The War of the Roses: The Children (14 page)

The children sat together on the couch in the den, wide-eyed and expectant. This was the usual place of family conferences, the truly serious stuff, and their father knew they were concerned and somewhat confused. Josh studied them, his progeny, Michael and Emily, two beautiful children, his hope and his future. Mustn't show his pain, he implored himself, trading glances with Victoria, whose cool visage, he knew, hid her own consternation. In the brief time since yesterday, she had shown him the full extent of her determination. As a husband, he had been unceremoniously amputated from her, body and soul.

“We have something to announce, children,” Victoria began. He noted that her cheeks had reddened and he could hear a reedy tremor in her voice. The children looked from one parent to the other, still unsuspecting, although it was clear that they could read in their parents' expressions something ominous.

Emily reached out for Michael's hand. Josh understood their need to touch for solace. He had experienced a similar reaction following his parents' demise. The urge to touch his sibling's flesh was overpowering.

“Nothing is going to change for you children,” Victoria began, then hesitated, looking imploringly toward Josh. For the first time since she had been informed of his betrayal, she was vacillating.

“What your mother is trying to say,” Josh said, taking courage from her faltering voice, “is that we, your mother and I, are planning to divorce.”

He watched the expression on his children's faces run the gamut from confusion to disbelief. They exchanged stunned glances. Michael's face became ashen and frown lines appeared on his forehead. Emily's eyes glazed, then moistened.

Josh continued, barely able to find his voice. Droplets of sweat were heading down the sides of his body and sprouting on his back. “Nothing will change for you guys. We love you both very much.”

His words sounded trite and foolish. Nothing will change. It was an outright lie. Their lives were going to be changed forever.

“Daddy and I are just unhappy living together anymore,” Victoria said.

“It has nothing to do with you children,” Josh added quickly, clearing a lump from his throat. Huddled together on the couch, the children looked pitiful and forlorn. This was much harder than he had expected.

“Is Daddy going to leave us, like Bobbie's father?” Emily asked. Tears began to stream down Emily's cheeks, and she tried wiping them with the back of her little hands. It was heartbreaking. Josh turned helplessly to Victoria.

“Is this worth it?” he whispered.

Victoria ignored him and turned to the children.

“No, darling,” she said. “Daddy is going to stay here.”

“Does that mean you're going away, Mom?” Michael asked, desperately trying to hold back his tears.

“That's not the way it's going to be, children,” Victoria said. “We love you both too much to hurt you in any way. Actually, the way it will work is that Daddy will be here with you for two weeks, then I'll take over and be with you for two weeks. You see? Nothing is going to change for you.”

“Where will you go, Mommy?” Emily asked nervously, her eyes shifting from one parent to the other.

“Oh, I'll be fine. I'll be staying in Manhattan during those two weeks, but this will be my home. I'm also going back to work as a lawyer.” She looked toward Josh for help.

“It'll be like your Mom and Dad will be taking a vacation every two weeks.”

“But it won't be a vacation, really,” Michael protested.

“I said like a vacation,” Josh said, feeling foolish.

The children once again exchanged glances. It was obvious that they were dissatisfied and uncomfortable with the explanation.

“It will work out fine,” Victoria said. “I promise you.”

Josh looked at her and shook his head. Promises? How could she possibly promise such a thing?

“The important thing,” Josh said, hesitating, knowing he was being a hypocrite. “Is that we'll still be a family.”

“Absolutely,” Victoria said.

He could tell that the children were buying none of it, going along, trying to cope with this new impending reality. He wished he had the guts to tell them the truth. You're getting screwed, kids. It won't ever be the same for you.

Emily insinuated herself into Josh's arms. He held her on his lap and kissed her tears away.

Michael remained seated on the couch. He was putting on a good show of bravery, but it was obvious that he was devastated.

“Is it because you don't love each other anymore?” Michael asked.

Victoria shot a confused glance at Josh and shrugged. He saw it as a wordless cry for him to answer the question. It did, after all, go to the heart of the matter. The question was an honest one, but he knew he would have to give a dishonest answer.

“You might say that, son,” Josh said, caressing his daughter's thighs, holding his cheek next to hers. “It happens to parents sometimes.”

He turned toward his boy. “We're not divorcing our children, Michael. Only each other. When you grow up, you'll understand.”

Another lie, Josh thought. They understand now. As grown-ups they would be confused.

“There are people at Pendleton whose parents are divorced, Mom. I understand. Sure I do. It'll be okay for Emily and me. You'll see.”

“Of course it will,” Josh said, his voice breaking.

“Mommy and Daddy,” Emily said, her sobs had turned to hiccups. “Is this going to be for….” She hiccupped again, then said, “Always?”

“Hold your breath, darling, and count to ten,” Josh said.

She tried to do so, but it didn't work.

“Nothing is forever,” he managed to whisper, looking at Victoria, who avoided his glance. She knew the situation had not gone according to her expectations. He had hoped so. It was certainly worse than he had expected.

“I promise you both, children. Everything will be all right,” Victoria said. For the first time since their talk had commenced, Josh detected a note of uncertainty in her response.

“But will it be for always?” Emily persisted between hiccups.

“I'm afraid so,” Victoria sighed. Josh averted his eyes and did not respond.

“So Dad will stay with us first, Mom?” Michael asked, obviously trying to show his acceptance of their solution. It was a valiant try.

“For the next two weeks,” Victoria replied. Apparently, her equilibrium had returned. “Then I'll come home and take care of you guys. No problem. We've already worked it out, haven't we, Josh?”

“Oh yes. We've worked it out.” He sounded tentative and quickly adjusted his response. “But you guys will have to help me through it.”

“Your dad's a very creative fellow. He'll do the job just wonderfully,” Victoria said.

“Betcha life,” Josh said.

“And I'll call every day and talk to both of you. I promise. Cross my heart.” More promises. It sickened him to hear them.

“Me, too,” Josh said with forced enthusiasm. “When Mom is here.”

“Will that be for always, too?” Michael asked. “Changing places every two weeks?” It was, Josh noted, a subtle abridgement of Emily's question. It seemed more a question of process than a deeper look into the future.

At that point, Emily wriggled out of Josh's arms and went to her mother, who hugged her with equal fervor.

“I love you, Mommy,” Emily said.

“And I love you.”

“How come you don't love each other anymore?” Emily asked. Her hiccups had disappeared.

“I don't think I can explain it in any way that you'll understand, sweetheart.”

“I thought Mommys and Daddys are supposed to love each other always.”

“Don't be silly, Emily,” Michael said. “Remember what Gramma said when she came to visit last Christmas?”

“Gramma?” Josh snapped, turning to Victoria. “What did Gramma say?”

“Sometimes she says things she doesn't mean,” Victoria quickly countered.

But Emily was not to be thwarted.

“She said that Grampa Stewart was a bad man and was very mean to her and left her all alone with Mommy.”

“She told you that?” Josh said angrily.

“Yes she did,” Emily persisted. “And she said boys could be mean like that.”

“Christ, Victoria,” Josh cried. “I thought you were going to shut her up about things like that. That woman is a menace.”

“She promised,” Victoria said defensively.

“Promised, did she?” Josh muttered, hating to hear that word again. “Just keep her away from the kids. I will not have her poisoning their minds about me.”

“She won't. It would be contrary to my position.” She looked toward the children. “There's no point in having this discussion now.”

“It's as good a time as any, Victoria,” Josh snapped. “She starts out with Grampa Stewart, then works her way through my parents, then to me.”

“Was Grampa Stewart really a bad man?” Michael asked.

“How did we ever get on this subject?” Victoria sighed. “My mother's opinions have always been off the wall. I know her faults, Josh, but she is still my mother.”

“And why did Gramma and Grampa Rose kill each other?” Michael asked. The question struck Josh as insidious, a dangerous time bomb planted by Mrs. Stewart.

Explaining what had happened to his parents was always a sore point. “They didn't kill each other. It was an accident.” He shook his head in disgust. “Gramma Stewart is dead wrong.”

They were getting off the track, and he feared that he and Victoria would find themselves in a confrontation in front of the children.

Victoria freed Michael from her embrace and drew Emily beside her, hugging her.

“I'll see you both in two weeks,” she said.

Josh watched as the children again hugged their mother. He could see their reluctance to let her go, and he was certain that they were feeling the same sense of abandonment he was.

“That was tough,” Victoria acknowledged after the children had gone up to their rooms.

“Very,” he muttered.

“We'll just have to hope for the best.”

“Any way you slice it, it stinks.”

“Yes it does,” she agreed, shrugging.

“It doesn't have to be this way,” he said.

“Unfortunately, it does, Josh,” she huffed, turning away. “I have to finish packing.”

He was relieved when she left the room. He sat back in the chair, turned on the television set, and tried to eliminate all thinking, letting the flow of inane sitcoms and canned applause wash over him.

Later, she called from upstairs and asked him to help bring down her suitcases, which he did as the ever-dutiful husband. She had packed three suitcases and a hanging bag. He brought them into the garage.

Then she asked that he help her carry out her computer, screen, and printer, which he did. Knowing that the computer contained all the information about their joint finances, he resented the idea that he was participating in removing crucial knowledge from his own house. He made no comment as he loaded the baggage and electronic gear into the trunk of the Lexus.

Considering the importance of the occasion, he felt a strange sensation, a mixture of banality, intense grief, and simmering anger. The act itself seemed oddly benign, as if he was simply loading the car to go on a vacation instead of participating in this monumental moment of separation. But the hard slamming of the trunk suggested a symbolic explosion. For the second time, his life was being blown to smithereens.

He handed her the keys.

“The kids are asleep,” she said. “I wouldn't want them to be around now.”

“I'm glad you waited.”

They exchanged glances. She was the first to turn away.

“No emotional good-byes, Josh. No tears. No last-minute pleas.” She gave him a piece of paper torn from a yellow pad. “I've made a list of ‘to-dos' and ‘no-nos.' Try to pursue the game plan. Follow their regular diet and disciplines. I'll call every day. And I'll get the ball rolling about the divorce. Hiring a lawyer is your option.” She paused for a moment. Their eyes met briefly. “Well then, I'm off.”

He watched her get into the car. The garage door rose and the car headed into the night.

***

Evie arrived by cab in mid-morning. He had managed to get the children off to school with a minimum of mishaps, trying desperately to put a happy face on the situation. When he mentioned that Evie was coming to help them, the children exchanged frightened glances.

“Mom won't like it,” Michael said.

“She'll be mad,” Emily said.

“What about you guys?” Josh asked. “How do you feel about the idea?”

Again they exchanged glances and shrugged.

“Aunt Evie is fun,” Emily said.

Michael nodded agreement. Josh was relieved. But there was a still a loose end to consider.

“Mom said she was going to call every day,” Michael said, the import of his comment obvious. “If we tell her that Aunt Evie's here, she'll really be upset. You know how she feels, Dad.”

“Yes I do. But Aunt Evie is my big sister and I trust her to do the right thing for all of us. Frankly, kids, I need the help.”

Both children were silent for a while, then Emily said:

“Let's not upset Mommy, then.”

“Good thinking Emily,” he said. He would not have asked them to lie.

Josh spent the morning on the phone with his office, conferring with his staff and the various account executives. Nothing seemed amiss. Angela was no longer an employee. No one in the firm was the wiser. All was well, as far as his job was concerned.

As he spoke, he noted the dust outline on the desk where her computer had sat. Again he felt resentment at the removal of their records. Granted that some of the money was what she had pulled out of her law practice, but the fact was that most of their net worth was money he had earned through his talent and hard work.