The Ugly Stepsister Strikes Back (20 page)

Because while I had won the presidency, I had lost the boy.

I had the valet call me a cab. Once I got home, I threw my shoes on the floor and unzipped my dress. I realized that I still had my mask on. I ripped it off, and heard the little beads bouncing on the floor. In the kitchen I found my dad's secret Ben & Jerry stash and took a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough back to my room.

I sat in the middle of my bed and wiped my tearstained cheeks with the back of my hand.

I wondered how anyone could be so pathetic. I didn't even want to eat my ice cream. I looked over at my sketchbook and picked it up. I put it back down. I didn't even want to draw, and I had never been that depressed before. I just wanted to cry more.

So I did.

I didn't know how many hours passed before I heard the front door slam. I hadn't bothered to turn on the lights and was lying in the dark, crying and berating myself for having been such an idiot.

"Tilly!" Ella sounded furious.

I didn't answer. She stormed into my room, throwing on the light switch. "What happened?"

Like she didn't know. Like she hadn't flirted with Jake and smiled at him like he was the only guy in the room. Not that I could really blame her. He had been her boyfriend. I wondered what had happened with Trent. Wondered if he was hurting as much as I was. I should call him. But I hoped if I just stayed still that maybe she'd think I was asleep and leave me alone.

No chance of that. She came around to the opposite side of the bed so she could see my face. "I'm waiting."

"Jake didn't want me." I said dully.

"Duh, that was the entire point."

I sat up. "No, I mean he didn't want Mattie. He told me that he was looking for someone. And then he saw you and the crowd parted like he was Moses and they were the Red Sea and you had your little perfect moment there in the middle of the dance floor."

She looked incredulous. "Are you serious?"

I nodded.

She picked up one of my pillows and started smacking me with it. "For someone so smart, you can be so dumb."

Yes, I knew this. It was what I had been crying about for the last few hours.

She dropped the pillow on the ground. "He came up to me because he was looking for you, you big idiot. We were both looking for you and couldn't find you. I called you and called you to tell you."

"What?" I was so tired of my emotional Jake rollercoaster. I didn't have any desire to get back on. But Ella made me hope.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?"

I realized that I didn't have my purse or my phone. "I think I left it on the bar at the dance."

She sat down sadly on my bed. "Why can't you believe in yourself, Tilly? Why can't you see what an awesome person you are? Because everyone else can."

My tears welled up again at the defeated tone in her voice. I was not awesome or amazing. Deep down, I knew that I was basically unlikable and unlovable. It made sense that I would feel that way—my own mom didn't even love me. How could that not affect me? How could I ever see myself as anything other than a rejected loser?

"Because it's easier to believe the bad stuff."

"Jake likes you. He told me. He was going to tell you. And you ran away. Why?"

"I just couldn't believe that he would ever like me. Even all dressed up I still felt like a fraud. Like nothing with me is real."

"It is very real." She let out a long sigh. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed."

I wanted to stop her, call her back and have her convince me that she was right and I was wrong.

But I didn't say anything.

Because it was time for me to make up my own mind. I had let myself be caught up in everyone else's opinions. Who cared what my mom thought? What Mercedes Bentley thought? I realized all the power I had given them over me. I'd let them control me. Ella was always saying how strong I was—but I was weak enough to let mean people push me around and alter my perceptions. I'd let them interfere with the one thing I had wanted more than anything else since I was nine years old. I had let them take it away from me without a fight.

What if I could conquer all my stupid insecurities? What if I could shut out every other voice, including my own scared one, and could just let things be?

I thought of the past couple of weeks. Of all the times I'd talked to Jake.

Without all the other sounds in my head, I could see what had really been.

Jake hadn't lied to me. He was interested in me. He had tried to kiss me. He had taken me on a date. He had wanted to be with me at the dance tonight.

And I had been horrible and confusing and mean to him. What must he think of me? I knew how awful it made me feel when he was mean and angry to me.

What was wrong with me?

I'd had my one shot with him, and I had totally destroyed it.

I lay back down and stared up at my ceiling, too sad and tired to even get up and turn off the light.

Ella came back in my room a little while later, dressed in her pajamas. "I just got a text from you."

"From me?"

"From your phone. It's from Jake."

My hand shook as I took her phone. "How does he have my phone?"

"I told him what you looked like at the dance. He must have gone back to the bar and found it."

So despite his cool act, he had noticed me. I must have caught his eye. But he didn't make a move on me like Scott did. Because he wanted Mattie.

I clicked on the message.

"You told him everything?" My voice got high-pitched.

"Yeah, I did." Her eyes flashed at me. "I know how stubborn you are and Jake doesn't deserve to miss out on the chance to really know you. Because you are incredible, Tilly Lowe. You deserve to be happy too. I really think you and Jake could work out. You guys need to talk. Let him tell you himself how he feels. And this time, believe what he says."

She turned to go, but turned around, her arms crossed. "You can be as mad at me as you want, because I would do it all over again."

She left her phone with me. Probably so I could answer him.

What did I say? Sorry for tricking you? Sorry for not listening to you? For not believing in you? For letting stupid people control me? I texted him back.

After I'd pushed send, I realized how that sounded. I meant it was too late time-wise, not that it was too late for us to have a possible relationship. So I sent a follow up.

A few seconds later I had my answer.

Chapter 18

I slept better than I had in a long time. It was eleven o'clock when I finally woke up. I also felt about a thousand times better. I think I had cried my cold away. I pulled my dress off and stumbled to the bathroom. I stood in front of the sink and studied my reflection. I looked like a melted clown. I scrubbed the makeup off my face.

I heard the dinging noise of Ella's phone. I ran back to my room. There was another text from Jake.

Having just told my own parents about my secret life and future plans, I could perfectly imagine how he was feeling.

I threw on jeans and grabbed a black t-shirt from my closet. I went back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I pulled all the hairpins out and brushed my hair up into a ponytail.

"Good morning, Madam President."

I jumped. Ella startled me. "Hey."

"Sorry for being so hard on you last night."

I turned around to face her. "No, I needed that swift kick in the butt. I'm going to see Jake."

She struggled to hide her smile. "Want me to help you get ready?"

"No. I just want to go as me." I turned back and put on some mascara and then lip-gloss. "How do I look?"

"Gorgeous."

She was full of it, but I loved her for it. I put the mascara and gloss back in the drawer. "Did Jake seem upset last night about losing the election?"

"Not really. But speaking of the election, I have to confess something."

For a minute I wondered whether she had stuffed the ballot box. It would certainly explain how I had managed to get elected. But then she said, "One of the reasons I wanted you to win so much was because I knew Jake could never respect a girl who couldn't beat him at something."

I felt relieved and impressed again at the lengths my sister was willing to go to for me. "You are nefarious."

"I know. Okay, I need my phone back. Trent and I have plans today."

"Of the smooching kind?"

She giggled. "Like you're one to talk."

Oh my Buddha, I could have smooching plans today.
Stop it
¸ I told myself. One thing at a time. I got Ella's phone for her.

"You're not going to wear your glasses?"

Out of instinct, I reached up to touch my face and was surprised to see that I wasn't wearing my favorite accessory. I hadn't even thought about putting them back on. I hadn't missed them. I didn't need them anymore. "No more masks."

I got the car keys from my father, who had the decency to not ask me what had happened last night, and the British GPS lady helped me drive over to Jake's house.

It wasn't actually a house. A house would have fit into one small corner of the castle Jake apparently called home. I was not exaggerating. He had actual turrets on his house with gray stone all over the walls. It had huge windows and the biggest front door I had ever seen in my life. I wondered if he'd ever had a peasants with pitchforks problem. It surprised me that they had failed to install a moat. I pulled up into the semi-circle driveway and parked.

I stood at the enormous door for an embarrassing amount of time before I summoned up the courage to ring the bell.

I heard Jake saying something. I think he was telling me to hold on. I could hear his dog barking in the backyard, but he stopped after a few seconds.

Jake finally opened the door, and seemed a little out of breath. He was wearing a long sleeved button up shirt, with the arms rolled up to his elbows. He had on a sweater vest and jeans. It reminded me of something, but he was too pretty for me to think clearly.

"I'm glad you're here. Come in."

I stayed put. "Are your parents home?" I was worried that they might blame me for Jake's plans the way that Pearl had blamed him. I wasn't in the mood to be drawn and quartered.

"My dad took the jet out to Mexico this morning with my mom. He decided he needed a weekend vacation away from me and my 'poor decisions.'"

I heard music coming from somewhere as I stepped into the foyer. "I know what you're going through. I told my parents about my manga and college."

"Oh yeah? How did that go?"

"My mother reacted pretty much how I expected. I don't think she and I will be talking anytime soon. My father was sort of amazing about it. He knows a guy who knows a guy who used to work for Tokyopop and might be able to use his connections to help me get an internship."

"So, maybe I was right and you should have told him sooner?"

I rolled my eyes while he laughed. "Yes, you were right. I should have."

Jake's hands were in his pockets. "Want to go sit down?" I nodded and he led me into a small formal room with a couch and two chairs. I sat in one chair; he sat across from me.

"Do you need anything to drink?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks." What I needed was for him to get on with it before my heart exploded in anticipation. He had said he wanted to talk.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you last night, but I like your hair that color. It looks nice. Not that I didn't like it before. I did. I just like it now, too." He sounded very un-Jake-like. He sounded nervous.

"Thanks."

"I can't believe I didn't recognize you. I wish I had known it was you."

Well, that would have defeated the entire purpose. "Why?"

"Because we would have had fun." His perfect smile nearly blinded me. I looked out the window for a second before looking back at him. Part of me had expected him to be angry. He had every right to be mad. I had basically set out to trick him. I didn't know exactly what Ella said to him, but whatever it was, it worked. If he was willing to forgive and forget, I should be willing to do the same.

"Hey, I have something for you." He got up and walked out of sight, returning a minute later. He had my phone. Right as he got to me, the phone slipped out of his hands and landed near my feet. I reached forward to get it, but Jake knelt down and picked the phone up. He handed it to me, and the sight of him took my breath away. I thanked him and took it with shaking hands. He wasn't having me try on a glass slipper, but for some strange reason, I finally understood exactly why Cinderella ran off with the prince after having only known him for one night. Having a hot guy kneeling in front of you is sort of intoxicating.

He got up and returned to his chair. He exhaled loudly while he rubbed his hands over his pants legs. He smiled again. "Okay. I asked you over here because I, uh, wanted to talk to you. So, first off, you know I didn't write that speech yesterday, right?"

I did know it. "Yes."

He let out a small laugh. "Sorry, I'm a little nervous. I've never really done anything like this before. I feel like all I keep doing is trying to explain myself to you. So I'm just going to put all my cards on the table. Good enough?"

So he was nervous. I nodded, not daring to breathe.

"Do you remember when I ran into you coming out of the bathroom at your house?"

Vividly. In Technicolor detail. Of all the things I had expected him to say, that was definitely not it. "Vaguely."

"You were taking a shower and we ran into each other in the hallway?" He looked a little embarrassed. Oh my Buddha, could he be any cuter? I wanted to melt.