The Tainted Web (The Godhunter, Book 7) (28 page)

“It's been shocking,” I smiled gently at him, lowering my hand from the glass. “I admit that I've been confused over what to do about you and our fey.”

“
Our
fey?” His gaze narrowed.

“
Arach, it took time for me to understand them but I finally did. I do. The Wild Hunt showed me things I wasn't ready for, things in both our fey and in myself. Things that my human family would find horrifying. To understand them, to accept those urges and needs, means that I must accept that my foundational beliefs, what I believe to be right and wrong, are no longer what they were. That I'm no longer who I was. I've gone through a lot of changes, becoming a lioness, a goddess, but this change goes deeper and is much harder for me to accept. This is a change of my very being, not of what I am but of
who
I am. Does this make any sense to you?”

“
Yes,” he smiled, his eyes going soft around the edges. “You make sense to me. I know what you've done, Vervain. I've held you in the night when your mind fights against those deeds because it believes they were wrong.”

“
They
were
wrong, Arach,” I sighed, thinking about the nights I'd awoken in his arms, shaking against the strength of his chest. “I killed gods in their sleep most of the time, beheading them without giving them a chance to defend themselves.”

“
Because you believed that you couldn't face them fairly.”

“
Is that really a good enough excuse for murdering someone in their bed?”

“
When that someone murders your people just as underhandedly?” Arach shrugged. “Then, yes.”

“
Ah, but there's the rub. I know now that not all gods are evil. Those gods I murdered may have been innocent.”

“
May have?” His brow lowered. “Have you no way of finding out the truth, now that you know the gods?”

“
I've never tried,” I looked away in embarrassment.

“
You don't want to know.”

“
I'm afraid to know for certain. To know that those acts weren't just wrong but evil.”

“
There are casualties in every war, Vervain,” his gaze was penetrating. “Whether those gods were innocent or not is irrelevant. You acted on behalf of your people against a perceived threat. You made choices with the information you had at the time. It's all any of us can do.”

I thought through his perspective, weighed his words against my guilt, and found my guilt lacking for the first time. Maybe it was my fey nature surfacing, the change I was telling him I'm trying to accept. Maybe I just needed another person's opinion. Whatever it was, I felt the weight of guilt lift.

“You have it in you to be a great Queen,” he continued. “Don't let human morality cloud your judgment.”

“
Human morality,” I sighed. “This is why I was so torn. Everyone wants me to be fully one thing or the other. You think I'm pure sidhe, that I should accept my nature and think like a faerie. Trevor and Kirill think I'm a goddess, that the magic I've taken and the immortality I've accepted has made me like them. Odin thinks I'm his wife, human even though my fey blood was suppressed, so human that I refused his offer of immortality once. The only one who hasn't made a judgment on what I am or should be, is Azrael. If I didn't love you all so damn much, I'd move to Heaven with him and tell the rest of you to go to Hell.”

“
So you do love me,” he smiled smugly.

“
Really?” I laughed at his ego. “That was the only thing you took from all of what I just said?”

“
I understand you feel-”

“
No,” I cut him off. “You don't understand what I feel. None of you do and that's the problem. You see, I can't think like any one of those things. I can't be just one of them, because I'm all of them and I'm all of them completely.”

“
You're right, I don't understand.”

“
Remember after the Hunt, you told me to connect with Faerie?” I waited for him to nod. “I did and Faerie showed me something that I haven't truly comprehended until now. My soul is sidhe, my body is goddess, and my blood is human, but my mind rules them all. That's why I've been so confused. You all expect me to think as if I'm only one of these things and that's impossible. To even try would be like lobotomizing myself.”

“
Lobotomizing?”

“
Cutting a piece of my brain and turning me into someone else.”

“
Who does that?” He asked in horrified shock.

“
Humans used to.”

“
And they call us monsters,” he shivered.

“
Yes, well, there's that,” I couldn't disagree with him.

“
So you're saying that I can't ask you to give up your human morality because to do so would change you into someone whose brain has been cut?”

“
Basically,” I gave a little huff of a laugh. “You spoke to me about acceptance but you weren't accepting me for who I truly am. The funny thing is, Faerie does. She loves who I am, a unique creature in her eyes, and she wants me to love who I am too.”

“
Faerie told you this?” He drew so close to the mirror, he was in danger of bumping his nose.

“
Yes. It frightened me a bit, the strength of the desire I felt from Faerie for me. I wondered what lengths she would go to, to have me there but now I realize, she wants me as I am, complete, and if she tried to take me away from the God Realm or the Human, I wouldn't be the same person anymore and I wouldn't be as attractive to Faerie.”

“
Vervain, why didn't you tell me about this?”

“
I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first,” I shrugged.

“
But Faerie spoke to you!”

“
What's the big deal?” I frowned, this so wasn't how I expected this conversation to go. “You're the one who told me to talk to her.”

“
No,” he looked like he wasn't sure if he wanted to throttle me or kiss me. “I told you to feel the magic of Faerie, I didn't say anything about speaking to it... her. You say she spoke to you, with actual words?”

“
It was words, I guess,” I frowned, trying to remember. “It was like a combination of words and images that created feelings. She showed me how she had protected me. She kept the knowledge of my immortality away from Dubheasa and made sure there were other royalty present when I needed their help to pursue her. I just got the sense that Faerie liked me.”

“
Liked you?” Arach's mouth dropped open. “Vervain, Faerie hasn't spoken to anyone for millennia and when she did, it was only to High Kings or Queens. I, for instance, have never heard her voice. Yet you stand there and say you think she
likes
you?”

“
A millennium is a thousand years,” I whispered. “Millenia is multiple thousands.”

“
Yes, Vervain,” he shook his head and laughed. “Very good, did your human schools teach you that?”

“
But... that's...,” I waved my hand as if to brush it away. “I can't deal with this now, I've got to get Kael to Faerie and try to figure out a way to not die.”

“
Ok, A Thaisce,” his eyes went soft. “We'll talk more when you get here.”

“
Okay,” I swallowed hard, “and Arach?”

“
Yes?”

“
I love you.”

“
Vervain, every time I think that my world has gone insane, when it feels like I've lost control and it's all spinning about me wildly, you do something or say something that brings it all to a halt and I'm left standing here, staring at you, knowing that my world is not my own anymore and feeling absurdly happy about it.”

“
So that's what it meant,” I said softly.

“
What?”

“
When you said I stopped your world,” I had no idea the dragon could love so sweetly. “I've wondered about it.”

“
Yes,” he laughed and shook his head, “that's what I meant.”

Chapter Forty-One

Trevor gave me an odd look when I came out of the bedroom. I must have been in there awhile but I'd had to compose myself after the heart to heart I'd just had with Arach, oh and then there was that possible dying thing.

I motioned for him to come back to the bedroom with me and then told him everything. He reacted with the expected amount of snarling, growling, and general cussing, before settling down and trying to come up with a solution. Surprisingly, one of the solutions he thought of was leaving me in Faerie until Iktomi was dealt with. I didn't like that solution.

I finally had to stop him, reminding him that Kanaloa was waiting for us with a tied up, killer kelpie, and that we should probably get going to Faerie. He agreed, grabbing a T-shirt from his drawer before heading out the door.

“
What are you doing with the shirt?”

“
It's for our bare chested Hawaiian friend,” he grinned but it lacked its usual luster. “We can't let him go to Faerie like that. They might think we're all a bunch of barbarians.”

“
Says the Werewolf Prince,” I laughed.

“
I'm house broken,” he put his arm around me as we headed back into the living room.

“
Shall we?” I gestured to the door as Trevor grabbed Kael and heaved him to his feet.

“
We can trace to Faerie from here?” Kanaloa walked over and took my hand.

“
Yep, you ready?”

“
I'm ready, I'm ready,” he laughed, “let's go.”

So I traced with Kanaloa, and Trevor took Kael through the Aether and into Faerie.

We arrived at The End of the Road, a tracing point in front of a huge tree that was, go figure, at the end of a road. The road in particular led to the Castle of Eight, and was where we'd traced in not so long ago to go to the Faerie-God Ball. It was, in fact, the only tracing point in and out of Faerie.

Waiting for us was Arach's carriage, its black, polished wood shining like jet in the streaks of sunlight that made it past the barricade of branches above. On the door was the crest of the House of Fire, a red dragon with wings spread up, the tips coming to a point above its head, and fire coming from its open mouth to form a sharp point below it. The wings and fire formed the outline of a shield.

The fey horses tethered to the carriage were sleek, black creatures with manes tipped in red that sparked when they flung their heads but it was their burning red eyes that always caught my attention. They held knowledge in them beyond that of simple animals. The horses stamped the ground restlessly, the grass to either sides of them actually pulling back from their feet instead of lashing out at the rude behavior.

Around the carriage was a retinue of redcaps, I smiled at them as they parted, and Fearghal opened the carriage door for Arach. I went forward to meet him, Trevor hanging back for a moment with a wide-eyed Kanaloa and trussed up Kael.

“Hey,” I was shockingly shy now that I'd decided to give Arach and I a chance.

“
A Thaisce,” he held out a hand and I took it, allowing him to pull me forward into a tight embrace. I felt him shudder around me and then felt the answering shaking that came from my own body, the exhausted relief that comes when you're finally in the arms of the lover you've been waiting for. Then Faerie reached out, seeping into my skin and welcoming me home with a shivering rush of magic that flowed up through me and into Arach. He pulled away and looked down at me in shock. “Was that Faerie?”

“
Yes,” I smiled. “Did you hear her?”

“
Yes,” his eyes filled with tears as one of his hands reached out into the air to drift in the currents of energy around us. The horses gave excited whinnies and the redcaps shifted, murmuring among themselves. “It's the most beautiful voice I've ever heard.”

“
What is?” Trevor had given up on waiting and was at our sides.

“
Faerie speaks to Vervain,” Arach stood back and then reached out a hand to Trevor.

“
Speaks to her?” Trevor shook the offered hand automatically.

“
Faerie speaks to our Queen?” Fearghal interrupted as the redcaps burst into chatter. “The House of Fire has truly been honored.”

“
Yes,” Arach casually wiped his tears away, it was the most masculine crying I'd ever seen, “we are but we've other matters to attend to, like our prisoner here. Fearghal, will you secure the traitor and see to his imprisonment at Castle Aithinne?”

“
Yes, King Arach,” Fearghal nodded, gave me one last awe-filled look, and went to collect Kael.

“
Arach,” I waved Kanaloa forward. “This is Kanaloa, God of the Sea, Darkness, and Squid.”

“
Squid?” I heard Trevor whisper to Kanaloa. Kanaloa chuckled and gave him a quick nod.

“
Kanaloa,” I cleared my throat to get their attention. “This is King Arach of the House of Fire, leader of the Host.”

“
Thank you for helping my Queen apprehend this traitor,” Arach held out his hand to Kanaloa.

“
My pleasure,” Kanaloa shook the offered hand. “I think it's going to be a fair trade.”

“
Yes,” Arach stood back and gestured to the carriage. “I'm here to offer transport to the Castle of Eight, where I'm told King Guirmean of the House of Water already eagerly awaits us.”

We all piled into the carriage as some of the redcaps tromped off with Kael in tow. He'd have some time yet to ponder his fate at the hands of the Wild Hunt. Wouldn't the Host be excited, to hunt the same fey twice? I bet that had never happened before.

“What did she say to you?” Trevor interrupted my musings as the carriage jerked forward and we began our trek to the castle in the center of the Forgetful Forest.

“
Who?”

“
Faerie, Arach said she spoke to you.”

“
Oh,” I smiled and was surprised to see not only Trevor and Kanaloa listening intently but Arach as well. “She welcomed me home.”

“
Home,” Trevor's voice was low, almost a growl. “This isn't your home.”

“
It's one of them now,” I sighed. “Trevor, I was going to wait till we were all together to talk to you about this but I see that it needs to be said. Faerie has given me a bit of an epiphany. I'm a trinity being, a person of three aspects, and I can't choose to be any one of them. I must be all three to be complete.”

“
A trinity being?” Trevor frowned. “Is that what Faerie called you?”

“
Yes,” I laughed a little, it seemed a little silly when I said it aloud but I was beginning to remember more of the actual words Faerie had used when she spoke to me and in my memory, it had sounded beautiful. “I know it sounds strange but it's magic and magic likes trinities, you know that, the Binding is based on the Law of Three.”

“
Yes, but a person can't be three things at once.”

“
Yet there she is,” Arach sounded as overwhelmed as Trevor. I guess it was really starting to sink in for him now that he'd heard Faerie too. “Who are we to tell her what she can or cannot be? Who are we to contradict Faerie herself?”

“
I am not becoming fey,” I took Trevor's hand. “I
am
fey, I always was, just as I've always been human. It's the goddess aspect that's new. The only changes made to me were done by gods. It was this new magic that shifted me from duality to trinity and somewhere in that shift, the magic bonded, becoming something greater than the sum of its parts. This is what Faerie told me, showed me, that trying to become only one of those parts now would mean severing the rest away and destroying myself in the process.”

“
It's starting to make sense,” Trevor finally acceded. “I guess it's a bit of a relief, that even Faerie doesn't want you to turn completely fey.”

“
I'm glad you see that,” I relaxed back into the cushioned seat. “I feel like my life has become a delicate balancing act. Human, goddess, and sidhe. I was going a little crazy trying to figure out which one I was.”

“
You do realize that you're more than one trinity?” Trevor raised a brow at me and instantly had both mine and Arach's intense attention.

“
Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?” I cocked my head.

“
Yes, whatever she said,” Arach nodded.

“
You're human, fey, and goddess,” Trevor smiled at us. “But you 're also wolf, lion, and dragon. Two triple aspects. Do you think the magic will find a way to make a third? It almost feels incomplete to me without one.”

“
Three times three,” I whispered and looked over at Arach.

“
What will be, will be,” he held his hands out to the sides. “Don't worry about that now. We have bigger concerns.”

“
Bigger concerns than another possible trinity?” Kanaloa looked us all over. “You must be in some deep water if that's the case.”

“
Indeed,” Arach looked at Trevor. “I assume she told you about our conjecture over her absence in Faerie?”

“
Yes,” Trevor's face darkened. “I want her to stay here while we handle Iktomi but she refuses.”

“
I can't hide in Faerie because I'm afraid of a spider,” I huffed. “We don't even know for sure that my death is what stopped me from returning.”

“
You said it yourself,” Arach leaned forward in his seat across from mine. “Nothing else would have prevented you from returning.”

“
Wait,” Kanaloa was trying to follow our conversation, poor guy. “You're gonna die?”

“
Everything dies,” I said softly.

“
Not immortals,” Trevor said.

“
Not the fey,” Arach said at the same time.

“
Actually, both of those do,” I raised a brow, “I know because I've killed them. I hunted gods alone for years, I'm not going to hide now when I'm much stronger and have so many others backing me.”

“
Let's talk about those others, Vervain,” oh, Trevor called me Vervain instead of Minn Elska, this was going to be a lecture. “I will die if you die and the Intare will go insane, not to mention how Odin will take your death, or Azrael, and how about your fire fey, your... well,” Trevor glanced at Arach and then back at me, “well, what is he? Have you decided yet? Or are you going to wait till you're dead, so you don't have to make the choice?”

“
Harsh, babe,” I blinked at him as both Kanaloa and Arach inhaled sharply. “So what you're saying is that I'm more crippled now because people depend on me, than I was when I was alone and had no one to help me? Oh and that I don't like making decisions?”

“
I'm sorry,” he sat back and rubbed at his head. “The thought of you dying makes me panic, especially since we have no idea how this possible death is going to happen and this guy has already abducted you once.”

“
He's what?” Arach narrowed his eyes on me. “You made no mention of an abduction.”

“
And torture,” Trevor added quietly.

“
Someone dared to torture my Queen?” Arach's eyes were starting to slant higher up on his face.

“
And we're going to kill him,” I glared at Trevor.

“
You were tortured, Minn Elska,” Trevor sighed, “and I know it must have been bad because you refuse to talk about it. What else can I do? I need all the help I can get.”

“
I know,” I stroked his leg. “And I've made a decision by the way. About Arach.”

“
Well?” Funny enough, it was Kanaloa who broke the silence.

“
I've decided to give us a shot,” I shrugged.

“
Then you'll be fine with staying here while the rest of us handle Iktomi,” Trevor said with satisfaction.

“
Trevor,” I groaned. He must have really been afraid for me if he wanted me with Arach.

“
We have arrived,” Arach announced as the carriage started to slow. He looked like he wasn't sure whether he should be happy over my announcement or upset over my abduction.

I looked out the window at the magnificent sight the Castle of Eight trees made and then quickly glanced over at Kanaloa to see his reaction. He was open-mouthed with shock, his head practically hanging out of the window as he stared. Yep, I knew how he felt, my first time seeing the castle had been in the air, and it was even more beautiful when you could see it all laid out before you.

I reached up and undid the coil of my braided hair, which I'd put up to go hunting Kael. My scalp relaxed and I sighed as the heavy weight of my dark hair fell around me in waves. The smell of my shampoo filled my nose for a second, so strangely mundane against the backdrop of Faerie scents. Arach caught my gaze and smiled as he reached out a hand and took a lock of hair to rub between his fingers. It was long enough that I didn't even have to lean forward, the length of it just stretched between us like a silken cord of binding.

“
You should wear your hair down more often,” Kanaloa said, breaking the spell. “It's very pretty.”

“
Thanks,” I flung the rest of it back, over my shoulders, to pool around my hips on the seat. “I normally do but it gets in the way of a hunt.”

“
I can see why,” he laughed and went back to staring at the castle we were pulling up to. The fey milling about the courtyard were probably pretty interesting as well. Hell, everything outside the carriage windows was more interesting than my hair.

We stopped in front of the stairs leading into the main tree and one of our remaining redcaps came to open the door for us. He smiled a jagged-toothed grin at me, his head with its huge hooked nose, level with mine for a moment before I descended the steps. His big hand held mine carefully so I wouldn't trip.

“Thank you, Taran,” I didn't wait for the others, just went up the steps to the waiting cat-sidhe, who was holding out his arms to me.

“
Vervain!” Roarke called with delight as I closed the distance between us.

“
Hey, cat,” I hugged him, surprised at how much I'd missed his scampish behavior. “How's life? Caught any rats lately?”

“
No, but I hear you have,” he winked at me as he pulled away. “King Guirmean is waiting with the High King and Queen in the throne room. There have been whispers about you catching Kael in the Human Realm. Care to deny or confirm?”

“
Confirmed,” I laughed as the others caught up with us. “This is Kanaloa, he helped with the rat catching and King Guirmean is going to show him around the Water Kingdom as his reward.”

“
Uuuuggghh,” Roarke shivered theatrically. “Better you than I. Cats don't like water.”

“
Well, squids do,” Kanaloa grinned.

“
Can you actually shift into a squid?” I asked, looking back at him in surprise.

“
Yes, of course,” he shrugged. “Why be a god of squid and not be able to turn into one? I can do octopus too.”

“
Cool, octopus, huh? Don't they have three hearts?”

“
The better to love with,” he grinned. “I can also do interesting things with my tentacles.”

“
Oh, okay then,” I looked over to Arach while Kanaloa laughed. “Shall we, my King?”

“
We shall,” he nodded and extended an arm to me. He wasn't the least bit intrigued by Kanaloa's declaration but then I'm sure Faerie had stranger than he.

“
Oh please,” Roarke rolled his eyes as we strolled past. “What happened to the funny, part-human girl? Can we have her back?”

“
I'm still her,” I winked at him over my shoulder. “But I'm a Queen too so you better watch it, cat.”

“
Great, she's turned into another snotty faerie queen,” Roarke continued to gripe.

“
Faerie/goddess/human queen, actually,” Trevor knocked Roarke's shoulder with his own, sending the cat stumbling.

“
Hey,” Roarke righted himself. “Wait, what?”

“
I'll tell you later,” I called back to him as we made our way to the throne room of the High King and Queen of Faerie.