The Voyage (4 page)

Chapter 7

Manny had arranged for both himself and Alex to change their table and sit with Anna. But because she was so tired from staying up through the night, the conversation lagged.

“I am going to my stateroom to take a nap. I‘m sorry; I couldn’t sleep last night,” Anna told the men after breakfast.

“Perhaps later this afternoon we could all go for a swim after lunch? That should give you time to get some rest.” Manny smiled as he buttered a fresh hard roll.

“All right, three o’clock?” Anna glanced over at Alex, who sat staring at his plate. She realized he’d hardly eaten. “I’m afraid I may miss lunch, so if I oversleep, I will meet you both on deck at three. Good?” Anna nodded as she stood to leave.

“Yes.” Manny smiled. “Have pleasant dreams.”

“Alex,” she spoke softly. “Will you be there...please?”

He looked into her eyes and nodded.

Chapter 8

Manny was convinced that Anna’s pity for Alex compelled her to assure him that they wanted his company. Although he liked his roommate, Manny would have enjoyed a few hours alone with Anna. She had begun to captivate his attentions. Women had come and gone in the past and he hadn’t cared much. But something about this small, troubled girl played upon his mind. If he were honest with himself, he would have to admit that Anna, lovely as a spring blossom, was still not the most beautiful girl on the ship. Regardless, she held his interest like no other, and since they’d met he’d begun to feel she might be his
bashert
(all Jews believe that there is one special someone that God has created for them alone, their
bashert
).
Maybe I am just thinking absurd thoughts because of the situation we are in.
But he continued to wonder…

Chapter 9

The sun illuminated the deck of the ship, dazzling the water of the pool invitingly. Anna and Manny both wore bathing suits, while Alex had refused Manny’s offer to loan him one. Alex sat at a wrought-iron table under a colorful umbrella. He’d brought a book with him, but instead of opening it, he sat drumming his fingers on the leather cover. Manny and Anna, both good swimmers, swam laps in a mock race. After a few minutes, both out of breath, they stood in the shallow end catching their breath and laughing.

Elke had just come outside and when she saw Anna, she waved. Anna waved back. Elke put her towel on a chair and jumped into the pool. Then she swam over to Anna and Manny.

“Elke, this is my friend Manny. Manny, this is Elke.”

“Hello.” He couldn’t help but notice her voluptuous, full breasts, the gentle curve of her hips, and her long, shapely legs.

“Very nice to meet you,” She smiled.

One of the German officers was acting as a lifeguard. He was a handsome young man with a muscular build. His blond hair caught the rays of the sun as he watched Elke. She was beyond beautiful.

To an outsider it would seem as if all were right with the world, that this was just a group of young people swimming and enjoying a summer’s day. But a closer look would reveal a depth of pain in each of their youthful faces. And if one looked even closer, one must take note of the flag with the swastika flying high at the bow of the ship.

A blond waiter wearing white gloves approached Alex. He carried a silver tray.

“Can I get you something to drink, sir?”

Alex jumped at the approach. He had not expected the crewmember to speak to him. Unable to lift his head and look into the man’s eyes, Alex stared out at the sea.

He shook his head. Regardless of the kindness the Germans showed the Jews on this voyage, Alex still did not trust them. He’d seen too much. There had been so many times while in the camp that he’d witnessed horrific murders with his own eyes. The Nazis had killed without reason. Once, he’d seen an old man shot standing in line at role call. His crime? He’d become ill and coughed. This alone had been reason enough for the young Nazi to pull a gun and shoot the old man in the face. Alex’s body trembled. Then, his voice cracked. “Thank you, no…nothing.” Alex arose quickly, grabbed his book, and retreated out of the sun and into the dark safety of his cabin.

Manny, engaged in conversation with both women, did not realize that Alex had left. But Anna saw him go, and her heart ached as she longed to follow him.

“Shall we get some sun?” Manny asked the girls. “Come, I’ll set some towels on the chairs for us. After the harsh winter in Germany, it will feel good to enjoy the warm sunshine.”

As they lay on the lounge chairs, the young German officer watched Elke. Could she really be a Jew? She looked so Aryan. He must approach her. He must learn her name.

“Hello.” The officer walked over to where Elke was enjoying the afternoon. “My name is Viktor. You are?”

“Elke.” She looked up, his face was blocked by the bright rays of the sun.

“May I join you?”

Manny and Anna both watched the Nazi officer, worry on both of their faces.

“Of course. I believe there is another deck chair on the other side.” Elke was not afraid; she’d had plenty of experience with Nazi officers. This was just another one.

“Well, let me go and get one, and I will sit beside you.” He smiled.

As the officer went off to get the chair, Manny sat up and turned to Elke. “Do you think it is wise to be so friendly with one of them?”

“I don’t think it could hurt anything.”

“Aren’t you afraid?” Anna asked.

“Not at all,” Elke said. “I can handle him.” She smiled.

Viktor Hahn was carrying a heavy lounge chair in one hand when the cries of a child came from the pool.

A woman in an old-fashioned black bathing suit began to scream, “She’s drowning! my daughter is drowning!”

Viktor dropped the chair and jumped into the pool. Manny not believing his eyes, sat up straight to watch as the German officer swam out and grasped the child, pulling her out of the water, then giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. A Nazi treating a Jew in this manner was unthinkable. Anna and Manny exchanged glances. Perhaps things had changed for the Jews on this ship. Perhaps they really were leaving all of the persecution behind.

Elke rose from her chair and ran to where Viktor worked diligently on the little girl. She gazed at him, wondering what it was that made him act this way. She’d known Nazis better than most Jews had ever known them. But even the ones who were kind to her were never like this. They were kind because they were getting something from her. She was fulfilling a fantasy. But for Viktor this child meant nothing, and still he seemed to care enough to want to save her life. It was hard for Elke to believe that he did this out of kindness. The only thing she could figure was that his actions were to gain her admiration. But why would he need her admiration? After all, she was only a Jew. He was the one with the power.

When the child vomited water and began to cough, everyone cheered. With ease, Viktor lifted the little girl and placed her on a chair beside her mother. Then he picked up the lounger he had been carrying, smiled at Elke, and began heading back to the spot on the other side of the deck, where Manny and Anna watched with their mouths gaping open.

For a long time the four sat in silence as the sun put the color back into Manny’s, Elke’s and Anna’s skin. Finally, Elke turned to Viktor. He was lying on his back. By the golden hue of his skin, Elke knew he’d spent a plenty of time in the sun.

“Viktor, may I call you Viktor?”

“Of course, I would have it no other way.” He half sat up, turning to her with a white-toothed smile.

“Why did you do that?  I mean, why did you help that little girl? I know it’s not my business.”

“I don’t’ mind answering. It was the right thing to do. And besides, at 22 I am one hell of a specimen of a man, I am gallant, generous, attractive, and everything a woman would want in a man…” he said, laughing. “Just joking. Really, I did it to impress you.”

“You did?”

“Partially, yes. However, how could I let a child drown? Every day one or more of them gets into trouble in the pool. I help when I can.”

“Even though they are Jews?”

“Yes, even though. You know our captain said that we are to treat our passengers the same as we would treat every other passenger, regardless of the fact that they are Jews. Besides, I don’t have anything personally against Jews. I think all of this nonsense is rubbish.”

She studied him. If she were to take a lover, Manny was surely the better choice. This man, although, far more attractive, was still a Nazi, and in the end he would always be a Nazi.

“You’re looking at me with such surprise. You know not all of us Germans believe in this propaganda about the Jews. I grew up with plenty of Jewish friends.”

She nodded.

“Have you met our captain?  I have great respect for the man. I’ve sailed with him many times before. His name, in case you don’t know it, is Captain Gustav Schroder. He isn’t a typical Nazi either. In fact, we’ve had a bit of trouble with a crew member who has been showing disrespect to our Jewish passengers. The captain has severely reprimanded him.”

“You must know that for me, a Jewish woman, this is an unusual way of talking for a German officer. I want to believe you, but history...”

“Let my actions prove my words, fair enough?”

She smiled at him.

“You will, of course, sit beside me at the captain’s table for dinner tonight?” Viktor had made special arrangements to sit at Captain Schroder’s table. It was considered an honor, and he’d begged to be allowed to do it just this one night. He hoped it would impress Elke, and make her see him as a man of importance, and not just another crewman on a ship.

“If you insist.” She would rather have been with Manny, Alex, and Anna. This familiarity could either go in her favor, or be the reason for her demise.

“I do. I absolutely do. I would love to present you as my date.”

“Very well, then.”

“Shall we take a swim?”

“If you’d like,” Elke said, her eyes darting to Anna, who bore a look of concern. She smiled with a reassurance she did not feel. Then Elke followed Viktor to the pool.

For the rest of the day, Viktor was attentive to Elke’s every need. The more he tried to cater to her, the less she trusted him. She wondered if she should take him to her bed. If she did, she was sure he would lose interest, and then she would be free of him. But what if for some reason she needed his help? Best to keep him at bay, at least for now.

By the time Manny arrived back at the stateroom, he had only a half hour until dinner. He opened the door to find Alex sitting in the chair at the small desk. In front of him lay a pile of papers.

“You’ve been writing?” Manny thought about telling Alex what had happened at the pool with Nazi officer, but he decided against it. Alex was unstable enough; this would only unnerve him more.

“Yes.” He nodded.

“May I?” Manny asked as he reached for Alex’s writing.

Again, Alex nodded.

Manny picked up the pile of documents that had been strewed wildly across the top of the desk. Written in black charcoal pencil, the words had smeared into the white paper as if they’d burned onto the parchment from Alex’s core.

Sitting down on the bed, Manny began to read account after terrifying account of the cruelty Alex had witnessed at Dachau, each episode written down in explicit detail.

“Why? Why do you do this to yourself, Alex? It can do you no good to hold on to this.”

“Because the world must know, Manny. We must never forget our people. Each person killed or tortured was a living human being, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister.” He hung his head. “They all mattered... Every one of them was a part of someone’s life.”

“Yes, they mattered, but so do you. They are dead. You can do them no good by carrying this burden in your heart. You are killing yourself over the past.”

“And you, what are you doing? Enjoying life? Of course you are. I am sure that is all you have ever done.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it? Have you any moral purpose Manny? Or is your only purpose to serve yourself?”

“I won’t listen to you. I can’t see any point in going over this again and again. It won’t bring back the dead.  I am going to clean up for dinner. Come to the dining room if you like. I don’t care what you do.”

Alex never came to dinner. Instead, he continued his quest to use the gift God had given him to write. He could not stop the atrocities, but he would remember and write them as clearly as he could. As he purged his pain onto the paper, it left him for a moment feeling a small bit of peace.

In the dining room, Elke sat beside Viktor at the captain’s table. The music played. Anna and Manny danced. It was like a luxury cruise, with an underlying agenda.

Viktor even danced with Anna after dinner. Although she was terribly nervous and skeptical, she waltzed with the eloquent German officer.

But Viktor’s moment with Anna was only to be polite; he was in fact taken with the beautiful Elke. He could not stop looking at her. She would turn to catch him staring, and he would turn away, embarrassed.

When Manny returned carrying a sandwich, Alex realized how rude he’d been. Manny had shown him nothing but kindness and he’d answered with criticism and judgment. After all, who was he to pass judgment? Perhaps Manny was right. They were still alive; their suffering could not save those already dead.  If only he could be more like Manny. If only he could let it all go and live in the moment.

“I’m sorry for how I behaved earlier this evening.”

“It’s all right. I understand. This is all very hard for you.”

“Yes, it is…and I don’t know what to do except write. It helps me to get my feelings out and put them on paper. In many ways, it has been my only salvation. But I never meant to hurt you. You are a good friend and a fine person.  You have gone out of your way for me. You have done all you could to make my life here on this ship a little easier. I had no right to say that you just lived for the moment. You do live a life of purpose...”

“Come...eat…and forget about what happened. I am not angry.  I have forgotten already.” Manny put the food in front of Alex.

“I am very hungry.”

“Of course you are. Eat, relax... Put this stuff away for a little while.”

While Alex gobbled the sandwich, Manny gathered the papers in to a neat pile and put them in the top drawer of the desk, away where Alex could not see them, if only for the moment.