The Wager: A Billionaire Romance (21 page)

Seeing her up close took my breath away. I could see the shadows under her eyes and the strain on her face, but even so, she'd never looked more beautiful. I never realized how vital she was to me until that moment sitting across from her, so close but still so far. I wanted to reach out and touch her to make sure she was real, but I knew she wasn't ready for that.

"How are you?" I asked.

"I've been better," she answered.

"I'm sorry to hear about your father."

"Thanks. So what did you want to say?" she asked, brushing aside that topic of conversation.

She sounded weary and a little impatient. I knew this was my one chance to convince her I was being sincere. All the words I'd practiced and rehearsed on the drive up went out the window.

"Lily, I've missed you. I know you don't believe me but I swear it's the truth. There's no excuse for what I did. I was bored and arrogant and thought I could do anything I wanted, but you can't imagine how much I hate myself for hurting you. I love you Lily," I said.

Once I had begun it was hard to stop. I wanted to pour out all my feelings and lay everything on the line. I knew I was making a muck of the situation and not expressing myself clearly. I hadn't meant to just blurt that all out, but there it was. I couldn't take it back now. All I could think was that I needed her to know how I felt.

I waited with bated breath to see what she would say or do. My heart was in my throat and I sat nervously watching her. Her fingers played with the napkin while her eyes remained downcast. She hadn't looked at me once while I was talking. I began to feel a sinking in the pit of my stomach, thinking that there was no coming back from the wager. It was too big of an obstacle to overcome.

Finally she looked up and spoke. "Why did you tell that guy you felt sorry for me then? It makes no sense what you're saying when I heard you admit that I was just an easy prey for you."

I closed my eyes and shook my head sadly. "If you only knew how much I regret those words or how hard it was for me to even say them, but I promise you I did it to protect you."

Her head snapped up and she looked directly into my eyes, her head cocked to the side. "To protect me?" she repeated.

"I thought I was protecting you at the time, but now I realize I was just being a coward. When I cancelled the bet, I knew he, Warren Peters that is, was upset. If he suspected I had feelings for you, I knew he'd use that information to try and get back at me. That's why I told him I felt sorry for you; I didn't want him to think there was anything more to our relationship because I didn't want him to try to use you to get back at me. It all made sense to me at the time, but now that I look back on it, I think I was mostly afraid he'd tell you about our wager."

"I see," she said.

The waitress came back with our drinks and we sat there in silence. I wanted to say more, wanted to make her believe me, but the words sounded hollow to my own ears. It was hard for me to be so tongue tied. I'd always been able to express myself clearly, but when it came down to something that meant a lot to me, the words got stuck in my throat.

"What are you thinking?" I ventured to ask.

"I don't know. It's all so confusing, Roman," she finally said.

"You do believe me don't you?" I asked. "You know I'd never lie to you about this."

"I just don't know," she answered. "I thought I knew you once, but maybe I never knew you at all. Who is the real Roman Conrad? Is he the man who carelessly toys with other people's emotions, or is he the man I thought I loved?"

I got choked up hearing her say that she loved me. Had I ruined it all because of my thoughtless bet?

"You
do
know me, Lily," I said. "I'm the same man you fell in love with. You're the only one I've ever been completely real with. The bet was the only thing, the only aberration, everything else was real."

"What do you want from me, Roman?" she asked.

"Everything," I said, boldly. "I want us to go back to how things were before. I want your heart, body and soul. I want you to give me another chance to prove to you how much you mean to me and how much I love you."

"I...I don't know if I can do that," she said sadly. "I don't think I can ever trust you again."

I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of her words crush my soul. I felt defeated and broken down. All those long weeks I'd been holding on to the slim hope that I'd somehow be able to win her back and convince her to give me another chance. And now, all that was up in smoke. She had closed the door on that dream.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I said, fighting back the lump in my throat. "I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you--whatever you need, you can always call on me, even though you feel we can't be together. I'm so sorry for what I put you through. I never meant to hurt you."

She looked at me sadly and nodded her head. I could see the tears well up in her eyes and longed to reach over and brush that single tear off her cheek. But that was over now. I'd never touch her again or hold her or comfort her. She was lost to me forever.

"I've got to go now," she said sliding out of the booth and standing up abruptly.

She gave me one last look before hurrying out the door. I watched her go, feeling helpless. Everything in me told me to follow her, to chase her down and make her give me another chance, but I stayed in my seat. I wasn't going to force my presence on her if she wanted nothing to do with me. It was the least I could do for her after what I'd put her through.

Chapter Fifteen: Lily

"We need to talk." My mother beckoned me inside where she led me to the kitchen table. She had already set out two cups of coffee and a plate of her chocolate chip cookies.

"I didn't know you baked," I said, grabbing a cookie off the plate and taking a bite.

My mother hadn't done many things for the past month and a half. Ever since my dad died, she'd been lost in her own little world. I had grown so concerned for her that I prolonged my stay up in Maine just to make sure she was all right. I felt guilty about leaving her on her own after everything that happened.

The fact that Doris and Miguel were running the shop so well did bruise my ego a little, but I was glad I could rely on them. It allowed me some much needed time with my mom--the only remaining family member I had left.

"I know I've probably caused you so much worry these past few weeks," she said looking at me sadly.

"No, don't even think like that, Mom," I said reaching out and patting her arm.

"I was just so lost in my own grief that I forgot about you and what you were going through too. I'm sorry," she said.

"You don't need to apologize."

"I do. I know you've stayed here so long because of me. You were worried about me, but I want you to know I'll be all right. You don't need to put your life on hold any more," she said.

"I'm not putting my life on hold, Mom."

"You are. Your life is back in New York, not here. You've got your friends and your work there. That's where you belong. And don't think I forgot about that man that stopped by a few weeks ago."

I looked up at her confused. "What man?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention it to you? I'm so sorry. There was a man that stopped by a few weeks ago looking for you. Roman something," she said. "He was very nice and polite; I invited him in to wait for you while you were out."

"Roman was in this house?" I asked faintly.

"Yes. He said he heard about Dad and wanted to see how you were doing. I know there was something more going on. His eyes looked so sad."

I remained silent, digesting this new bit of information. Of course I knew Roman had come up to Maine. I had seen him after all, but the fact that he had come into my home and met my mother sent a strange flutter of emotions running through me. Ever since that night at the diner, I'd tried hard to forget him. But I couldn't erase the memory of him telling me he loved me no matter how hard I tried.

Even so, I had flat out told him I didn't think I could forgive him. My heart ached for us, but I was afraid to give him another chance, afraid that he'd hurt me again. The letter he wrote was still sitting in the drawer of my bedside table, unopened. I looked at it every night, but couldn't bring myself to read it.

"Care to talk about it?" my mother asked, recalling my attention.

I looked up to see my mother's face knit with worry. Suddenly I felt like a little girl again who just needed her mother's soothing voice to tell me everything would be all right. I confessed everything to her in a rush, feeling such relief at getting everything off my chest. I told her about falling in love with Roman, our night at the opera, the gifts he'd sent me, and then the Halcyon Ball where I'd heard of the bet. I told her about his letter and meeting with him at the diner and him telling me he still loved me.

My mother sat there holding my hand as she listened in silence. When I was finally done talking, it took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It felt good to unburden myself to her.

"You've been through a lot these past few months," she said.

I nodded my head. "Too much."

"Did I ever tell you the story of how Dad and I got together?" There was a faraway look in her eye as she began to speak.

"When your father and I started dating, his parents were very unhappy. Your dad's family was very well to do and they had their own ideas of who they wanted your father to marry. They told him that I wasn't good enough for him and that I was only using him for money," she said.

"But that's not true!" I burst out.

"I know, honey," my mother said, smiling at me fondly. "Your father knew it too, but the pressure they placed on him was too much. They told him he either had to choose between me or them, and he chose them."

"What? How could he? I mean, but you still married," I said. I was confused and angry at my dad choosing his family over my mom. It went against everything I'd ever known about him.

"Yes, honey, let me finish. Your father was still so young--only nineteen. He thought they had his best interests at heart and he didn't want to disappoint them."

"But what about you?" I asked.

"Oh, I won't lie, I was heartbroken and angry. I loved your father with all my heart and I just knew he was the only one for me. The fact that he wasn't strong enough to stand up to his family hurt me like you wouldn't believe."

"So what happened? How did you two finally get together?"

"Your father finally came to his senses. About a month after he broke up with me, he came knocking on my door again. He said he was sorry for hurting me and he never should have listened to his parents. He loved me and didn't care what anyone else thought."

"And you forgave him?" I asked.

"Not at first. I told him to get lost. I was still so hurt and angry, even though I loved him. I wanted him to suffer as much as I had. He came to see me every day, begging me to give him another chance."

"How come you decided to forgive him?"

"About six months after that, I found out he had moved out of his parent's house and was living in a small apartment in town. His parents had disowned him and he was pretty much penniless.

One day, I went to see him in his apartment. It was the most horrid place I'd ever been--so dirty and cramped. There was hardly any furniture, just some old beat up second hand couch and a mattress on the floor. After that, I began to warm up to him," she said, smiling fondly at the memory.

"Did you forgive him then?"

"Not yet. I still made him wait, but I realized how much he had sacrificed to be with me. He might have made a mistake when he first broke up with me, but he was still so young and no one is perfect. They were his parents after all," she said.

I sat there stunned hearing this account from my mother. Growing up, my parents never spoke of my dad's parents. I'd never met them and at the time I never thought much about it, but I never imagined they could be so cruel.

"Wow, I never knew," I said. "Why did you tell me this?"

"Because I want you to learn from history. I know that man hurt you badly, but I also know that he loves you and you love him too. I can see it in your eyes."

"But how can I trust him again?"

"The same way I did your father--let him prove it to you. It's going to take time and hard work, but the rewards are worth it. Life is so fleeting, Lily," she said, her voice getting choked up and the tears glistening in her eyes. "You never know when the end will come. All you can do is live your life to the fullest with no regrets and an open heart. If you do that then you will have lived a full life. I'd take that chance on your father a thousand times over because I knew I'd never be happy with anyone else."

"It's just hard for me to trust--"

"I know honey," she said, patting my hand. "You've never had it easy and I wish you never had to go through what you've been through. But you've come out of the other side stronger and more compassionate. I'm so proud of you. Don't let your past dictate what your future will be. You deserve so much more than that."