stuff later. Right now, you just need to chill and enjoy yourself.”

“Okay.” I got back up slowly. She was right. Nothing I did right now was going to fix anything.

The music had been turned up to a startling decibel, the bass thumping above the trees like a gigantic heartbeat. Kids danced and shrieked, running around with red cups in their hands and jumping into the pool. I followed Zoe, who was making her way over to the pool house, but stopped when I caught sight of Cheryl, who had moved from the lawn chair to the side of the pool. Milo was next to her, dangling his feet in the water, holding a red cup in his hand. His shirt was off, and his head was bent toward her. As she whispered something in his ear, Cheryl ran a finger slowly over the curve of his bare shoulder.

Just then, Milo looked up. Our eyes locked.

“Oh God,” I said.

“Where you going?” Zoe asked, as I turned around.

“I don’t know,” I said over my shoulder. “Anywhere but here.”