He smiled. “You and I both know you are going to make this play fifty times better than it would be with someone else as Lucinda.”
“I certainly could do no better with you and Monica as my tutors.” She forced a smile, hating the way she deceived him.
What else could she do? If she told him what happened at the theater the night before, he wouldn’t leave for Bristol but would undoubtedly go looking for Baxter.
“You must consider Monica and I as your allies.” Adam’s voice dragged her from her thoughts. “We want this for you as much as you do for yourself. You must turn to her whilst I am gone.”
She pushed aside the hurt she felt when he referred to the two of them as allies. Did he not think them more than that? “I will.”
“Monica sees so much potential in you.”
Words battled on her tongue. She longed to ask him if every kiss he gave her, every embrace, every stroke of her skin meant more than a balm for his own satisfaction. He was a good man, but she did not need saving by him. She yearned for him to look at her as an equal. As a woman.
She stared into his eyes. “Why is Monica so generous with her time when she won’t even be in this play? I long to trust you, her, and a million and one other people, but I won’t lie to you. It’s hard for Bette and I to do that after being deceived so many times.”
His smile slipped. “You do not believe our caring for you is genuine.”
Care? I don’t want you to care! I want desire, love, respect. . . .
“No.”
He stepped away from her, tilted his head back, and planted his hands on his hips.
Laura’s heart picked up speed and her determination soared. Second by silent second, the romantic clouds drifted away, leaving behind the realistic, down-to-earth woman she was before she met him.
He dropped his chin. “Monica knows Baxter.”
Laura stiffened. Was he about to tell her he intended to go after Baxter? “Do you know how?”
His jaw tightened and he looked to a spot past her shoulder. “She would not tell me, but it does not take a genius to work out her relationship with a man like that.”
Laura carefully studied him as pride swelled behind her ribcage. “Am I another project, Adam?”
“What?”
“I know how you helped make Monica what she is today. Isn’t that what you’re trying to do for me too?”
His jaw tightened. “How can you think that?”
“How can I not?”
He moved to touch her and then halted as if he’d changed his mind. He pushed his hand into his hair, his gaze confused. “Yes, I helped her, but this . . . us . . . is different.”
“I’ve looked after myself for far too long to want or need anything from anyone. I think deep down you want me to stay because you think you can save me.”
“Goddamn it, Laura. I did not
save
Monica. The woman was, and still is, as full of spunk and verve as you. I do not feel I saved her, and I am not trying to save you. I see your potential. Potential that should not be wasted because society will not give you a chance.”
The question she really longed to ask . . . the issue that really bothered her stung on her tongue. Dented pride and hurt reeled inside. Their eyes locked and the atmosphere shifted.
His brown eyes darkened with passion and she fought the need to have him take her in his arms and hold her as he had yesterday afternoon.
It was clear from his talk of her
potential
that she couldn’t dwell on their intimate moments. Why did fate have to be so cruel to have her dream of seeing more than ambition in his eyes when he looked at her?
“Monica and I never laid together, Laura.” His voice was velvet soft. “Nothing of any intimacy has ever occurred between us.”
She stared as unease rippled through her. He saw through her so easily. She’d become entirely incapable of hiding her thoughts and feelings from him. She lifted her shoulders. “It would not bother me. The decision to sleep with you was mine.”
He gripped her waist. “Our lovemaking meant a lot to me. I do not want you to think what is happening here is about me swooping in to save anyone. Monica came into my path expecting nothing. I will not regret doing something to help her, and I will not regret this time with you either.”
She studied him. Nothing but sincerity shone back at her from the depths of his eyes. How she longed to trust him, but that notion would never come to fruition. She’d been burned too many times to stride headlong into a potential disaster. Her attraction and passions for this man had already led to decisions beyond her usual control.
If she stayed longer, Lord only knew what would happen next. She would not allow Adam to mist her eyes and fool her heart.
She tilted her chin. “People matter to me, Adam. The theater will always come second to that. Always.”
He smiled. “I would not have that change for me or anyone else. Just because I live and breathe the theater, that does not mean I expect the same from you. All I know is you are meant to be Lucinda, but you have to feel her too . . . in here.”
He touched his hand to her breast and her body instantly heated. The connection between them was dangerous. He stepped closer and pressed his lips to her jaw and lower to her neck. Her center pulled and her nipples tightened.
“Adam, stop.”
He pulled back and met her eyes. “I have never met anyone like you.”
She cursed the instant desire that curled her toes. She’d been down this road before and it had become her personal nightmare. She stepped back and absently brought her hand to her stomach.
“Our time together is something I’ll never forget.” She drew in a strengthening breath. “But we mustn’t lose sight of who we are. I didn’t lie with you as an act of gratitude or expecting anything in return. I did it because I wanted to.”
“As did I.” His gaze hardened. “I had hoped you would have felt that. Known I was with you. Not Lucinda. Not the play. Not the theater. I did not expect to feel so strongly about you, but I should have known it was inevitable from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
She pulled her shoulders back in an effort to heighten her resolve. She had to leave him. Leave Bath. For his sake, even more than hers. Baxter would not let her go easily. That much she knew.
He took her hand. “Say you will be here when I get back.”
Tears burned the back of her eyes. Shame furled inside her stomach. “I’ll be here when you get back.”
Color darkened his cheeks and he smiled as he released her hand to pick up his case. “Then I will ask nothing more of you.” He glanced toward the front door. “I must go.”
His gaze wandered over her face and hair a final time before he turned and opened the door. He turned, his handsome face alight with fervor. “Our future is going to be amazing. Promise me you will think about that for the entirety I am in Bristol.”
She nodded and forced a small smile. “I will.”
He hesitated before nodding curtly and heading down the steps and into the gray morning. With her breath catching in her throat, Laura hurried forward. He waved down a passing hansom cab and, without looking back, climbed inside.
From the steps of her lover’s home, she stood stock-still until the cab disappeared out of sight. Turning, Laura went back inside and closed the door, their conversation tumbling through her mind and conscience. It was for her protection and his that she had said she would be there when he returned.
Tears broke. What if his child grew inside her? What if she lost another blessed babe? She had no right to expect anything from him and needed to take care of herself, Bette . . . and whomever else came along, alone.
Chapter 16
Laura pushed away from the door and swiped at her cheeks as she hurried upstairs to dress. The walls were closing in on her, and her heart was nothing more than a traitorous problem residing in her chest. She needed to get some things to take with them if she and Bette were to leave today.
Her head ached with tension as she entered the guest bedroom and pulled open a dresser drawer. Where would they go? Bette traveling to London was an impossible notion considering the state of her health. Laura retrieved a shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders. Bristol was no longer an option because Adam would undoubtedly be there for the coming months.
That left the surrounding villages.
She grimaced as she tied her boots. She’d never considered country life before because of her embedded love of the city. Nothing but fields and animals day after day. This might have filled some people with peace, but it filled her with dread and an innate burden of isolation.
Putting her off more than anything was the fact she was in the country when she lost her baby. Traveling to see a lover who promised her the world—who promised farm life would suit her once she left the bustle of the city. What a fool she’d been to think men who came visiting Bath had any intention of giving a teenage whore a future.
It wasn’t a broken promise that lingered in her blood—it was the miscarriage of her unborn child. A baby she’d known was made because the lovemaking felt wholly different than ever before. Tears smarted her eyes and she hastily blinked them away. The passion, hope, and love she’d harbored for her baby’s father had given them the blessing of a child. It was fear the same sensations had pulsed through her under Adam’s caresses and love that frightened her more than anything.
Inhaling a deep breath, she looked around the room. What other choice did she and Bette have but to flee? Yet, she couldn’t ease the fear of what it would do to Bette’s condition, traveling into town, let alone enduring an undoubtedly rough and bumpy ride by coach into Saltford or somewhere similar.
She left the room and headed toward the stairs. They had limited money and limited resources. Lord only knew how they’d manage past a fortnight without her earnings from the theater. The sense of finality that squeezed her heart when speaking with Adam earlier reappeared. Why did she have to fall for the man?
As she descended the stairs, she shivered.
Something was wrong. Here. In the house. A sense of impending doom cast its shadow around her.
She reached the bottom stair and Nurse’s muffled voice filtered from the back room. Laura lifted her chin and shoved her negativity aside. No matter what, her life was settled with Bette. Without her, it tipped and dipped until she felt sick with dread. Doing something tangible would only silence the little voice inside her saying she was running scared from her life, while constantly living through others.
Another shiver ran up her spine and she glanced toward the back room.
She swallowed. Getting them away from Bath would be the best thing in the long run. Her feelings for Adam were just a symptom of wanting more—of wanting a real, bona-fide relationship one day. Undoubtedly, the break from whoring and having a taste of something better had caused her to lose her mind a little. Once she and Bette were packed up and on the road, reality would ground her once more.
Looking to the mirror, she pinned her hat into place with shaking fingers.
“Miss Laura, where are you?” Nurse’s hurried footsteps clattered along the parquet flooring.
Laura froze as every instinct in her body screamed of danger.
She spun around. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Miss Windsor. I’m so sorry.”
Panic ripped through Laura’s blood on an icy-cold stream as she looked past Nurse along the hallway. “What do you mean, you’re sorry? Has something happened?”
“She’s dead, miss. I’m sorry.”
Laura stared.
No. No. No!
“You’re wrong. She can’t be.”
She brushed past Nurse, their shoulders knocking, causing the other woman to stumble backward. “Get Dr. Penders. Now. Run there as fast as you can.”
A vile, metallic horror coated Laura’s mouth as she rushed forward.
Don’t do this to me, Bette. Don’t you dare leave me.
Tears blurred her vision and she stumbled into the back room. “Bette. Oh, God. No.”
Her beloved friend was slumped motionless in the wheelchair, her head tilted to the side, her mouth gaping lifelessly open, and her pallor that of an old woman. Tears burned and scalded Laura’s eyes as she touched Bette’s forehead and her cheek. She was warm, but so very still.
“Bette. Bette, please.” She shook her shoulders and Bette’s head lolled backward. “No, please.”
Laura drew her friend into her arms and held her tight. “Come on, Bette. Talk to me. Let’s sing, shall we? What shall we sing?” Tears ran like hot wax down Laura’s cheeks, searing and burning. “Please sing with me. Please.”
The minutes passed like hours while she waited, holding and rocking Bette, memories of their years together tumbling through her mind.
“Laura? It’s Dr. Penders.”
She gently eased Bette back into the chair and kissed her cheek. “It’s all right, the doctor’s here now. It will be all right.”
Dr. Penders appeared in the doorway just as she pushed to her feet. Their eyes briefly met before the doctor strode to Bette and placed his fingers at her neck. Laura trembled, her heart splitting and cracking. She pushed her fist into her mouth to stop from screaming aloud as the doctor leaned his ear to Bette’s mouth.
If she dies, it’s my fault. Talking with Adam, fretting over the state of my stupid heart instead of looking after her.
She swiped at her tears. She had no right to cry. No right at all. She looked to Dr. Penders and inside screamed,
Tell me she’s alive. Tell me!
The kindly doctor shook his head, his eyes glazed with tears. “I’m sorry, Laura.”
She sucked in a breath that scratched her throat, like the sharpened blade of a knife, and staggered forward. She fell to her knees in front of the woman who’d shared her life for so long.
Her heart split in two as she dropped her face into Bette’s lap and her friend’s skirts muffled the howl that ripped from deep inside Laura. How could she go on? Would Bette ever forgive her for meeting Adam? For falling in love and neglecting the only person she could ever count on?
“Bette, don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Adam grimaced. The coach journey from Bath to Bristol would have been an uneventful one if he had not been squashed between a woman of ample stature and her daughter, who clearly wanted to make herself known to him in ways that left little to the imagination. Once upon a time, her pretty blond curls and delicate porcelain features might have caught his interest. The expensive and flamboyantly rich color of her clothes even more so. Clearly, the young woman’s parents were not short of a penny or two. His ambition would have made her a tempting prospect.
However, any philandering came to an abrupt stop the moment he set eyes on Laura. She inspired him to be more and want more. He smiled. Good God, she would give these two a run for their money and leave them quaking in her wake. Silliness and vanity were so low on Laura’s list of priorities, it was laughable.
The coach drew to a stop at the bottom of Park Street and Adam levered himself out from where he was wedged. He came free with an almost audible pop. He touched a finger to his hat and smiled at mother and daughter in turn.
“Well, it was very nice to meet you, ladies. Enjoy your time in Bristol.”
He stepped from the coach and succinctly slammed the door just as the mother made a lunge for his sleeve. Forcing a wide smile, Adam waved as the coach rolled away. He released his held breath. Undoubtedly a lucky escape.
Shaking his head, he lifted his overnight bag from the cobbled pavement and strode toward the hotel where he had booked a room for the night. It was also where he had arranged to meet Lady Annabel Harvard, otherwise known as his interested investor.
Adam tightened his jaw. He should not be there. He should have gone straight to the audition and then caught the first coach back to Bath. Had being in Laura’s company not taught him anything? A person did not run from trouble—or take the easiest solution to the detriment of their soul. They kept their integrity and strode the right path for as long as it lasted. Yet, here he was, walking straight along the wrong one.
He should continue to take his script to every theater in town and scout the actors’ studios and bars for an interested director or producer. He should not be entertaining this meeting. He should not be seeing Annabel again. If all was as innocent as he had told himself a thousand times since he left the house, he would have told Laura the investor’s name. He had not. Which was as good as lying.
The bronze-colored canopy of the Royal Hotel came into view and Adam’s footsteps slowed. Nothing untoward had happened thus far, and if he had his way, nothing would. He intended on making it clear to Annabel he would welcome her money as a bona-fide investor, nothing more.
“So why is your heart racing and your nerves jumping? You’re a fool if you mess this up, Lacey. A bloody fool.”
Drawing in a long breath through flared nostrils, he mounted the steps and moved into the hotel foyer. The Royal Hotel was lavish and expensive. A stay he could ill afford. It would’ve been wiser to save the money for the production of his play. Forcing the scowl from his face, Adam approached the desk clerk.
“Good afternoon. I have a room booked. Adam Lacey.”
The clerk beamed, his eyes lighting like lamps. “Ah, Mr. Lacey. Lady Harvard has been eagerly awaiting your arrival.”
Adam’s stomach knotted and his shoulders tensed. What was wrong with the woman to be broadcasting his arrival to all and sundry? He smiled tightly. “Has she indeed.”
“Yes, sir. If you’d like to leave your luggage, Lady Harvard is in the lounge taking a glass of wine before dinner. Maybe you’d like to join her?”
“My room—”
“Will be ready as soon as you are, sir.” The clerk held Adam’s gaze, one eyebrow raised.
Adam slumped his shoulders. “Instruction received and understood. I will join her now.”
The clerk gave a curt nod and gestured for a bellboy. Knowing it was a lost cause to delay the inevitable, Adam turned and strode toward the lounge at the other end of the foyer. He entered the room and was greeted by muted chatter and high-ended, high-pitched laughter. After a less than comfortable journey, a glass of wine might be just what the doctor ordered. He glanced around.
Annabel rose from her chair a few feet away. “There you are.”
He pulled on a smile and approached her, taking her outstretched hands in his. When she offered him her cheek, he chastely kissed her and pulled back. “You look as immaculate as always.”
She smiled demurely, moving a thick coil of blond hair to lie over her breast. “I’m so glad to see you again.”
He nodded toward her seat. “Shall we? I could do with a drink. That journey from Bath never gets any easier. I think I’ll take the train next time.”
“Oh, it’s wonderful. You really should.” Annabel’s eyes glittered with her usual childlike euphoria that had lords and gentlemen falling over themselves to be with her.
Adam turned away, lest he be drawn into the farcical innocence of a woman who scratched like a cat in bed, drawing blood and squealing as she came. The waiter caught sight of Adam’s raised hand.
He bowed. “Yes, sir?”
“Another glass for Lady Harvard, please, and I’ll have the same.”
“Yes, sir.”
The waiter left them and Adam faced Annabel. “So . . .”
She smiled. “So, indeed.”
Irritation simmered. So she was going to make this as awkward as possible. That was fine. She could play it whichever way she wanted. He had zero intention of indulging her. This was a business meeting. No more, no less.
“Shall we talk about the play?”
“I was very surprised to hear from you, you know. Beyond surprised, if I am honest.” Annabel shifted back in her seat and fixed him with a calculating smile he knew well. Negotiation. She wanted something, and the chances were she would not leave without it. She glanced around the bar. “I thought our parting conversation the last time we saw each other made things perfectly clear how you feel about me and my offer to help you.”
He stared at her profile. “Nothing has changed, Annabel.”
She snapped her head around. “Yet here you are sending me a message to meet you. How very strange.” Her green eyes were cat-like as they ran languidly over him.
He tightened his jaw. “I will not lie. Asking you to meet me was not what I wanted to do, but I hoped you would take me seriously about something I believe will make you a lot of money.”
Her sweetly satisfied smile vanished. “It is not money I want.”
Taking a deep breath, Adam held her angry gaze. “I have found my Lucinda.”
She stiffened and her eyes darkened. “What?”
“The heroine from my play. I have found the perfect actress to play her.”
Annabel’s gaze narrowed and her cheeks flushed. “Is she as equally beautiful on the outside as inside, as you describe her in the play?”
“Yes.”
“Her name?”
Protectiveness poured into his veins as Laura’s face, relaxed and flushed after their lovemaking, filled his mind. “Does it matter?”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “Who is she, Adam?”
“No one you would have heard of or know. She had no idea she could even act until I showed her she could.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You showed her? What on earth does that mean? You tied the poor girl to some scenery and shouted a few lines at her?”
Her laughter caught like fire in his blood and when the waiter stopped beside them with a silver tray, Adam swiped his wine from atop it.