The Tea House on Mulberry Street (26 page)

“Oh, Arnold, forgive me! It’s just, I’m going to miss you so much, I can’t think straight”

Arnold had to wear another, inferior, suit and shirt, and this irritated him greatly. Then he noticed his passport was not on his bedside table and, by the time he found it, he realised he would miss the plane. In his haste, he cut himself shaving and stubbed his toe on the hall table while rushing out to the car. He drove at breakneck speed to the airport.

Patricia was very upset. She was waiting in the bar, in tears, in the airport. She thumped him with her clutch-bag when he arrived, gasping, at the terminal building. They had to wait for three hours for the next flight, which gave them plenty of time to argue. By the time they checked into their Paris hotel, dinner was over and the bar was closed. Patricia was outraged when Arnold unpacked his bag and she saw the offensive magazines he had brought with him.

“Is that how you see me? As a cheap tart? How dare you bring this smut on our lovely holiday,” she barked. Arnold had never heard Patricia shout before. She sounded disturbingly canine.

“I don’t. I didn’t. I have no idea how it got there. I swear it.”

“Who packed the bag? Did Sadie Sponge do it?”

“Of course not. There’s three packets of contraceptives in there. How could I explain that to Sadie? A person doesn’t usually need condoms at a double-glazing convention, for God’s sake! Not unless their sales figures are so low, that desperate measures are called for. Ha ha ha!”

“Oh, shut up! Why don’t you just admit you brought pornography to Paris?”

“For the last time, I did not bring it! I’m telling you the truth, Patricia.”

“I don’t believe you, Arnold. Why should I believe a word you say? You’re a liar!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me. You’re a big fat liar. You’ve lied to your wife for months. More than a year, for heaven’s sake. You said she was a real dope. That she would believe any old hogwash. Is that what I am, Arnold? Am I a real dope, too?”

“Look! Are we going to get frisky, or not?” said Arnold, feeling suddenly weary. He sat down on top of the magazines. If a bit of fun was off the menu, he was going to lie in a hot bath, with a large whiskey.

“You what? You’re the limit, Arnold Smith. You really are. You take that smut into the bathroom and have fun with it. I’ve never been so insulted in my life.” She had gone off the idea of modelling her sexy lingerie. In fact, she began to think Arnold was a bit arrogant.

Arnold scuttled off to the bathroom, where he sat on the laundry basket and sulked for a while, waiting for the bath to fill.

At midnight, they had a cup of watery French tea and collapsed into bed, exhausted. Patricia turned her back on Arnold, and when he slipped his hand under her nightdress, in a desperate bid to consummate the trip, she nipped the skin on the back of his hand as hard as she could, and left a tiny, purple bruise.

Earlier that evening, in Belfast, Sadie poured Maurice and Daisy a very large gin and tonic apiece and set out some pretty bowls of nibbles on the coffee table. She drew the heavy curtains in the sitting-room. They were all sitting comfortably in front of the fire, politely ignoring an enormous pile of ironing in the corner.

“When the cat’s away, the mice will play,” she chuckled, as she picked up some ice-cubes from the bucket with her little tongs and dropped them into the glasses.

“Well, this is very nice,” sniffed Daisy, reaching for a peanut.

“What’s up?” Maurice wanted to know. “What are we celebrating?”

“Oh, nothing,” said Sadie. “I just felt we deserved a treat.” She flicked around with the remote control until she found the travel programme on the television, that she had circled in the Radio Times. She wanted to make sure the atmosphere was right.

Daisy looked at the blue skies on the screen and she sighed.

“Oh, how lovely,” Sadie said. “Sometimes, I wish I’d been born a Greek. Or a Spaniard. Or an Italian. Anywhere really, where there’s a bit of sun. It doesn’t seem natural to have to pay hundreds of pounds on some package holiday just to see the sun.”

“I know what you mean,” said Daisy.

“Some of us would be happy to pay it, if we were fit to go,” said Maurice.

“Funny you should say that,” said Sadie. “I was watching television in bed the other night, and there was a great programme on, about this retired couple, from Birmingham. Anyway, the husband had arthritis, just like you, Maurice. And the wife was a bit stiff herself. Anyway, they went on holiday to this Greek island. Oh, it did look lovely!”

“Were they as old as we are?” asked Daisy.

“Older. The resort was specially designed to cater for pensioners, and they had a whale of a time.” Sadie ate some peanuts, and topped up their glasses.

“Not cheap, I’ll wager,” said Maurice.

“Of course it wasn’t cheap. The whole place being on the one level and all. There’s no stairs, you see. Very quiet at night. There’s no discos allowed on that part of the island. And a full English menu. All the rashers you can eat. No, it’s not cheap, as I said before. But what’s the point of having money in the bank if it doesn’t bring you pleasure? You can’t take it with you. That’s what I say. And I got to thinking what you said, Maurice, about wanting to go on holiday before it was too late… The two of you should go! What’s stopping you?”

Maurice and Daisy looked at her in amazement. Sadie did not usually sound so friendly. They said they would think about it. It was really quite strange, because only that morning, they’d been considering going on a little holiday to Portstewart. Life in the bungalow had become very tedious, since Sadie gave up her domestic duties and became a fulltime layabout.

“You do that,” said Sadie. “Don’t you be hoarding your money, to leave it to Arnold and me, and the boys. When you pass on, I mean. We’ll be fine. Arnold does very well financially, although he doesn’t like to boast about it. And, of course, the boys are well set up in Australia with their gardening business. Making a packet, they are. Those Australians won’t lift a finger in the garden if the sun is shining. They’re all away charging to the beach with those board-things.”

“I’m not sure,” said Daisy.

“I think you deserve a holiday. Sure, it never stops raining in this Godforsaken place. If I had any money myself, I’d be out of here like a shot.”

“Well, Sadie, I don’t know what to say,” began Maurice.

“You know what, Maurice?” she interrupted. “I’ve never told you and Daisy just how much I love and admire you both. It’s not in my nature to show affection and to be fawning all over people, but I just want you to know that I love you both very much.”

“Oh. Well. Thanks, Sadie,” said Daisy. “I always thought we were in your way, here.”

“In the way? Not at all. Far from it. I only wish the two of you had more of a life.”

“What do you mean?” asked Maurice.

“Well, now. It can’t be very exciting for you to be stuck with me all day.”

“There’s not much call for excitement at our time of life,” said Daisy.

“Oh, I disagree. You should enjoy your retirement. You’ve earned it. And I’m not much of a cook either – not like you were, Daisy. You can’t compare frozen cod to what those people are eating in that Greek tavern, there.” They all looked at the television screen. A sexy, young waiter was serving a multicoloured salad to some laughing tourists. “And you both used to be so active and independent. It’s a shame.”

“What are you trying to say, Sadie?”

“Just that if you do go away to Greece, I’ll look after Arnold. I promise. I’ll see he gets everything that he deserves.”

And with that, Sadie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, to show them how sincere she was. Then she turned up the volume on the television and let the travel programme do the rest of her work for her.

When Arnold returned from Paris, his parents were in great spirits. There were four new suitcases in the hall and holiday brochures on the coffee-table.

“What’s going on,” he asked. “Do we have guests?”

“Oh, there you are. Did you have a nice time in Paris? I hope it wasn’t too boring for you. Was the food terrible?” Sadie was folding tea towels in the kitchen.

“No, of course not. But what’s going on?” He was impatient, now.

“All those chicken giblets and snails and horses’ heads. Oh!” She made a face. “Is it true they make sausages out of cow’s intestines?”

“I said, what is going
on
?”

“Do you mean the luggage?”

“Yes. I mean the blessed luggage.”

“Maurice and Daisy are going on a little trip of their own,” said Sadie. “You’re not the only globetrotter in this family. They’re off to Greece next week.”

“They’re what? Who is responsible for this? I absolutely forbid this nonsense. They’re in their seventies, for heaven’s sake!”

“That’s not old, by modern standards, my love. They’re going to Greece next week, and they’re delighted about it.”

“They can’t manage on their own. This is ridiculous. I go away for three days and the whole place falls to pieces. Really, Sadie, I’m disappointed in you.”

“Now, you haven’t heard the whole story. They’ll be collected at the front door in Belfast, and brought right to the hotel in Greece, and they’ll be accompanied all the way by a nurse and several helpers. They won’t be on their own. All the meals are laid on. They won’t have to do anything except enjoy themselves. Don’t worry.” Sadie smiled at Arnold as if he was a small child who had grazed his knees.

“A nurse! What is all this costing? That’s what I want to know,” said Arnold.

“Who cares? They have plenty of savings,” said Sadie. Though not for much longer, she hoped. “Oh, and by the way,” she added, “could I have some extra money at the end of the month. I’d like to join a gym, and get rid of this tummy of mine. Now that I’ll have some time to myself…”

Arnold was in a bad mood for days. Maurice and Daisy set off on their trip to Greece, and they had such a good time, they decided to stay on for another month. They sent a postcard to the bungalow. They had made lots of friends, and were beginning to know their way round the island. Their chalet was very comfortable. Maurice said the pain in his knees was easing, and Daisy had developed a taste for the local cuisine. They said they felt they might live forever. Arnold was furious.

Then Sadie left Arnold’s golf clubs out on the lawn when she was cleaning in the shed, and they were stolen by a light-fingered passer-by, in broad daylight.

“I just came out of the shed, and there they were – gone!” she told Arnold when he came home from the office. She was very sorry indeed, she said, over and over. She couldn’t believe she could be such a
dope
. But Arnold thought he heard her giggling in the bath that evening.

He told Patricia that Sadie Sponge had joined a gym, and that she went there every day.

“But so far,” he said, “she hasn’t lost any weight. In fact, I think she’s getting bigger.”

Chapter 34

T
HE
H
OUSE ON
M
AGNOLIA
S
TREET

The affair was progressing nicely. Richard had no idea that he was Penny’s first and only lover, outside her marriage, although he did think she was very innocent. She always let him lead the way when they made love in the low designer bed in the flat. Richard thought she was very dignified. Mysterious, too. Penny always got dressed and undressed in the en suite bathroom. She wasn’t like his previous lovers, pulling off and on their underwear in front of him. She was polite. He liked that in a woman. She seemed very pleased and contented every time they went to bed together. They usually fell asleep holding hands.

In another life, Richard might have proposed to Penny. He was very fond of her. Maybe he was falling in love with her. He told her she was very sweet and charming, but he was careful not to mention the word ‘love’. That would mean commitment, and that wasn’t Richard’s style. If he did ever did find himself at the altar rails, there would have to be a very wealthy bride walking up the aisle towards him. Richard didn’t want to sell houses forever.

Meanwhile, Penny was the perfect lover. She laughed at his jokes and did not ask him about his personal life, or where his parents lived, or when she would see him again. She took care of the birth-control side of things, without lecturing him about it being his responsibility. She was gentle in bed, patient and relaxed, caressing his muscular back and kissing him softly. She was very quiet, too. No screaming his name out loud and scratching his back with her fingernails, like that girl from North Down he’d dated two years earlier. Richard respected Penny for that. These liberated women could be a real turn-off, especially when they asked him to do unusual things. He had no time for adult films, strip-clubs, stag-weekends, binge-drinking or sex-toys. Richard Allen was an old-fashioned lover.

Penny enjoyed their liaisons in the stylish flat. Richard was always attentive and sexy, playing his part well. They went to the theatre, for drives along the coast and for meals in country pubs. Sometimes Richard paid, and sometimes Penny picked up the bill. It was well worth the effort she spent on her make-up and clothes. She enjoyed their time together but it was nothing like the sexually-charged encounters she saw in the movies.