The Threshold Child (37 page)

She used her
vyala
to
send her back to her own world, jerking her out of the Dream. Adesina laid on
her back, staring at the night sky, sobbing quietly.

E’nes, who was on guard duty, was instantly at her side with his
hand on her arm. “Adesina? Are you all right?”

She managed a nod as she sat up. She hurriedly wiped away any
trace of her sorrow, but found that it was soon replaced with more tears. The
strengthened emotions of her Dreams had carried over into the waking part of
her life, and she found she could not control them. Tears streamed freely from
her eyes and, try as she might, she could not stop them.

He put his arms around her, saying nothing but letting her know
that she was not alone. Once again, Adesina’s instinct was to pull away from
his touch, but she fought the reaction and wept into his shoulder.

For the first time since she was five years old, she allowed
herself to be something other than a warrior and was grateful to be held and
comforted. The night was silent, and for a few precious minutes, it seemed like
they were alone.

“My entire life has been a lie,” Adesina whispered to her brother.
She pushed away to look him in the eye. “I have done terrible things, E’nes.”

He brushed her hair from her face. “Father will understand why you
did what you did, Adesina. No one blames you for being manipulated.”

She shook her head stubbornly. “I am not just talking about the
things that I did as a Shimat. I mean the things that I did as part of my
training—things that I chose to do to further my standing in the order.”

When E’nes didn’t say anything, she continued. “Did you know I
committed my first murder when I was fourteen years old?”

The expression of stunned disbelief on her brother’s face urged
her to go on. “At the time I thought it was an execution, but-”

“It does not matter, Adesina,” he interrupted. “None of that
matters now.”

New tears began to fall. “How can it not matter?”

He gently wiped them away. “Because you cannot change it. What
matters now is how you choose to move forward.”

She found his words comforting, but was having a hard time believing
them. It felt impossible to be free of her past. How could she move forward
when she was so weighed down by a lifetime of misguided choices?

She was still pondering this the next morning when L’iam came to
speak to her, carrying a canvas sack.

Adesina was sitting away from the group, wanting to be alone. He
knelt before her, looking into her eyes with unnerving clarity.

“I am returning your weapons to you.”

The young woman studied him warily. “Why would you do that?”

His expression was grim. “We will soon be entering part of a
forest that is favored by thieves and other miscreants. It will be best if we
are all armed.”

She took the canvas bag slowly, as if not sure whether or not to
believe him. “Why would you choose to travel through such a dangerous place?”

L’iam gave her a half smile. “To avoid notice and to save time. A
day and a half through this forest saves us several days of going around. As
long as we keep our more
distinct
features hidden, we blend in rather
well. No one will take note of us.”

Keeping to this statement, they were all provided with long,
hooded cloaks the following day. E’nes showed Adesina how to keep her hood
pulled down while retaining the ability to keep a watchful eye.

The forest was resting up against a sharp range of impenetrable
mountains. Passing through the woods took them around to the back side of the
mountains. At first Adesina wasn’t sure if she would be able to tell when they
had entered the section of forest that was apparently fraught with danger, but the
change was noticeable.

The first thing that caught her attention was that this part of
the forest was old. Strangely, much older than the surrounding forests, and
also older than any she had ever seen in the southern lands. It had the slight
smell of decay mingled with the other scents of a woodland. Adesina could also
see why it would be a place favored by criminals. There was almost no light and
there was an abundance of hiding places.

They rode at a measured pace, trying not to appear too hurried.
Their hoods were always pulled down around their faces, even when they stopped
for the night.

Adesina, impatient to be both of assistance and to be alone,
volunteered to gather the firewood. She was quite a distance away from the camp
when she heard the stealthy approach of several unseen figures.

Setting her jaw in aggravation, she put down the armful of wood
she had collected and checked to make sure her hood was in place. When this was
done, she glanced at her surroundings.

Ten silhouettes appeared in the gloom, encircling her. The one
standing closest to her spoke first. “Hello, girlie. Strayed too far from your
friends, have you?”

“What do you want?” she asked in a cold voice.

The man chuckled roughly. “Well, you see, we normally do not
bother other travelers in this lonely place we call home, but since you so
willingly wandered into our camp, we thought you might give us a bit of
friendly
conversation.”

Adesina had never before been threatened by anyone other than her
peers. She felt an odd sort of an angry thrill shoot down her spine and her
limbs became alive with adrenaline.

“If you do not walk away right now, none of you will ever walk
again,” she said in a tightly controlled voice.

There was a round of guffaws as the men began tightening the
circle around her. The spokesman of the group gave her a leering grin. “Now, is
that any way to talk to a stranger? You should learn to be more welcoming.”

Something awakened deep inside of Adesina, transforming the
despondency that she had been feeling the past several days into pure rage.
That anger took focus on the faceless forms in front of her, as if they had
been the ones who had betrayed her. Her hands moved to the clasp of the cloak,
removing it and tossing it to the side. Then she reached back and drew her
Blood Sword.

The stances of the figures became wary when they saw how she
easily handled her blade. It was clear they had not anticipated her militant
reaction. She hadn’t cowered or begged for mercy, which is what they were
accustomed to seeing.

In spite of their sudden apprehension, it was too late for them to
back down.

Two men moved to grab her from behind, but she pivoted and brought
them down with two fluid strokes of her sword. The fury she felt swelled in
satisfaction at the wet glint of blood on her sword and the bodies crumpled at
her feet. She had overpowered them with ease, and the feeling was gratifying.

There were cried of dismay from the rest of the group and the speaker
pushed up his sleeves angrily. “Right, then.”

They all attacked at once.

Adesina moved like quicksilver, using the chaos to her advantage,
and three more fell before they knew what was happening. She evaded every blow,
flicking her sword expertly. One man fell to his knees, clutching his neck.
Another keeled over from a stomach wound. One by one they fell until only the
speaker was left.

Adesina had kept him for last. She brought him to his knees,
pressing her blade against his neck hard enough to draw blood.

“Please!” he begged, “Please spare me!”

Something forced its way to the front of the young woman’s mind.

It was as if the eyes of her mother were on her, filled with
sorrow and disappointment. She looked at the carnage around her and the pleasure
she had felt from the wrathful violence now made her feel sick.

The soft crackle of undergrowth brought her head around and she
saw that E’nes, L’iam and Sa’jan were standing fifty feet away, staring at her
in shock.

Adesina desperately wished she could hide the gruesome scene from
their sight.

She lowered her sword and allowed the man before her to scramble
away. Even after the noise of his escape faded into the distance, the L’avan
stood still.

Adesina ventured one glance to her companions, but she couldn’t
stand how they were looking at her. She could see that she was a monster in
their eyes.

Her mind was numb and she couldn’t think straight. Moving
mechanically, Adesina cleaned her sword of the blood and gore, and replaced it
in the sheath on her back. Then she pulled out several small squares of white
cloth from a pouch on her belt and went from body to body, staining each with
the blood of the fallen.

She picked up her cloak and the firewood she had gathered, walked
back to the camp and deposited the wood beside the fire. She took the squares
of cloth and placed them on the burning logs, wafting the smoke onto her face.

A mocking voice in her mind laughed as she went through the
motions of the ritual she had been taught.
Yes
,
it seemed to say,
honor the dead, you
creature of the Shimat.
She felt a deep sense of despair, knowing that she
would always be what they had made of her.

Her eyes stung, but she knew it wasn’t from the ritual.

She wrapped herself in her cloak and moved away from the group.
Adesina wanted desperately to be alone, and yet she wished someone would come
and sit with her.

From the dark she studied the L’avan. Those who had witnessed her
encounter with the thieves preoccupied themselves with some task or another,
avoiding looking in her direction. L’iam was speaking to Sa’jan in a low voice
on the outskirts of the camp opposite of her. The remaining L’avan could sense
that something was wrong, but said nothing. They tried to go about their duties
as if everything was the same as before.

K’eb walked over to offer Adesina some food, but she shook her
head before he got close enough to speak. After that, everyone left her alone.

Ravi had gone off on his own not long after the camp had been set
up, and reappeared about an hour after the incident. Adesina assumed he had
been hunting.

He spoke to E’nes for a few minutes before coming to lay beside
her. He did not say anything, but leaned his head against her leg and began to
hum. Adesina placed a trembling hand on his back, fighting a torrent of
overwhelming emotions.

Long after everyone—save the night guard—had gone to bed, she sat
beside the tree, staring into the darkness both around her and inside of her.

She had wanted to believe that she was still a good person, in
spite of the fact that she had been used by the Shimat order. She had wanted to
believe that she was not lost, even though her training had been so deeply
instilled.

Tonight she had discovered what kind of a person she was in truth.

Adesina was ill with self-loathing. She had always looked at
herself as a warrior and had taken pride in defending her homeland, but now she
saw that she was a weapon. Nothing but a tool ruled by a lifetime of
conditioning.

When she looked at the sleeping forms of the L’avan she felt the
contrast keenly. These were all honorable men—men who valued integrity and had
individual worth. The Shimat valued ruthlessness, artifice, and only saw an
individual for the skills he or she brought to the whole.

Adesina didn’t know where she fit in. She was too much an
instrument of the Shimat to belong to the L’avan, but she knew deep down that
she could never return to the Shimat and serve their corrupt purposes.

She got to her feet silently. Ravi raised his head, but did not
stop her as she walked away. Adesina didn’t know where she was going. She only
knew that she couldn’t travel with people so radically different from herself.
Her lack of self-control had endangered the entire group and had destroyed
their attempts at traveling in secrecy. More than that, though, she felt her
presence was a taint on the company.

The young Shimat hadn’t walked far when she spotted L’iam through
the trees. She paused, debating how to best get around him, but he had already
seen her.

“I thought you would try to leave.”

She straightened stiffly. “Am I wrong in doing so?”

His expression was serious as he studied her. “Yes.”

Adesina was incredulous. “You cannot possibly believe that. You
saw what happened out there. Ri’sel was right, the Shimat are a plague…and I am
one of them.”

L’iam sighed and moved to sit in a small patch of moonlight. He
beckoned for Adesina to join him, which she did reluctantly.

“Do you know what makes the Shimat such a deadly force in this
world?”

She had her own opinion on the matter, but she didn’t know what
L’iam thought. The young woman shrugged her shoulders, indicating her
willingness to hear what he had to say.

“They are highly trained children who do not know how they are
being manipulated. By the time they see the order for what it truly is, they no
longer care. They are without conscience and without opposing forces to keep
them in check.”