The Toll (25 page)

“
Mamma! Daphie’s home!
She’s home for good! The troll left! Our girl’s home!”

Home,
I thought, letting him lead me in.
Never really had one of those—not really.

Must be nice.

****

A few hours later, having sat through
Papa talking a mile a minute, as if he hadn’t seen me in years and
had to cram it all into one sitting, I ate Mamma’s overly dried out
pot roast, choking it down as I pretended to listen
intently.

As I answered him with noncommittal
noises, and the appropriate nod or head shake, wherever it applied,
my mind wandered to the crazy haze of my short lived affair with a
mentally unstable troll.

Shame, really, that the
affair, as I’ve decided to refer to it, will probably be the
reigning highlight of my life—
the wicked
sex, not the thereafter—and it was decidedly wicked for
me—forbidden—
so I let myself relive it in
fragments, cutting out all the bad in between.

Definitely unstable,
I thought, tracing the worn out grooves in the
old wooden table I was seated at, my hand sliding down and straying
to my dress pocket. Running my hands over it, I fingered it through
my dress, the small piece of torn paper burning a hole in my
pocket.

Yes,
I thought, running my other hand absently over my shoulder,
over the scars I’d now carry, a constant reminder of his
betrayal,
most definitely
unstable.

****

Having bid everyone goodnight, begging
off, using a headache as an excuse, I went to my room and shut the
door.

I readied for bed and unfolded my
knotted up dress, carefully unpacking everything and putting it
away.

When I reached a shirt I didn’t
remember putting in there, against my better judgment, I indulged
myself, just this once, picking it up and shoving it up against my
nose, inhaling deeply.

It was
his.

Tears pricked my eyes at the wrongness
of it, craving him after all he’d done to me, but I did, and the
tears burned.

Yelping quietly, I hopped back as
something fell out, plopping with a thud and the heavy clink of
coins. A second one followed, making me blink, staring down at it,
stupefied. My eyes slowly widened as I went to pick them up, my
mouth openly gaping in astonishment. There, having been nestled
inconspicuously in between my belongings, were the two pouches I’d
thrown at that odious lavender eyed troll, one black sack and one
purple, plopping right down in front of me, nestled at my feet.
Shaking my head, I backed away from them slowly, watching them
closely, as if they might grow legs and crawl towards
me.

My eyes strayed to my hands, still
clutching his oversized shirt. Expression pinching, I tossed it
aside as if it had burned me, ignoring all three items in favor of
unpacking and putting away my things.

By the time I’d finished, I
decided to kick the coin purses under my bed—
I’ll deal with them tomorrow, once I’ve thought about it and
feel rested—
stuffing the shirt under my
lumpy pillow, fresh with a new pillow case I didn’t recognize,
hiding the evidence I couldn’t find it in myself to toss
out.

I’m weak
, I thought,
but I’ll deal with that
later too.

What Dreams Are
These

‘
How does it
feel?’

My eye fluttered in sleep, blue eyes
rolling this way and that behind my closed lids, the familiar voice
bringing me closer to a proper wakeful state.

‘
Wake up. I’m talkin’ to
ye.’

My lids lifted cautiously and I slowly
sat up. I was in Troll’s bed, my nightshirt rucked up around my
thighs, his back to me as he stared sightlessly at the wall,
hovering agitatedly at the end of the bed.

“
You left me,” I accused,
realizing that I was, in fact, still sleeping.

His head turned to me, my nightgown
slipping off my shoulder as I raked my fingers through my messy
hair.

His eyes glowed eerily and he
grinned—it wasn’t a nice one. Standing up, he laughed and walked
towards me, a scrap of animal hide tied to his waist the only thing
covering his man parts, exposing the rest of his massive body, as
if out on display.

“
Tell me, luv,” he purred,
his hand reaching out to touch the markings on my shoulder, “did it
hurt yer wee feelin’s? Ketik says ye carried on somethin’ fierce.
An’ all over a bit of markin’. I’m beginnin’ ta wonder ‘bout it...”
He eyed me curiously, as if truly amused.

It was as if he thought I was playing
a game with him and he was trying to get one up on me, calling my
bluff. I shot up and across the room, crouching down in a
protective stance, my hands out, fingers curled up like claws as I
glared at him. I both craved him and hated him, wanted him with my
next breath, yet wanted to strangle his out of him.

It was a horrible, messed up quandary
I found myself in. I hated us both for it.

“
You know it did,” I
hissed, done playing the willing victim. Something akin to
uncertainty flickered in his eyes, but I let it go.

I’ve given in too much, too
easily in my life. Not this time.

His expression quickly changed,
frowning for a half second before he chuckled evilly, eyeing me
heatedly as he slowly prowled towards me. “Good, then, ye brazen
liar. Deserved it.”

“
And so will you when it
catches up to you.”

At my words, Troll stopped and stared,
pausing as he cocked his head to the side. “When what catches up ta
me?”

“
The dues you’ll have to
pay for all the horrid, fucked up things you’ve done. The rights
for all the wrongs you’ve committed, all the things you’ve done to
me.”

Snorting indelicately, the
orange-eyed horse’s ass studied his wide, flat fingernails, peeking
up at me, feigning boredom. “Still playing that game, are ye? Not
even a sorry? An’ look at that, Miss high and mighty using a dirty
word an’ all. What? No love? Only a...
fuck.”
Clucking his tongue, he
hummed thoughtfully, glee entering his spiteful gaze. “What say ye,
bonded? Have ye no words of love fer yer troll?”

“
You’re nothing to
me.”

“
Oh? Well, those markin’s
on yer skin says otherwise. Mmm. Ye an’ me, we’re goin’ ta
suffer,
together,
fer the rest of our lives. Whether ye like it or no’. Ye can
be sure, I’m goin’ ta make sure it’s the latter. Ye’ll pay fer what
ye’ve done.” Nodding slowly, he tsk-tsk-ed me, smirking at the look
on my face.

Fuming silently, ears ringing, breath
catching, I’d had enough.

“
I didn’t do anything to
you!” I burst out.

“
Ye ruined me life!!” he
bellowed back.

“
Well, la-dee-da!
You
ruined
mine!!”

He’d made his way across the room,
storming towards me. “I wish I could choke ye,” he snarled,
gripping my shoulders tight to pick me up.

I kicked and fought, drawing blood and
a deep, guttural growl out of him as I raked my nails down his
sides. “And I wish you’d choke and die!!”

Leaning in, he pressed me into the
wall, and we both bared teeth. Roaring in my face as I screamed
back, his lips smashed into mine. Reaching for him, I gripped his
ears and growled against his lips, nipping it hard until it
bled.

Grunting, he pulled back and his
tongue snuck out to run across it, grazing the streak of deep red
dribbling down his chin.

“
Ye bit me.” The shock in
his suddenly subdued voice was almost comical.

“
You attacked me. Kiss me
without my permission, you oaf, and I’ll do it again!” I
snapped.

“
Ye’re mean when ye’re
feisty,” he grumbled, the hand gripping a troll-sized mitt-ful of
my ass hitching me up higher.

“
Set me down.”

“
Canna,” he gritted out,
returning to his usual, menacing, surly self.

Squirming and grunting in his grasp, I
wiggled around, trying to slowly untangle myself from his person.
My legs, at some point, had wrapped around his thick waist, hooking
at the small of his back.

“
Havena’ been gone even a
day an’ I miss ye,” he snapped, squeezing his eyes shut tight and
shaking his head, as if imparting some horrible, world ending
truth.

“
Well, I’m not that fond of
you either!”

Panting, I gasped as he pressed his
groin to mine, teasing me with slow, tempting sweeps of his length
against my mons.

“
Want ta fuck ye so bad,
nugget,” he groaned, fighting some internal battle with himself as
he went from husky, determined lover to demonic ex-captor from
hell.

It was the strangest dream I’d ever
had.

This
is
a dream
,
I remembered, following on that
thought,
and I can do whatever I want in a
dream, right?

Feeling emboldened, I reached down
between us and tore at the little leather string separating us,
lifting the flap, gripping his shaft tightly in my fist as I pumped
my hand up and down his length.

He groaned and snarled, his fingers
digging into my hips, but he didn’t stop me.

“
I want to ride you,” I
whispered, licking the shell of his ear.

His knees wobbled a little as I pumped
him faster, keeping up my steady pump action until he stumbled back
and plopped on the furs, the back of his legs hitting the pallet,
sending him sailing.

Crawling up, I straddled him, my
fingers raking down his chest. “I’ve always wanted to try
this.”

Lining us up, I slowly, painstakingly
impaled myself on him. My troll-lover let out a hoarse, choked cry
as I ground down on him, quickening my release. Biting my lip to
keep from crying out, I rubbed myself in slow, concentrated
circles, stopping whenever it felt like he might come. He was so
thick and full, filling me to the brim—almost beyond that. I felt
stuffed.

It was wonderful.

“
You can’t until I do,” I
panted, those solid orange eyes opening to glare up at
me.

“
Ye dinna have any say in
wha’ I do or no’,” he challenged, gripping my hips and ramming up
into me. Groaning gutturally, hips jerked spasmodically, he held
himself still as he started to come, stopping my own orgasm dead in
its tracks.

Once finished, he picked me up and set
me on the bed, rolling off as he walked across the room, adjusting
himself as he covered his member with the small scrap of soft
leather intended to do so.

I gaped after him, spluttering as I
shot up on the bed, kneeling with my hands up. “What...
I...”

His eyes lowered, half lidded, lazy
and sated as he eyed me.

“
What’s the matter, luv,
did I forget somethin’?”

Incensed but bested, I almost hung my
head, ashamed at myself for giving in yet again, but I fought it,
forcing my head up, angry blue eyes meeting his equally.

“
Who’s hurting whom?” I
clipped out. “Who has treated who despicably?” My finger shot up,
pointing at him. “You stand there and judge me, without any
explanation! You, who’s been nothing short of sadistic, then
torture me as you see fit. Tell me
,
Troll,
who’s the real villain in this
piece?”

“
Do ye want another sack of
coins, then? Or was tha’ time better than all the others, seein’ as
ta how I’m so horrible an’ all?”

The look on his face cured me of any
and all stupid, girlish, silly notions I’d ever had about him,
thinking he’d somehow be different underneath it all.

No, he’s different alright,
he’s the worst. He truly doesn’t care about anything.
Nothing.

“
You’re a monster.” As I
said the words right then, I truly meant them.

He stopped chuckling mockingly, all at
my expense, eyes narrowing shrewdly.

“
I hate you.” My words came
out small and fleeting, as crushed as I felt right then. I let two
or three tears track down my face, the last bit of emotion, the
last piece of me I’d ever let him have. Pulling my knees up, I
buried my face in them, hiccupping as I chanted softly, “You can’t
hurt me anymore. You can’t. You aren’t real. Never again. Never.”
Hiccupping out a sob, I closed my eyes and whispered it over and
over, huddling down with my hands cupped over my ears as the sound
of him making his way over hit me, rocking myself back and
forth.

He started saying something, his voice
getting louder and louder, until he was thundering my
name.

Not to be deterred, I raised my voice
right along with him, until I was screaming it.

“
Ye canna just shut me
out!” he roared. “Ye’re mine! Ye hear? Look at me!” Large, very
real feeling hands clamped down over mine, tugging as I ignored him
in favor of my chant.