The Voyage of the Golden Handshake (30 page)

‘By the way, have you got the vodka?’ Sir Archie said as he quaffed the drink himself.

Harry confirmed that he had.

‘I’m not sure it will be appreciated, Harry, as most of the chappies are Muslims or Hindus. It was my wife’s idea to bring it. She thinks the whole world likes the stuff. Well, they say there are one or two Christians up here and they always enjoy a bit of a tipple, what?’

A young man was dispatched to unload the bottles from the cockpit, and whatever religion he followed he seemed overjoyed with the booty.

Harry surveyed the scene around him. A flat airstrip on which the two planes were the only aircraft, and a few wooden
huts with several young men milling around doing nothing in particular. Not a sign of any arms. It all seemed most placid.

‘I say,’ said Sir Archie, when half an hour had passed, ‘my dear wife is taking rather a long time, eh? We can’t afford to linger, Harry. It’s a long way back, you know.’

Harry knew all too well and was as anxious as his charge.

‘These Tiger boys are dangerous fellows,’ the other man went on. ‘I know Veronika knows some of them, but I confess I’m worried. I thought she would be met by the folks she knew from the past, but not so. They took her off, as I thought, to see the chief.’

Both Harry and Sir Archie were beginning to think the worst when there was a sound of crashing through the undergrowth some distance away and several elephants appeared walking in single file and linked trunk to tail.

‘Good Lord!’ cried Sir Archie. ‘Is that Veronika up on high?’

Harry looked at the lead elephant and, sure enough, there was a figure in a long skirt and cloche hat balanced precariously on its back. A little man with a stick guided the procession in their direction, and when the familiar features of Lady Veronika became visible, he could see that the customary scowl was exceptionally severe.

The elephants stopped and the chief mahout gave a command, at which Lady Veronika was gently lowered to the ground. With her usual composure she walked across to Sir Archie and
indicated that she wished to speak to him in private. Harry discreetly withdrew but, even some distance away, he could hear her voice booming out in what he assumed was Russian. It did not seem like a happy reunion at all. After ten minutes or so the couple returned. Sir Archie, somewhat red in the face and sweating even more beneath his knotted handkerchief, indicated to Harry that they had better leave now. Harry summoned the pilots, both of whom were fast asleep, and with the briefest of farewells they were airborne again.

It was some time before Harry understood what had occurred on that strange visit to the secret camp of the Tamil Tigers. Somehow, somewhere, instructions had got scrambled. When Harry’s contact had heard that two cruise passengers wanted to visit the Tigers, he thought there was a mistake as there are no tigers in the country, only a very rare species of Black Leopard. Thinking that the visitors were animal lovers, he arranged for them to visit an elephant training camp instead, and that is where they finished up and why Lady Veronika was so annoyed. Not only had she handed over a precious sable fur coat, but also a whole crate of the finest vodka, to a character who might well have been portrayed by Kipling in one of his jungle tales.

‘It is not certain how many islands there are in Indonesia.’

The Admiral was holding forth to a small group of passengers gathered in the lounge of the
Golden Handshake.

‘Some say seventeen thousand, others over eighteen. Whatever, there are a lot,’ he said, as he sipped his pink gin.

‘Easy to confuse them,’ said one of the party.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ replied Sir Benbow confidently. ‘With modern navigation, such as this ship possesses, seamen have little difficulty. I remember when I was in command during my days in the Service of Her Majesty, God bless her, we sailed through these waters without the slightest of problems.’

The group sat back in their seats, glad to be on board a vessel where there was such a wealth of professional ability on hand.

Up on deck, it was sweltering. The primitive air conditioning just about made life tolerable below decks, but even though the ship was at sea where there was a slight breeze, the heat and humidity were considerable. Radley Duvet, the Hotel Manager, decided the time had come to reveal to the passengers a feature
that had been kept hidden from them since they departed from Southend. It was now the time to inform them that on deck, bathing facilities would be available immediately.

He imagined, quite correctly, that this news would come as a surprise to all as there was not the slightest sign of a swimming pool on deck. There was, however, an area on the main deck that had remained covered over since the start of the cruise. Very few, if any, of the passengers, knew that the
Handshake
had formerly been a cattle transporter. A remarkable job of conversion had been accomplished and there were virtually no artefacts left on board to give a hint of former days. True, early on in the cruise, there had been the slight aroma of horses - but that passed quickly and virtually everyone on board now believed that the ship was built especially for cruising. The covered area on the deck, however, gave a clue to former days as it was, in fact, a long cattle trough.

It was certainly not possible for anyone, no matter how slightly built, to
swim
in the trough, but it was ideal for passengers to sit and dangle their feet in the water and thus get some cooling relief from the raging temperature surrounding them. Along the back of the trough some rather colourful chairs had been placed so that twelve passengers at a time could occupy a seat and enjoy bathing their feet in the water. It was reasoned by those who thought of this innovation that, as most passengers were of mature years, they would not wish to swim but would
prefer to paddle as they did with their grandchildren on a visit to the seaside.

Radley, who was very proud of the pool, requested the Admiral to open it, but, anxious for more of the senior staff to share something of the glory, the Admiral suggested that both Radley and Enzo declare the pool open and that the chaplain be invited to bless it. He further suggested that as the Chief Engineer would be responsible for the pool, he also ought to be with the party and so Angus Aberdeen was once again hauled up from the depths.

It was determined that, after the official opening, the pool would then be available for the first three hours to Balcony Suite passengers, the following three hours to Grade One cabins, and on the following day to the remainder of the passengers. Thereafter, it was first come first served. Radley had prepared a little notice which said that it would not be possible to reserve seats once the pool was fully operative and no towels were to be left on seats to reserve them. Once a passenger had left a seat, then it would become vacant and available for use by another. During stormy weather the pool would be closed, of course.

On a sweltering morning, when the ship was somewhere en route to Indonesia, a small procession made its way to the upper deck. Radley and Enzo walked side by side, dressed for the occasion in their immaculate tropical whites. They were followed by the Admiral in similar dress except that he dazzled many of the
onlookers by an extensive range of medals, which one wit (guess who) said made him look like a mobile Christmas Tree. The chaplain brought up the rear, soberly attired in a white cassock which Angela had had made for him by the ship’s tailor.

The famous eagle lectern had been brought into use once again; it stood on a small dais along with several chairs placed there for the processional party. To the side of the stage stood a group of Balcony Suite passengers in bare feet, ready once the pool was officially opened, to take their seats by the trough.

Albert and Alice were first in line. Albert’s trousers were rolled up to his knees and he wore a collarless shirt, together with his flat cap, to give him protection from the sun. Alice wore what she called her ‘Summer Outfit,’ which was yet another flowered dress - this time made up from a pattern in
Floral Life.
Before coming out on deck she had sent Albert off to see what Mrs Potts was wearing, as she would have been mortified had they dressed alike yet again. As Mr and Mrs Potts were no longer Balcony Suite passengers they were not amongst the elite but they were in attendance all the same. Alice was calmed when Albert reported that Mrs P was wearing a trouser suit which made her look a bit on the fat side.

Sir Archie was lined up but, alas, without his lady wife. She had said that there was no paddling in Siberia and she had no intention of paddling now. Sir Archie had paddled all his life in the freezing waters off the Norfolk coast and was delighted to
resume his childhood pastime.

There was some confusion regarding the New Zealand twins. They had lined themselves up with the Balcony Suite elite when they were Grade One passengers. No one on the staff liked to challenge them on this matter and so they were allowed to stay in their position. It mattered little anyway as several other Balcony Suite types had elected not to paddle but preferred to watch the opening ceremony from the safety of the deck. Philippa and Petra had dressed for the occasion. They appeared in identical red striped bathing costumes with trouser legs tied just above the ankles with tape and similarly tied just above the wrists. Their outfits were crowned with floral bathing caps that left Alice looking as though her flowers had suffered severe drought.

‘This is the outfit we always wear when we bathe in the Tukituki,’ they said when meeting the Cruise Director on their way to the deck.

He blinked and remarked that they looked charming and were most suitably dressed for a very important event.

Giovanni and Marco, the musicians, had had their visit to the ship extended by popular request and today were busy playing a selection of popular melodies as the crowd waited expectantly for the Admiral to arrive.

At eleven precisely a crew member gave three rings on the ship’s brass bell and the small procession entered the deck to
applause from the expectant passengers. Giovanni could not play Handel’s ‘Water Music’ on his accordion, no matter how hard he tried, so it was left to Marko to perform a very passable solo to accompany the processional party. They climbed onto the platform and Enzo went to the lectern to welcome people and introduce Admiral Benbow Harrington RN (Retired), shipping magnate and proud owner of the Golden Oceans Shipping Line.

The Admiral stepped forward and surveyed the crowd before him. He took a red spotted handkerchief from his pocket and mopped his brow. It really was very warm indeed. He was just about to open his mouth when the huge figure of Angus Aberdeen appeared. Although his whites were slightly soiled (a forgivable sin for an engineer), nevertheless he cut an impressive figure. He made his way to the platform and mumbled an apology which he thought was uttered in a whisper but the mike caught every word.

‘Bloody rudder again. Sorry to be late.’

The Admiral gave him a stern look and rested his hands on the lectern ready to begin. The eagle wobbled as the ship gave a slight lurch but managed to steady.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, fellow officers, members of the ship’s company. Today is a proud day for Golden Oceans. We are well into our maiden cruise and are sailing through tropical waters. Many is the time I have sailed the seas in command of
a British warship. I have sailed through storm and tempest and felt the full might of the wind. I have sailed through the heat of the day when the sun has burned with relentless fervour and we on board gasped for cooling waters. Now, on a day when the same sun burns with the same mighty power, we long for cool breezes and refreshing water. On a ship of Her Majesty’s Navy, conditions were sparse. Here, on this modern cruise-liner, we can enjoy the very height of luxury. Today, for the benefit of all our passengers, I am pleased to be able to open our new innovative refreshing pool. May I invite our selected guests to occupy their seats behind the pool.’

The little party, led by the twins, climbed onto the platform, walked behind the trough and sat in their allotted seats.

‘Now, the Cruise Director, the Hotel Manager, the Chief Engineer and myself will invite the platform party to place their feet into the cooling waters.’

At that very moment, as though right on cue, the ship gave one almighty lurch and veered to port. Before one toe could be dipped into the trough, the Admiral, together with his whole party, were tipped headlong into the ‘cooling waters’. Angus emerged first and with loud curses rushed from the platform in the direction of the engine room. The Admiral retrieved his gold-braided cap and placed the soaked object firmly on his head. Most of the Balcony Suite guests and Grade One-ers, rather than having been thrown forward into the pool, had been
thrown backwards so that they landed in a heap on the deck. The chaplain, the only member of the platform party to remain on his feet, dragged a spluttering Enzo from the trough and slapped him soundly on the back. Duvet emerged, looking very sorry for himself, and it was a few moments before Sir Archie clambered out of the trough, to the applause of the onlookers.

Poor Albert and Alice were very upset as Alice claimed that her best summer outfit was now totally ruined and Albert, who could not swim but had been immersed, vowed never to go near water again. That would prove to be a difficult vow to keep, seeing he was on a world cruise, but at the time he said it he meant it.

Angus must have been able to effect some major therapy in the engine room for the ship quickly resumed course and once again all was placid. The Admiral soon regained his composure and returned to the eagle, which had fallen but was now back in position.

‘This part of the world is subject to earthquakes which often cause a minor tsunami,’ he said, thinking quickly. ‘There is no need to panic, for you have seen how quickly our engineers got things back under control.’

There was applause from the crowd and cries of, ‘Good old Angus!’

‘It’s a mercy not one single person was hurt,’ said the chaplain
later in the afternoon.

Albert and Alice were not so happy with the events of the day. Back in their Balcony Suite, Albert removed his cap and shirt and sat on the edge of the bath. He turned to his wife.

‘You know, luv,’ he said, ‘it’s a rum little ship. It really is. A rum little ship.’