The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (136 page)

             
She wasn’t sure how she really felt when they spent all that time in Ireland together. At first she just thought that maybe because they were forced to be together all the time it was just natural to find an attraction to someone when there was no other option and that once they got back to the states and went their separate ways she would feel differently. And at first she did, but then at the party when she saw all those women throwing themselves at him and pawing him she felt a twinge of jealousy. She even went as far as to finagle her way in between them when she went to get another drink at the bar. She even purposely bent down, and stuck her behind out right in front him, knowing he couldn’t resist a look. Even when Xander’s friend Zach started flirting with her she made sure Dean saw she was having a good time even though should couldn’t wait to get rid of the creep.

             
After a while she thought maybe it was just the booze making her feel this way, but she had to know for sure. She had to know if these feelings she was having for Dean were genuine, and the only way she knew how to do that was to kiss him, but now it was too late.

             
She closed the door to the guest room and leaned up against it closing her eyes. Maybe this was for the better. Maybe this was a sign letting her know she shouldn’t try to dive into this uncharted territory. Cameron opened up the text from Austin.

            
 
Heard u were bck in the U.S.

            
 
Was all it said? She didn’t know how to reply or even know how he knew she was back when they hadn’t told anyone yet. She went to reply when another text came through before she had the chance.

            
 
We need 2 talk

              She wasn’t ready to talk to him. Not yet. Her best response was to keep it short and sweet.

            
 
Yes we do. Can I call u tom? I’m beat

              Yeah

             
She closed the phone and turned it off for the night and then she changed into some pajamas. She looked at herself in the mirror while she brushed her hair. Dean kept flashing into her head while she sat there. The casual way he floated around the party, always the social butterfly. She envisioned when they danced. The way his hand felt on her lower back and the way her hand felt like a perfect fit in his. She was surprised when he didn’t try to move his hand to her backside. She was expecting it and actually welcomed it, but he was the perfect gentleman.

             
She closed her eyes and pictured him lying on the bed with his shirt open, the confident smile on his face, the way the light shined just right on his rock hard stomach. That was it. She put down the brush and made a decision. She knew if she didn’t act she would lose her nerve and her only chance to discover the truth.

             
Cameron got up and looked to see there was no one in the hall. When it was clear she made her way back down to Dean’s room, passing Ella’s. Ella’s door was closed but Ginger was lying outside keeping guard. Cameron looked at the dog who lifted her head at the sound of Cameron tiptoeing her way down the hall. “Don’t judge me,” she said to the dog, who then put her head down on her paws.

             
When she arrived in front of Dean’s room she raised her hand to knock, but then just changed her mind. Instead she just let herself in. He was on his bed texting, still in the same clothes as before. “Cameron?”

             
She didn’t say anything. She just closed the door behind her and locked it.

*

Ella

I woke up in my bed still in my clothes from the party. Why did this keep happening to me? The only light came from the bright shining moon, letting me know it was still night time. I checked my clock and it was just past one in the morning. I knew everyone would be asleep by now so I changed into some pajamas, washed off all my make-up, and pulled my ratted hair into a loose bun on top of my head. Then I quietly made my way downstairs to the kitchen.

              When I passed Dean’s door I heard some girl giggling. I rolled my eyes. We’re back in the states only a few hours and already he was entertaining some whore.

             
I raided the fridge for something to eat. I grabbed a few pieces of leftover chicken and then took the biggest slice of cake that was brought back from the party. Then I poured myself a big glass of milk. I didn’t want to disturb anyone so I took my plate outside to sit by the pool.

             
To my surprise Danni and Grandma Bea were outside chatting. “Bumble bee, what are you doing up?” Gran asked.              

             
“I just woke up and was hungry so I came to get some food. What are you doing out here?”

             
“Just catching up,” Danni said, sipping some wine.

             
“Excuse me but I believe I taught you better than that,” Gran said. I looked at her funny. “It’s rude to eat in front of others without offering them anything.”

             
“Oh, right.” I held out the plate and soon realized by the way they were grabbing at the food I didn’t have enough. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get some more food.” Danni reached for the cake and I smacked her hand away. “That’s mine,” I growled.

             
She covered her mouth to hide her giggle. I narrowed my eyes at her letting her know I would be watching her. I turned around to walk back in the kitchen when Danni yelled, “Hey Ella, can you grab the cookies and some more cake, oh and…” I gave her a look like, seriously? “Never mind I’ll come help you.”

             
“Danni dear, could you grab another bottle of wine while you’re up?” Gran asked, shaking the almost empty bottle in her hand.

             
While Danni went down into the wine cellar, I pulled the chicken and cake from the fridge and grabbed some plates. Danni grabbed the brownies and cookies and helped me carry the rest of the stuff out. I pulled one of the tables over so we could lay out the food and make a mini smorgasbord. “So what happened at the end of the party?” I asked, not remembering much at the end of the night.

             
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Gran asked curiously.

             
“It’s kind of foggy which is weird. I mean I remember everything from the night up until the end. Most of what I remember is all the boring stuff. When did I fall asleep? I don’t even remember leaving.”

             
“My dear, you were so tired you were falling asleep in your chair. I had Dean and your nice friend Cameron, help you into the car. You slept all the way home. You looked so beat I thought you wouldn’t wake up until the early afternoon.”

             
“Huh, I was pretty tired,” I shrugged, shoving another piece of chicken in my mouth. The odd thing was that I couldn’t remember leaving or what lead up to it. I gasped, suddenly remembering something. My grandmother froze. She had a slight worried look on her face. “I just remembered Jasa asked me to be her maid of honor.” Gran let out a sigh of relief. “Danni, if you want I’ll tell her no I changed my mind.”

             
“No Ella. You don’t have to do that. Xander made his choice and this is how it’s going to be. You don’t have to pretend to not like Jasa just for me. It’s okay, really.”

             
“I’m not pretending. There’s something off about her. I don’t know what it is, but I will find out.”

             
“Now, now sweetie, let’s not jump to conclusions. You want to make sure you play your hand right. No sense in folding when you have a full house,” Gran winked. I never understood her poker analogies, but nodded as if I did. “So I want to hear all about you. Starting with the reason behind all those tattoos,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me.

             
“How much time you got?”

             
“For you bumble bee, I have all the time in the world,” she smiled, gently touching my cheek.

             
I spent the rest of the night catching Gran and Danni up. I told them all about school and the evil Mackenzie. I told them all about Roman and all about my adventures in Ireland, basically everything that had happened in the past six months that they didn’t already know about. I had a hard time when I talked about Roman and Tristan and tried not to let my anger get the best of me when I told them about Tristan leaving me. I could see the sympathy in their eyes and I couldn’t handle it. I told them not to feel sorry for me. I didn’t. I was still angrier than anything, but I was also ready to move on. I knew from the beginning we would never work. It didn’t matter if we were meant for each other, soul mates, or whatever. Our relationship was nothing but a disaster from the beginning and I should take his departure as a blessing in disguise. I was happy to at least no he didn’t die in vain. He was alive and able to live a life as he pleased. I just hoped he lived that life as far away from me as possible.

             
Grandma Bea comforted me and even offered up some little spells to give Mackenzie warts or pimples. I declined – as much as she deserved it. Although after a few more sips of wine I might have actually taken Gran up on her offer.

             
After Gran and Danni almost finished their second bottle of wine I decided to call it a night and hide the bottle. Anymore wine and I’d have to carry them both inside and I did not have the strength for that. I was so happy to able to talk to Grandma Bea and Danni. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t sure I would be able to talk to anyone about what happened in Ireland, but I was glad I did. It was so nice to let it all out and talk to someone who understood, listened, and didn’t judge. I hadn’t realized how much I missed home and my family until I got there and I didn’t know if I’d be able to leave them again. Not to mention I had this feeling that I needed to be there. The feeling to protect my family was strong, but I knew I couldn’t stay. I had to go back. I had to go back to school and clean up the mess I left behind. I could only imagine the damage Jack had caused. I couldn’t even begin to think of the damage I caused my friends.

             
I wanted to run away again, but only cowards did that. I had to face it and sooner than later.

Chapter Sixteen

*

Danni

“Well Bethany, I think it’s time I get to bed.”

             
“How many times have I told you to call me Grandma Bea,” Bethany chastised.

             
“Probably about a million, but I’m not going to be your family, Jasa is,” she said with a heavy heart.

             
“Danni my dear, you will always be family to me, you and that darling little girl of yours.”

             
“Thanks Bea,” Danni said, patting her hand.

             
“Besides, you are the mother of my great granddaughter, therefore you are already family.”

             
Danni pulled back, stunned. “You know?”

             
“Please, there’s nothing you can’t put past me,” Bea smiled. “If Xander’s too dumb to notice the resemblance than maybe you’re better off,” she winked. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me, but he should know.”

             
“I know, I just…when?” Danni always wanted to tell Xander Hadley was his but she made a promise she would keep it a secret so he could live his life as he was meant to.

             
“When the time is right you will know. And who’s to say this is the life he was meant to live?”

             
Danni looked her. “I thought you could only read minds through touch?”

             
She laughed. “I don’t have to read your mind to always know what’s going on in there. You may believe this is the life meant for Xander, but trust me it’s not. It may take him a bit to figure it out, but when he gets there you’ll be right there ready for him,” she smiled, cupping Danni’s chin.

             
“I don’t know if I can wait that long,” she admitted.

             
“Sweetheart, you’ll learn that the heart will wait when it knows what it wants. And I believe you won’t have to wait long.”

             
Danni smiled weakly at Bea. She didn’t quite have the same faith that Bethany did of Xander coming around. She knew she broke his heart and he had moved on. It was time she did the same. Danni helped Bethany up and into the guest room downstairs. Then she made her way upstairs suddenly remembering Cameron was staying in the other guest room. She sighed and made her way back outside to the pool house. Danni thought that would be better anyways. That way she would be away from the house and not wondering what was going on in Xander’s room.

             
When she got to the pool house she automatically started to undress. She was so tired and a little drunk and just wanted to crash. Danni was surprised to find out she wasn’t alone. She hadn’t realized it until she had her shirt off. “Xander!” she shrieked, jumping back and covering herself.

             
“Danni, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, standing only two feet from her.

             
“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone was here. I’ll go,” she said, turning to leave.

             
“No, you don’t have to. I was just out here trying to clear my head,” he said, staring at Danni and making her blush.

             
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

             
“Your, uh…shirt,” he pointed to the floor.

             
“Oh, god.” She grabbed her shirt and hastily threw it on. He laughed at her goofiness making her blush even more. Fully clothed, she felt a little more relaxed. “So what’s going on that you feel the need to get away from it all?”

             
“I didn’t say that,” he said, looking at her curiously.

             
“You don’t have to say it. I know you Xander. I know that when you say you need to clear your head you feel like you need to get away from the pressure.”

             
“You always did know me well,” he smiled, as if it was a long lost memory.

             
“Do you want to talk about it?” Danni asked softly.

             
“I don’t want to bother you,” he said, making his way to the door.

             
“Xander, you’re not bothering me.”

             
“I really think maybe I should talk to someone else,” he said, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

             
“Why, does this have to do with Jasa?” she asked a little hopefully. She would be lying if she didn’t secretly hope he didn’t marry her. “You can talk to me about anything you know. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. What we had was over a real long time ago. We can’t keep tiptoeing around each other afraid of hurting each other’s feelings. We’re bound to have other relationships. It’s a part of life.”

             
“Why did I ever let you go?” He was right in front of her, arms reached out as if he was about to grab hers.

             
“I let you go,” Danni whispered.

             
His hands stopped and he closed his eyes. “That’s right. You left me.”

             
“Xander I…” Danni placed both her hands on his chest and she could feel his heart start to race.

             
“I never stopped loving you,” he whispered.

             
Those few words made her breath catch and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He slid his hands up her neck and cupped her face. “Xander.” Danni shook her head, barely able to get out his name. She pulled away. Being that close to him was hard to resist the temptation and she knew she shouldn’t. She knew once she allowed herself to give in there was no going back.

             
“I should go.” She took a step back.

             
“No Danni, wait. What if I said I made a mistake? What if I said I don’t really want to marry Jasa?”

             
“Xander, don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away over some silly doubt you think you’re having.”

             
“I’m only throwing my life if I marry the wrong person. Just tell me one thing. One thing and I’ll leave here and never bother you again. I’ll marry Jasa and this will be done.” He took a step closer to her again. “Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll walk away. Just tell me the truth.”

             
“And then what? You’re just going to call off your engagement and we ride off in the sunset together? This isn’t some sappy Hollywood love story Xander. This is reality. You will leave here tonight and you will marry Jasa as planned. That is your future.”

             
“But that’s not the future I want. Danni, when I see you, all I think about is what kind of life we could have had together.”

             
“That’s exactly it Xander,
could have
. That was the past and this is now. It’s time you moved on…I did.” The last two words fell off her tongue before she had a chance to stop them, but it was too late. She couldn’t take it back.

             
He was in her face instantly. “Then why are you still here?” he growled. “Why are you working for my parents and living in a house they bought you?”

             
She shoved him away from her, angry. “Because I needed the Job Xander! It’s not like I had people lining up to offer me my dream job. I’m a high school drop out with a kid. I did what I had to for my daughter.”

             
His face fell and she knew he regretted what he said. “I’m sorry Danni. I know it’s not easy for you. I just…it makes things complicated.”

             
“For who? Me or you?” she snapped, still angry at his earlier attack.

             
“Danni, I need you in my life. I want you. It’s always been you.”

             
“Xander, you’re marrying Jasa.”

             
“Not if you tell me you still love me. Tell me you love me and this will all be over. I’ll tell Jasa I can’t marry her and then it will be me and you. I’ll take you and Hadley wherever you want to go. I’ll quick my job so I can be around more and whatever else you want. It’s yours. Just tell me you still love me.”

             
Danni looked into his eyes and saw the longing. She knew he was telling the truth. She knew he meant every word, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him give up everything for her. She wasn’t worth it. He would only regret it in the end. Jasa was the better choice. She could give him the life he deserved. She bit her tongue and turned away. She knew she couldn’t lie to him. He could see her aura. So she would have to close herself down like he taught her. Hide her colors so he couldn’t see her true feelings because the truth was she still loved him. She always did and always would, but deep down in her heart she knew it was best if he married Jasa. No matter how much she hurt.

             
Danni stood there a moment, took a deep breath, and hid her colors. Then she turned back around to face him. “I can’t,” was all she said. She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud when it wasn’t true. With those final words she turned to leave.

             
“Don’t do that. Don’t hide your feelings from me,” he snapped.

             
She stopped, but then found her courage to take the next step. “Daniela! I know Hadley’s mine.”

             
Everything stopped, the room grew silent. Danni stood still. Afraid if she moved she would give too much away. “Just admit that you love me and we can all be together. We can all be a family.”

             
She closed her eyes. This wasn’t happening. He didn’t know. There was no way. He was baiting her, grasping at straws. Taking a guess in hopes he was right. “You’re wrong, Xander.”

             
“She could be…if we were together. I would adopt her and love her like she was my own. I already do.” She felt his warm body close to hers. She spun around slowly. She was face to face with him. “Daniela,” he whispered. The sound of her name from his lips was like a crushing wave. She opened her eyes to look at him. His hazel green eyes stared back into hers, reminding her of their daughter’s. Reminding her of the love they shared and the beautiful creation of that love.

             
Danni held her breath and pleaded with her eyes for him to touch her. Just one touch to ease the dull ache of pain she felt inside. As if he heard her plea, he reached up, and cupped her face. That was all it took for her heart to explode. It felt like an arrow had pierced her chest causing her to gasp. She fell into his arms and laid her head on his heart, listening to the murmur in his chest. His heart beat rhythmically. Like a song that played only for her. She got hit with a swirl of emotions. So big and so powerful she lost all control and before she knew it her lips were on his. The kiss silenced all of her doubts when he pressed harder against her mouth.

             
The burn she felt when their lips collided was like a fire lit up inside her. She was suddenly dizzy and confused and then Jasa flashed in her head. She pulled back abruptly. “I’m sorry,” she stammered, holding her fingers to her still burning lips.

             
Xander’s eyes were still closed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

             
“What?” he said, finally opening his eyes to look at her.

             
“I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry I should go,” she turned to leave.

             
He grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.” She knew it was wrong. She knew she should leave and never turn back, but it was just so hard to make a conscious decision when he was touching her. She knew she let her colors show and there was no turning back now. “One night, just give me this one night. That’s all I’m asking.”

             
Danni knew she would lose herself if she stayed, but she always deserved that one night. That one night to say goodbye for good. Danni turned around to face him. She ran her hand over his chest and she could feel him quiver beneath her touch. She slowed her shaking hand. “It’s okay,” he whispered. Closing her eyes she let her lips do all the talking.

             
Oh how she missed him. She hadn’t been with anyone since Xander. Sure there were ones that tried. She went on a few dates even, but none of them ever compared to the way she felt when she was with him. In one swift movement he lifted her off her feet and carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently before removing his shirt. Danni pulled him down on top of her running her hands up his back and across his shoulders, feeling the scars beneath his tattoo. The ones she was all too familiar with. Xander flinched slightly and she pulled away. He shook his head. “No, it’s okay,” he said, putting her hand back on his shoulder.

             
His lips crashed back into hers and she nearly lost her breath. His hand slid up her side and she lifted herself slightly so he could take off her top. His lips trailed down her neck, across her collarbone, and then down to her chest. A tiny moan escaped her lips as his tongue flicked slowly down her stomach. His hand slipped up the back of her thigh making her shake. He pushed her skirt up a little further, tugging at her underwear lightly before slipping his hand back down her leg and stopping at the back of the knee. Gripping her leg tight, he pulled her on top of him. Danni ran her hands down his chest while he slowly edged his up the back of her thighs and cupped her behind.