The Things We Wish Were True (19 page)

CAILEY

Ever since they’d found out about Ty, Zell had stayed inside, refusing to come to the pool and cooking up a storm instead. The house smelled good, and there were always cookies cooling on the counter. More cookies than any of us could eat. She kept sending stuff over to Mr. Doyle’s house, making me carry food across the street nearly every day, forgetting all about her warning to stay away from him. He always opened the door with that little smile, told me what a good girl I was for bringing him food. I told him that I wasn’t doing much, just delivering. Then one day he asked me if I was ready to earn some money, to finish the pond he’d started for his mother.

I gave him a confused look and almost said, “But she’s dead.” Then I thought maybe that wasn’t the nicest thing to say.

He knew what my confused look was, though. “I’m going to finish it in honor of her. A memorial,” he explained. “That way Jesse and I can sit outside by the pond and think about her.” I’d never seen Jesse sit still if there wasn’t a video game involved, but I didn’t say that.

He rested his hand on my head and looked sad. “I was inspired by what you and Zell have done,” he said, and pointed across the street at our pond, which had shaped up nicely, if I did say so myself. “You’ve created something so lovely.”

“I better go ask Zell,” I said. “She might, um, have something else she needs me to do.” The truth was I didn’t know how Zell would feel about that. Carrying food over to his house and coming back home was one thing, but working for him for an afternoon might be another.

“OK, well, go on and ask, and if you can, you should change into some work clothes and come back right away.” He got this nervous look on his face for about a minute. Then he smiled at me and waved me in the direction of Zell’s house. I hurried back across the street, hoping Zell would say yes.

“Zell!” I hollered when I got inside the house. She came limping into the kitchen, looking startled. She’d been so jumpy and weird since everyone had found out about Ty. I guess she thought people would think bad of her because of what her son did. But I didn’t ask her about it. I just let her keep on cooking stuff and hoped she’d snap out of it.

“Can I go help Mr. Doyle make a pond in his backyard? He asked me to and said he’d pay me.” I raised my eyebrows and gave her my serious look. “I could really use the money,” I added.

Zell laughed, but I didn’t see that anything was funny. She glanced in the direction of the Doyle house, looking concerned. It was quiet as she thought about it for a few seconds. “He’s doing it for his mom.” I realized how weird that sounded. “In her memory,” I explained. “Isn’t that nice?” I gave her my puppy-dog eyes. That’s what my mom always called them. I only used the puppy-dog eyes for special occasions.
If you used them too much, they didn’t work the same. It was better to hold them back for when you really needed them. My mom called it “bringing out the big guns.”

Zell walked over to the door that led from the kitchen out onto her driveway. She opened the door and leaned out, looking at Mr. Doyle’s house, then back over her shoulder at me. She raised her eyebrows, giving me her serious look. “I’m going to carry my magazine and sit out on the driveway in one of the deck chairs. So I’ll be nearby if you need me. I want you to peek your head around the corner and wave at me every so often. OK?” she asked.

I nodded my head really hard. “OK!” I said. Then I ran off to change my clothes before she could change her mind, calling, “Thank you!” over my shoulder on my way up the stairs. In Ty’s room, I threw on some work clothes, the same ones I wore all those long, hot days when we worked on Zell’s yard.

When I got back to Mr. Doyle’s house, he pointed me toward a big pile of flat, jagged, dark-gray rocks he was going to use to border the pond. But what he showed me didn’t look a thing like our pond. It only looked like a big old mud pit. He could use some lessons from Zell. But I didn’t say that. I just thought about what I was going to buy with the money he gave me. A present for Cutter. A present for my mom.

I carried those heavy rocks back and forth, back and forth, the sun beating down as I worked. Every so often, I kept my promise to Zell and poked my head around the corner to wave at her that I was safe. I was a sweaty mess, and my head hurt from the sun. The work was hard and long, and I was starting to think maybe the money wasn’t worth it. Mr. Doyle was trying to install a fancy fountain, but it wasn’t going so well. He was cussing and sweating, his frustration growing the hotter it got.

He went inside to get us water bottles and left me out there alone, and I took the opportunity to stop moving for a few minutes. I stared at my reflection in the sliding glass door that led into his basement. I thought of the padlock he’d had to have to keep his mother from falling down those basement stairs. I wondered if he’d taken it off the door yet, seeing as how he didn’t need it. I stared at the glass door so long I thought I saw the curtain move, and it spooked me. I thought of his mother, and wondered about a ghost. I took a step away from the door, my reflection growing smaller as I did.

Mr. Doyle came around the corner and called my name. He handed me a water bottle. “Break’s over!” he said. “Back to work!” He turned me around and pointed to the rocks. Then he resumed working on the fountain. I sucked down half the bottle and started arranging the rocks. We worked side by side like that for a while. I could smell our sweat in the air, mixing with the heat. I wished I’d never said I would do this. I glanced back at the curtain hanging over the sliding glass door, but I never saw it move again. My mind was playing tricks on me in the heat. And there was no such thing as ghosts.

When we were finally finished, he dug in his pocket for the money and fished it out, holding it up to me. I went to reach for it, but he stopped me. “I get a hug first,” he said.

He was sweaty and he stank. I didn’t want to hug him. But I wanted that money, and I got the feeling I had to hug him to get it. I couldn’t tell how much money was in his hand, but it looked like a lot. I stepped toward him and let him pull me into his arms. He was a lonely man who’d lost his mother. So what if he stank to high heaven? The hug would last a second, and then I could go home and shower.

He pulled back and looked at me, and then he moved his face closer, his mouth closing over mine before I knew what was happening. He used his lips to pry mine open and put his tongue in my mouth. I tried to get away, but he held me in place. Mr. Doyle was surprisingly strong when he wanted to be. He should’ve been the one carrying those rocks.

He stopped kissing me, and I looked away, toward the direction of Zell’s house, longing to run back to it. But he held me in place, one hand on each arm. My mind was racing with a million thoughts about how gross and awful what he’d done was. I expected him to apologize. But all he said was, “Don’t ever tell anyone I did that.” He didn’t have to worry about that. I would never tell anyone. It was too terrible to say out loud. Then he handed me the money and released me. I ran away from him as fast as I could, still feeling his fat eel tongue inside my mouth, unsure whether I would ever outrun what had just happened.

ZELL

Zell sat with her magazine in the driveway, but instead of reading she found herself mostly just staring at James Doyle’s house. She caught glimpses of Cailey trudging back and forth, lugging those rocks, and occasionally, as promised, she popped her head around the corner and waved, her wave growing less enthusiastic each time. It was hot as Hades out. Zell decided she needed a spray bottle to spritz water on herself and dashed inside to get it.

She was coming out of her house with the water when she saw Debra walking toward her, emerging from the heat waves like a mirage. Zell nearly turned back to hide inside her house, but Debra had already seen her. She still looked as fabulous as the day she’d left. Zell made her mouth do something that came close to a smile, and waggled the water in Debra’s direction.

“Hello,” she said, being neighborly. “I didn’t realize you were back.” That was a lie. She knew everything that went on in Lance’s house. (Sometime in the past ten months she’d started thinking of it as his house, not Debra’s. This, she felt, was significant.) She’d seen Debra’s car pull up just a few afternoons ago, watched from her kitchen window as she let herself in just as pretty as you please. Zell had thought to herself,
Oh no, you don’t.

She paused on the stairs and let Debra come to her, her heart pounding away, knocking against her rib cage more urgently the closer Debra got. She tried to gauge what the other woman would do. Yell? Deny? Apologize? Threaten? She hadn’t spoken to her in so long. In that last encounter, there hadn’t been much said. This moment had been inevitable, coming as certainly as the end of summer, Cailey’s departure, and everything else she’d dreaded.

“It sure is hot out,” Zell said, just to talk about something. But she knew Debra hadn’t come over to discuss the weather.

“Yes,” the other woman responded, her voice hesitant.

“Was it this hot wherever you were?” Zell regretted the question the minute it was out of her mouth. Debra might think she was prying into where she’d gone when the truth was it didn’t matter a hill of beans where she’d been. All that mattered was that she’d run away from her family, her home, her responsibilities. A good mother didn’t do that. Zell tried to take comfort in the difference between them. No matter what she’d done, she’d never abandoned the people she claimed to love.

And yet, she thought of Ty, how she’d avoided him ever since the truth had come out, the shame she’d taken on over what he’d done. But it was more than that; it was her shame, too. She’d been too ashamed to seek help for her injury, too ashamed to admit what had happened.

“I just wanted to . . . clear the air,” Debra said. “Make sure there was nothing we needed to say to each other after . . . what happened.”

Zell was quick to reassure her. “No, not at all. Things are fine. It’s your business.”

Debra’s voice was quiet and even. “Well, you kind of made it your business.”

“I’m sorry about that,” she said. “I really am.”

“Yes, well, I also just need to know what you’ve said about what happened. To Lance, or to anyone else who might say something to Lance.”

Zell looked away. “I didn’t say anything to anyone,” she said softly.

“Good.” Debra nodded to herself. “That’s good.” She looked in her own backyard, right at the spot where it had happened. “We’re going to work on our marriage and . . . make a fresh start.”

“Are you moving back in?”

“Well, not right away, of course. But in time I expect that to happen.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to tell him what happened?” Zell couldn’t keep the incredulity out of her voice.

Debra swallowed, glanced over at her house. “It’s in the past. There’s no need.”

“I just think secrets can be harmful. They can eat at you, wear away the foundation of—”

Debra’s face changed, and she held her hand up. “You’re hardly one to lecture me about keeping secrets, aren’t you?”

Movement over at the Bryson house caught Zell’s eye, and she looked over to see Alec standing on the side porch, watching them inquisitively. She would miss the children. She sensed Debra would do whatever she could to keep them away from her now that she was back. She didn’t exactly blame her.

Alec waved at her and hollered, “Miss Zell, we’re going to the pool as a family!” Both women heard that last word, his emphasis on the word
family
.

“I think that’s my cue,” Debra said, taking a step back toward her house. “I’m glad to know you won’t do something that would hurt our
family
.” She waved at Alec. “I’m coming, honey,” she called to him.

Debra hustled back toward Alec just as Cailey came trotting up the drive, running like someone was chasing her. She was caked in dirt and sweat and smelled like it. She came to a stop beside Zell, and together they watched Debra trudge across her own driveway and disappear inside her house.

“Is that Lilah and Alec’s mom?” Cailey asked. But instead of watching Debra, she glanced over her shoulder at the Doyle house. She moved closer to Zell.

“Yes,” Zell answered idly as the door closed behind Debra. She directed Cailey into the house, still trying to process what had just happened. She might’ve been the reason Debra had left, but she wasn’t the reason she’d stayed away. And now that she’d decided to return, she expected Zell to keep her secret. But Zell was tired of doing that. And yet, could she tell Lance what she knew? Now, after all this time? Did she dare confess what she’d done and what she knew after everything else that had happened?

“I wish she hadn’t come back,” Cailey said, giving voice to Zell’s thoughts.

Zell said the right thing in response, instead of what she wanted to say. “I’m sure Lilah and Alec don’t feel that way. Let’s let them have their family time,” she said, thinking of how Debra had used that word against her. “And you and I will get cleaned up, then go get some ice cream. How does that sound?” She feigned more enthusiasm than she felt. The heat combined with her conversation with Debra had left her winded and exhausted. But this was Cailey’s last day with her, and she wanted it to count.

BRYTE

Walking across the hotel lobby, Bryte felt less propelled than pulled by the sight of Trent sitting alone on one of the couches, talking on the phone, holding court even though he had no subjects at the moment. When he turned, saw her, and smiled, she knew she wasn’t there about the job.

She paused and let the truth hit her, the force of it surging through the core of her. It had never been about the job, no matter what she’d spent the past weeks telling herself. She swallowed the truth down, let it settle inside of her, and continued toward him, focusing on his face. How uncanny the resemblance to Everett was.

Trent gestured for her to have a seat and held up one finger. She did as she was told and sat down, smoothing her skirt and wondering if she looked OK.

He ended his call and turned his smile on her. He reached across the space between them and rested his hand on her knee. “Wow. It’s good to see you.” He nodded as if agreeing with himself.

She smiled. “You, too.”

He shook his head. “I’m still sort of shocked you wanted to meet. I thought I’d lost you for good.”

He’s talking about the job,
she coached herself.
He’s not talking about the two of you.
She willed her smile to stay in place. “No, just been busy.”

“You said you’ve been out of work for a time and are looking to break back in?” His brows drew together in concern. “Everything been OK?”

“Oh, sure, everything’s been fine. My husband and I moved, and we, um, had a child, and things have just been crazy. I’m just now able to start thinking about going back.”

“Aw, man, you had a kid?” he asked. His face shone. “That’s cool! Boy or girl?”

“A little boy.” She swallowed. “Christopher.” She shifted in her seat and smoothed out her skirt again. She wanted to get up and run out of there.

She knew she wouldn’t be going back to work. She would miss her son too much. She would miss his sticky kisses and their walks around the neighborhood. She would miss reading him a story before his nap and the warm, sleepy smell of him when he woke up. She would miss hearing children’s programming on the TV in the other room as she made his lunches. She couldn’t leave it up to someone else. She closed her eyes for a fraction of a second, erasing the image of her son from her mind so she could focus on the reason she was there.

She looked back at Trent Miller and admitted to herself why she was there. It wasn’t about the job. It wasn’t about catching up with him. It was about what Everett had been asking for, for months, and the only way she knew to make it happen.