The Thirteenth Day (20 page)

Arjuna turned and fired an arrow. It sheared through Bhagadatta’s helmet, forcing him to tear it off his head. The silk kerchief that he wore to soak up the sweat fell over his face, blinding him.

Arjuna’s next arrow pierced his forehead.

The old king fell back onto his elephant.

I was glad that the kerchief had covered his face. I wouldn’t have been able to see him dead.

A roar broke out from the Pandava forces and they rushed towards Arjuna. Our troops, shocked after seeing the death of Supritika and Bhagadatta, panicked.

The troops around me broke formation and began to run. I pulled out my conch and blasted the signal to hold the line. This wasn’t having any effect so I started shouting at the troops, telling them to stand and withdraw in an orderly manner.

The Pandava troops must have seen this, for they began advancing, their bowmen firing into ours, who were running in terror.

I retreated further, trying to rally the men even as Arjuna led the Pandava advance. While everyone was running to some kind of safety, two chariots from our lines headed towards the Pandavas. They were Vrisha and Achala, Shakuni’s brothers, followed by a squadron of Kamboja cavalry.

I shouted at them to turn back, but they didn’t listen. Soon, it was just them against the Pandava advance. Arjuna personally made quick work of them. An arrow went through Vrisha’s throat and another pierced Achala’s heart. The Kambojas were swallowed instantly by the Pandava onslaught.

Next, Shakuni’s chariot went past me towards the Pandavas. I saw his face, white with fear, as he went looking for his brothers and found them dead. He took up his bow in a rage and began firing into the Pandava front. He would have been killed but for a surviving Kamboja rider who lifted him off his chariot onto his horse and brought him back.

I heard a conch peal and looked behind me. Fresh Kaurava troops had formed together in a perfect line to hold the Pandava charge. They let the retreating soldiers pass between them and held their weapons at the ready.

At their head was Drona.

I
entered the council tent and the conversation stopped. Virata and Drupada were not present. They would join us soon, I was told. The seats were arranged in a circle; Arjuna, Nakula, Chekitana and Sahadeva made one semi-circle and I took the seat to the right of Arjuna. To my right was Shikhandi, who sat next to Dhristadyumna. Two seats were left empty for Virata and Drupada and next to them sat Bhima. Apart from a few bruises on his arms he looked fit.

As soon as I sat down, he came to me, kneeled, put a hand on my shoulder and said, ‘I’m fine.’

I touched his face and smiled.

He took his place. The council tent found its voices again. Arjuna spoke to young Chekitana. Nakula and Sahadeva were listening intently. Shikhandi and Dhristadyumna began discussing something.

Krishna pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

‘A difficult day, but a good one…in the larger scheme of things.’

I nodded. I didn’t know what to say. The day had left its scars on me. The sooner it was forgotten, the sooner they would heal. I had shamed myself in front of everyone by reacting the way I did. It had taken Nakula and four guards to physically restrain me from going out and searching for Bhima. It was only when Radheya’s chariots began their charge that I realized that I was still in the middle of the battle.

I was seeing Bhima for the first time after the battle. When Supritika rammed into the dead elephant, he had fallen between Supritika’s tusks and the elephant’s body. Luckily he fell on his feet and narrowly missed being stepped on by Supritika. He had then caught her by the belly strap and hung on till he was able to drop safely into a pile of carcasses where he lay until our men found him.

Krishna continued, ‘Bhagadatta’s death is a big one.’

‘Where did you learn to drive a chariot like that?’ I asked, trying to change the discussion.

‘Here and there.’

‘Here and there? You were dancing around her.’

‘I was lucky. It could just as well have been her day.’

Virata’s arrival interrupted our conversation. His eyes were red but without tears. His son Ketama had been killed today. Drupada came in soon after. He had lost sons as well. The tent grew silent and we waited for Dhristadyumna to begin.

He cleared his throat and spoke, ‘For the most part, the day, er, went our way. Arjuna killed Lord Bhagadatta. Drona was injured.’

I looked down as he spoke, hoping that my incident would not be brought up in the council. That it would die a quiet, lonely death out on the battlefield and be forgotten.

‘Yudhishthira…’

Damn.

‘What happened today?’

I looked at the floor as I spoke.

‘I don’t know. I lost my senses…for a little while…when I heard the rumour of Bhima’s death.’

He stood silent for a moment. I saw Virata’s mouth twist into a grimace of disgust as he looked away. Dhristadyumna continued to look at me and spoke again softly:

‘That’s not what, what I was referring to.’

I looked at the faces of everyone in the council and could find no answer in their eyes.

‘It is, um, understandable to be upset after a personal loss…to lose your power to reason. It happens to us all. It was fortunate that Nakula was around to bring you back to safety.’

I saw Virata shake his head viciously and rasp, ‘You’re a warrior, you little sod. You’re supposed to control your emotions in a fight. Fine leader of the Kurus you’ll be.’

I looked at Virata’s eyes glaring at me. He had spoken my mind. But I continued to look him in the eyes to show that I was not scared.

Dhristadyumna interrupted the old king, ‘My Lord, please let me continue. Yudhishthira, you don’t need me to lecture you on how to deal with grief. As long as no lives were lost, I am content.’

He turned back and looked at Virata and then at me, and said in a low voice, ‘But what upset me today, Yudhishthira, was your willingness to get off your chariot and surrender to Drona when he had you cornered.’

I had completely forgotten about that.

The silence in the tent grew louder. Dhristadyumna’s soft voice amplified like thunder.

‘Yudhishthira, we are all here fighting for you and your brothers. If you can abandon your own cause so easily, there is no sense continuing this war. I would like to make terms with Kauravas tonight and end this bloodshed on Kurukshetra.’

Bhima stood up with clenched fists and said, ‘Dhristadyumna, don’t talk like a fool.’

Arjuna turned towards me and said, ‘Yudhishthira?’

Nakula, Sahadeva and Chekitana, as the youngest members of the council, stayed seated but looked earnestly at me for an explanation.

Old Virata threw his hands up in disgust.

The only ones who didn’t react were Drupada, who was massaging his thigh, and Krishna, who looked keenly at the floor.

I was angry at the suggestion of cowardice; at the notion that we couldn’t win the war without his troops; at the practised coldness of his words.

No one knew what was going through my mind when I stepped off the chariot.

If Dhristadyumna wanted to play games, I was ready.

‘Dhristadyumna, it saddens me that you have such little faith in me or the cause of my family that you would be willing to go over to the other side because of the events of one day. If you are accusing me of cowardice, of abandoning my own cause, as you say so bluntly, then you are twisting my intentions to serve your own. Let me clarify for the council, which consists of all the people I hold in the greatest regard on this earth. Yes, Guru Drona had cornered me. Despite the valiant attempts of your own Panchala princes. And yes, I had gotten off my chariot. But it was to distract him and end his onslaught and give our men a chance to rally. It doesn’t matter if I am captured and even killed. The war will, and must, go on.

‘Do you think I would make war on my family? Fight for a cause so terrible without understanding its repercussions? If you don’t know this by now you can take your army and leave the field. This was no way to talk to an ally, to humiliate him in front of a war council.’

He hadn’t expected this. He had thought I’d be on my knees saying, ‘Oh, forgive me, commander-in-chief, sir, not everyone can be as brave and upright and honest and strong like you. Don’t leave us and go.’

But I wasn’t done yet.

‘And Dhristadyumna, all of this would never have happened if you had planned your trap better. Did you really think that a few Panchala children and you had any real chance with Drona?’

I got up from my seat, swung my shawl across my shoulder in defiance and began to walk out. Drupada intercepted my path. I regarded him and he smiled sadly at me.

‘Son, it’s been a long day for us all.’

He took me by the hand and walked me over to Dhristadyumna, who was breathing heavily.

‘We are not allies here. We are family. I have faith that Yudhishthira wouldn’t run away from our fight, just as I have faith that you, Dhristadyumna, wouldn’t take a decision that didn’t benefit us all. That is the end of the matter. It is time to forgive each other.’

He nudged a resisting and reluctant Dhristadyumna towards me. He nudged again, a little harder this time, and Dhristadyumna extended his hand hesitatingly. I took it and we hugged each other briefly. Both of us sat down in our places and did not say a word to each other for the rest of the council.

I walked back to my tent with Bhima. We didn’t talk much, but as we approached my tent, I remembered, ‘Bhima, what were you thinking, duelling with bows with Suyodhana?’

He paused and replied, ‘I don’t know. He had his out, so I got mine. I didn’t think too much about it.’

I didn’t say anything. After a while, he spoke, ‘Did you see the shot?’

‘Yes. It was very lucky.’

He slapped me affectionately on the back.

We stopped in front of my tent. He was serious now. ‘Yudhishthira, you don’t need to answer this. But I want to know.’

I nodded, already knowing the question.

He whispered, so that even the wind wouldn’t hear, ‘Did you…were you really going to surrender to Guruji?’

‘As I said in the council, it was done deliberately to end his assault on our forces.’

He smiled with pursed lips and hugged me.

I wondered what he’d have said if I had told him that I’d given in to my panic and obeyed Guruji because it was the easiest thing to do at that moment. That all I really wanted was for the war to be over. For all of us to stop pretending that killing each other would make things better. For life to resume.

I don’t think he’d have believed me.

We were all pretenders here. Pretenders to our families Pretenders in the eyes of our enemies. Pretenders in the words of our bards.

Pretenders to ourselves.

T
he retreat had been terrible. Everyone lost their nerve, including some of the senior commanders, I heard. We had lost more men in the stampede towards our lines than by Pandava hands. It had taken the sight of Drona and half the reserves to slow them down.

On the other side of the field, the Trigartas had been quite successful initially and had even penetrated the main Pandava force until Arjuna had pushed them back.

The wind was fast and chilly. It slapped the tiredness out of my head. Bhagadatta was finally gone. A long fight and a quick death. He would’ve have liked it, I think. He was always good to me. Never called me names or anything.

I said a small prayer for the fire-breather and his elephant, hoping they were together somewhere with the old man boozing and whoring his way for eternity.

I entered my tent and ate a bone of chicken with some bread and a bowl of lentils. I then lay down on my bed and let my masseur pummel my body into surrender.

I must have dozed off for he was not there when I woke up. I heard a loud commotion outside and went to the entrance of my tent to see what was going on.

It was Supritika. The armour was in tatters around her forehead and the blood was pouring, thick and black, out of her skull. She swayed and tottered and roared and, picking up a soldier, threw him away like a scarecrow. The camp behind her was burning. Where her left eye should have been was a bloody socket. She trampled into the tents, crushing its inhabitants, whose screams were muffled by the cloth. She trumpeted again, and shook her head. Her blood flew and splattered me in the eyes. I wiped my face only to see her charging towards me, bellowing with rage. I tried to run but I stood stuck to the spot. The beast charged into me.