The Unforgiving Minute (25 page)

I decided not to wear any underwear.”

I smiled as her head slid between my legs and hungrily

consumed me. We made love like two hungry desperate people,

which is what we were. I lay there with my arms around this

child/woman, needing her as much as she needed me. Afterwards, I

didn’t want to let her go.

I rolled over on my elbow. “Addie,” I said, “how would

you like to leave this place with me right now? We’ll drive down

into Italy and end up in Rome. You won’t have to contend with

Scott and we’ll have lots of hugs.”

She got out of bed and started to pace the room. She

walked with the naked grace of a ballet dancer and I enjoyed

watching her.

“Bob,” she said and then remained silent for what seemed

like an eternity, all the while pacing, like a beautiful lioness.

At long last she got the words out.

“You see, I really do love Scott. It’s just that

sometimes I can’t stand him. I want him to be what he isn’t, but

I don’t want to leave him. Sometimes he can be really nice.”

She continued pacing and seemed to be lost in thought for a

while. “I don’t want you to think I’m using you. I think you’re

great. You’re warm and sexy and I’ve never been fucked like

that … but wouldn’t we make some couple. My father is younger

than you. What would you do with me for entertainment. Would

you take me to rock concerts? I really hope we can get together

again this week. You did me a lot of good … really, you’re

great.” She slipped on her clothes, bent over me and gently

kissed me on the lips, leaving me with an erection, the result of

her posturing around the room naked. She left the room and,

suddenly, I was as lonely as I had been before she came. I felt

as if she had achieved something from this meeting that I hadn’t.

The part about her father being younger than me really made me

feel old and foolish.

I took another bath, got dressed, went downstairs and sat

alone at a table, watching happy couples laughing and enjoying

the approaching Christmas holiday. Addie and Scott were nowhere

in sight during dinner. Just as I was leaving the dining room

they walked in. She was made up and wore a pink sweater with a

floral scarf around her neck. She wore a long, tweed skirt with

high boots. Her hair was tied in a ponytail and she wore a pair

of large Southwestern earrings. Her scarf was pulled through a

matching slide. She was strikingly beautiful. Scott wore jeans

and a button-down oxford blue shirt. They were arm-in-arm and

looked like honeymooners. They both smiled and waved as they

passed and her smile was as casual as his.

I skied for a few days in magnificent conditions,

basically remaining by myself. Christmas Day arrived and there

was going to be a gala party that afternoon in the hotel lobby.

I was so depressed that I was contemplating leaving for either

Rome or New York right at that moment. I had passed Addie

several times in the last few days, always with Scott, and got

the same treatment. That is, a friendly wave.

The party was filled with skiers, just in from the slopes

wearing ski clothes, and I decided that going to the party was

better than moping around by myself. I saw Addie walk in alone,

wearing tight ski pants and a tight sweater. It wasn’t hard to

mentally undress her even if I hadn’t already known what was

there. She walked over to me immediately.

“Oh, God … how I’ve missed you. He’s always with me and

I have to make believe you’re a casual acquaintance. I want

you … right now.”

I looked at her incredulously. “Are you kidding? You

ignore me for two days and then announce that you want me. I

think you’re playing a game with me.”

She gave me that little-girl pout again and I melted. I

shook my head in frustrated surrender.

“Where’s your keeper now?” I said sarcastically.

She smiled and said, “He hates parties and he’s exhausted

from skiing. Right now he’s dead to the world.”

“So I get you on loan for a while, huh?” I said with my

best angry look.

“Do you want me to go?” she said with her most girlish

pout.

“Of course not and you know it. Let’s go have a beer or

something.” We walked over to the buffet and two mugs of beer

were drawn for us. There was no place to sit so we ended up on

the landing of a stairway. We sat, sipping our beer, our thighs

touching and our eyes absolutely locked with each other.

“Is this what you’re going to do with the rest of your

life?” I asked. “Spend it with a guy who will never make you

happy and who obviously bores you to death?”

“I think I have to. I don’t think anyone else will ever

tolerate me.”

“That’s utterly ridiculous. Don’t you realize that you’re

beautiful?”

She looked at me with a disbelieving eye. “I don’t think

I’m beautiful. Scott tells me I’m ordinary. He says I’m lucky

to have him.”

“Look,” I said, “I have no cause to flatter you. I’ll

probably never see you again after this week. All I can tell you

is that when I saw you walk into the restaurant the other night,

I thought you were the most exquisite female I have ever seen.”

A tear ran down her cheek.

“Please, take me to your room … now.”

We walked up the two flights to my room. It was a sunny

and unseasonably warm afternoon. The window was wide open and

the room was filled with light. Her nude body was even more

beautiful when it was fully illuminated. She was flawless. We

made love for over an hour, probing, exploring and innovating as

only new lovers can. We were bathed in sweat and the clean

fragrance of her body permeated my senses. I didn’t want it to

end. Finally, exhausted, we fell into a deep sleep.

When I awoke, the sun had gone down and the room was pitch

dark. I reached out to her but she was gone. I put on the light

and looked around the room but the only trace of her was her

scent.

I didn’t want to eat in the hotel that night. The thought

of having to see her dressed so beautifully and being so

untouchable to me was too much to bear. I drove into the nearest

town to find someplace to eat but everything was closed for

Christmas. Despondently, I turned around and drove back to the

hotel and went directly to my room. I was starving but could not

bring myself to get into a position where I might see her. I

read until about nine-thirty and went to sleep.

I woke up early and was the first one to breakfast. The

room was filled with early, hearty skiers, anxious to be first on

the slopes. I had a large breakfast and drank about a gallon of

caf´e au lait and was ready for an invigorating day on the slopes.

I looked around the dining room one more time but they weren’t

there. By this time, I was hoping to see her, even if she were

with him.

I reached the top of the mountain and stood for a few

minutes, taking in the cool, fresh air and wonderful winter

sunlight. I am an expert skier and have skied some of the

toughest mountains in the world of skiing but this area was quite

easy and relaxing. I was starting to think that I was too old to

be conquering the toughest anymore. I was really enjoying the

relaxed skiing here. I wished that Addie could ski with me. I

didn’t even know how she could ski. Truthfully, all I knew is

that she had a warm and magnificent body and that she needed me

at least temporarily. My loneliness was coloring my wants and my

needs. I no longer was discerning but rather a man in need. It

wasn’t the best situation to be in. It was fraught with

vulnerability. I pointed my skis downhill and moved gracefully

down the track. This was my third day of skiing and it was

getting boring doing it alone. I was ready to move on to my next

destination but I wanted her one more time. I found myself

willing to stay just to take that chance. My plan was to spend

New Year’s Eve in Rome. I originally intended to drive there

leisurely, taking in the countryside, but the thought of doing

that without a companion was abhorrent to me now. I decided to

fly to Rome on the thirtieth. I would stay here until that

morning and then drive to Geneva and fly to Rome. I would offer

Scott and Addie a ride to Geneva just to see her again. The

funny thing about my need for her was that I understood what was

predicating that need. It was pure loneliness. If I were back

in my real world, I would never dream of a relationship, sexual

or otherwise with a woman of Addie’s age. Well, they’ve always

said “there’s no fool like an old fool.”

I skied till about three that afternoon, stopping for

lunch on the slopes, but never caught sight of her. By three—

forty, I was in the hotel bar, hoping she would come.

I saw her twice again that week. Once she knocked on my

door in the middle of the night and we had a “quickie” lest Scott

should wake up and find her gone.

The last time I saw her was the day before I left. I ran

into her skiing alone and spent the morning with her on the

slopes. She skied as gracefully as she walked. We lunched at a

mountain caf´e, sipping wine and gazing at the awesome Alps in the

distance.

She looked at me hungrily. “I want you but we can’t take

a chance going back to the hotel and to your room. I don’t know

where Scott is and we could run into him. This is our last day

and I don’t want it ruined.”

I pondered the situation. “Let’s ski off the slopes onto

one of these remote trails. Maybe we’ll run across someplace we

can use.”

We took off down a narrow side trail and the prospect of

looking for someplace … anyplace to make love was erotically

exciting. Finally, we came to a house that appeared to be a

farmhouse; behind it was a barn. The house seemed to be

unoccupied. We looked into the barn and there was a bale of hay

that was so dry it crackled when we walked on it. The barn had

holes in its walls through which the wind whistled.

I smiled happily. “Any port in a storm,” I said as I took

off my ski jacket and laid it on the hay pile. Addie wriggled

out of her ski pants and long underwear and lay half naked on the

jacket. I could hear the hay crackle as her weight came down on

it. I took off my ski overalls and long underpants and

penetrated her gently. As our bodies thrashed on the hay it

crackled louder and louder until it sounded like a Fourth of July

celebration was going on in the barn. Our moans turned into

laughter and we were laughing hysterically as we came in a grand

rush.

When we were almost at the hotel, we decided to part

company. “I’m going to Geneva tomorrow to catch a plane to Rome.

I’d love to give you two a lift just to have you near me a little

longer.”

“I can’t do that,” she said, looking melancholy as she

spoke.

“I don’t understand you,” I said. “Don’t you want to see

me as much as you can?”

“Of course I do, you fool. Can’t you see that I’ve fallen

in love with you even though I know it’s stupid to do so? I

can’t be with him and see you leave me without kissing you and

holding you one more time. We’re going to have to say goodbye

right now.”

We embraced in a small patch of woods near the hotel. The

tears ran down her face and I felt a strange emptiness in the pit

of my stomach. I knew that as soon as we parted, I would feel

terrible.

Finally, she broke the embrace, tears streaming down her

face and said, “I have to go now, I really do. Have a nice life.

I love you.” With that she literally ran to the hotel, even with

her skis on her shoulder.

I turned in my skis, went to the hotel desk and checked

out prematurely. One hour later I was in my car on the road to

Geneva.

I spent the night in an airport motel and the last thing I

thought of was the way she smelled and the way she felt. I

thought of wild, uninhibited sex in a hayloft in France. It was

something to remember.

I awakened the next morning, turned in the car and booked

a flight to Rome. By the time I settled in my seat and sipped a

cup of hot European coffee, Addie was a fading memory. I looked

forward to my next adventure.

***

Dec. 31, 1985

I woke up at six a.m. Rome time and it suddenly hit me

that tonight was New Year’s Eve. Jesus! Christmas was bad

enough, but what in the hell was I going to do tonight? Here I

was in the Eternal City, ready to bring in the New Year with a

bang, but there was no one I knew, no one I had met, and I was

terribly morose. I wanted to go back to sleep desperately, to

escape this feeling of despair. My head hurt and I had this

feeling of loneliness and stress that was impossible to lose. I

wanted a good stiff drink to calm me down, but I never could

drink before lunchtime. I decided to get myself up and get out

of the hotel and find something to do. I dragged myself into the

shower and let the hot water run over me for a long time. I