The True Father (15 page)

   Boyd took second place at the Mesquite Rodeo and it was the perfect situation for Bella to offer him a chance to celebrate. I watched them come in at Billy Bob's. She hung on his arm and played the plan superbly. They took a table near a staged area where a band called Ghost Town Council performed, singing a song called “That's Cowboy.” A waitress brought them a tray of tequila shots and Boyd acted surprised but he quickly slammed two down and chased them with beer. After a big swallow of brew he raised his hand and yelled at the band. One of the singers, dressed authentic cowboy with a thick and neatly groomed mustache pointed back at Boyd and accentuated a few words of the song. “That's cowboy, and that's the life for me!” Boyd raised his beer bottle and yelled again then kissed     Bella. When he looked back at the band she glanced at me and scowled as though she'd just tasted sour milk. I felt a little sorry for her, but at least the music was good.

   Jeremiah and I had watched them for several minutes when we noticed Buddy walk in with two other guys, big chesty boys who were old friends of both Buddy and Jettie. They took a table not far from   Bella and Boyd and a waitress brought them each a bottle of Lonestar beer.

   Bella had been ordering the shots in doubles, and Boyd took them both and each time chased them with beer. He had now had six shots altogether, and after that sixth chaser, I looked at Jeremiah and smiled. He grinned and shook his head.

   “He'll be jelly if we don't act pretty soon.”

   Just as we were about to get up Boyd stood from the table and staggered toward us. For a moment I thought he was coming to talk to us but I quickly realized he headed for the urinals. Just before he got to the entrance, he noticed us and staggered to us.

   “Well, lookee there,” he said. “There's the little old Hodge boy. What did you do to your wrist, Hodge boy? Hurt yourself whacking off?”

   He nearly fell over from laughing at his own joke.

   “No, it happened when your sister tied my arms to the bed post. She said you liked it that way, too.”

   He returned a befuddled frown then came at me but Jeremiah quickly interjected.

   “Go take your piss, Boyd,” Jeremiah said.

   He backed away slowly and eventually smiled. “Yeah, you talk tough. But look yonder over there.” He pointed at Bella. “She wanted to party with a real cowboy tonight.” 

   He walked away laughing and staggering. After he went into the men's room we left the table and joined Bella. And when he came out and saw us sitting at the table with Bella his eyes lit up like street lanterns. He worked his way through the crowd and when he arrived at the table he looked down at me, then at Jeremiah. 

   “What the hell do you all want,” he said.

   “Sit down, Boyd,” I said. “I want to talk to you.”

   “Well I don't want to talk to you, city boy. So git!”

   “You have no choice in the matter.”

   “What?”

   I glanced at Buddy and his boys and Boyd followed my gaze. One of Buddy's friends glared back at Boyd and pointed his finger in a downward gesture. When Boyd looked back at me I told him again to sit down. He sat.

   “What the hell do you want?”

   The waitress came and set another shot in front of Boyd.

   “Drink up, cowboy,” I said.

   He glanced wearily at the shot then at Bella, who appeared to be having great difficulty keeping a strait face.

   “What are y'all up to?” he asked.

   “You're a tough guy, Boyd. You can handle it.”

   He took the shot and swallowed and shuddered a bit, then along with a little muscular and eye-ball intimidation from Buddy's friends, we coaxed Boyd to the parking lot where he climbed into the cab of a pickup and sat between the two big boys. Buddy, Bella and I joined Jeremiah in his extended cab that pulled a stock trailer and led the way to that fateful arena. 

Boyd likely was beginning to get the picture, as he struggled with the two men that drug him by the arms to the bucking chute area. Jeremiah opened the tailgate to the trailer and a snorting, salivating black Brahma stormed out into the chute.

   Boyd's eyes were as wide as silver dollars. He started screaming and hollering as they lifted him above the chute where he could look down over the bull's back. He wriggled and tried to get loose but the boys held him tight by the arms. Bella came forward with a black rubber bucket full of water, climbed up on the fence and tossed the contents into Boyd's face. The force of the water pushed his hat from his head and he gasped and choked as some of the water had gone inside his gaping mouth.

    I climbed up the fence next to Bella. “Sorry we had to get you so drunk,” I said wryly.

   “I'll kill every damned one of you!”

   “Just like you killed Jettie?”

   His wet hair fell over his eyes and he grimaced and spat. “You go to hell!”

   I looked down at the bull that sat amazingly still during all the commotion. “You know, Boyd's a pretty good bull rider, so maybe we better get Mr. Brahma a little more riled.”

   Jeremiah came forward with the flank strap and rigging and put them on the bull, which instigated the typical bull-in-the-chute type objections.

   “I think I'll tighten the flank strap a little tighter than normal,” Jeremiah said.

   “Did you give him some of that good high-energy grain?” I asked.

   Jeremiah winked. “Just enough to make him real spicy.”

   “And how about the rigging bell?”

   “Gave the clapper a shot of WD-40. It'll be extra noisy and much more annoying.”

   “Excellent. So what do you think, Boyd? They say this Brahma is a real spinner. Up for it?”

   He squirmed, cussed and kicked but the boys had a good hold on him. Jeremiah rammed a cattle prod against the bull's rump and it liked to kick the chute apart. Boyd screamed.

    “I don't understand, Boyd. I thought you was a tough cowboy.”

   “All right,” he said. “Stop this shit and tell me what you want.”

   “I want to see you ride. You seem to take a keen liking to watching cowboys ride drunk so I want to see for myself what's so damned fascinating about it.”

   “All right. I'm sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”

   “Sorry? I don't think so. Boys, on the count of three, Jeremiah will open the gate and you drop Boyd on the bull.”

   Jeremiah handed Bella the cattle prod and stepped down in front of the gate.

   “One—”

   “Wait! I didn't mean for Jettie to get killed. Honest!”

   “Oh really. What did you expect?”

   “Hell, I don't know. I was just having some fun.”

   I gritted my teeth. “Well your fun killed my father, you son of a bitch!”

   “Trevor, no—”

   “Two!”

   “Please, stop!”

   Bella stuck the bull with the cattle prod again.

   “Three!”

   Jeremiah pulled the gate open and the boys dropped Boyd onto the bull's back but held on to his arms. He screamed and cried as the bull ran out from underneath him and bucked and kicked into the arena. We all laughed.

   “You bastards!” Boyd said.

   “Now that's a fine attitude,” I said. “Jeremiah, get the bull back in here.”

   “No!” Boyd cried. “I mean it! I'm really sorry and I'll make it up to you!”

   “All right, let's talk business. What are you willing to do?”

   “Whatever you want.”

   “For starters I want your assurance that you'll not tell a soul about what happened here tonight. Especially your legal connections back in Spiro.”

   “You have my word.”

   “Second, you work for Jeremiah and I for thirty days on the ranch, doing anything we want. Free labor, so to speak.”

   “Free labor?”

   “Hey, we can always bring the bull back in.”

   “No, no. All right. I'll do it.”

   I patted him on the shoulder. You're a good man, Boyd.”

   They let him down and he stumbled out of the chute and into the arena, falling on his face. We all laughed when he stood—his wet head mixed with the arena dirt making mud, and his eyes wide as the Brahma squalled and came charging toward him. For a drunken cowboy, he climbed a fence pretty good.

   I took off my sweaty work clothes and climbed into the shower. The warm streams of water soothed my labored muscles—the result of a long and hot day on the ranch. Along with Boyd (our new temporary hand) we had helped Jeremiah get stock ready for a junior rodeo competition to take place in a couple of days. So far Boyd had lived up to his agreement in good fashion. He did as he was told and didn't gripe. But it's not like we treated him as a slave. The way we saw it, the best way to make us feel better about Boyd was to make him feel better about himself. He was a talented bull rider, and of course he already knew that, but Jeremiah explained to him that the gifts in this world are not what you receive, but what you give to others. He said that Boyd needed nothing more than to get his head on straight and experience some of the good things in life. We figured that helping young kids would be a good test for him, plus our own version of a modern-day attitude remedy.

After drying myself off I wrapped the towel around my waist and went to the bedroom to get dressed. I sat down on the edge of the bed wondering what to wear and how to spend the evening. I was bone tired and figured a night at home in the little bungalow would be good for a change. So I changed into a pair of boxer shorts and a T-shirt, grabbed a beer and headed for the davenport. I thought about turning on the television, but I noticed several thin paperback novels in a wooden magazine rack near the end of the davenport. I started looking through them. All were westerns of various titles and authors, but one in particular caught my attention: The Good Old Boys by Elmer Kelton.

   I leaned back on the davenport, turned on the three-way lamp above me, opened the cover of the book and read an inscription.

 

  
   To Jettie Hodge 

   Best Wishes 

   Elmer Kelton

   Austin, Texas 1980

 

   I started reading and became absorbed in the story. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I had read more than half of the novel, and I laid my head back on the arm of the davenport thinking of one of the scenes where the main character in the story helped his nephew raise a windmill tower. It was a scene I could easily relate to, but only because of this time in my life and the relationship I had built with Jeremiah.

   Sometime during that thought I drifted to sleep, and found myself facing, once again, the applauding crowd. This time, however, I was not outside my office cubicle, but under the bright sunshine at the Spiro arena. I recognized everyone now; Denny, Buddy in clown gear, the young cowboys from the day I rode Big Banana, the big cowboys from Billy Bob's, the members of Ghost Town Council, pregnant Tanya from Barney's, and even gum-chewing Eileen from the sale barn café. The one person missing was Walter, but in his place was Boyd, standing with arms crossed and not applauding. Then I heard the eight-second whistle, only to wake moments later from the sound of a ringing telephone. I rose quickly and reached for the phone at the other end of the davenport. I answered with a dry, raspy voice.

   There was a short hesitation on the other end of the line, but when she finally said my name the voice seemed almost foreign.

   “Mom?”

   “Were you asleep?”

   “Uh, just taking a little nap. How are you?”

   “Doing fine, but wondering a lot about you.”

   I looked down at my wrist, which felt a little stiff, and worked my fingers into a fist. “I'm doing pretty good.”

   “I assume since you haven't come home that you're enjoying yourself?”

   “I am. Learning a lot about rodeo and ranching. Jeremiah and Jodie are great.”

   “I see.”

   “So how are things with Walter?”

   “Oh, Walter and I had a little disagreement.”

   “No way.”

   “Yes, I know you thought we were the perfect couple. But things just didn't seem to work out.”

   “Maybe you're just destined to be an old spinster.”

   “Don't say that.”

   “No really, maybe I should buy you a little short-legged dog that barks at every little noise. You know, one of them Chihuahua's or Pugs, or something like that. You can spoil him—overfeed him and make him fat and live happily ever after.”

   “Trevor, you're being mean.”

   “I know. I'm sorry.”

   “No you're not. You meant every word of it.”

   “I just think you make poor choices, Mom. Why don't you quit dating guys for what they do and fall in love with somebody for who they are?”

   “Tried that. It didn't work.”

   “With who?”

   “I'm sure you don't remember. You were just a baby.”

   “Then why don't you tell me about it.”

   “Surly there's a better time.”

   “No, now is a perfect time.”

   There was a short pause, then she took a deep breath. “His name was Darrin. He was from Sallisaw.”

   “How did you meet a guy from Sallisaw when you were in Kansas City?”

   “I wasn't in Kansas City yet, Trevor.”

   “Oh.”

   I'd known Darrin for quite a long time, but he and this other girl had gone together for years. Went to the prom together, and eventually got engaged. Plus, I was with Jettie and things never seemed to be right. But we always made eyes at each other.”

   “But you were together?”

   “He got married a little before Jettie and I did. And you came along not long after that. I was extremely unhappy and so was he. We ran into each other one day in Fort Smith. We decided to have lunch and that's how it all started.”

   “How what started?”

   “The affair.”

   “So you didn't just leave Jettie? There was someone else?”

   “That's right. He left his wife and we ran off to Kansas City together.”

   “What was so special about this guy?”

   “I don't know, there was just something about him I had always liked. He wasn't a cowboy, for one. He ran a construction business and he had this opportunity to take on a big job in Kansas City. So we left.”

   “And you were in love with him?”

   “Yes. I loved him.”

   “So what happened?”

   “We were together for less than a year. I had divorced Jettie and he had divorced his wife. But I don't think he could ever get used to you. You weren't his child and he was jealous of Jettie. That alone created a huge problem for us.”

   “So why did you break up?”

   “One day we had this huge fight. The next thing I knew he was seeing his old wife again. He went back to her and it all came to an abrupt end.”

   “Wow.”

   “Yeah, it was a difficult time.”

   “So you just decided to stay in Kansas City?”

   “I had a good job and I liked it so much better than small town Oklahoma. Besides, there was no way I could go back to Spiro.”

   “Did you ever consider it?”

   “Oh yes, many times.”

   “So what held you back? Was it just the small town?”

   “There was no way I could ask Jettie to let me come back. I didn't have the nerve.”

   “The fact that you had a child together wasn't enough reason?”

   “No, that was a very good reason. But Trevor, I didn't love Jettie enough to go back to him.”

   I didn't know how to feel about this new knowledge. It did shed a lot of light on some unanswered questions, but there still was Jettie, the man I've come to learn so much about, who was loved by so many, but not enough by the one he wanted it from most.

   So when are you planning to come home?” she asked.

   “I don't know.”

   “What do you mean you don't know? What about your degree? What about your job? I'm sure they'll let you come back if you want.”

   “Maybe I don't want to go back there.”

   “Then where will you go?”

   “I still have more to do here.”

   “Like what?”

   “That's my business, Mom.”

   “Your business? Trevor, I'm your mother.”

   “Yeah, and Jettie was my father. You had me for twenty-two years. Now it's his turn.”

   For a moment there was complete silence, then I could hear her weep.

   “Mom? What's wrong?”

   “Trevor, you're all I have in this world.”

   “Don't look at it that way.”

   “There's no other way to look at it.”

   “What are you so afraid of?”

   “Never seeing you again.”

   “Well that's not possible. You just have to realize that I'm a grown man now and that I have to find my place in this world. And spending time here has helped me realize who I really am.”

   She sniffled.

   “Well,” she said, “you've obviously made up your mind.”

   I don't think there was anything I could say or do to help relieve her of her fear. Nevertheless, I was not about to sacrifice the opportunity to fill the empty hole that had formed inside of me; because not until then would I have the capability to help Mom fill hers.