The Theory of Death (41 page)

“Don’t bother. Just point me in the right direction.”

“Well, all right.” She licked her lips. “Anything new?”

“Concerning Elijah? Nothing, I’m afraid.”

“How about the death of that teacher?”

“We have someone in custody.”

“I see.” She continued to fidget and didn’t ask for details.

Knowing her faith, Decker said, “This won’t be a death-penalty case, Ruth Anne. It was just one of those unfortunate things that shouldn’t have happened.”

“I’m glad no one is seeking revenge. Decisions like that are best left up to God.” A pause. “Well, then.” She led him to the back door. “You can see the barn from here … that little peak of red.”

“Yep.”

“It’s about a five-minute walk. But be careful. It’s muddy and some ice is still on the ground.”

“Yeah, my car tires have been taking a beating. It was a beautiful day, though.”

“It is nice to see the sun. Even though we’re not even in February, it feels like spring’s around the corner.”

She seemed to be speaking metaphorically, as if she deigned to hope that one day her dark winter might lift. The loss of a child was forever sadness. No joy could ever be felt without an “if only.” But Ruth Anne was making a valiant effort to keep up her dignity as well as her privacy. She had her family, she had her community, and she had her faith in God. Decker smiled. “It’s never too early for spring.”

“And bring Jacob back with you. He’s been out there for a while. He can use a little thawing out.”

“I’ll do that.” Slowly, Decker worked his way through the icy trail. The dusk was incredibly quiet, the loudest sound being his breathing. He felt warm air from his lungs on his cold nose, which was probably rosy by now. Stepping carefully, he followed melted footprints that had already paved the pathway. As he approached the structure, he could hear the bleating of the sheep. When he opened the door, he found that the inside of the barn was almost as cold as the outside. It reeked of wet hay and sheep dung. Jacob was tending to a lambkin, feeding it from a bottle. He looked up, but then he went back to his business.

“Where’s the ewe?” Decker asked.

“She’s in the isolation crib—infection.” He stood up and wiped his gloved hands on his overalls. His face was wet with perspiration and his hair was wet from water dripping through the rafters. “She’s getting better, but she’s on antibiotics, which isn’t too good for the baby. I’ve gone about milking her by hand to keep her ducts open. Hopefully the lamb will be able to nurse from his mom in a couple of days.”

He held up the bottle.

“He has an appetite. That’s a good thing.”

“Sign of health,” Decker said.

“Yes, it is,” Jacob said.

“How’s your appetite, Jacob?”

“I’m fine.” He wiped his face with a handkerchief. Under his breath, he said, “Just peachy.”

Decker said, “The shock has worn off and now you’re pissed at him.” When Jacob didn’t answer, he said, “I’d be pissed if I were you.”

“Why should I be pissed at Eli? You are talking about Eli, right?”

“Of course.” Decker took in a deep breath and let it out. “You know, Jacob, I talked to a lot of people about Eli’s frame of mind before it happened. No one told me that Eli had seemed depressed. As a matter of fact, people said that he had been more social and more outgoing than anyone had remembered. That kept sticking in my craw. Why would he end it if he wasn’t depressed?”

“You tell me.” Jacob hesitated. “Did you find a note or something?”

“No, we didn’t find a note. Did he send you a note?”

“Why would he do that? You think I’d hide it from you?”

“You might want to protect your parents.” When Jacob didn’t answer, Decker said, “I know he talked to you. You two were close.”

“Yeah, right.”

Bitterness had crept into the young man’s voice. Decker said, “The thing is, Jacob, before I could start thinking about why Eli did it, I had to make sure that his death wasn’t connected to Katrina Belfort’s murder.”

“Was it?”

“No. And once I realized the incidents were completely unrelated, I couldn’t stop thinking about your brother.”

“Well, good luck with that.”

Decker kept his voice soft. “Eli had told you what was happening to him, didn’t he.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“What I mean is that his brain was starting to heal from the accident, that he was finally starting to feel and act like his old self again.”

Jacob wiped his nose with his glove. “His old goofy self was how he put it.” Anger welled up in his eyes. “He always was a stupid idiot.”

“And as he healed—as your brother started returning to his former life—his prodigious mind was crashing. His mathematical talents that once came so easy to him were slipping away.”

The barn fell quiet except for the bleating of the sheep.

“He was stuck in this no-man’s-land,” Decker said. “Not himself entirely, but no longer the math whiz kid. It was tearing him apart.”

“We weren’t good enough for him anymore.” Jacob was whispering.

“You know that wasn’t it.”

“Then give me another reason.” Jacob’s nostrils flared with fury. “His family who loved him for whatever he was, for whatever he would be in the future, we just weren’t good enough.”

Tears fell from his eyes.

“He swore he wouldn’t do it. Even so I made him swear on the Bible that he wouldn’t do it.” He looked at Decker. “He looked me square in the eye and
lied
to me. Now I’m carrying this horrible … it’s on my shoulders. I’ll never forgive him for that. Never!”

His lip trembled.

“I failed my parents. I failed myself. Mostly I failed him.”

“You didn’t
fail,
Jacob.” The young man looked up. “There was
nothing
you could do to prevent it. If someone is determined to kill himself, it’s going to happen. All we can do is try to understand. It must have been torture for him to see his brilliant mind collapsing as his brain healed. Maybe he figured if he couldn’t live as a genius, then at least he’d die as one.”

“And so he did, stupid ass.”

“I’m sure your religion teaches you compassion.”

“I’m way beyond that. All I think about is what a jackass he was. It’s bad enough he lied to me. But he lied on the Bible. And to do this to my parents. They don’t deserve this shit. How could he do that to them?”

“Suicide is a selfish act. But it’s also an act of desperation. He couldn’t see any way out. He must have felt very lonely.”

“How the hell does he come off feeling
lonely
! He was the one who ditched his family.” Jacob spat at the ground. “He swore me to silence. Well, he can break his word, but I won’t. And now I’m stuck with this horrible burden. I can’t tell my parents. It would hurt them beyond anything.” He looked at Decker with red eyes. “If he wouldn’t have sworn on a Bible, I would have said something. He knew what swearing on a Bible meant and he did it anyway. And now I’m responsible. I am so damn
pissed
at him.”

“Eli put you in an untenable spot. There was no way you could win.”

“I hate him for doing what he did to me. I also hate him because our love and faith couldn’t compete with his desire for immortality or whatever.”

“It wasn’t that, Jacob.”

“I beg to differ. That’s exactly what it was.”

Decker didn’t argue. The kid was entitled to his feelings and there was probably some truth to what he felt. “This burden you carry, Jacob. It’s a lot for you to hold inside. I can understand why you wouldn’t upset your parents. But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m a phone call away. And if you want to talk more about it, I can get you someone more useful than me.”

“Like a shrink? You think I’m weak?”

“Not at all. To take on this burden in silence shows a towering strength of character. I’m anything but weak, Jacob. I’ve sought out help from time to time. But it’s up to you.”

“Why would I want to talk about it to you or anyone, for that matter?” he snapped. “I wish I could forget I ever talked to that idiot!” Jacob bit his lip. “I know you mean well, Detective. But I’m not the talking kind.”

“I respect that, but the offer is always open,” Decker said. “Your mother made a pot of coffee. She told me to tell you to come inside and thaw out.”

“You go. I’ll be there in around ten minutes.”

“I think your mom’s a little edgy about being alone with me.”

“Oh … right. That’s a religious thing. I’ve still got work to do. I’ve got to feed a few more cossets and then I’ve got to clean out some pens.”

“I can help you out with that. My uncle had a farm in Florida. I used to spend my summers with him. It was mostly orange groves, but he did own some livestock. I mucked the horses’ stalls, baled hay, and fed a lot of piglets. I also put up fences so the gators couldn’t come in and snatch the babies.”

Jacob laughed but there was no joy in it. “I think you’re putting me on.”

“Jacob, it is not something that I would make up to impress you.”

“Okay, then. You asked for it.” He handed Decker a bottle. “You can feed the one in the corner if you can wrassle him down. He’s feisty.”

“Not a problem.”

Actually, it was a problem. The baby not only ruined his shirt and pants with his muddy hooves, his resistance caused Decker to break into a sweat. At least he was providing amusement for the kid, who smiled at Decker’s grief. Finally, he managed to hold the lamb steady and pop the bottle into its mouth. Once the baby realized that there was a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, he drained his dinner in roughly five minutes. Decker and Jacob worked in silence until the chores were done.

Afterward, as they were walking back to the house, Jacob said, “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know exactly. Not judging me, I guess.”

“Oh hell no.” He put his arm around the kid’s shoulder. To his surprise, the kid didn’t resist. “Your parents lean on you a lot. It’s natural. You’re the oldest and you’ve been tagged the responsible one. But a little fun goes a long way. It’s good for the soul.”

Jacob didn’t answer. Then he said, “I got engaged yesterday.”

“Congratulations.”

“Quick, huh? Like two and a half months.”

“You know when it’s right.” Decker paused. “Are you happy about it?”

“Yeah.” He scratched his chin. “Yeah, I really am happy about it. We’re good together.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Weddings are community affairs. You can come if you want. You can also bring your wife.”

“That’s good because we usually do go together.” The kid smiled. “I’m sure she’d love to come. She likes ethnic things, being ethnic herself.”

“Yeah, all ethnic mothers are pretty much the same.” Jacob went quiet. “I really don’t hate Eli.”

“I know that.”

“We were close growing up. We had our assigned roles—I was the responsible one, he was the goof. I just … I don’t know. It must have been hard for him to see it all going south. He just didn’t want to stick around for the crash. He was never too good at picking up the pieces. He always left that to me.”

“You carried him as well as anyone.”

“I suppose. Still, I wish I could do something for him beyond visiting the cemetery.”

“You know a friend of his from college is taking over his research in his honor. In his short years as a math prodigy, he did a lot of good things. Maybe his impact will be felt beyond the grave.”

“I hope so.” He shook his head. “Although I still think he was a selfish jerk.” Tears followed. “There’s always one in every family.”

Decker didn’t answer. His mind said,
Amen to that, brother.

WHEN RINA ANSWERED
the phone, McAdams didn’t bother with the pleasantries. Instead, he said, “I didn’t want to bother the old man at work. But I thought I’d let you know that I passed.”

“Congratulations. I had no doubts.”

“I did. I got very lucky.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“It is very true. There were tons of things the tests could have featured that I knew nothing about. But someone upstairs took pity on me.”

“I’ve never known you as a religious man.”

“In trenches and in finals,” McAdams told her. “I passed with honors if you must know.”

“I must know.”

“I suddenly have people clamoring for me for a summer internship. I’ve got my pick of some really good jobs.”

“That’s great!”

“Shame I’m already booked for the summer.”

“Nonsense, Tyler, take advantage of the opportunities. Greenbury PD will survive without you.”

“Woman, you cut me to the quick.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do know. And I’m happy to be a hot property. Unfortunately, we all know that I’m not a team player. And I really don’t like bosses giving me dog assignments and telling me what to do. I’m horrible at corporate structure.”

“I heard these top firms buy you expensive dinners and take you yachting on weekends.”

“After working you to death.”

“At three grand a week. Tyler, at least give it a try.”

“It takes a lot more than a sail to Nantucket to buy me off. My mind is already made up so why argue. In the meantime, I’m off on vacation.”

“Where to?”

“I’m going to work on my tan. My stepgrandmother has a villa in Rhodes, bought with my grandfather’s money, of course. But since Nina is so lovely, I can’t begrudge her anything. She says hello, by the way. I’m sure she’d extend the invitation to you and the old man.”

“That’s so nice, but we’ve made some arrangements next week to visit the children.”

“Next time.”

“Next time it is.” Rina hesitated. “Tyler, you really should consider one of those prestigious internships. You may even find it interesting.”

“I doubt it.” A pause. “Rina, I’m independently wealthy, which means I don’t ever have to work, let alone work under a boss. But like any rule, there’s always an exception. So tell Mr. Exception that I’ll see him in the summer.”

“We’ll see you then.”

“Bye.” McAdams cut the line, but didn’t pocket his phone. Instead, he thought a moment. Then his fingers flew across the pop-up keyboard on his iPhone.

Hey.