The Wanderers Beginning: The Wanderers, Reborn, & Unforgiven (30 page)

  
              “You clean up your hand first. I'll survive,” he insisted.

  
              “Sit,” I said again, more sternly. I walked to his bathroom and got a damp washcloth and then sat back down next to him on the bed. I carefully started to clean all the blood off his arms. I watched his face as he struggled not to let me know how much it hurt. “You don't have to act so tough. I know this doesn’t feel good.”

  
              Using tweezers, I removed a few pieces of glass from his forearm. He continued to put on a brave face for me, but I knew better. “You might need stitches,” I said as I examined a deep cut.

  
              He looked through the first aid kit and pulled out a tiny plastic vial with a cotton tip. “Use this, this should be fine,” he said, handing it to me. I read the label and saw that it was a type of glue that doctors sometimes used instead of stitches. I snapped off the top, pinched the skin close together, and applied the glue holding my fingers there until it set. Once I was finished treating Tristan's cuts he led me to the bathroom to wash the cut on my hand.

  
              I flinched when he put my hand under the faucet. “Too hot?” he asked.

  
              “No, it just stings.”

  
              “I know, but we have to clean it.” He slowly put my hand back under the running water. I turned my head away thinking if I didn't look it wouldn't hurt. “All done,” he said. I looked and he already bandaged it. I had my eyes closed so tight, trying to distract myself, I hadn't noticed anything else he did. “It wasn't deep, so you should be fine. Just keep it clean and change the bandage daily.”

  
              I was so in awe of his tenderness that I was having a hard time taking my eyes off of him. His gentle touch was what got me every time. He tilted my head to the side to look at the dried blood on my cheek. I had to grip the counter to keep my hands from shaking. “It doesn't hurt. It's probably just a scratch,” I whispered. He cleaned my cheek revealing a tiny cut, just as I suspected.

  
              He gently brushed his thumb across my cheek and pressed his body closer to mine. When he looked into my eyes, I could see the passion burning inside them. The need to be close to me, the intense way he felt when he was around me. The way he struggled every time to keep a distance when what he really wanted was to touch every inch of my body. Consume me. But he didn't. He resisted.

  
              He held back for the fact that I'm different, special. He knew I wasn’t like all other girls he'd encountered. They were just there to pass the time until he met me and everything then changed. I knew this because I felt it, too. I closed my eyes and pressed my hand on top of his. Then I drew it away and let out a sigh. “I should go.”

  
              He looked at me one last time, took a step back, and released me. “You can stay here if you want. I'll sleep on the couch,” he offered. I knew he was holding onto a glimmer of hope, wishing I'd say yes so we wouldn't have to be apart.

  
              I didn't want to leave, but was afraid of what might happen if I stayed. I was ready to say ‘no’, when I remembered Josie and Billy were in my room, probably already busy getting busy. “I'll stay, only because I'm afraid of what I might walk in on in my room.” He let out a small laugh. “And you don't have to sleep on the couch, just as long as you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

  
              He raised a brow at me, his cocky smile dancing on his lips. I gave him a warning look and he put his arms up in surrender. “I'll be good, I promise. But...what about you?”

  
              “What about me?” I asked offended.

  
              “Do you promise to keep your hands to yourself? I mean, I would understand, I am pretty irresistible.”

  
              I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes at him. “I think I'll be okay,” I said and he just shrugged. He moved away so I could exit the bathroom. I took one look at his small, twin-sized bed and started to have second thoughts. He had a room big enough to hold a king-sized bed but chose the smallest option possible. I pondered that for a moment, then realized
‘of course he would’
. This forced all the girls to be closer to him squeezing on that little bed making it easier for him to make his move.  I rolled my eyes as he lay down on the bed. He patted the small empty spot next to him. 

  
              Leave it to Tristan to be able to flip a switch like that. So easily going from sensitive and caring to the cocky jerk I first met. I knew all too well it was just a facade to keep up appearances. He couldn't fool me anymore. These past few weeks I saw more of the real Tristan. More than anyone has. I knew now there was something much deeper. I wasn't sure if I could believe it before but now I knew for certain. 'Layers Ella, everyone has layers,' I remember him saying.

  
              Despite his random lewd comments – which I'm getting used to – personally, that side was what made Tristan, Tristan. And if he didn't have what he called his
'charming personality'
, honestly, I wouldn't have stuck around this long. He was growing on me, all of him, and if he was willing to accept me despite all my faults, I could accept him for his.

  
              He lay down on his back, careful not to put pressure on his cut arms. I lay down next to him keeping as much distance between us as the bed would allow. Then I pulled the covers up over my shivering, cold body.

  
              I lay facing him, watching him stare up at the ceiling, wondering if he was trying hard not to think how close we were, but at the same time so far apart. “Ella, what did you see?” he asked softly.

  
              His question caught me off guard. “Tonight?” I asked. He nodded.

  
              I sat up and looked at him. I contemplated for a moment, and then realized he should know, know everything. I was learning that keeping these secrets to myself was not helping, only making it worse, and making me look crazy. I knew no matter what Tristan thought, he wouldn't judge me, call me crazy, or suddenly stop talking to me. I also knew he had secrets too, and when he was ready, he would tell me. But now it was my time. It was my time to let it all out, no more secrets, no more hidden past.

  
              I told him everything, from the beginning, when it all started. I told him about Kyle and the accident, the dreams I had afterward, including the recent ones with him. And then I told him about the man who haunts my dreams, now suddenly becoming reality.

  
              When I was finished, I looked down, picking at the blanket that was wrapped around me. I waited for Tristan to say something, anything. “Ella, I had no idea? I'm...”

  
              “Don't.” I put my hand up to stop him. I knew he was going to say he's sorry. That's what everyone says, but it's nothing anyone did to me. It's just an unfortunate turn of events that could have happened to anyone, but I was the unlucky chosen one.

  
              “Have you told anyone else this?” he asked, sitting up.

  
              “Just Josie. I mean everyone back home knows about the accident and my family knew about the dreams in the beginning.”

  
              “But?” he pressed.

  
              “But I never told anyone except Josie about the guy I saw, or should I say keep seeing,” I laughed harshly, still picking at the blanket anxiously.

   
              Tristan reached over and placed his hand on mine. “I believe you,” he said sweetly. “You can trust me Ella. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?” I nodded. That was the best I could do.

  
              I did believe him. I knew Tristan would never hurt me intentionally. This feeling I got when I was with him, I never felt this way before and it scared me. I felt a constant pull to him, like we were lost souls trying to find each other. I didn't know what to do with this feeling, so I did nothing. I just pushed it back until I was ready, until I understood more about it. Little did I know how in denial I was. I never cared for anyone the way I did Tristan. My fears of being hurt is what kept me away for so long, but now I was starting to realize it hurt more not to be with him. I was ready now more than ever to open myself up to him. It seemed weird to feel this way about someone I barely knew, but there's no denying what the heart wants.

  
              Tristan cupped the side of my face with his hand, forcing me to look at him. “Ella I –,” I shook my head. I knew what he was going to say and I didn't want him to. Not when I couldn't say it back. Not yet.

  
              He closed his eyes tight, leaned in closer, and brushed his lips against mine. I wanted to resist, but couldn't. I didn't have the strength anymore.

  
              I gave into the desire, the desire that's been in me all along. I pressed my lips against his, welcoming the kiss, wanting more. He slipped his hand behind my head, tangling his fingers in my hair as I did the same to him. He pressed his lips harder against mine. His heart was racing now as his tongue lightly parted my lips. The kiss became more passionate, more intense, as he gently laid me back on the bed.

  
              His body was now on top of mine, his hips pressing deeper. His lips moved to my chin, gliding across my jaw and neck, sending shivers all through my body. I could no longer contain it. I let out a quiet moan as he brought his lips back to mine. I parted my lips for him as he slipped his tongue inside my mouth. I wanted to devour him, every inch of him. He let out a moan as his hips crushed mine.

  
              Tristan's hand slipped under my shirt. The way his hand felt when it glided over my skin felt like tiny shots of heaven. Like biting into a freshly baked cookie you've been waiting all day to sink your teeth into. I allowed him to push my shirt up with his other hand and lift it over my head. His lips slipped from my mouth down to my chest and stomach, stopping just below my belly button. I gripped the sheets to keep my hands from shaking.

  
              Not able to take anymore, I pulled him back up to me and attacked him hungrily with my kisses. He slipped my pants off. I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. He stopped and just looked at me. His hand gently caressed my face as I pulled him back down on top of me and slipped off his pants.

  
              He reached over to grab a condom from his top drawer. The air hits me and I have a sudden realization.  That's when I stopped. I was too afraid to go any further without him knowing. I had to stop now before I lost all control.

  
              I pushed him back. Both of us were panting. “What's wrong?” he asked.

  
              I tried to catch my breath. “I'm a virgin,” I blurted out.

  
              He pulled back and sat up. His expression was unreadable. Feeling a little timid, I pulled the covers up over me. I could tell my face was flushed from my slightly embarrassing confession. He sat there dangling his legs off the side of the bed. He dropped his head into his hands and then scrubbed them down his face. “I'm sorry,” I said. “I just wanted you to know and I think...maybe...we should wait.” I bit my lip waiting for his answer. When he didn't say anything I was afraid I messed up. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly.

  
              After what felt like an agonizingly long time, he finally turned and looked at me over his shoulder. I tried to read his face but was having a hard time comprehending his expression. “Are you mad at me?” I asked.

  
              He smiled, sighing, and cupped the side of my face with his hand. “Ella, I could never be mad at you,” he said, kissing my forehead gently. “And would never force you to do something you're not ready for.” I couldn't look at him, feeling like I disappointed him. “Ella, it's okay, I've waited this long. If I have to I'll wait forever,” he said, forcing me to meet his eyes.

  
              I laughed. “I thought you had needs,” I mocked.

  
              He smiled. “The only thing I need is you, la mia bella stella,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose and getting off the bed.

  
              “Where are you going?”

  
              “To sleep on the couch,” he groaned.

  
              “You don't have to do that,” I said, feeling guilty.

  
              “Trust me I do.”

  
              I watched him pull a spare blanket and pillow from his closet and made himself a makeshift bed on the couch. I let out a quiet sigh and tried to make myself comfortable. I lay down and pulled the covers tight against me. Then I closed my eyes and waited for the sandman to put me to sleep.

  
              My mind wandered as I lay there. I realized tonight that Tristan was a better person than I was. He could have easily coaxed me into having sex with him, but he didn't. He made me discover something I've been missing. Something I almost let slip through my fingers because I was too stubborn to open myself up to something different. I knew the moment I let him in I was in trouble...because I thought I was falling in love with him.