The Totally Sweet ’90s: From Clear Cola to Furby, and Grunge to “Whatever,” the Toys, Tastes, and Trends That Defined a Decade (16 page)
Authors: Gael Fashingbauer Cooper,Brian Bellmont
Hammer's clean-cut image sparked backlash from more
hard-core rappers, but they couldn't touch his ability to connect with the masses, who clamored for Hammer dolls, school supplies, even a Saturday-morning cartoon. And the pants. Oh, the pants! Cinched on the top and bottom, his low-crotched, billowy trousers were part giant garbage bag, part genie outfit. The pants were perfect for granting someone three wishes orâwith their gigantic pocketsâstealing shrimp from a buffet. Maybe because his legs were scuttling so fast in the video, we didn't understand just how ridiculous the outfit looked at the time. We do now.
STATUS:
Hammerâreal name: Stanley Burrellâis apparently too legit to quit: After declaring bankruptcy in 1996, he appeared on the first season of
The Surreal Life
in 2003, and officiated at Corey Feldman's wedding. Today, Hammer is a web mogul who manages mixedâmartial arts fighters and has more than 2.5 million Twitter followers.
FUN FACT:
He reportedly earned the nickname Hammer from baseball star Reggie Jackson after spending years working as a batboy for the Oakland A's. Mr. October thought he looked like Hammerin' Hank Aaron.
W
hat
is it with McDonald's and limited-edition menu items? Does Ronald think he's running the Franklin Mint? At least the Shamrock Shake's seasonal availability makes
sense, as the minty green drink is only available around St. Patrick's Day. But nothing explains the McRib. It's not like it only comes out for St. Porky's Day.
The weirdly shaped sandwich actually got its start in the 1980s, didn't do well, then returned and ruled in the 1990s. It was whisked away again in 2005 and now returns periodically, like a sauce-soaked Halley's Comet, to the delight of fans and the horror of foodies.
Even more than most McDonald's items, the McRib doesn't particularly seem to resemble food. Smashed into a boneless patty whose shape mimics a slab of ribs, then drenched in sauce and pickles and onions, its cult following boggles the mind. Perhaps it's made of pigs who were fed only crack doused in heroin gravy. Maybe one sandwich contains a magical golden chocolate-factory ticket. Those of us who refuse to try one may never know.
STATUS:
The McRib gives McDonald's a sweet little limited-edition sales buzz every time they bring it back, so it will surely keep returning for periodic sauce-slopping visits.
FUN FACT:
In a
Simpsons
episode, Homer becomes addicted to Krusty Burger's Ribwich. When someone asks if the meat comes from a pig, Krusty the Clown responds, “Think smaller, and more legs.”
W
hen
Melrose Place
spun off from
Beverly Hills, 90210
in 1992, it was a completely standard drama. The plotlines surrounding a bunch of good-looking twentysomethings living together in an L.A. apartment complex were boring and trite (Jane loses her wedding ring!) and always wrapped up in sixty minutes.
Enter Special Guest Star for Life Heather Locklear, who bought the building and proceeded to make more than one cast member's life hell. Finally, the writers realized
Melrose
wasn't an After-School Special, it was a nighttime soap, and the catfights started to fly. Kimberly ripping off her wig to reveal a horribly scarred head became one of the most shocking moments of 1990s television.
From then on, it was all stolen babies, stalkers, canceled weddings, and eventually the entire apartment building being blown up. Turns out you don't need to have
Dynasty
-sized shoulder pads or
Dallas
oil money to board an E-ticket tide to Crazyland.
STATUS:
After being canceled in 1999,
Melrose Place
was brought back on the CW network in 2009, but was yanked after one season.
FUN FACT:
The El Pueblo Apartments in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles stood in for the exterior of the Melrose Place apartment building, but the real apartments had no poolâthat was built on a soundstage.
W
hat
in blazes do they put in Mentos anyway? Insane problem-solving powder?
The commercials for the tubes of tasty mints all set up some weirdly minor dilemma and created equally bizarre homespun solutions. The woman whose car was hemmed in popped a Mentos and magically conjured up four hunky, overall-clad workmen who lifted the car out of its cramped parking space. The guy who sat on a freshly painted bench rolled around to pinstripe his whole suit. The woman who broke a heel on her shoe snapped off the other heel to even out the pair.
Not only were the skits strange, but the overwhelmingly happy actors appeared to have been plucked from the reject bin at a community-college theater department. Even the theme song didn't make sense. “Fresh goes better!” Fresh what? Where is it going? Is this even a place we want to go to?
And then, things became clear. “
Men-tos!
The
fresh
-maker!” crowed an unidentifiable-yet-definitely accented voice. Soâ¦these little skits were high comedy to people in Europe? New Zealand? South Africa? There was definitely some cultural chasm that we were incapable of crossing here, but the ads' campiness did its job. As far as poppable candy went, we may have preferred Life Savers, but everyone we know sampled a Mentos at least once. And yet our random parking and wardrobe problems remained unsolved. Who do we sue for false advertising?
STATUS:
Available everywhere.
FUN FACT:
In 1999, a chemistry professor demonstrated how dropping Mentos into carbonated soda creates an Old Faithfulâlike geyser effect, and bored people with video cameras have been YouTubing the results ever since.
E
ver
try to find a needle in a haystack? How about a Micro Machine dropped into your living room's shag carpet? Tracking down the teeny car was next to impossibleâhalf the size of Hot Wheels, the ultra-miniature vehicles were extremely detailed, but you almost needed a jeweler's loupe or an electron microscope to play with them.
When we were able to see them, though, they were awesome. From planes, trains, and automobiles to campers, snowmobiles,
and farm equipment (not to mention
Star Wars
,
Star Trek
, and
Babylon 5
spaceships), Micro Machines and their working wheels let kids play benevolent transit god, crafting gigantic cities where the miniscule cars could vroom up and down ramps to their tiny hearts' content. The popular play sets doubled as storage bins, which was a good thing, since the vehicles were so small, we probably breathed in a few loose ones.
STATUS:
The Micro Machines brand ran out of gas after Hasbro bought it in 1999, but the tiny-vehicle concept remains wildly popular, from microscopic
Star Wars
spaceships to pint-sized Captain America motorcycles.
FUN FACT:
The guy in the TV commercials, John Moschitta Jr., was in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's fastest talker. (“ThisistheMicroMachineManpresentingthemostmidgetminiaturemotorcadeofMicroMachines.”)
M
ighty
Morphin Power Rangers
was the story of five teenagers who lived in California, but always seemed to fight their battles in Japan. No wonder, since the show used a Zord-load of footage that had already aired in Asia. Didn't matter, though. American kids couldn't get enough of watching the Rangers
leap and flip through the air like color-coordinated Mary Lou Rettons, kicking at the Putty Patrol, clay-faced baddies who scarily resembled the Sleestaks from
Land of the Lost
days.
When they slipped into their brightly hued tights and helmetsâwhich, for some reason, had unsettling plastic lipsâthe Rangers couldn't go two seconds without making exaggerated arm movements and striking poses like Madonna on the cover of
Vogue
. Yeah, they were agile and flippy, but their coolest ability was being able to pilot their Dinozords, robot vehicles modeled after prehistoric animals. When giant monsters showed up, which was always, the Power Rangers could combine their Zords into a humongous Megazord. Go, go, Power Rangers! Not so cool: They ended up making the Asian girl the Yellow Ranger and the black guy the Black Ranger. Color this show a little bit racist.
STATUS:
The show transformed into two movies, and the franchise keeps on morphin' into new series. The original Rangers are now in their forties.
FUN FACT:
The Power Rangers were such a phenomenon that celebrities like Mike Myers and Gene Simmons from Kiss would stop by the set.
G
irl,
you know it's true: Milli Vanilli was one of the most popular musical acts of the '90sâwith an accent on the “act.” With their slightly vacant expressions, spandex outfits, humongous shoulder pads, and tightly woven dreadlocks, Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus shot to international stardom, taking home the Grammy for Best New Artist in 1990.
They probably should have won an Oscar too, because it soon came out that the photogenic duo didn't actually sing a note on their album. Like Greg Brady's Johnny Bravo, they fit the suits. Everybody involved rushed to point fingers, and media, audiences, and their record label revolted. Who was really at fault for the Milli Vanilli scandal? Blame it on the rain.
Say what you will about their lip-synchingâand truth-tellingâabilities, but you've got to admit the model-slash-dancers were the pioneers of some very specific sweet moves, including the slow-motion-hair-spin, the in-air-chest-bump, and the run-in-place. In 1993, Rob and Fab released an album that they did actually sing on, but it flopped. Buh-ba-ba-bye, baby.
STATUS:
Milli Vanilli is no moreâPilatus died of a suspected drug overdose in 2008âbut talk of a big-screen biopic persists.
FUN FACT:
At least they had a sense of humor about their downfall. Rob and Fab starred in a 1991 commercial for Carefree sugarless gum. The concept was that the gum's flavor would last until the two actually sang for themselves.
E
verybody's
ears perked up the first time they heard “MMMBop,” the jaunty, jangly 1997 tune by Hanson, the family band made up of two brothers and their cute sister. What, Taylor was actually a boy? Well, by that point, who cared? The song and its nonsense chorus was everywhereâa blond-headed earworm. It hit number one in twenty-seven countries and was so sugary, it surely caused thousands of cavities. The lyrics gave the world deep thoughts to ponder, like “Mmmbop, ba duba dop, ba du bopâ¦Yeah.”
“MMMBop” backlash reached a fever pitch in 2005 when a high school in Pennsylvania used it to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, playing it on the school loudspeaker until students and teachers kicked in three thousand dollars. The “Stop the Bop” fund-raiser quickly hit its goal, and Hanson ended up matching the funds. The fact that Isaac, Zac, and Taylor were in on the joke and even today aren't taking great pains to distance themselves from their biggest hit makes us dig them even more. The capper: In 2011, they announced plans to release a beer calledâ¦wait for itâ¦MMMhop. Sounds like the eternally preteen (in our minds, anyway) brothers finally found a way to get into bars.
