The Tiger Prince (42 page)

He went still. “You told me the physician said that was not possible for Ian.”

“He did.” She could feel the heat in her cheeks and knew those annoyingly keen eyes would notice her discomposure as he noticed everything about her. “But it must happen. You must make it happen.”

He swore beneath his breath and then said caustically, “And how am I to do that? It is one thing to instruct you on the art of arousing and satisfying a man, but I have no magic incantation I can mumble to make Ian able to impregnate you. Am I supposed to—”

“Be silent,” she snapped. “There’s no reason for you to be testy. If you will listen, instead of ranting at me, I will tell you what I need of you.”

He sat down on his stool and looked at her. “By all means, proceed.”

“Ian is … I cannot …” She drew a deep breath. “If I do not give Ian a reason to live, he will die. He
needs
a child.”

Kartauk made no comment, waiting.

“Since God has not seen fit to grant us this boon, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.” She looked straight ahead and asked quickly, “Will you mate with me, Kartauk?”

He went still. “What?”

She rushed on. “Only until the babe is conceived. After that, I will not trouble you further.”

Silence. Why did he not speak? Though she was not looking at him, she could feel waves of emotion sweeping from him.

He said slowly, each word enunciated precisely, “You are saying I’m to father an infant which you will then pass off as your husband’s?”

She nodded jerkily.

“And may I ask why you have chosen me to act as stud to your mare?”

“Don’t be crude.” She moistened her lips. “You seem to be the reasonable choice. I believe you have a fondness for Ian. You’re strong in body and mind and capable of fathering a fine bairn.”

“Anything else?”

“It should be no hardship for you. You can’t deny you have a lustful nature. Ellen MacTavish and those other women were—”

“Look at me.”

“If it wasn’t necessary, I wouldn’t do this. A child is nec—”

“Look at me, madam.”

She reluctantly shifted her gaze to his face. Anger. She had never seen Kartauk in a rage before, but she saw it now.

“You will not use me, madam.”

“It’s not such a terrible … It has to be you. I thought of Ruel, but I—”

“Ruel!”

“He, too, has a lustful nature and he might do it to save Ian, but I could not place that burden on him.”

“What burden?”

“Adultery,” she whispered. “It’s a terrible sin and one I don’t expect God to forgive. It is better I suffer his anger alone.”

His lips twisted. “And you think me too much of a heathen for God to notice my transgressions?”

“It would be an act of mercy on your part. God would surely understand you’re not at fault.”

“Dear God, now bedding you is an act of mercy! You’re a mad woman.”

“When I first realized I might have to do this, I thought perhaps I was mad.” She had to stop to steady her voice. “But I’ve pondered long and hard and there’s no other solution. This must be done. Do you think asking you was easy?”

“I’ve not noticed you asking me. You’ve only told me what I must do.”

“I did not mean to be rude. It is my way to be blunt.”

Abruptly his anger vanished and his expression softened. “I know. Blunt, sharp-tongued, and giving. Well, you cannot give Ian his child.” He raised his hand to stop her as she opened her lips to protest. “I won’t do it, madam.”

“Why? Ian will be destroyed if I don’t do this.”

“And you’ll be destroyed if you do. I know you well. You try to bend that straight moral backbone and you’ll shatter.” He moved toward her. “I’ll have no part of it. I have never had a taste for destruction. I ran away from Abdar to avoid it, and I will not help you embrace it.”

“I’ve made my decision, Kartauk.”

“Which requires my cooperation.” He looked down at her. “No, madam, you’ll get no child from me.”

He was close enough to her so she could smell the scent of soap, coffee, and clay that clung to him and see the pulse pounding in his strong brown throat and the distended veins in his muscular forearms. She had a sudden sensation of unfamiliarity. She was acutely conscious of his bigness, the wideness of his shoulders, the massive strength of his calves and thighs in the loose trousers, the craggy strength of his features. She felt a sudden flutter of apprehension before she firmly dismissed it as imagination. This was the Kartauk she had known for three years. Her uneasiness must be derived from the prospect of the intimacy she had proposed. “There is another reason I chose you,” she said haltingly. “I regard you as my friend. I have had very few friends in my life. I hope I’m not mistaken.”

“Mother of God!” His hands hovered over her shoulders as if he’d like to shake her.

“You appear to have an uncommon understanding of me.” She blinked rapidly to rid her eyes of tears. “This will be a most difficult undertaking, and it would comfort me to have you with me in this.”

His hands clenched and then dropped to his sides. “Go away, madam.”

“We haven’t finished our discussion. I can’t leave until we come to an agreement.”

“We are not going to come to an agreement.”

“It is necessary we do so. I realize what I propose is neither virtuous nor Christian, but somehow I believe it’s right. If there is a child, Ian will live. Can it be so wicked to save a life?”

“Leave me.”

“I have no fondness for the act, but Ian seems to think I perform it well. I’ll do everything you’ve instructed me to do and it should not be too unpleasant for you.”

He jerked her to her feet and propelled her toward the door.

“I know I’m not bonnie like Ellen MacTavish, but I will endeavor to—”

“My dear madam.” He opened the door and pushed her out into the hall. “You’re not at all bonnie and as far from the likes of Ellen MacTavish as Cinnidar is from Scotland.”

She felt a queer pang even as she drew herself up and stared determinedly at him. “Bonnie or not, it won’t hurt you to accommodate me until I’m with child. I shall not insist on any immediate consummation. I, too, must become accustomed to the idea of—” She hesitated.

“Fornicating.”

“Conceiving. I’m sure we will both be more comfortable if we make an effort to more fully understand each other. You might make a start by calling me Margaret.” She turned and walked down the hall. “I’ll pay you another visit tomorrow. Good day, Kartauk.”

“Good-bye, madam. Don’t return.” The door slammed behind her.

Kartauk stared at her coldly. “I told you not to come back. I have no time for your nonsense.”

“I will be no bother.” Margaret closed the door and moved toward him. “I understand that you have no interest in anything but your work and I’ve thought of a way to accomplish both our aims.”

“I can hardly wait to hear what it is.”

“I shall help you.” She rolled up the sleeves of her gown. “This is the time of morning Jock gives Ian his bath and after that he takes a nap, so I have three hours free. I will come here every day and aid you in fashioning your dabbles.”

He gazed blankly at her. “You’re offering yourself as my apprentice?”

“If that is what it’s called. We will also talk and become better accustomed to each other’s ways. Now, what do I do first?”

“Leave.”

“Why do you wear that leather apron? Should I have one on also?”

“I require no apprentice.”

“Of course you do. I’m sure every craftsman has an acolyte to do menial tasks. I will sweep and—” She paused, uncertain, before adding vaguely, “Hold things.”

“I could have one of Ruel’s servants do that.”

“But you wouldn’t trust them in the same room with one of your precious models,” she said triumphantly. “You know I’m not clumsy and would take care not to damage any of your dabbles.”

“Madam, I do not …” He tried a new direction. “Your plan is without purpose. You have visited me many times during the past three years. I’m sure we have no more to learn about each other.”

“You believe you know me, but I have a great deal to
learn about you. I was the one who always talked. You asked questions and I answered.”

“Sometimes with much reluctance.”

“It is not my nature to confide in all and sundry. It was difficult for me to—but you know that.” She added wistfully, “You have been very kind to me in the past. Why can’t you be kind to me now?”

“I am being kind to you. More than you know.” He gazed at her a long moment. “You’re a very obstinate woman. You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Certainly not.”

He threw up his hands. “Oh, very well.”

Her eyes widened. “You mean you’ll—”

“Not that, dammit,” he said quickly. “I mean I’ll take you to apprentice. If I do not keep you busy, you’ll only sit and stare and plague me with chatter.”

“I do not chatter.” She had not realized he had regarded her confidences as chatter and the knowledge gave her a hurtful pang. She said stiltedly, “Though I can see how you would think me verbose. I should not have afflicted my ramblings on you. Please forgive me.”

“You did not force them on me, I took them,” he said curtly. “And, by God, you needed me to take them. I was your priest in the confessional. I gave you haven and absolution. Have you considered if I did what you asked of me that I would no longer fulfill that need? Your haven would be gone.”

She felt a surge of loneliness at the thought. “Ian’s need is greater than mine.”

“You’re a foolish woman. You gave years of service to a selfish father only because he seeded the woman who bore you and now you wish to sacrifice yourself for Ian.” He paused and then added deliberately, “And all because you feel guilt that you do not love them enough.”

She gazed at him, shocked. “I did love them.”

He shook his head. “Love must be nurtured and your father gave you nothing in return.”

She could not deny that truth. “But Ian is—”

“You loved Ian as a playmate and a friend. In time it might have changed, but because of the accident he also
became your child. That’s what he is now, a beloved child who must be protected.”

“You lie,” she said fiercely. “He is my husband and I love him with my whole heart.”

“Not with your whole heart, that’s why guilt is making you willing to destroy yourself to make amends to him.”

“It’s not true,” she whispered. “You should not say such things.”

“Why not?” He smiled recklessly. “I’ve always known however honest you are with others you’ve never been honest with yourself.”

“Then why did you not state your views before?”

“You’re a rare and splendid woman, and I had no desire to hurt you.” He met her gaze directly. “But, if you continue on this course you’ve set, I will never let you hide again. Build a wall and I’ll tear it down. Tell me a half-truth and I’ll probe and rip until the entire truth is laid bare. No more comfort. No more haven.”

She had never felt more vulnerable or frightened. She smiled with great effort. “Life should be faced head-on. I’m a woman grown and need no havens. You’re wrong about me, Kartauk.”

“And you’re willing to risk learning I’m right?”

“Since it’s not true, there is no risk.” She took a step closer to the table and looked down at the frieze. “Now tell me what the markings on this dabble are supposed to represent.”

He did not immediately answer, and she looked up to see him watching her, smiling faintly. “You will no longer refer to my work as ‘dabbles,’ madam.”

“Margaret,” she corrected him. “And I will speak my mind as I see fit.”

“No, from this day forward you will speak only the truth. You have a great appreciation for my work, for all beauty. Perhaps a greater appreciation than anyone I have ever known.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked warily.

“I have seen you look at a sunset.” He added softly, “And I have seen you look at my ‘dabbles.’”

She felt a tiny flicker of alarm. She had realized how insightful he could be, but he had never indicated he had seen this deeply. “Why should I pretend not to admire something when I do?”

“Perhaps because beauty can hurt as well as please. Perhaps because you consider such a love of beauty a softness that would get in the way of your revered duty.”

“That is not—” She stopped, feeling more helpless and unsure than she had since she was a small child.

“No haven, madam.” He added softly, “And no mercy.”

“I have asked for neither.” She glanced away from him. “You did not answer me. Will I need one of those leather aprons you wear?”

“By all means.” His smile contained an element of sadness as he reached in the cabinet beneath his table, drew out an apron, and handed it to her. “We must not have you soiling yourself.
You
clearly have an impulsive nature that leads to such disasters.”

Screams … thunder …

Jarred from sleep, Jane jerked upright on her cot.

The scream came again and was followed immediately by the thunder.

“Come!” Li Sung burst into her tent. “Hurry. The tracks.”

Li Sung, who was never armed, was carrying a rifle. She threw the covers aside and quickly thrust her feet into her boots. “What’s happening? What is it?”

“Elephant.”

The scream came again, wild, angry, demonic. “That couldn’t be an elephant. It doesn’t sound like anything we’ve heard before.” She jumped to her feet and ran toward the tent opening.

“Dilam says it’s a rogue.”

She caught sight of Dilam running down the rows of sleeping workers, torch in hand, rousing them. “Forget that,” she called. “Come with us. We may need you.”

Dilam nodded, and the next moment she was beside her. They ran down the tracks in the direction from which the screaming was coming with Li Sung limping as quickly as he could behind.
“What the devil is a rogue?” she asked tersely.

“An elephant that has been cast out from the herd,” Dilam said. “Sometimes he goes mad with loneliness. Very dangerous.”

The scream came again. Closer.

Then a grinding metallic noise frightened her more than the enraged trumpeting. “Dammit, he’s tearing up my tracks!”

They rounded a corner and Jane caught her first sight of the elephant.