The Wages of Cin (Cin Fin-Lathen Mysteries Book 4) (13 page)

I rolled off of Dave and onto my back.  Both of us were panting for air.  I was going to be sore in the morning.  In no way was I prepared for what we had been doing for the last hour.  Nor could I stop wanting to do it again and again.

“I think I’m going to kill us both,” I said once I could speak.

“It’s a great way to go,” Dave said, rolling on his side so he could look at me.  “You’re a beautiful woman, Cin.”

“Um, you can stop the compliments. I’m totally hooked.”

He laughed.  “I’m just calling it like I see it.”

“I thought you said I looked like a slut?”

“I was just mad at you.”

“Me?  What did I do?”

“Got yourself involved with musicians.”

“I am a musician,” I reminded him.

“Well that explains your loose morals.”

I rolled on my side and looked at him.  I knew he was teasing, but probably there was more than a grain of truth in what he just said.  “Haven’t you
ever
just had enough of being good?  Haven’t you ever wanted to just let go and…”

He lifted an eyebrow.

I laughed.  “That’s how we got here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I looked at him and could tell he either wanted to lecture me about something or yell at me.  “Go ahead, get it off your chest.”

“What’s going on with you?  You’re reckless.  Sidney Stoneridge?”

I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.  “I can’t explain Sidney.  I fell for his line, and I guess I pitied the guy.  I felt a connection with him.  I knew he was fighting cancer and…”

“You wanted to save him.”

“Yes.”

“You can’t save him.”

“I know. He indicated as much.  He’s not a bad guy, but he was only interested in a short fling. I know that now, Dave.  I’ve been surrounded by unavailable men, and he was free.”

“I’d be lying to you if I told you that it didn’t bother me that you hooked up with somebody.”

“It’s not like you and I have a relationship, bud.  Where have you been since you moved out?”

“Getting a divorce.  I didn’t want to approach you until I was free,” he explained.

“Well, you should have communicated.  I can’t change the past, Dave.  I was married, and then I wasn’t.  That almost crushed me.  I haven’t
hooked up
with anyone but Sidney.  I’m not going to regret that.”

“Are you finished?”

“Yes.”

He reached over and turned my face.  “I’m an ego-driven male, insecure under the sheets.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“I don’t like being compared.”

“Who’s comparing you?  But if I were…”

He leaned over and kissed me.

“You’d win.”

“I don’t want this to be a temporary thing,” he said.

“Whoa, big boy, we’ve just crossed the friend barrier. Let’s take it slow.”

“I’m not explaining myself clearly, am I?”

“Go ahead, talk.  I promise not to get too distracted,” I said, reaching for him.

He caught my hand and pinned it down.  “Cin, I find you the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met, but I’m not the type of guy who can share you physically with anyone, even if he’s dying.”

“That’s over,” I said.

“What if he’s regretting his decision and tries to get you back.”

“That won’t happen,” I said, confident that I’d put that behind me.

“What I’m asking is that you be honest with me.”

“Um, that, kind of, is a lot to ask.  Sometimes in an investigation…”

“I’m not talking about work.  Well, maybe I am.  But, Cin, if you feel like moving on, talk to me first.  Otherwise, I’m yours.”

“As long as you do the same.  Remember, you’ve just been freed. Don’t tie yourself down so fast.  I don’t want a caged rabbit.”

“I have to ask you about Father Michael.”

I twisted out of his grip.  I got up.  “I don’t want to talk about Michael.”

“What happened that night when you went to see him with the diamonds?” he asked.

I reached for my robe and put it on, twisting the sash until I felt the tightness around my middle.  I walked around the bed and sat down next to him.  “He called me as I was leaving band practice.  He was high on pain medication.  I was feeling the music and feeling too good to go home and face an empty house.  So I thought, what the hell, I had to return the diamonds anyway.  I almost turned around, but he was waiting for me at the door.  Dave, he and I’ve always had a connection, which I find strange considering his occupation.  Anyway, I thought, what could happen? The guy had on a cast from hip to toe, surely I could outrun him.”

Dave took a few pillows and put them behind him.  He eased back, never taking his eyes off my face.

“He led me to the balcony where he had a pitcher of Manhattans already made.  He knows me.  I was walking into temptation. I knew I was.  He professed his love for me, and he asked for me to do the same.  I wouldn’t.  He offered to leave the clergy if I did one thing, and as of yet, I haven’t done it.  I left him there in the moonlight, and honestly, Dave, I knew I did the right thing.  His brain was scrambled from the pain meds.  I’m sure he never intended to tell me his heart.”

“What was the condition?”

“I had to abandon Harry,” I said.  “Remember when I asked you if Harry would ever leave?”

“Oh yes.  I can see your attachment and affection for the kid.  I’m not bothered by it.”

“Dave, Michael is the knight in a Jesuit collar, which is romantic, and I love him.  He doesn’t ignite passion, and I’m a passionate person.”  At that moment, I started to doubt my words, so I asked him, “Am I making any sense?”

“Thank you for being honest with me, and I do understand.  Now’s my turn to be honest with you.”

“Uh oh,” I said, getting a sinking feeling.

“When I met you, my marriage was crap.  My wife wanted things from me I didn’t want.  She wanted retirement and grandchildren.  I really didn’t want to leave the military, but I did want to try and save my marriage.  Our daughter Maureen wanted the wedding of her dreams, and it depleted our savings, so I convinced my wife that I needed to go back to work.”

“When I arrived at this house to see it covered with Oleander blossoms and spied you on the porch sitting there, watching everything and everyone in your pajamas, I was fascinated.  Tony let me sit in and play profiler, but it was damned hard with you there, emitting this air of vulnerability and yet strength.  I had the opportunity to see your and Harry’s interactions.  He’s good and bad for you, but he is for everybody.  I like the kid. I can see the draw.”

“It’s because of you, Harry is still here,” I said.  “You advised me. I listened to you.”

“I said he was never going to leave you because you’re too exciting.  You are. I’ve wanted to make love to you since the first day I met you.  I tried to rid you from my mind.  But you called me and drew me into the terrorists’ thing.”

“I knew that Michael wasn’t in the hospital,” I blurted out.  “I lied to you.”

He smiled.  “Cin, I knew that.  It made me angry, the dangerous game you were playing.  I didn’t know why I was so mad at you, but I know now.  I realized it when I saw you on the beach defending the crime scene last night.  I knew it wasn’t just Harry who needed me there, it was you.  Once again, you called me.  You were standing with Stoneridge. You, barefoot and fierce, and him, embarrassed by the whole thing.  I wanted to punch him.  Why?  Because I had to admit I was in love with you.”

“I don’t know what to say…”

“I know you don’t love me yet, but you will,” he promised.  “I’m going to fight for you, Cin.  I know I’m not the handsome Michael or the exciting pilot or the vulnerable Stoneridge, but I guarantee that you’re not going to find anyone who loves you more than I do.  Not even Harry.  I don’t want to cage you, but I want the chance to make you love me.”

“I’m a lot of trouble.”

“Yes, but worth it,” he assured me.  “Give me a chance.  You can keep Harry,” he said, making his eyebrows go up and down.

I couldn’t help laughing.  “No chains or thumb cuffs.”

“No chains, but I can see the use of the cuffs from time to time,” he said saucily.

“Don’t you dare,” I warned him.

“Think about it.  Give me your answer in the light of day,” he advised.  “I’ve got nothing to offer you but my heart.  The divorce broke me, and I have to work to survive.  I’m not offering you a diamond, just my love and protection.  I’ll keep you safe.”

“Alright, let’s see what happens.  Just talk to me, Dave.  Don’t punish me for things until I know what I did.  Chances are, they weren’t deliberate on my end.”

It was his turn to laugh.  He reached over and pulled me onto his lap.  “Let’s seal this with a kiss.”

I leaned in and kissed him.  Was I doing the right thing? Probably not.  Did I want Buslowski?  Oh yes.  I cared for him, but I wasn’t in love with him.  Would time change that?  I didn’t know, but I was willing to give him time to convince me.

~

Dave left before Harry and Alex got back.  He must have found and worn his wet clothes home, wherever home was.  I didn’t know because I didn’t ask.  I stumbled out to the pool deck.  My legs were tired.  I found my discarded clothing and threw them in the washer.  I walked into the kitchen to find all his notes gone.  It was as if he was never here in the first place.  I walked into the den and hit play on the answering machine.  Noelle was checking in.  I would call her in the morning.  Would I tell her about Buslowski?  Maybe.  The other call was from Sidney.  It was short and sweet.  “Harry, Cin asked me to tell you the lab results, and as I suspected, the cancer is still in remission.” He hung up, leaving no “Say hi to Cin,” or any other endearments.

“Asshole,” I said, irritated, my ego still bruised.  I walked into my bedroom and thought about changing the sheets but decided I wanted to smell Dave on my pillowcase.  I crawled into bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.

~

A pounding on the door woke me up.  “What?”

“Come on, Cin, wake up, we’ve got stuff to discuss.”

It was Harry.

I crawled out of bed and unlocked the door.  I opened it a foot.  “Go away.”

He smiled and tried to look beyond me.

“He isn’t here.”

“I didn’t see his truck.  How’d it go?”

“None of your business.”

“Tell you what, you get yourself showered, and I’ll make waffles and crispy bacon,” Harry tempted.

“Bacon,” I said.  I pondered a moment.  “Okay, are we going anyplace?  Do I have to get dressed up?”

“Nope.  But you may want to cover that bite mark before Alex sees it.”

I grabbed my neck.

“Ha, I was just teasing.  But now I know what happened when we left.”

“You son of a bitch.” I slammed the door.  I could hear him laughing as he walked to the kitchen.  “I’ll kill him.”

I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself.  I looked like a thoroughly loved female.  My lips were puffy, my eyes bright and my body was tender in places I’d rather not mention.  The hot shower helped some.  I took a pain reliever for the muscle soreness.  “Shit!” I said, realizing we hadn’t used protection.  I pondered the morning after pill but decided to let fate decide.  I prayed fate was on my side.

I dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved cotton shirt.  I started to roll my sleeve, stopping just below the bruise Buslowski left there.

Harry was true to his word.  He had a Belgian waffle on a plate and the word SLAG spelt out in bacon on top of it.  I couldn’t help laughing.

“Who’s cooking?” Alex called from his bedroom door.

“Harry,” I yelled.

“Cool.  I’m in,” he said and headed for the bathroom.

I heard the shower start and smiled.  “Harry, Alex is taking a shower but would like to be included in on the breakfast.”

“I heard,” he said.  “Cin, I want to warn you, Alex wasn’t too keen on leaving you alone with Buslowski last night.  He thought you would be mad at us.”

I didn’t know what to say.  “I’ll talk to him.”

“Are you mad at us?”

“You mean, am
I
mad at
you
?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“A lot of air was cleared last night.  It was a good thing.”

“Just air?”

“Shut up, Harry.  I’m not talking about it.”

Alex walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, dressed only in a towel.  “Mom, Harry said that Buslowski is going to be our new daddy.”

I dropped my fork.  “Um, no.  He made his intentions known, but that’s all,” I said.

“That’s cool.  I was worried you were stuck on Stoneridge.”

“Or Father Michael,” Harry added.