The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy (34 page)

For each of her past ten birthdays, Lou and Elizabeth went to the desert in Nevada and they stargazed. Usually they slept in his van or in a tent on the ground. Since she was a little girl, Elizabeth had been fascinated by the stars and constellations. In high school, she and Lou had been in the astronomy club and had made their own telescopes.

“I suppose stud muffin has some elaborate birthday planned for you?” Lou said to her as he massaged her calves. She mumbled incoherently into the massage table. “What?” he said, squeezing her calf.

“Ow! Watch it! No, we don’t have anything planned, I’m not sure he even remembers.”

Lou rolled his eyes. From the tales he heard of Darcy’s romantic prowess, he highly doubted that Darcy would forget Elizabeth’s birthday
-
their first together.

“I’m sure he’s got the Concord lined up to jet you off to Paris,” he said.

“The Concord doesn’t fly anymore, you ninny.”

“Exactly.”

Elizabeth rolled over on the table.

“Lou, are you jealous?” she frowned at him. He scowled but did not answer. “You are! How can you be jealous?”

“Lizzy, come on! You’re my best friend. All I hear about is how magnificent the imposing Judge Darcy is. I’ve been reduced to your masseur.” He sounded excessively put-out.

“Come on, Lou, you’re my pretty girl, you know that,” Elizabeth said, stroking his arm. He laughed at her. She pulled him to sit on the table next to her.

“I want to go to Nevada with you for my birthday. It’s what we do every year and it’s my favorite thing to do.”

“What will he have to say about it?” Lou asked petulantly.

“He doesn’t have any say, Lou. He’s my boyfriend; he’s not my keeper. I can do whatever I want. And what I want is to spend my birthday with you.”

Lou said nothing for a few minutes while Elizabeth kneeled on the table behind him and kneaded his shoulders.

“He’s just so, you know,
perfect
in every possible way,” Lou groused.

“I know. Believe me, it’s quite annoying. I’ve yet to discover something that he truly, truly sucks at,” Elizabeth sighed.

“I need to feel superior to him in some way,” he grumbled.

“You’ve seen my boobies way more times than he has,” she said encouragingly. She wasn’t sure if that was exactly true but they were probably neck-and-neck. “And you have much better taste in clothes; he’s got no fashion creativity at all.”

“Really? Tell me more about how much better I am than him,” Lou said as he reclined on the massage table, hands behind his head, ankles crossed. Elizabeth stood and began to massage his thigh.

“Well, let’s see
...
you are interested in astronomy. I have no idea whether he is or not. You’re the one I tell all my dirty secrets to; he’d run away screaming if he knew half the stuff about me that you do.” She made chopping motions on his leg. “You don’t take yourself half so seriously as he does. He’d never do karaoke, that’s for sure.”

“Go on,” Lou grinned.

“Well, I’m sure it would drive him crazy to know that I wasted my virginity on a gay man,” she continued. He laughed.

“That wasn’t wasted! It wasn’t like I didn’t
enjoy
it.”

“Do
not
tell him that. Ummm
...
” She tried to think of something else to make Lou feel better.

“What about penis size?” he asked.

“I’m sorry, Lou, but my loyalties lie elsewhere in that department,” she laughed.

“Ow! God, Lizzy, you’re terrible at this. I’m not tipping you,” he said as he sat up. She sat next to him on the table.

“So, we’re on for my birthday?” she asked, putting her head on his shoulder.

“Of course.” He paused. “If you want, you can invite him along.”

“No, I think I’d like to spend my birthday with you.” Lou put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.

***

“We don’t have any plans this weekend, do we?” Elizabeth asked Darcy as she snuggled under his arm. She trailed a finger lazily over his chest; his heartbeat was returning to normal. He ran a hand slowly over her arm.

“It’s your birthday,” he answered. “I thought we would do something.” He didn’t tell her that he had in fact planned to take her to Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterey to teach her to race her Mini. He remembered their ride in the Enzo and their conversation in London and thought she’d enjoy it. A weekend in Monterey at a bed and breakfast would be lovely, he thought.

“I sort of have plans,” she said hesitantly. His hand stopped its motion on her arm.

“Plans?” he asked.

“Every year I go to Nevada with Lou,” she said. She did not look up at him.

“With Lou?” he repeated. “What do you do in Nevada with Lou?”

“We go to the desert, light a fire, and look through our telescopes for a weekend.” She omitted
smoke pot and/or get drunk.

He looked down at her.

“Look through your telescopes?”

“Yeah, we made our own telescopes a long time ago and we go out and stargaze. Mostly we goof off and sometimes we never unpack the telescopes. But it’s like a tradition.”

He said nothing. He was disappointed but supposed he
was
monopolizing her time.

“For both nights?” he asked and resumed stroking her arm. She relaxed a little; he wouldn’t ask her not to go.

“We usually go on Friday afternoon and come back Sunday. Maybe we don’t have to go for both days, though.”

“I did have some plans for Saturday for us; do you think we could share you for the weekend? I didn’t know that you would have plans.” She nodded; she would make it work and Lou would have to be satisfied.

That weekend, Elizabeth and Darcy drove to Monterey on Friday afternoon and checked into a bed-and-breakfast. They spent a cold evening on the beach and retired to the warmth of their room early. On Saturday, he taught Elizabeth how to handle the Mini and they drove around the track with other Minis. She thoroughly enjoyed it, thrilled at the speed and the controlled skids, loved watching him handle the car and then trying it herself.

They left the track early and returned to the bed and breakfast and Lou called to say he was on his way. She packed her bag and Darcy walked out to the van with her, carrying her things. Lou got out of the van and shook Darcy’s hand.

“Sorry to ruin your weekend,” Lou smiled smugly to Darcy.

Darcy shook his head and returned the smile. “Not at all. We had a great time today.”

Elizabeth looked from one to the other and smiled.

“Really, guys, are you going to get out the dueling pistols?” she laughed. Lou and Darcy did not laugh but continued to stare each other down.

“C’mon, Lizzy, we need to get on the road if we want to get there at a decent hour,” Lou said. He walked toward the van and opened the passenger door for her. She looked up at Darcy.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” she said. He nodded and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him. He put one hand to the back of her neck and kissed her with open mouth, tasting her for one last time before she left. He knew he was making a childish statement, that she was
his
, dammit, but he couldn’t help himself. He broke off and let her go. She ran to the van and climbed in, waving to him as they drove away.

Lou and Elizabeth got to Nevada at dinnertime and ate at a greasy spoon diner. They then drove the van to a deserted spot in the desert, bundled in blankets, and sat in lawn chairs, looking into the night sky.

“I think I’m in love,” Lou sighed as he looked up.

Elizabeth turned her head to look at him pensively. “Really?” she asked quietly.

“Really.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I didn’t know it would be so scary,” he said a moment later. “To just put your heart completely at someone else’s mercy.” He laughed shortly. “If I had known this was what it felt like, I’d have had more sympathy for you and Darcy!”

“Let me see him again?” Elizabeth asked. Lou pulled out his wallet and handed a picture to her; she held the flashlight over the photo. Denny was wearing his RCMP uniform and tall riding boots in the photo.

“I love the red coat,” Lou grinned.

“I admit I have a thing for riding boots myself,” Elizabeth smiled and pulled her own wallet out. “Here.” She handed Lou the picture Darcy had emailed her; she had loved it so much that she had printed it out and tucked it into her wallet.

“He really is pretty sexy,” Lou laughed. “You know, he’s such an uptight guy, I bet he’s an animal in bed.”

Elizabeth laughed and took the picture back. They sat in silence for a few moments more.

“Lizzy, I’m really glad we stayed friends after you turned me gay,” he said quietly. She laughed and hugged him.

“Me too.”

“I’ve made a resolution to try to like Will more, since it looks like we’re stuck with him.”

“That’s very generous of you.”

“I like to think of myself as a charitable person,” he smiled.

She mused for a moment. “Then as a charitable man, you can answer some questions for me,” she said slowly.

He looked at her. They spent the rest of the night talking about the mysteries of what men want, how they want it, and when to give it to them. By the next morning, Elizabeth was very enlightened.

“Lizzy, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your handling Thanksgiving this year. What with Jane’s wedding, my nerves are nearly torn to shreds!” came Mrs.
Bennet
’s shrill voice over the phone.

“It’s no problem, Mom. Put dad on, would you?” Elizabeth said warmly.

“Yes, dear?” came her father’s voice.

“Dad, I’ve invited a date to Thanksgiving dinner. You know how mom is; I’m begging you to handle her. I can’t bear the humiliation,” she said desperately.

“A date?” Mr.
Bennet
said quietly. Elizabeth could picture him looking over his shoulder to ensure Mrs.
Bennet
was out of earshot. “A date, Lizzy? Who is this mysterious man? Why haven’t we heard anything of him?”

“Dad! Don’t you start! Just keep her in hand. And while you’re at it, put a leash on Lydia too.”

Mr.
Bennet
laughed and assured Elizabeth that he would do his best. Elizabeth wondered if she should tell Darcy not to come at all. Twice she dialed his number but hung up.

Her cell phone rang. The picture ID showed a pair of riding boots and a crop.

“Why do you keep calling me and hanging up?” Darcy asked her.

“Will, I don’t know if I want you to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t think I can stand the embarrassment that my family will put me through,” she said.

“Elizabeth, don’t be silly. They can’t be that bad; you and Jane turned out OK.”

“An aberration, I assure you. You will be pounced on by Lydia, who will try to recruit you to her escort service. Kitty will name-drop all the famous people she’s served dessert to. Mary will bore you to death with the religiosity of post-Soviet literature. And my mother
...
oh, my mother. I shudder to think,” she said.

“Have I ever told you that I have an uncle who insists that the healthiest form of exercise is to jog around his grounds in nothing but socks and trainers?” he said.

“Eeesh,” she said.

“Mmm,” he replied sympathetically. “Look, don’t be concerned that I’m going to be offended or insulted or embarrassed. I can take it. If there’s some other reason you don’t want me to come, then say it.” He had that gentle, persistent tone that said he was not to be swayed.

“You’ve been warned,” she sighed. He smiled.

***

Lou arrived first, shaking the rain off his umbrella on the front porch. Elizabeth smiled widely as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Smells great!” he said as he hung his coat in the closet. “Who’s going to be here?”

“Mom and dad, Lydia, Kitty, Mary, Jane and Charley, Will, and Caroline.”

“Caroline! Lady Boobs-a-Lot? Why on earth is she coming?” Lou exclaimed as he headed toward the kitchen, following the smells of turkey and stuffing.

“Jane really, really wanted me to invite her. I figure if she’s going to be my sister in law, we should try to get along. Besides, maybe my family will frighten her off.”

“Think she’ll keep her hands off Will?”

“I will have a carving knife in my hand, you know,” she said with a half-smile.

She slapped his hand as he dipped his finger into a pan of gravy. He managed to get a taste anyway. The doorbell rang.

“Get that, would you?” she called to Lou. Lou opened the door.

“Lord, what are
you
doing here!” Lydia laughed as she saw Lou. He gave her a wry smile. “I haven’t seen you in ages!” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and he showed her in.

“Lizzy, what a cute place you have!” Lydia said as she came into the kitchen. Elizabeth smiled and hugged her.

“I’m glad you could come.”

“Well, it does get ungodly busy around the holidays, you know. All the old ladies want hot young things on their arms for their parties,” she laughed. Elizabeth rolled her eyes and prayed that Lydia would get it out of her system before Darcy showed up.

Jane, Bingley, and Caroline were next to show up. Bingley and Jane gave Elizabeth warm hugs and kissed her cheek. Caroline hung back and then presented a surprised Elizabeth with a bottle of wine.

“No hard feelings, sweetie. He’s crazy about you,” Caroline said quietly, with a warm smile on her face. “I was just helping him out.” Elizabeth looked at her in confusion and Caroline laughed. “I’ll let him explain,” she said.

“Lizzy, can I put the game on?” Bingley called from the living room. Both Caroline and Jane rolled their eyes and laughed.

Mary and Kitty were the next to arrive. They bustled in and hung their coats, laughing and hugging everyone. They seemed to already know Caroline and Elizabeth expected they had met over Jane’s wedding plans. The house was ringing with giggles as the sisters caught up with each other over glasses of wine.

The doorbell rang again and Elizabeth opened it to greet her parents.

“Lizzy, darling, you look lovely,” Mrs.
Bennet
said dreamily. Elizabeth looked at her father in horror as the cloud of cannabis washed over her. He shrugged sheepishly and grinned. He got her
high
? Her horror only increased when she saw Darcy at the foot of the walkway. Mrs.
Bennet
was making her way sedately to her family, hugging daughters and exclaiming at how lovely each one of them looked and asking for some crackers.

“What the fuck have you done?” she whispered to her father in abject humiliation.

“She’s calm, isn’t she?” he replied quietly. She could not reply as Darcy was now at the door. Mr.
Bennet
turned to greet him.

“Oh, hello, Judge Darcy, isn’t it?” he asked pleasantly, shaking his hand. Darcy smiled and nodded.

“Yes, it’s nice to see you again, Mr.
Bennet
,” he replied cordially.

“Oh, please, call me Tom,” her father said warmly.

“Thank you, Tom. Please call me Will,” Darcy answered.

Elizabeth closed the door behind them. Mr.
Bennet
made his way to hug his other daughters.

She heard Lydia laugh in the kitchen. “Lord, mom, have you been smoking
pot
?” she exclaimed in that lusty voice of hers. Elizabeth closed her eyes and wished herself under the floorboards.

“It’s good for glaucoma,” her mother replied loftily.

“If you
have
glaucoma,” Lou laughed.

“An ounce of prevention, you know,” was her mother’s response. Elizabeth opened her eyes
and saw Darcy grinning at her.

He kissed her quickly and whispered,
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

She introduced him as her “good friend” and he watched Jane, Caroline, Bingley, and Lou all smirk.

The afternoon wore on and Elizabeth flitted about in the kitchen. People wandered in and out, laughing, watching TV, and nibbling appetizers. Caroline wandered into the kitchen and said casually,
“You’re wasting your time by passing him off as a friend. It’s so obvious.”

Elizabeth threw her an annoyed glance. “Mind your own business,” she retorted. Caroline laughed.

“Look, if it makes you feel any better, there was nothing going on at all. I haven’t slept with him since July of last year. Not that I haven’t tried,” she said. “I mean, he is a stellar lover,” she said with a sly smile, sipping her wine.

Elizabeth dropped her spoon on the floor and nearly turned and slapped her but she heard Darcy’s sedate voice behind her.

“Caroline, stop provoking her,” he said quietly. “You’re going to be her sister, you know. You have to play nice.” Caroline laughed.

“I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I’m just teasing you,” she said and her sly grin was replaced with another of her warm smiles. “Old habits die hard,” she said. Elizabeth and Darcy watched her retreat to the living room.

“She’s awful,” Elizabeth said quietly. Darcy put on hand on her arm.

“She’s not. She’s just Caroline. She likes to push people’s buttons; it amuses her. Once you stop responding, she’ll stop pushing, I promise.”

“Did you really sleep with her?” she asked over her shoulder.

“Yes.” He wouldn’t lie to her. “But it was over before I even knew you. It was a lifetime ago. Please don’t be jealous. Come on, stop hiding in here and come visit with your family.” He put a glass of wine in her hand and steered her back to the living room.

Darcy took a seat between Jane and Lydia and across from Mrs.
Bennet
. Mrs.
Bennet
squinted at him.

“You look familiar. Have we met before?” she said.

“No, dear, you’ve never met him,” Mr.
Bennet
said in his best jedi mind-trick voice.

“Hmm, you must just have one of those faces,” she replied, still looking at Darcy.

“I’ll say,” Elizabeth heard Lydia mumble. “Will, have you ever considered being a private tour guide?” she said, opening her pitch to recruit him to her international escort service.

“Lydia!” Elizabeth warned. Lydia rolled her eyes and Darcy laughed.

After two glasses of wine, Elizabeth relaxed. Darcy had not once screamed in horror at something her family did. He had not run for the door. He seemed to enjoy talking to her father and her sisters and was even amused by Lydia’s, er,
robust
personality.

Darcy was actually enjoying himself. Sure, they were loud and raucous. But they had genuine affection for each other and welcomed him and Caroline warmly. He saw that Elizabeth got her wit and humor from her father and, surprisingly, her beauty and grace from her mother. He thought it was
hilarious that Mr.
Bennet
had ‘
sedated
’
Mrs.
Bennet
and apparently had a refresher during the course of the evening
,
he of course generally objected to marijuana as a threshold drug but then Mrs.
Bennet
was
trying to ward off glaucoma, after all. He thought Elizabeth very lucky to be part of such a family and hoped someday his
,
their
,
family could be as loving.

After dinner, when dessert had been served and they were all bursting their pants buttons in the living room, Elizabeth did the unthinkable. She sat next to him, curled into his arm, and kissed his cheek. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed prettily. Nobody declared “oh, look, they’re lovers!” Nobody smirked or exchanged glances. Nobody paid any mind. He put his arm around her, kissed the top of her head and smiled inwardly.
Success
.

Eventually everyone began to leave. Darcy stood next to Elizabeth as she said goodbye to her parents, the last to leave. Mrs.
Bennet
hugged Elizabeth and then put her arms out to Darcy. He gave her a surprised hug.

“You are a very nice man, Will. You should marry my daughter,” she said to him, patting him lightly on the chest. He laughed.

“Mom, you were doing so well,” Elizabeth sighed. Her mother smiled at her.

“Your father thinks he’s so clever but I know what’s going on! Tom! Bring the bag of weed home with you, we’ll finish it off tonight.”

Elizabeth pressed her fingers to her forehead. “Jesus Christ,” she laughed. Mr.
Bennet
bustled his wife out the door with a final wave.

“Please don’t have my parents arrested,” she said to Darcy. He laughed and put his arms around her.

“I didn’t see anything. I’m sure your mother was wearing some organic perfume, like patchouli. And as for that bag, well, it could have been oregano, right? Your mother told me she likes to use fresh herbs in all of her cooking.”

“Nice try,” she laughed and hugged him.

“Ah, well, then perhaps you will just have to bribe me,” he said suggestively. She ran her fingers over his bottom.

“Are you soliciting me?” she asked.

“I believe I am. Is it working?”

“I believe it is.” He kissed her and worked his hands down her back to her own bottom. He pulled back from her and said,

“Why do you always have your hair up?”

She put her arms around his neck. “Because you like to take it down,” she replied simply. He smiled and pulled the band from her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders.

She kissed him, drawing his lips to hers.

“Lizzy,” he said against her lips. “Your mother was right.”

“I sincerely hope you’re talking about the ounce of prevention,” she replied and kissed him again.

“No. Elizabeth
-”

“Shhh
...
don’t,” she said. “Just kiss me.” He let the little drop in his stomach pass and kissed her.

“Do you love me?” he asked her, seeking reassurance.

“Yes, I do,” she answered. Satisfied, he kissed her again.

She led him to her bedroom, where he had never yet been. He glanced around, taking in her walls lined with photos, the bookcase crammed with paperbacks, and the socks strewn on the floor. She turned to him with a throaty giggle and began to undo his belt. He grinned as he let her undress him, but refrained from grabbing her and kissing her. Once he was naked, she stepped out of her skirt then turned her back to him as she peeled her shirt over her head.

Darcy watched her as she pulled her shirt over her head; he could look at that creamy expanse of back forever. He loved her back; it was smooth and sensual and sexy. The curve of her waist to her hips reminded him of the graceful lines of a violin. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to see her from behind, to love her from behind, and to see that canvas of sensuality laid before him.

She lay on the bed with an inviting smile, and laughed softly when he rolled her over onto her belly, placing a pillow under her hips. He littered her back with kisses, letting his tongue taste her pear-scented skin at his leisure. He grazed her shoulder blades with his lips and teeth, lightly nipping her. His fingers traced patterns on her skin; he spelled her name, then his, with his fingertip. He dipped is tongue to follow the dip of her spine at her waist. He ran his palms over her rounded bottom, feeling her smooth skin rise into goose bumps with his touch. He let his own chest graze across her rear, his nipples hardening with the contact.

Finally, he lay on her back, bracing his weight on one palm. She leaned on her elbows and his free hand sneaked up to cup her breast, his thumb lightly stroking the puckered flesh of her tender nipple. His maddeningly stiff member rested in her rear cleavage; he let out a soft groan of pleasure against the nape of her neck as he slid his length along her smooth, rounded cheeks.

Elizabeth lowered herself onto the mattress, fingers gripping the edge, and closed her eyes. She let a low moan escape from her lips when Darcy spread her legs with his knees and pushed into her.

His ragged breath was hot on the back of her neck. He lowered his head and planted hot kisses on her shoulders as he pushed deeply into her. He moved in a slow, subtle rhythm; the position provided continual stimulation for each, ensuring that their pleasure was uninterrupted.

Elizabeth lay beneath him, feeling his solid body weight pressing her down. The sensation of his chest hair scratching across her back was erotic. She felt his stiffness inside her, and his hips pushing against her soft bottom. The sensation of him on top of her, of him inside of her, was exquisite. Her lips parted and she sighed.