The Tao Of Sex (3 page)

Angry. Infuriating. Boiling fear and frustration and hatred steamed off her skin. She felt her hands clench around his larger ones. Rage flashed through her body, exploding in the air between them…and was gone. Poof. As if it had been lifted right off her skin. The anger was gone, and she was left feeling…what?

Lost and inadequate. She didn’t know how to help her brother, wasn’t sure she could get into college much less make it once there, and most of all, didn’t know if she could keep things together long enough to start a life that had been on hold for eight years. Everything was about to change, and she wasn’t sure she could handle any of it.

“I’m not angry anymore,” she said, awe infusing her voice. In truth, she’d never really been angry, just overwhelmed. “My brother, Joey,” she blurted. “I don’t understand him. He seems to be reaching out, but I don’t know what to do. I hate feeling so useless.”

She refocused on his face, reality intruding with a sudden shock. What was she doing confessing that kind of personal detail to this man? Whipping her hands out of his, she took an unsteady step backward. “What did you do?”

His hands fell to his sides, but his expression remained calm, and his eyes begged her to touch him again, to feel that yumminess once again. “It is what I teach,” he said softly. “Chi—personal energy—and how to purify it.”

“What?”

He straightened, and his eyes grew softer and warmer. They were mesmerizing as he spoke, tempting her to believe anything he said.

“Every living thing has an energy field,” he said. “We call itchi. The clearer your energy is, the clearer your thoughts are. I quieted your chi so you could think more clearly.” He smiled. “That is what I teach. I show people how to clear their energy field.”

She blinked, her mind whirling in confusion. “But the girls…I saw them. And you, too. You were all stripping!” She was babbling, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

“Your chi is growing chaotic again.” He extended his hands, but she backed away.

“Don’t touch me!” Tracy didn’t know why she was so vehement, especially since she did want to take his hands. She wanted to feel that incredible warmth sliding through her system again. She wanted him, and that thought terrified her more than all that other stuff about energy and chi and naked college girls. She felt confused and inadequate, which made him an even stronger temptation. She wanted to curl into his strength and lay all her fears at his feet. But she could not, not, not do that with this man! Not until she knew who he was and what he did. And yet, the desire was so strong.

She watched him bend down for his attaché case again. His expression was open, his body language charming, and his tush was really, really nicely formed. “I know it’s a lot to handle, right now,” he said. “But I have another class this evening at seven. Please come. Bring the police if you must, but come and see that what I teach is not illegal. It’s not even immoral.”

She wanted to shake her head. She wanted to say there was no way in hell that she would be sucked under his spell, but her mouth remained resolutely shut. Meanwhile, his hair was slipping across his forehead again. It was cute. He was cute and sexy and really smart, too. That was why she’d noticed him from the very beginning. “I don’t know what to think.”

He nodded and his eyes continued to draw her in, promising an answer if only she gave him a chance. “You have felt the energy. You know it is real. Come learn more tonight.”

He sounded so reasonable. And the last ten minutes had shown her that her anger stemmed from another source entirely—from Joey and her uncertain future. She didn’t know what to do.

“Your chi has cluttered up again,” he said quietly. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

She bit her lip. She did feel unsettled and…and exactly what he’d said: cluttered.

“Seven o’clock,” he repeated. “Please come.”

NATHAN BARELY MADE IT upstairs before he collapsed on his bed with the shakes. Sweet heaven, he hadn’t realized! He hadn’t known, and who could have guessed? No wonder Tracy protected herself so fiercely. No wonder she didn’t date and never gave the ham-fisted American brutes the time of day. She was a tigress!

In every generation, there might be a dozen women who possessed the natural sensuality and purity to walk in the heavenly realm. These women could use their physical gifts to commune with angels and bring divine messages to Earth. It was like being a natural Buddha, only in a way most people would never accept. Buddhas used the mind to reach heaven, tigresses used their bodies as the window to the divine.

These women were a closely guarded secret in China and virtually unheard of in the United States. But he had grown up in a tigress temple, so he knew how special such women were. His great-grandmother, by all accounts, had been one of them. But the temple had floundered in recent years, in part because it lacked the guidance of a true divine tigress.

He couldn’t be sure that Miss Williams was one, of course. He had only touched her chi, branded the feel of her sweet energy into his mind. But there had been such untapped power within her, that he knew…No, he corrected himself, he guessed at her potential.

The irony of the situation made him laugh out loud. He had just divorced himself from his homeland and left the temple never to return. He wanted nothing to do with tigresses anymore—either natural or trained. And what did he discover? Perhaps the greatest untapped spirit in his generation.

No wonder she’d seemed so innocent in their flirtations. She had to keep her natural inclinations under tight control. If a woman of such sensitivity were to accidentally awaken the tigress within her—well, that would be terrible. The sexual drives would be overwhelming. Nymphomania was the usual result. Besides, he knew she was a single parent to her brother. He doubted she had the privacy to explore her sexuality as she wanted. So she kept herself apart as a way to protect herself.

It all made sense now. But oh, how that knowledge had cost him! His organ throbbed at the memory of touching her sweet chi What a joy it would be to slowly initiate her to the ways of the tigress, to train her to take full mastery of her sexual powers!

Except, of course, he had foresworn all that. He had left the temple and had no wish to help any tigress in any way at all. They were all selfish women focused completely on heaven at the expense of everything and everyone else. Their quest was holy, their pressures innumerable, but he was done with helping them.

He struggled with his sense of ethics. He had to explain the truth to Miss Williams. He had to tell her about the temple and her natural talents. And when she understood, she would leave for the temple in Hong Kong and he would never see her again. She wouldn’t want to go, he knew, but spirits had a way of forcing a person to do things they never expected. He had seen it happen many times. An inner tigress was the most fearsome of spirits. It would want to be trained, would need to stretch for the divine. That was what tigresses did.

So whether she wished it or not, Miss Williams would end up being one of his mother’s students, perhaps the brightest tigress of her generation. Nathan sighed. So much for any possibility of a relationship between himself and Tracy. Tigresses were destined for bigger things. And he…

He had to go to school, get a degree, and then earn enough money to pay for his brother’s and sister’s education. And, he supposed, he would do one last task for the temple. He would teach Tracy Williams about her potential. Her natural tigress spirit would do the rest. In all likelihood, she would be in China within a month.

He groaned and tried to mentally quiet his throbbing organ. How typical of his life. The moment he noticed a girl, the moment he began to pursue a fascinating and intelligent woman was also the exact moment he discovered she was beyond his reach. A tigress in Illinois! Of all the hideous, perverse luck.

Of course, he still wasn’t sure, he reminded himself, but there was an easy test. She had claimed she had no interest in coming to his class tonight. If he was right, then the tigress within her would be unable to resist the call. Whether she understood it or not, she would come to him for training.

Simple. If she showed tonight, he would know she was a tigress. He would teach her the basics as quickly as possible, then send her on her way to the temple. If she didn’t appear, then he would know he was wrong. He could still pursue her as a man pursued a woman. She could still be his. But only if she resisted the call…

SHE HADN’T COME. Nathan grinned as he glanced at his cell phone clock—7:10 and Tracy wasn’t at class. That meant he was wrong. That meant Tracy was not a tigress and he could continue to pursue her. That meant at least one thing in his life was going right.

He grinned and turned to address Zoe, the only girl who had wanted to continue despite his landlord’s accusations during the last class. Zoe was a sweet porcelain doll of a girl—blue eyes, blond hair, and an air of desperation about her that baffled him. Her energy was compact, tightly controlled, and a mystery that would normally intrigue him. That she was also classically Greek beautiful was an added incentive. And yet she left him cold.

But that was the best kind of student—one he could instruct without fearing any emotional connection. He smiled and turned to Zoe. “I don’t think anyone else is joining us, so I guess it’ll be a private lesson between us.”

Zoe dimpled prettily, and Nathan began class. “As I said last time, every living thing has energy called chi The male energy is called yang. The female is called in. ”

A tingle sizzled down his spine, and Nathan’s attention zeroed in on his apartment door. He knew without thinking that Tracy was right there, on the other side. She was hovering in indecision in the hallway, her female energy churning itself into a knot of agitation. He knew it, could sense it, and his heart sank into his toes.

He had his proof. She was a tigress. Her spirit had forced her to come to this class, and before long, she would forget everything she was, all her earthly attachments, and pursue heaven with single-minded devotion. That was what tigresses did whether they wanted to or not, whether they willed it or not. It was their calling, and it was sacred.

A tentative knock sounded. He was already across the room, opening the door for her. She stood uncertainly in the hallway, her ball cap pulled down almost below her eyes, and his heart lurched in sympathy. He could guess how confusing this was to her. She was American and wouldn’t easily believe any of it. But the spirit would not be denied.

She lifted her gaze to his, her expression equal parts nervousness and bravado. “I thought I’d watch,” she said. Then she winced at the double entendre. “I mean, I need to know what’s going on in my building. That’s the only reason I’m here. Because I have to know what you’re…what’s going on here.” Her voice trailed away.

He didn’t respond except to step back and gesture her inside. It was all Nathan had breath to do. His eyes were devouring her. Now that he’d touched her spirit, his lust for her had grown exponentially. She’d changed from her power suit into old jeans that shaped her lovely bottom. Her top was a collared T-shirt with the symbol of the local high school embroidered just above her left breast. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail that flowed out the back of her baseball cap. All in all, she was dressed to fade into the background. Zoe in her silky stretch yoga pants and fitted crop top was the one intent on seduction. And yet everything in him yearned toward Tracy.

He bit his lip wondering at the razor-thin line he was about follow. His plan was to simply show Tracy that Tantrism wasn’t prostitution. It wasn’t even necessarily erotic, depending on how one approached it. Then her calling would take over. She would demand to know more; he would provide books, guidance—and the directions to the temple in Hong Kong. Simple. Asexual.

Except he was rock hard and his every thought ran to the carnal. Why? Because she was a tigress and he was a dragon. The two powers called to one another even though she wasn’t consciously aware of it. He wanted her. He would always want her. And yet she was a woman he refused to take. He was done with tigresses—Tracy included. He would simply show her the path then step aside.

He took a deep breath and gestured to the pillows on the floor. “Please,” he rasped. “Please, sit down. We had just started.”

She settled awkwardly, her head shrunk back into her shoulders. Her energy was skittish, tingling across his in a way that should not have been erotic. She met his gaze—only for a moment—and he wondered if she felt the same pull between them that he did. Was she already sensitive to his energy?

“Right,” he said. Then he abruptly turned, taking out the elementary pictures he’d created a week ago. They were a far cry from the beautifully rendered scrolls at the tigress temple in Hong Kong. What he held up was a poster of a boy stick figure and a girl stick figure. The boy had a long dash for his dragon organ and the girl had two big circles for her lesser yin gates.

Zoe was too polite to laugh. Tracy snorted in surprise, and he smiled at her. “Artistry was never my talent.”

She tightened her lips, color heating her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a lovely diagram. Much better than I could do.”

He nodded, momentarily entranced by the sight of her flushed expression. Her entire body seemed to lift, and her eyes sparkled. Here was the woman who’d so intrigued him over the last month: the shy flirt who seemed to shimmer with light when she smiled. But then she was gone, her face once again shielded by her baseball cap.

“All right.” He tried again. “In very simplistic terms, every person has a spirit or soul. Energize that spirit enough, and one can touch the divine. There are many paths to raising the soul. Traditional Buddhists meditate themselves to the higher plane. Many live celibate, moderate lives to purify themselves. The fighting Buddhists use their physical exercises as a way to purify themselves. But the Tantrics…”

“They use sex!” chirped Zoe, obviously pleased with her burst of understanding.

“Yes,” he responded automatically. “And no.” His gaze inevitably slid to Tracy, but her expression was hidden, giving him no clue as to her thoughts. “Not sex. Just physical excitement.”

“Orgasm.” Zoe’s tone was serious as she tried to sound academic.

“For the woman, yes. Her womb is like a cauldron of energy. The more it contracts in orgasm, the more it churns the energy of yin and yang combined. She can then meditate to expand that energy throughout her body and spirit and eventually…”

“Raise herself to heaven,” Zoe said, her voice tightening with excitement.

“Yes.”

“Yeah, right,” drawled Tracy.

Nathan turned to her in silence. He wasn’t stunned by her scoffing. He had heard jeering insults every day of his life. And yet, a keen sense of disappointment cut through him. Her body was here, but her mind remained resolutely closed.

The silence stretched on until she finally tilted her head back. Slowly the bill of her cap tipped enough for him to see first her light rose lips, then the tip of her nose. Eventually she straightened until he could see an apology in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she finally said. “But come on, orgasm to see God? And who does the stimulating? You?”

He settled down on his knees before her. He wore his teaching pants—loose cotton that hid the thickness of his dragon—and a light tunic on top, easily stripped away if needed. Right now it felt like the heaviest restriction across his shoulders and chest. He wanted to touch her, to show her. Instead, he kept his mind focused on his words.

“Partners are assigned later in the practice, but many have found the antechamber by their own hand.”

“Alone?” squeaked Zoe from the side.

“Gives a whole new meaning to prayer vigil,” Tracy quipped.

He couldn’t help it. His lips quirked. “Humor is very good,” he responded evenly. “Tantrism is a very human practice. And humanity requires laughter.”

“And double-A batteries?”

He shrugged. “If you like.” He leaned forward, allowing his own yang hunger to narrow the distance between them. “It takes practice for the male partner to sustain the female orgasm for long periods. Many of my fellow dragons resorted to mechanical means when their mouths and tongues grew tired.” He let his own pride show through. “As a teen, I used to boast that I could sustain a woman for hours.”

He was handling this badly. He was not a man who bragged about his accomplishments. And that was the exact worst way to speak to Tracy. He needed to be charming, to smile and ease her slowly into understanding. But he couldn’t do it. His blood was running hot and hard, pushing him to show her exactly how masculine he was. He was a mature dragon, a man who would not be denied his tigress. He was worthy of her at the most primal level, and she would succumb to him.

What was wrong with him? Why was he reacting this way? Nathan took a deep breath and forced himself to think. The answer wasn’t hard to come by. He had been dreaming of this woman for months. Then this morning he had touched her energy, felt her sexuality, and knew what she could be. Of course his male energy was yearning for her. Of course he wanted to stake a dragon claim on her.

But he was not a beast to be controlled by his sexual drives. He was a man who reasoned. And most of all, he was a man who knew that this woman was not for him. Unfortunately, his dragon energy didn’t seem to care. Spirit went where it willed, and right now his spirit went straight for Tracy.