The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (124 page)

             
“He’s kidding.” I smacked him. “You can sober him up but you can’t take him out.”

             
“If this is him sober I think I liked it better when he was drunk and passed out,” she glared.

             
“Give me a few minutes and I can make your wish come true.” He signaled for a waiter and ordered a mimosa. I gave him my
‘I do not approve’
look and he just smiled. “I do tend to be at my best when I’m drinking.”

             
“I beg to differ,” I complained.

             
“Is he always like this?” Cameron asked. She had her arms crossed in a guarded pose.

             
“Unfortunately yes,” I replied.

             
“You know you love it.” Tristan leaned down to kiss me. I pulled back. Not because I was annoyed with him like normal, but because I felt like being affectionate in public was like I already dismissed Roman and it just felt wrong.

             
Tristan looked at me funny and I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth but no words came out. I think he assumed I was just mad at him for his comment and let it go. He pulled out my chair for me and suddenly I felt like the worst person in the world. I already cheated on Roman by giving in to temptation last night and it finally hit me how wrong it was. “Ella, are you okay?” I looked up at Tristan and forced a smile. I nodded and took a seat.

             
Tristan went to hold my hand and I pulled away, looking guilty at Cameron. Tristan leaned in closer to me and whispered, “Did I do something wrong, because I’m sensing something isn’t right here.”

             
“No, everything is fine.”

             
“Ella, I can feel something is wrong. I feel…guilt,” he said, eyeing me.

             
“What do you mean you feel guilt?” I asked.

             
“I don’t feel it, but…” he looked at me. “You do…why?”

             
“I…I…” I had no idea what to say.

             
I looked at Cameron again. She sighed, dropping her guard. “Look Ella, I knew from the beginning what you were coming here to do and at any time I could have called Roman to let him know but I didn’t. It’s not my business. I told you I’m here for you and whatever you do is up to you. I don’t judge,” she said, giving me a kind smile. “So you two don’t have to hide anything around me or feel guilty.”

             
“Who’s Roman?” Tristan asked.

             
“You didn’t tell him?” she said, trying to hide her smile.

             
Once again I was at a loss for words. Josie and Billy showed up then and paused when they got to the table. “Okay, what did I miss?” Josie asked, sensing the tension.

             
“Who’s Roman?” Tristan asked again.

             
“He’s…um…maybe we should talk about this later,” I tried, not wanting to explain this in front of everyone. The look on Tristan’s face told me that this was going to be a long and awkward breakfast. I sat up and cleared my throat. Dean arrived and took a seat next to Cameron. “I think we should order now,” I said, hoping he would drop this. Tristan gave me a side long glance, but didn’t say anything.

              I looked up at Dean who was glaring at Tristan. “You still on a murderous rampage or you better now?”

             
“Dean!” I yelled.

             
“Ella, it’s fine,” Tristan said, not even bothering to look at me. “I understand your need for concern,” he began, addressing Dean. “But you don’t have to worry. I would never do anything to hurt Ella.”

             
“It didn’t seem that way last night.”

             
“Last night I wasn’t myself and I apologize for that. You have my word that I would never do anything to hurt Ella and I will do whatever I can to protect her.”

             
“Say whatever you want, but hear this. You do anything to hurt my sister or harm her in any way, I will make you wish you were never born,” Dean hissed.

             
“Are we done now?” I glared at Dean. He didn’t say anything else. Instead he just picked up his menu.

             
“Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the real hurt he was giving you last night,” Josie winked.

             
“Josie,” I chastised. 

             
Dean looked at her appalled. “New subject please.”

              I was so embarrassed I knew my cheeks had to be bright red. “I prefer to talk about how you were spying last night,” I said, narrowing my eyes at Josie.

             
“I wasn’t spying. I just popped in to make sure you were okay,” she smiled sweetly.

             
“And let me guess you just so happened to pop in when?”

             
“I think you got a few moves you could teach me,” she said, wagging her eyebrows.

             
“Next time you pop in you should stay,” Tristan said to Josie with his cocky smile.

             
“Gross,” Josie and I both said.

             
“You wouldn’t mind Billy, would ya?”

             
“Just as long as I can borrow Ella,” he smiled.

             
“Okay, you know what,” I started.

             
“Seriously dudes, that’s my sister and I don’t want to hear this,” Dean said, making us all laugh, breaking some of the tension. I had a feeling that Tristan’s sudden mood change was to hide the fact how really pissed off he was. I knew the second breakfast was over he would demand to know who Roman was and I would have to tell him.

Chapter Ten

After breakfast, we all went our separate ways. Billy and Josie went with Dean and Cameron to go sightseeing. I could tell Dean wasn’t thrilled but he went along anyways. I would have traded spots with him at the moment if I could. I was dreading talking to Tristan and I knew he wasn’t too thrilled either. By the way I brushed it off at breakfast and made it a point not to talk about it then I knew he knew this was serious.

             
Inside the room, Tristan automatically went to the couch and took a seat. “Want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked. His mood changed from soft and light to hard and guarded, not making this any easier.

             
I took a breath,  letting it out slowly. I knew there was no point in trying to lie. So I decided I was just going to come out with it. “Roman is…my boyfriend.”

             
His face dropped and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He covered his face with his hands and then ran them through his hair. “Is it serious?”

             
“Yes…but I’m not so sure anymore.”

             
“What makes you say that?”

             
“Our last conversation didn’t go so well.” He looked up at me waiting for me to explain. Knowing this might take a bit, I sat down on the bed so I could brace myself if my legs gave out. “I kind of left in a hurry when I came to find you. I told no one what I was doing or where I was going. I left a lot of worried and pissed off people back at school.” I looked down at my thumbs, digging into my over picked cuticles. “I didn’t tell Roman, well, because how do you tell your boyfriend that you find out your ex-boyfriend is still alive and you have to go find him because you have to tell him you love him because the guilt of not admitting when you should have was eating you up inside.” I bit my lip and looked up at the ceiling. I could feel the tears start to pool in my eyes and I was not going to let myself cry, not this time.

             
Tristan looked up at me, his eyes filled with sadness. “You feel guilty for not telling me how you felt?” I nodded, afraid my voice would betray me. He got up and sat next to me on the bed. I looked into his eyes and thought I might lose it. He slipped his arms around me and I leaned into his chest. “Ella, there’s no reason to feel guilty. I don’t ever want you to feel that way.”

             
“Easier said than done,” I mumbled into his chest.

             
He let out a breath. “Does he know?”

             
“He called several times since I left. I avoided his calls at first not able to explain it to him, but after a while I knew he deserved the truth. So I told him.” I pulled back to see his expressionless face.

             
“And he broke up with you?”

             
“I don’t know exactly. He said he understood, but…I told him…” I had to look away. “I told him I loved him, but he didn’t say it back.” I could feel my lip begin to tremble. Tristan dropped his arms. “Do you hate me?”

             
“No Ella, I could never hate you. Why would you think that?”

             
“Because I lied to you.”

             
He placed his hand gently on my cheek and pulled me forward so he could kiss my forehead. “Ella, no. I understand why you didn’t tell me and I’m not mad at you. I should have known someone as beautiful as you would have been snatched up by now,” he winked, trying to force a smile, but I could tell he was hurt.

             
I threw my arms around him needing to feel him against me. I could feel his hesitation to hold me back which hurt more than I thought it would. “Do you love him?” he asked, making me stiffen.

             
I tried to blink away the tears, but a few managed to escape hitting Tristan’s shoulder. “Yes,” I whispered.

             
He let out a breath but didn’t pull away. I could tell he was conflicted. His mind was a jumbled mess of confusion and I couldn’t get a clear read. “Stop that,” he said, pulling away.

             
“Stop what?” I asked confused.

             
He stood up abruptly. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t have the right to get inside my head.”

             
“I…I wasn’t…”

             
“Yes you were. I could feel it. That’s not fair Ella.”

             
“I’m sorry. It was an accident. Sometimes I can’t always help it and I...I just wanted to know what you were feeling.”

             
“You want to know what I’m feeling? Feel this.” He placed my hand over his racing heart and held it there. “This is what I feel every time I’m with you. Every time I touch you,” he reached up and cupped my face. “Ella, you make my heart beat ten times faster just by being in my presence. I wish you would just trust in this,” he said, hitting my hand where it lied on his chest. My shoulders started to shake as the tears spilled down my cheeks. Tristan lifted me up off the bed and wrapped his arms around me tight. “Ella, I don’t know what’s going on inside your head right now, but whatever you’re feeling, just know I’m right here.” I pulled back to look into his beautiful blue eyes that I missed so much. “And I’ll always be here,” he said, placing his hand over my heart.

             
“Tristan, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you from the beginning. I was just so happy I found you I didn’t want to ruin it and I guess I was being selfish.”

             
“You weren’t being selfish. You were being human.” He hugged me again and I could feel the tension relax in his body. “Look, whatever is going on back at home we’ll worry about that later. We’re here now so let’s make the most of our time together. No sense in punishing yourself for something you can’t control.” Something about the way he said
‘our time together’
made me believe he meant it was limited. And that made me worry.

             
“Hey, no more crying,” he said, lifting my chin with his finger.

             
“Let me guess, pretty girls don’t cry?”

             
“Close, but no.” I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. “Naked girls don’t cry.” I raised a brow and he picked me up in one swift motion. “I believe you owe me a sponge bath,” he said, throwing me his cocky smile. I laughed as he carried me to the bathroom.

             
When he put me down, I sighed, still having a slight feeling of guilt. I knew it didn’t matter much anymore. I guess I never expected to feel so conflicted. When I found Tristan, he was all I cared about, all I could think of. And when I was with him, nothing else mattered. But the mention of Roman twisted my stomach up in knots making me feel like the worst person in the world. Two completely different men that I loved and all I could think about how selfish I was because I wanted both. I didn’t know how to let the other go so I decided I would allow myself both, but I knew it wouldn’t last long. Tristan noticed my expression and turned off the water. “Ella, we don’t have to do this. I would never make you do anything you’re not comfortable with. I would understand.”

             
“Tristan,” I grabbed the sides of his face. “I love you and yes I love Roman too, but I knew what I was doing when I came here. I knew what would happen when I found you and I don’t regret one minute of it. I want you, right here, right now. Everything else we can deal with later. Let’s not worry about it.” And that was the truth. When I look into his eyes, all thoughts of Roman dissolved. I was where I wanted to be, where I needed to be.

             
I leaned behind him and turned the water back on. He smiled and pushed me back against the counter. He kissed me with such a force I thought I would lose my breath. Before I knew it he was ripping my clothes off – literally. Shredded pieces of cloth were flying everywhere. He lifted me up on the counter and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer. I ripped his shirt in half and he pulled back looking at me in shock. “That was really hot,” he smiled.

             
“Just wait,” I said as I shredded his pants. He grabbed my hips and pulled me into him while my fingers ran up and down his bare back. I tilted my head to the side as his lips traveled down my neck. His hands were slowly making their way up my sides, sending shivers through my whole body and making me quiver. I pulled him tighter against me wanting to feel his bare skin against mine. My pulse was racing with anticipation. I heard a small growl and the next thing I knew his teeth were sliding into my neck. I gasped as he tightened his grip around me and bit deeper. I was overcome with a flood of emotions. I felt like I was riding a wave. I ran my fingers through his hair and pushed myself into him. I let out a tiny moan and he pulled back. I wiped the little bit of blood from his lips and licked it off my fingers. He smiled and for a moment I thought we would break everything in the bathroom.

The old school, bear claw tub was just big enough to fit the both of us. I leaned back into him as he rung out water from the sponge and slowly moved it up and down my shoulder. I adjusted the bubbles in the water by swirling my finger around in circles. “How do you feel?” he asked, dragging the sponge across my shoulders.

             
“Amazing,” I said, unable to unscrew the smile from my face. “What do you want to do today?”

             
“Stay in here all day,” he said, tickling my ear with his warm breath.

             
“As tempting as that sounds, I prefer not to look like a wrinkled prune.”

             
“How about we go and surprise my grandmother,” he suggested.

             
My smile fell. “I really don’t mind looking like a wrinkled prune,” I said. I was really okay if I never had to see that horrible woman again. My luck, she’d make me clean her house.

             
“C’mon on, she’s not that bad,” he chuckled.

             
“Easy for you to say she’s
your
grandmother. She hates me,” I sighed, leaning back into him.

             
“She doesn’t hate you. She just doesn’t know you like I do and I’m sure she’ll be very appreciative you found her favorite grandson.” He gripped me tighter. “I promise I won’t let her make you do any manual labor. Unless it’s to cook me dinner.”

             
I elbowed him. “I think you should cook me dinner.”

             
“Then you’ll starve.”

             
“You can’t cook?”

             
“I’m really good at ordering takeout. Does that count?”

             
“No,” I laughed. “Alright, I’ll go to your grandmother’s on one condition. You have to shave and cut your hair.” I could tell he was reluctant. “You don’t want to show up at your grandmother’s looking shabby, do you? I’m sure she’ll blame me for that too,” I said, mumbling the last part to myself.

             
“You don’t like the scruffy look?”

             
“No. The beard scratches my face and I like your hair better shorter,” I said, turning to push it out of his face. I hated to admit it, but with his hair this length he kind of reminded me of Roman.

             
He smiled and pressed his lips to mine. “For you my love, anything.”

             
It took some coaxing, but I was finally able to get Tristan out of the bathtub. I found some disposable razors amongst the boys’ things and gave one to Tristan and told him to get to work while I got dressed. I then joined him in the bathroom and hopped on the counter and watched him shave. “Did you need something?” he asked, giving me a sideways glance in the mirror.

             
“No. Just watching.”

             
“Wanna help?” he asked, offering me the razor.

             
“Oh no, I couldn’t.”

             
“What are you afraid of? Come here,” he pulled me closer to him. “You’re not going to hurt me and if you do cut me you could heal me,” he said, bumping the tip of my nose with his finger.

             
“That doesn’t help,” I said, not crazy about this idea. He took my hand and put the razor in it and then instructed me on what to do. I closed my eyes and took a breath.

             
“Relax,” he said, kissing my hand. “It’s no big deal.” He applied the shaving cream and then pulled me in front of him. I started at the side and worked my way up like he instructed. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually kind of nice. “See, I told you you could do it.” He kissed me sweetly and then wiped off the rest of the shaving cream.

             
“Now your hair.”

             
“And how exactly do you propose we do that?”

             
I pulled out a comb and a pair of shears Josie bought when she was going through her bang phase. “So you’re not afraid to cut my hair but you’re –”