The Toll (61 page)

Decisions,
decisions...

“
Which way do you think,
bug?”

Calder’s nose wrinkled and he slapped
at my chest, fisting the fabric.

“
Oh? You don’t know,
either? Well,” my finger ran down his little nose, “in that case,
left it is.”

Taking my time, it wasn’t long before
the sound of hushed voices, deep but trying to keep low, had me
making another left, lights growing brighter, the farther I
went.

An opening, wide with a high ceiling,
sun filtering in from a series of holes at the top, opened up. A
huge space, wide but rounded, spread out in front of me. There was
a huge fire, lit with a roaring blue and red flames, worn rugs
lining the floor and trunks of all shapes and sizes lining the
walls. It was an Ornthren treasure trove, sparkling bits of gold
and silver flickering from opened trunk lids, baubles spilling out
of others, a thick table with wide, sturdy wooden chairs—sturdy
enough to hold a troll’s massive weight—surrounding it.

Quaz and Ketik were seated by the
fire, short but wide stools pulled in front of it as they ate huge
hunks of meat off the bone, sizzling with juices, thick mugs of
frothy drink by their feet, and the warmth of the fire washing over
them.

Glancing around, I didn’t see Troll or
Brevin anywhere in sight, but I was desperate for
company.

“
May I join
you?”

At the sound of my voice, their heads
whipped around. Ketik froze, meat and grizzle dangling from his
lips, truly surprised to see me, but Quaz, the more laid back of
the two, stood and smiled.

There was something off about that
expression as he approached, tossing his food onto a large trencher
set on a third stool, something wrong with the tilt of his lips and
the way it didn’t quite reach his eyes. It seemed
forced.

“
Speakin’ of meself, I
wouldna mind it, ye see, but yer bonded, ahh...”

“
He might?”
Really? Then where was he? And why did he send me
away in the first blasted place?
“For
someone that was ready to toss me off when he thought he might have
the chance, he seems rather... attached.” Glancing away, shrugging
nonchalantly, my fingers drifted along a beautifully woven tapestry
admiringly as I watched him through the corner of my
eye.

I was testing him. Why? I
wanted to know. Could he tell me?
Why was
I shut out? And why wish to reclaim me? Why now?
Was it the babe?
Gaze
drifting to Calder, our blue eyes meeting, my heart warmed
instantly at the sight of that sweet, innocent face.

Others might see a baby troll and be
repulsed or frightened, most were of the unknown, but when I gazed
down at my babe, awe overwhelmingly me, I saw two little dents for
dimples when he smiled, a nose that tipped like mine but was wide
like his father’s, and a strong, healthy little body covered in
thick, chubby baby rolls of fat. When he cooed or gurgled, it was
unusually deep for an infant, but all I heard was the contentment
that little sound represented. My son is happy and well cared
for—he’s settled.

When I look at Calder, I
see Calder, my sweet little boy, sturdy and whole, healthy and
breathing, and he’s all mine.
If that was
the case for my wayward bonded’s newfound attachment—the babe—I
couldn’t blame Troll. Calder had proven a balm for my tattered
soul.

Was it that way for him
too? Did Calder soothe him, give him some kind of inner peace? And
if so, why wasn’t he around more often? Does he not want to see his
son?

“
Did ye ask him, then?”
Quaz spoke after a long pause, scratching at the back of his bald
head as an uncomfortable look crossed his face.

“
How can I? He’s never
here!”

“
An’ fer good reason,”
Ketik muttered. “Bastard had been a right pisser, the blow hard,
before. Now, he’s a bleedin’ arse an’ then some since we dragged
yer useless hide here. Damned feral.”

“
Then maybe you should have
just left me behind,” I snapped. So much for my good mood and need
for company, but I wasn’t going to let that arrogant prick pin any
of this on me, speaking to me as if this was all somehow my fault.
I was done being a scapegoat.

I didn’t do anything wrong.
Hell, I didn’t do anything!

“
Never heard the dumb arse
renounce ye,” Ketik called from the fire, still seated, munching on
his meaty bone. “An’ if ye was so keen ta come back, why didn’t ye
then, eh?”

“
Ketik,” Quaz growled
warningly.

Ketik’s face darkened and his lips
pulled back, storming over as he tossed what’s left of his supper
with a thick clatter. “I want ta hear.”

“
Fine,” Quaz snarled,
backing off. “Yer burial. See if ye can come cryin’ ta me when ye
piss off the bloody beast an’ he rips yer arms off! Pfft!” Turning
on a thick, bare foot, he lurched and lumbered back to his food.
Back stiff, shoulders tense, his eyes kept darting to a small
crevice-like space with a narrow archway, muttering and grunting
around a mouthful of food as he tried to ignore us; but if his eyes
weren’t glancing at us, they were glued to that crudely done
opening.

What’s that for?
I wondered.

“
Well,” Ketik sniped, jaw
tight, huffing out a chuffing grunt.

Pulling my gaze away from the mystery
archway, I met Ketik’s head on, lips pursed, spine
straight.

“
Why would I come back if
he didn’t want me?!” I argued.

“
Dinna I just
say-”

“
Oh, I heard what you
said,” I rudely interrupted, eyes sparkling with snaps of electric
blue, “but I fail to see how you’ve suddenly become an expert on
the subject, particularly where I’m concerned.”

So much for getting any
answers out of these two, I realized, too little too late. Quaz was
a dead end, and Ketik was a dead head.
Ugh.
How dare he presume to know me.
Human, yes, I am, but just like Ornthren or any other, we aren’t
all the same. Prejudice bled from him freely, though, like blood
from a wound. I understood he carried deep hurts, and more than
possibly why, but I refused to be his moving target. I’m no one’s
punching back.

How dare he lump me with
the lot. I can think for myself!

Ire filling me, I advanced on him.
“You, sir, don’t know shit!” My index finger popped up, poking him
square in his thick grey chest, right where his hard, walnut sized,
wrinkled excuse for a heart was supposed to be.

Jerking back as sparks shot from the
pointed tip, zapping him, he hissed and slapped my hand away.
Ignoring the sting as my fingers throbbed, his none too gentle
smack leaving a red hand print behind, I brought it back to Calder,
cradling him to my warmth a little tighter.

Watching me warily, never taking his
eyes away, which were now flashing a glowing lavender, swirling
with plum, Ketik slowly backed up until he’d made his way back to
his seat. Plopping down, he gave me one last look, lip curling up
in a sneer, picked up his large mug of what I assumed was ale, and
tossed it back in one long swig.

“
You really don’t know me
at all,” I mumbled unnecessarily, wondering why I even felt the
need.

Because you want
companionship—a friend—something. A connection. Because you’re
desperate to belong
, my inner self chimed
in.

“
I know enough,” Ketik
muttered with finality.

Quaz watched on, eating quietly, never
saying a word.

Feeling summarily
dismissed, and more than a bit rejected, firmly put in my
place
—obviously, I’m not welcome here,
that much was perfectly clear—
heart
sinking, I turned to leave.

Chest constricting, I told
myself to shut up and suck it up, I’ve been through worse. And I
had.
What should it matter to me that two
stubborn trolls don’t want to play nice with me? I don’t need them.
I have Calder and Brevin.

Speaking of...
“Where is Brevin?” Talking more to myself than
anything, my eyes darted around the room, searching him out.
Walking back down the hall, ignoring the twin looks of
consternation on the brothers Ornthren’s faces, I went in search of
my young ward.

“
Brevin? Brevin?” Walking
to the room I’d been told Quaz had set my young friend up in, I
frowned when I found it empty. Not even a small pallet or blanket
was left behind. “Brevin?” Worry crept into my throat.
Where is that boy? Where could he have gone off
too?
Walking much faster than my slow,
shuffling pace, I paused when I heard a small scraping sound.
“Brevin?” My voice came out much louder, just below a shout. The
scraping, scratching noise stopped immediately. “Brev?”

“
Not here,” Ketik muttered
from the end of the corridor.

Turning, I watched as Quaz, only a few
feet in front of his slightly smaller counterpart, stopped and
nodded as well.

“
What?! What do you mean,
he left?!” Eyes wide, I started charging down the hall. “Why...
what? Why did you let him just leave?!”

“
The...
lad,”
Quaz’s face bunched up, like
he’d just tasted something awful and was pushing the words past
stiff lips, rumbled, “left. Havena seen him since.”

“
Well, then, what are you
waiting for? Go find him!” Incensed, I couldn’t understand their
hesitation, or reticence.
He’s a little
boy, out all on his own, what else was there to debate? He needs
help! Now!
When it looked like nether
would move, I demanded, “Did you not say you would watch over him
for me?” I directed my question to Quaz, who’d given me his word on
the matter.
Weren’t they all about their
word, or something?

“
Mm, yes, but that was...”
Quaz stopped when Ketik shoved him hard, sending him stumbling
forward. Jaw clenching, working as he glanced over his shoulder
irately, he muttered, “That was before.”

“
Before what?”

“
Before he decided we’d no’
be takin’ free loaders, an’ that’s what,” Ketik sniffed, pivoting
to head back down the way he came. Or, hopefully, fall into a deep,
dark, smelly pit and never come back.

“
Owe a boon, I ken.” Quaz’s
oath did not soothe me at all.

“
You lost a little boy I’d
promised myself I’d look after.” Staring at him in disbelief and
hurt, I scoffed, “What good is a fucking boon going to
do?!”

“
Just the same,” his chin
dipped in a nod, “it’s owed.”

“
I can’t believe I actually
sought out company from you two.” Shaking my head, a hysterical
laugh bubbled up in my throat. “I must be god damned
mad!”

“
Ye sought us for
companionship?” The look on Quaz’s blanched face meant what I
thought of as companionship and what he thought of it, clearly
weren’t the same thing.”

“
Oh, for heaven’s sake! I
have one menace bonded to deal with, thank you very much! What
would I want with two more? And halfwits, at that!
Companionship—friendship—not...” My hand waved around him
irritatedly, gesturing at his person. I stopped the second I
realized I was unconsciously circling his groin area. Flushing, I
muttered, “Stupid me, I’d thought we could all talk.
Companionship—friends—nothing more. Not... sex.”

“
Hey!” Ketik bellowed from
the large open area. “Dinna be callin’ me daft, woman!”

“
Daft would be a
compliment!” I snarled back. “I was merely insinuating you’re
incompetent!”

“
Oh.” A pause and then,
“Oi! What’s the difference, then?”

“
Exactly!”

Quaz’s eyes were lit up, but not with
magic. Filled with mirth, he appeared almost gleeful at the
exchange.

“
I don’t know what you’re
smirking about,” I clipped out.

His lips tugged up at the corners in a
way that made me want to brain him.

“
And, yeah, well, you can
take your boon, you giant, pea-brained oaf, and stick it up your
ass!!”

Marching back to my room, I stormed
inside, ignoring his deep, heavy chuckle as it echoed off the
walls.

“
Asshole.”

Ignoring my frustrated growl, his
laugh went on a little longer.

Midnight
Rendezvous

It was very early or very late,
however one chose to see it, when something had me stirring. A
small, short cry, and my eyes cracked open.

Humming low in his throat, small loin
cloth covering his person, Troll was standing over Calder’s bed,
cuddling him close, chest vibrating as he nuzzled the tiny grey
head. Calder, wide-eyed and wide awake, was humming back, cooing
softly as his little pudgy fist batted at his father’s face. Eyes
closing peacefully, inhaling deeply, Troll let out several deep,
calming sighs, pose relaxed, body loose.

Everything inside me melted at the
sight, but I still didn’t want Troll to know I’d caught him.
Closing my eyes, I sighed and rolled over, slowly drifting back to
sleep. If he’d wanted me to know he came late when I was asleep to
see his son, he would have made his presence known to me. Calder is
his child too, after all, and who am I to get in the way of
that?