The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (62 page)

Bang had caught the periphery of the blast as he tried to leap in my direction. It had sent him spinning out of control, causing him to bounce off the rooftop a couple times before skidding to a halt against an antenna array, bending it in the process. *sigh* It’s not like cell service doesn’t already suck enough in the city as it is. Next time you’re in midtown and you can’t get five bars, I guess you can blame me.

Still hidden behind the A/C unit, I put Sally down on the rooftop. It would provide her some cover, and if not, I hoped that the various combatants would show at least a little chivalry to the downed lady. Unfortunately, if I just stayed where I was, standing over her like a protective mother bear guarding its cubs, I’d be easy pickings. At best, I needed to take out a few of my many enemies. At the very least, I needed to be a distraction for her.

I peeked around the corner and saw Decker at the far edge of the roof. He was down on one knee, breathing hard. Much like the night before, the expenditure of power had temporarily drained his batteries.

“I thought you said you weren’t in any condition to fight!” I yelled at him, still from behind my cover. No use tempting fate in case he had another shot left in him.

“I lied,” he panted in return - an asshole to the very end. The question was; should I pick him off or try to take out one of the Khan’s lackeys? At the time being they seemed the far greater of the...hell, I had lost count of all the evils by that point.

I stuffed Sally’s gun in the waistband of my pants. No point in shooting wildly, as I was pretty sure I couldn’t hit the sky if I aimed at it. A small part of me was sure it would go off and blow away my balls, along with a good chunk of my lower body, but fate actually surprised me for once and left me intact, or as intact as I was. Fucking silver weapons. If it weren’t for them, I’d have been all healed up by now and ready for round two; instead, I had a gimpy arm, a bleeding leg, and a chest cavity that felt like a sumo wrestler was sitting on it every time I tried to breathe.

I hefted the silvered knife. I could probably throw it no better than I could shoot, but in close quarters I wouldn’t need to. I turned left and charged toward where Bang was just now getting to his feet. He had gotten the wind knocked out of him by Decker’s
Power Word: Fuck You
spell. He reached his feet, and I almost instinctively skidded to a halt. The guy was seriously messed up, and from the look of things, not by any magic hex. Everything was starting to scar over thanks to his quick healing, but the damage was still quite evident. He was missing his right eye and had a good gouge taking out of that side of his face. There were likewise deep tears and scratches across every part of his torso that I could see. Though apparently functional, one of his arms had an odd cant to it, as if it were missing a sizable chunk from the bicep. In short, Bang was pretty
banged
up.

I remembered back to the night before, right before blacking out. Had I caused that damage to him? As Decker and Christy had been long gone by then, it seemed the only logical answer. Unless, that is, Nergui had decided to take out his frustrations at my escape on his friend. Fucked up culture or not, though, that didn’t seem to make much sense. In the movies, the bad guys are always shooting their incompetent lackeys, but in real life you don’t snuff the hired help, at least not until the job is done.

Bang saw me coming and attempted to strike a defensive pose, but it was too late. I flung myself at him and slammed into his midsection. He went down with me on top, and we skidded across the roof a good ten feet before coming to a stop.

“Having a good time in the city!?” I yelled, slamming my left fist into his jaw. “Here’s a little souvenir for you!” I raised the knife and brought it down toward his chest. It was just about then that the rational voices in my head spoke up and reminded me that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. They always like to do that during times like these. Well okay, I haven’t exactly had too many times like
this
. Tussling with a centuries old assassin wasn’t exactly a normal thing, even in
my
life. Oh well, another thing to add to my resume.

Bang had other ideas, though. Despite his injuries, he still managed to catch me by the wrist before I could do more than prick his skin with the blade. I put my other hand on top and started bearing down. Vampiric strength is a badass thing; however, it doesn’t mean much if the person you’re fighting has it, too, except multiplied by several times. I couldn’t budge him. In fact, the fucker had the nerve to start smiling at me. He said something glib sounding in that gibberish Chinese of his. I didn’t need to understand him to know I had just been burned.

“Oh yeah? Your boss is James T. Kirk’s bitch!” I lamely spat back. If he had spoken English...and had a working knowledge of the dorkier aspects of American pop culture...it would have been pretty damn insulting, believe me.

I heard noises behind me. I turned my head to check and saw that Nergui had once again emerged onto the rooftop. Decker had regained his feet as well and appeared to be steeling himself for another salvo of spells. Good, they were keeping each other occupied for the moment. I was just about to turn back to Bang when movement caught my eye. It was Sally. She was actually trying...and mostly failing...to get back to her feet. Fucking crazy bitch.

“STAY D...” I started to yell, right before doing the opposite myself. I had stupidly allowed myself to be distracted against a vampire who, unlike me, knew what he was doing. He had gotten his other arm free, and with the added leverage, literally threw me off him. I really needed to enlist in the Army or sign myself up again for self-defense classes. Spending all of eternity being on the receiving end of shit like this did not sound like fun to me.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, being thrown through the air isn’t a particularly fun thing either. It is considerably less amusing when it involves a rooftop that happens to be a couple hundred feet above street level. A birds-eye view of what was waiting for you, one short trip at terminal velocity later, would be enough to give anyone a slight case of vertigo. A vampire with a fear of heights would almost be chuckle worthy if I weren’t the one it was happening to.

I was almost about to count my lucky stars (
and believe me, it wouldn’t have been a particularly high count
) that Bang’s throw was going to leave me a few feet short of the edge, when I realized I had failed to take into account the bounce factor. Ah yes, momentum. Kind of wished I hadn’t blown off so many physics classes back in college; otherwise, I might have remembered the whole
bodies in motion tend to stay in motion
thing. Not that it would have done me much good. Knowledge of the laws of physics doesn’t necessarily mean an ability to break them...at least outside of
The Matrix
(
which I was pretty sure I wasn’t in, given the utter lack of leather-clad chicks named Trinity coming to my aid
).

I slammed down and tumbled toward the edge. The knife flew from my grip, and a barely intelligible, but highly audible, “OH SHIT!” escaped from my lips. I didn’t know if a drop from this height would kill me, but it was a fair certainty that it would mess up my day in more ways than one.

There was only one chance. As my legs slid out over the edge, I slammed my fingers down into the rooftop as hard as my vampire strength would allow and tried to dig in. Some days, I curse having been turned into a vampire; that exact moment was not one of those times. I managed to sink them in just enough to stop myself before the bulk of my weight carried me over. I was going to be picking roofing tar out from beneath my fingernails for a month, but considering the alternative, I’d be happy to do it.

Unfortunately for me, the alternative was very much still a possibility. I had just barely stopped myself from going over when I looked up to see Bang standing over me. That same asshole smile was still on his face as he reared back to punt my head off.

* * *

At the speed of thought, dull anger flooded through me. I had been there before, or at least one of my old
Dungeons and Dragons
characters had. It had been a difficult campaign, fighting our way through the Accursed Pass of the Blood Mountains. Following a particularly nasty encounter with a pack of Hill Giants, my character was left with a broken leg. In game terms, this meant that the DM saddled me with a bunch of bullshit negative modifiers to all of my scores, including speed. Afterwards, while climbing a cliff face toward our final destination, my character’s injuries had slowed the party down enough so that we lost the element of surprise. The others were pissed at me. Thus, when my ranger finally reached the top of the cliff and was pulling himself up, my friend, Mike, walked his barbarian over to me and said, “Sorry, but you’ve become a burden,” right before kicking me in the face, sending my character plummeting to his death. Bunch of assholes! They all had a good laugh about it and even stopped on the return trip to loot my corpse. It was one of those indignities that one did not so easily forget.

No fucking way was I letting some shithead named Bang do the same thing to me again. He’d have to find some other sucker to loot a +3 flaming sword from...or something like that, anyway.

As his foot came straight at my head, I let go of my precarious grip on the rooftop and grabbed his leg with both hands. His foot still slammed into my face, but my mouth, or more precisely
my fangs
, was waiting for it.

I bit into the soft leather of his boot. My teeth had no problem going through the material to the flesh inside. Just for the record, at no point did it taste particularly good. I chomped down on his toes and hung on for dear life. Bang started screaming and tried to back up. It was enough for one of my legs to lift over the edge and find purchase to push myself up with.

Bang lost his balance and fell on his back, but it also freed his other leg to kick out at me. He managed to score a glancing blow, but it was enough to make me let go. Rather than risk a repeat performance, I instead rolled out of his range.

He howled while cradling his injured foot. It gave me enough time to get back to my feet. We locked eyes as I did so. The smile was gone from his face, but it was spreading on mine. I complemented the gesture by spitting out two of his toes toward him. It’s not like I was planning on swallowing them anyway. Sadly, it was mostly a psych-out maneuver. I had gotten a little of his blood from the ordeal, but it was barely enough for a quick recharge to even my normal levels. I was still way out of my league here. On the upside, though, Bang wouldn’t be competing on
Dancing with the Stars
anytime soon.

Or maybe I spoke too soon. He did a quick kip-up and was suddenly on his feet again. A few missing toes wasn’t exactly a mortal wound for someone like him. Even worse, he then drew one of those silver daggers he and his buddies seemed to favor. Guess he got a lot of
bang
for his buck out of those (
I kill me
). The grin was still gone from his face, but the look that was there made me wish that it wasn’t. This time, he meant to finish the job.

I knew the stare down was a ruse. I had seen how fast vampires could move. Any second, Bang would be on me quicker than I could blink my eyes. His power, speed, and experience eclipsed mine by many times over, and he was more than aware of it. However, he still hesitated. I had given him more of a fight than he had expected so far, and apparently gave him a
lot
more than he bargained for the previous night. That was it! I was an X-factor as far as he was concerned. He wasn’t entirely sure what I could do and was thus playing things a bit more cautiously than he might otherwise. Maybe I could use that.

I tried my best to keep a grin on my face. Best to let him think I wasn’t afraid of him. I was, though, and he could probably see it my eyes...thus I put on the ol’ vamp face. I extended my fangs and claws, then I blackened my eyes (
I was starting to get pretty good at this
). Bang actually took a small step back. All vampires can do that stuff. It was pretty par for the course. However, something allowed me to take it further. I was the Freewill of vampire legend, after all. Too bad I had absolutely no fucking idea what that meant or how to control it. That moment of extreme anger I’d felt earlier had passed. In its place was weariness from my wounds and a slight desire to piss myself out of the fear of getting my head lopped off; in other words, I had nothing.

*CLANG* or maybe not. I apparently still had one crazy ass bitch of a guardian angel. A metal grate flew out of nowhere, slamming into the back of Bang’s head. Sally! I turned my head, and sure enough it had been her. Somehow she was still in the game, although just barely. The effort appeared to be all that she had in her. She attempted to give me a thumbs-up with her still very disjointed arms, but instead just fell back down. Still, if she could mount an offense in her fucked-up state, I wasn’t about to let it go to waste.

I closed in and swung my claws. They sliced a nasty-looking furrow across Bang’s chest. I repeated the action with my other hand, and he let out a grunt of pain. I needed to keep it up. If I tore into him enough, even he would go down...probably. I reared back to do it again, maybe a nice slice out of his throat would give him something to think about.

But then I just stopped. I didn’t
mean
to stop. I had every intention of following through on my attack, but my body stopped responding the way I wanted it to. It was curious, but the spreading heat in my midsection gave me my first clue. I looked down to see Bang’s dagger several inches deep in my stomach. Yeah, that would do it.