The Tao of Apathy (16 page)

She sat down by him. He read another page of
the big, leather-bound book in front of him and then bookmarked his
page with the ribbon attached to the book.

“
Ever
read
The Thorn Birds
?” he asked.

“
Yes, Father. But could I talk to
you for a moment?”

“
Could I pick the topic? People
are always coming to me with something on their minds or they don’t
come up to me at all. Just once, I’d like to talk about
sports.”

“
Actually, Father. I do have
something weighing on my mind.”

“
Don’t you think I do too? I keep
it to myself though and pretend it doesn’t exist.” He sighed. “Tell
me, daughter, what is troubling you?”

“
Come on now. I just want to talk.
You’re objective here. The union would not benefit you, but I know
that these new directives are really messing with what you are
trying to accomplish here.”

“
Thank you. Finally someone
notices that. I haven’t been able to hold mass in months. Before I
anoint the sick, I have to give a short message from my sponsor. I
use to be a man of God; now I’m vice-president of Spiritual
Concerns.”

She drove her finger through the ashes on the
table. “Everyone here is harassed by all the new directives. But I
don’t know that I am the person that should be leading the union.
Who am I to tell my employer how things should be run? It’s not my
money that runs this place or my job to do anything but type and
file.”

Father lit up a cigarette. “But you chose to
be a leader.”

“
I wanted to do something. I mean
the last thing I am is a feminist. If I had a woman boss, I would
probably quit. But then, Mr. Grumby-”

“
A very religious man.” Father
made his fingers do spider on a mirror.

“
Tried to get me to touch his
penis.”

The cigarette in Father’s mouth fell out and
as he tried to catch it, it caught on his grasping fingers and shot
across the room. “Holy shit.”

“
He did that with his last
secretary having walked out and now filing a lawsuit on him, and
now, with Petty in charge, one of my friends got replaced because
she went on maternity leave. Her boss just goes to her, ‘Girls that
have babies come back for a week, then quit to be at home anyway.”
Betty looked to where Father’s cigarette lay smoldering on the
concrete floor. “So I went to the union meetings out of anger and
look where I am. Over my head. I’ve been a secretary for twenty-two
years. I can’t lead anybody. I’m not a complainer either. Mostly
I’m a worrier. When things go bad, I usually put up with it and sit
there and worry.” She looked over to Father who was mouthing the
word penis until he finally went to pick up his cigarette. Then he
sat down and puffed on it. “Should I pray about this
Father?”

“
I prayed and prayed and look
where I am, but you go try it if it will get you to go.”

Father looked to see Mr. Petty opening the
door and made a face that made Betty turn and look. Betty couldn’t
fathom why her boss would be out here unless he somehow knew she
was talking about the union. She glanced over to see that Bowlder
had slipped out of the room. Reaching across the table, she stole a
cigarette from Father’s pack and lit it. Father mumbled a complaint
about bumming a cigarette from someone who had taken a vow of
poverty.

Petty got his first full breath of Butt Hutt
air and sneezed. “Bless you,” Father said reflexively.

“
Careful, now,” Petty warned. He
pointed his fingers in pistol fashion at Craig as everyone turned
to stare at him. Then he walked around and put his hands on Craig’s
shoulder. “Being on call on weekends is a thing of the past for
you, buddy.”

Then Petty raised his hands up. “Come on
people. Talk. Smoke. There’s no tension here. You people are
looking into forming a union and I support your right. There is no
animosity here. There’s no reason to fear retribution here.” He got
them to smile. “Yet.”

Then Petty strolled over and sat down by
Father and Betty. “Betty, I didn’t know you smoked.”

“
I don’t. I never come in
here.”

Petty looked at the cigarette in her hand,
smoking rising from it. “It doesn’t matter why you’re here. In
fact, I have a couple of things to talk to you about and it will be
nice to talk outside of my office. For example, I found out that
one of the secretaries lost their position while they were on
maternity leave. I put in call to have her reinstated. So this
woman, I don’t even know if you know who I mean, if she calls my
office, tell her that she has her job back with a
raise.”

Father Chuck lifted up his
ashtray and looked under it for signs of a tap. Then he scanned the
room looking for a camera or a spy. Maybe he shouldn’t have taped
every episode of
The X-files
off MeTV, but he wondered if the hospital was
putting computer chips in the employees’ brains.

“
But the real reason I came
looking for you is to tell you of a job that I am creating what I
think would be perfect for you. You see, I want to create a
position in the personnel department that oversees feminine
issues.”

“
I think housekeeping stocks the
tampon dispensers.”

Petty smiled. “No, I mean issues such as
sexual harassment, maternity leave, glass ceiling type stuff--women
issues. The job would pay eighty thousand a year.”

“
Holy shit.” Betty and Father said
together.

“
Now, I’m serious about this
position, but I have to wait until after this union stuff is taken
care of. Of course.”

Betty looked at him, stunned.

“
Well, think about it, Betty. Like
I said. I am going to wait until the push for a union is over to
create this position. But then we will definitely talk.” He stood
up. “Oh yeah, that’s right. I forgot you were the union president.
I’ve been so busy with other things. Well, don’t let my offer
influence you in any way. The position would still be open if the
union were to be voted in. You know how I honor my debts.” He
looked at her, winked and walked out.

Father got on his hands and knees and looked
under the table for a microphone, then stood up, opened a window
and threw his ashtray out. He turned around to tell Betty to “Sell
out! Sellout! Take what you can get from these jerks.” But the way
she was pulling on her cigarette made him say instead, “It is our
choices that show what we truly are, far more than our
abilities."

“
Was that in the Gospel of Luke,
Father?”

“
Dumbledore in Harry Potter,” he
said as he dragged a cigarette out of his pack with his
mouth.

Chapter 32

Bigger sweated in the plush plastic chair. He
was sure that Seuss’s five minute meeting would end him. He kept
crossing and uncrossing his white sneakered feet and tugging at his
white tufts of hair with both hands. Even Seuss’s office
intimidated him with its oak bookshelves filled with management
books, hazardous waste manuals, and McDonald’s recipe books; and
its pastoral paintings bolted to the wall. Seuss had his big desk,
a small round table for meetings that he never held and the
de-liming supplies for the ice makers.

Seuss rubbed his head as he listened to his
voice mail messages. After replaying the message from his mom over
five times, he hung up the phone and turned to Bigger with a look
of concern. “I wanted to talk to you about your job performance
over the last couple of months.”

Bigger swallowed hard for he knew he had been
slacking off more than he ever had. The only thing he had changed
was his clothes.

“
You’re doing a great
job.”

“
No, way.”

“
Yes, way. I am very impressed and
extremely amazed. When I first saw you in uniform with that white
hair, I thought you were just being a bigger idiot than normal, but
I was wrong.”

“
Thank you, Sir.”

“
Your welcome, Bigger,” Seuss
said. “You have become an example for others to follow. I now get
compliments about you where I used to get complaints and I’m
getting lots of Kudos from the other directors about the fresh
bread you and the new guy bake.

“
Mr. Seuss, the new guy quit. He
hasn’t ever helped me bake the bread.”

“
No. He’s still
around.”

“
If he shows up, can I ask him to
start helping me?”

“
No. If he shows up, he’s fired.
The only way I can keep him on now is that he is never
here.”

Bigger scratched his head, knocking his paper
hat into his lap.

Anyway, the directors like the bread so much
that they would like me to expand the Fresh Bread for Patients
Program to include the patients. You have become efficient, a
leader in your department, and off my shit list. You will go far in
food service, Bigger, unless we eliminate you.”

Bigger snorted out a laugh. “Food services
isn’t my career. I’m just here until I move on to bigger
things.”

Seuss got up and walked around his desk. He
put his hand on Bigger’s shoulder and said. “Let me give you some
solid advice. There is a poem by Douglas Mallard and it
says:

‘
If you can’t dine on top of the
hill,

Be a scrub in the alley.’

That’s talking right to you, Bigger. Be a
scrub. That’s all you can ever be, so stop dreaming about being
something else. You will only make yourself miserable. If you want
to be happy, make me happy by keeping up the good work.”

“
Can I go now, Mr.
Seuss?”

“
Son,” Seuss said, shaking him
gently by the shoulder. “I’ve always liked you. That is why I want
to offer you the new team guider position for the
cafeteria.”

“
Thank you, Mr. Seuss. But, like I
said, working here is not my-”

“
The new position doubles your
currently level of reimbursement.”

“
I have some new ideas on the
cafeteria.”

“
That’s great, Bigger.” Seuss gave
him one last shoulder shake and then sat down at his desk and
flipped over a sheet of paper he had on his otherwise bare desk.
“But before you get into full swing, I need you to tell your mom
these important facts about what would happen to the patients’
rights if there was a union. Just bring them up every time you see
her until she listens to you.”

Bigger took the sheet and read the list aloud.
“One, the union would prevent us from removing incompetent people
from their position where patients’ lives are in their hands. Two,
a nurse could go on a fifteen-minute break as mandated in her
contract even as her patient goes into cardiac arrest. Three, a
union would increase our operating costs so much that we would have
to close down or move the hospital to Mexico.” Bigger didn’t finish
reading the list, but tossed the paper back on Seuss’s desk and
stared at his bosses with one raised eyebrow.

“
The other thing I need you to do,
before I could get my boss to approve your promotion is to convince
your mother to testify for us if we take the union to
court.”

“
Wait a minute, Mr. Seuss. This
sounds like a payoff.”

“
No. Emphatically no. Didn’t I
just say you were doing a great job? This is to reward
you.”

Bigger scratched his head. “What’s the
difference between a reward and a payoff?”

“
Exactly, Bigger. Now you’re
talking. And like I said before, you need to accept that food
service is your potential. I took it rough too, when I realized
that for myself.”

Bigger shook his head. “See-”

“
And I ended up with a job I can
admit to. Can you do that now, Bigger? Accept my proposal and you
go home with a salary that will allow your wife to shop somewhere
besides the dented can bin store. Get this done for me and it will
be a big step up, Bigger. Your first step ever.” Seuss outstretched
his hand on his desk toward Bigger. “You won’t be invisible as a
team guider. Just look at your current team
guider—what’s-her-name.”

Bigger shook his head. “Even if I had the
super power of being able to convince my mom of anything, I would
be betraying the union.”

“
Bigger, your management now, so
you wouldn’t be betraying the union. You would be doing your job
well.”

Seuss seemed to be making sense to him, so
Bigger thought he had better think about it. And when that didn’t
work, he’d talk to Joe. “I have to think about this, Mr.
Seuss.”

“
Fair enough, my boy. But this is
something you should decide on your own without asking anyone
else’s opinion. Now to summarize. This position would make you a
leader in your department, get your darling bride off your ass, and
make your mom proud of something like you. Which, I don’t think you
should mention this to your mom. She might misconstrue your
promotion and think we were using her son to get to her. Then she
might think you didn’t earn this but you did, my little albino
bread boy. I want you to take this promotion for yourself and I
want you to do it for me. Remember how close your parents and me
are? You and I are like family.”