The Watcher (13 page)

*****

Lily

Pulling into Bombshell’s parking lot, I got out of the Bug with a bounce in my step. I had a whole lot of hurt inside me, but for today, I was going to tuck it down and be happy. Ryan had created a hole in my heart, but already Gabriel was helping to heal it. I was so excited about our date tonight that I practically bounced through the doors and smiled brightly at Betsy behind the counter.

“Back so soon?” she exclaimed.

“Oh girl, the last date was such a success that there’s another one on Saturday!”

She smiled knowingly at me, “Tell me everything.” I filled her in about the date, what happened with Ryan, and about spending time with Gabriel yesterday. I left out the naughty bits of course; those were for my ears only. She made the appropriate noises through the story, but I could see her fashionista wheels turning.

“Darlin’, I’ve got a few dresses in mind, if you don’t mind wearing a dress.”

“Gabriel loved me in red, so can we stick with that theme? I want him to drool!” I giggled.

She squealed with delight and exclaimed, “YES! I’ve got the perfect dress!” She went to the register and grabbed two champagne glasses, a tiny bottle of champagne from the mini fridge, and turned up the music.
Bulletproof
by La Roux was on and it totally got me in the mood to shop and dance.

Betsy poured us the champagne and we toasted to new beginnings. I danced around the tank top section, champagne in hand, and looked through some bright red tops. I thought to myself that maybe it was time to infuse my wardrobe with more color; more specifically, more red.

As I was singing aloud, Betsy popped around the tank tops with the most beautiful red dress I had ever seen. It was a bright, maraschino cherry red satin. It had a low cut, square neckline and ¾ sleeves. It looked like it was super fitted and would fall to about my knees. My mouth dropped open and I gasped.

“Bets, that’s perfect! How do you do that? You always know exactly what I want, even if I don’t!”

She threw her head back and laughed, “It’s my job darlin’. Now go try this on while I pick out shoes. But hon, you’ll have to get over your aversion to heels tonight. This dress calls for sexy ass shoes, and flats aren’t sexy.”

I snickered at her thinly veiled insult, “OK Bets, you’re the expert.”

“What are you planning to wear under the dress?”

“Oh shit, umm, Spanx? I need all this to stay in place in this kind of dress,” I said as I pointed to my stomach.

“Say no more, believe it or not, we’ve gotten a very sexy line of Spanx-like undergarments in.”

“Whew!! I can’t even imagine my mortification of him finding Spanx if he were to, um, get a little, uh, frisky…” I blushed.

“Lily, have no fear. Drink your champagne and let me take care of it,” she smiled at me.
Anything Could Happen
by Ellie Goulding came on the radio and I continued to dance around and sip my champagne. My spirits were quickly lifting and I was getting more excited AND nervous by the minute. My world had seemed to be falling apart a few short days ago, but now it was like anything was possible.

I met Betsy back by the changing rooms and took everything she handed me to try on. The panties and bra were a very 50’s style black lace. The underwear was high-waisted, promising to hold everything in place. She had also put in a garter belt complete with black thigh highs that had the 50’s style seam on the back.  Oh my, I was secretly hoping Gabriel would have a chance to at least see all of this. I had never, ever wanted to show my underwear to any man. I was the girl who wore comfy and practical underwear: not quite granny panties but close enough. My bra never matched my panties, and if I was going to have sex, I made sure all the lights were off. I had a feeling that it would be different with Gabriel.

I put everything on, including the sexy black, patent leather heels, and looked at myself in the 3-way mirror. I couldn’t believe my eyes; I was beautiful. I looked like an old timey pin-up girl! Betsy was magical and I owed her so much.

“Alright, enough! Get out here girl!” she exclaimed impatiently. I opened the door and stepped out slowly, worried she might not see what I saw. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes sparkled with tears.

“Hot damn, girl,” she whispered.

“Think he’ll like it?” I asked quietly.

“Like it? He’s going to have an instant boner the moment he sees you!”

“Bahahaha, oh Bets, I love your crassness!”
“Girl, you are gonna knock his socks off. Now go change so I can wrap this up for you!” I went back into the changing room and took another long look at myself. Somehow I knew Betsy was right, Gabriel would love this. I couldn’t wait to see him! I undressed and handed her everything to ring up. I put on my yoga pants and hoodie and joined Betsy at the counter.

“I tucked in some jewelry to go with it too. The earrings are a must, but the necklace is up to you. It will definitely bring attention to the girls, so you choose,” she said.

“Ha-ha, ok Bets, again, thank you so, so, so much! What’s my total?”

“It’s on the house, love. So long as you promise to model this for the spring line photo shoot in a few weeks!”

“What? Are you kidding? I’m not a model, Bets!” I exclaimed.

“If you want a free dress, you will be in a few weeks,” she countered.

“Touché, my good woman,” I said, “Ok, you win. Just text me the details and I’ll be there.”

“Good, now go have the time of your life and forget Ryan ever existed.”

I gave her a big hug and thanked her again. The bounce in my step had gotten much bigger after trying on the dress and I was practically skipping out of the store. On the drive home I listened to Ed Sheeran’s
Don’t
and sang at the top of my voice, not letting my worries bog me down. I had three days to get my life in better order so I could relax and have a good time. My phone chimed and I saw I had a text from him.

“I can’t wait to see you, kitten, I can’t stop thinking about those perfect pink lips.”

I sighed loudly, my insides tingling. I couldn’t stop thinking about his kisses either. Now that I had filed the divorce papers, I was free to kiss him as much as I wanted, and I planned to. A lot.

*****

Lily

The days dragged by as I searched for apartments, boxed things up, watched a lot of Friends reruns, and wrote in my journal. The fact that I was writing again astounded me. I thought I had lost all my creative juices. It turned out it had just taken a nasty post it and some erotic spanking to get them going again. Literally and figuratively of course. I had a few leads on some promising contract writing positions and I wanted to be a little less rusty just in case I got one.

I’d also found some really cute one bedroom apartments, and even some pretty big studios, that I knew I could afford. I was so excited about decorating the way I wanted to and not have to worry about someone else’s tastes! It has occurred to me in my later years that a relationship could be broken by one piece of furniture: the couch. If you didn’t have the same taste in couches, your relationship was probably doomed. Case and point? Me and Ryan. I loved couches that were big and comfy with giant cushions and a deep set style. These couches begged to be curled up on to read long books or to snuggle with someone while bingeing your favorite TV show. Ryan likes the sleek and modern minimalist leather furniture that no one enjoyed sitting on. Yuck. Who can snuggle on that crap? And the leather always stuck to my thighs if I sweat too much. No thanks.

On Friday, the butterflies started wreaking havoc on my stomach. I tried to keep myself occupied by picking out potential furniture from Ikea and saving it to my cart. I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom, called potential landlords and employers, picked out all my makeup for tomorrow and went on Pinterest to look up my next DIY projects. By the time Saturday night came around, I was crawling out of my skin. I need to see him so badly. Had I already become a little addicted to him? He had been texting me all week. Saying sweet things and hinting at what we were doing tonight. He wanted me to dress up, thank goodness.

I started getting ready about two hours before he was supposed to be here. I poured a glass of white wine, listened to some calming music, and took my time getting dressed. I wanted to look absolutely perfect for him tonight. He’d already seen me looking my worst, so I wanted to impress him. Hopefully my ankles wouldn’t give out in these heels and I wouldn’t be my normal klutzy self!

After getting ready, I looked at myself in my full-length mirror, trying to squash the butterflies down.  I was so nervous that my palms were sweating. As I looked myself over from head to toe, I realized I hadn’t been on a date in at least a year. Ryan and simply lost interest, and I guess I had been too busy with school and work to really notice. We had both been absent from our marriage for a long time and it was just now starting to sink in. I was no longer in love with him, and hadn’t been in quite some time. It didn’t mean that leaving me on a Post-It note didn’t hurt. He had been my best friend for so long and now there was a hole in my heart. We had built an entire life together.

Now, I was on my own again and having to rebuild alone was daunting and scary. I needed to remind myself not to jump into anything too fast with Gabriel. My heart was hurting, and I needed to protect it. I still didn’t trust him, especially with him keeping so many secrets from me. A part of me actually feared him now that I had seen another side of him. I didn’t fear that he would hurt me physically; I feared he had the power to break my heart even further. I knew that as much as I told myself to go slowly, I had already fallen hard for him. I had always been that type of girl though, telling myself to take it slowly, yet wearing my heart on my sleeve. I was a hopeless romantic in a world full of cynics, I guess.

I did a slow turn, checking every angle, and making sure all my curves were in check. Betsy had outdone herself this time. This dress made me feel like a supermodel and the underwear made me feel the sexiest I had ever felt in my entire life. I made a vow to buy more sexy underwear, just for myself. If I couldn’t feel sexy on my own, how could I feel sexy with a man like Gabriel?

I practiced walking in the heels, which weren’t too tall thank goodness. Stopping to pet Poe and Ted, I took a sip of my chardonnay and tried to calm down. Gabriel would be here any second and I didn’t want him to see how nervous I was. I had never been good at playing it cool. Unfortunately, I had one of those faces that showed exactly what I was thinking and feeling at any given moment. It made playing cool somewhat impossible.

I walked into the bathroom, spritzed on one more spray of my perfume, and checked my lipstick. I had gone with the same red from my first hangout with Gabriel, only this time I definitely wanted my lips to look kissable. As I made kissy faces in the mirror at myself, I heard a knock on the door. ‘
Here goes nothing
’, I thought to myself.

Opening the door, I couldn’t help but gasp at the sight in front of me. Gabriel was wearing a three-piece dark gray, pinstriped suit with a light gray button-up shirt and a pink tie that perfectly matched the pink rose in his hand. His hair was left alone, wild and curly, and falling into one of his beautiful green eyes. Once my eyes reached his, I almost lost my balance. Those eyes held heat and mystery, and now something else I recognized, domination. I briefly wondered how deep his need to dominate went.

“Hello, Lily,” he said quietly, “I see you wore my favorite color.” I blushed and nodded, lowering my eyes so he wouldn’t see how much I wanted him. At this point I wanted to skip the whole date and just drag him into my bedroom, or the living room, or the kitchen. Sigh. He took my chin in his hand and raised it so I was looking into his eyes once again.

“Look at me, Lily. What’s wrong, are we moving too fast?”

“Yes…and no. I don’t know Gabriel. I want to spend more time with you, but I just filed divorce papers this week. I need to move slowly, as much as I don’t
want
to move slowly. Does that make sense?”

“Of course, beautiful. I don’t want to rush this. I’ve been waiting for two years to simply be next to you, I can wait a little longer to make you mine.” I looked up at him in confusion and shook my head.

“Then there’s that, Gabriel, you have so many secrets, how am I supposed to trust you? It’s not fair that you seem to know me so well, and I don’t know you at all…or HOW you know me. I can’t willingly get into another relationship without trust! Look at what Ryan did to me. I can’t go through that again.”

“Lily I promise, when I can tell you, I will. For tonight, I just want to take you out for a normal date. I will tell you all about myself, well the stuff that I
can
tell you, over dinner. Then you can decide if there will be a second date, does that sound fair?” he asked as he handed me the rose. I took it gently and lifted it to my nose, breathing in its heady scent.

“OK, Gabriel, we’ll take it one date at a time,” I smiled over the rose.

“You’re so beautiful, Lily,” he said as he took my hand and pulled me closer to him. He leaned down and put his nose on my neck, right by my earlobe. I heard him take a deep breath and felt his tongue slide gently down my neck until he got to my collarbone where he softly bit me. My breath caught in my throat and my inhibitions began to lower. I swear I was all talk. I was ready to jump headfirst into anything this man wanted. I sighed as he straightened back up and smiled at me.

He held out his elbow for me to take, “Shall we my lady?” I snorted and laughed at his formal British tone and he wiggled his eyebrows at me. I slid my arm through his and closed the door behind us.

*****

Gabriel

As we drove to the restaurant, I could tell she was struggling with finding something to say. She had so many questions she wanted answers to, but I wasn’t ready to reveal my secrets. It’s not that I didn’t trust her, I simply wanted to keep her as long as I could. Once I revealed myself to her, I feared she’d go running in the opposite direction, far away from me. I didn’t want to ruin the night by upsetting her either. I wanted tonight to be memorable for good reasons. She glanced up at me and smiled. I listened in to her thoughts and found that she was admiring my facial hair. She wanted to lean over and nuzzle me. I was never shaving again. I turned my head and caught her staring and smiling.

“Yes, kitten?” I smirked at her.

“Um, I was just wondering where we were going?”

I reached over and took her hand in mine, “No reason to be nervous, Lily. I won’t bite…for now,” I winked at her. She shook her head, chuckling softly.

“Promises, promises,” I heard her say. When in the world had she become so brazen? I hoped I was bringing it out in her. I loved the stubbornness and smart ass side of her. It was such a turn on that she challenged me. I couldn’t wait to have so many more conversations with her, just to hear her debate me.

I laughed quietly, “Oh, Lily, I’m so glad we’ve finally met.” I looked at her in wonder, feeling so fucking lucky. Her eyes welled with tears and she turned to look out the window. She didn’t want me to see her vulnerability.

I squeezed her hand and said, “What did I say?”

“It’s nothing, please don’t worry.”

“No, Lily, something upset you, what is it?”
“I…I’ve never had anyone say such nice things to me before. I want to trust that you mean them, but I don’t know how,” she said, turning back to look at me. I slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road. Once we had stopped, I took off my seatbelt and turned to face her.

“I know I have no right to expect you to trust me yet, Lily, but I want you to. Nothing I say to you will ever be a lie. I know we’ve only just met, but we have something here; something I don’t want to mess up. It’s a shame that men have never told you how beautiful and lovely you are. Ryan was a fool, and I think deep down you knew that for a long time. I know you didn’t want to be alone and I can’t fault you for trying to save your marriage. But it’s over now and that asshole is long gone. I’ll never treat you the way he did, do you understand? NEVER. I may have my secrets, but I’m not an asshole and I know how precious you are.”

She stared at me, dumbfounded. I could see her turning this over in her head, struggling to hold her composure. I took her hand and squeezed it softly.

“Take me to dinner, Gabriel, I want to get to know you better.”

“As you wish.”

I had decided to her to my steakhouse downtown that I knew she had been dying to try. We both had a love of ribeyes and pinot noir that rivaled the love of classic love stories. We ate and talked about my ventures into music and restaurants and fixing up old cars. I told her I owned this steakhouse, along with another club nearby, and a garage that restored classic cars.

Over the salad course I talked on and on about my love of trying new things and my adventures around the world. I was well traveled and knew several languages including French, Italian, and Spanish. I said a few phrases to her in French as she sipped her wine and blushed profusely.

I smirked at her and said, “A sucker for a foreign language, huh?” Nodding, she took another sip of her wine. I could tell that she was turned on by the way she wiggled in her seat and I could feel her rubbing her thighs together under the table. I needed to get her alone tonight and take care of that for her.

As we worked our way through the main course, I babbled on about little things. I told her my favorite color was green, I loved French toast, I had an eclectic taste in music, and that I hated spiders. She giggled at that last one, no doubt imagining me shrieking over a spider. She asked about my favorite artists, what trashy TV I liked to watch, and what video game I liked to play the most as a kid. I answered all of my questions but the last one. At the mention of my childhood, my mood quickly grew dark and I started to scowl. I instantly closed down and the light mood I had tried to set was gone.

“I’d rather not talk about my childhood,” I said coldly. She was taken aback by the sudden change in atmosphere and shivered at my tone. It always happened this way...I couldn’t control my reaction to this subject. I had tried therapy and yoga and acupuncture to let my past go, but it haunted me every damn day. I clenched my fists at my side and took a deep breath. She frowned at me and said, “I’m sorry, Gabriel, I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine,” I replied. She tried to take my hand in hers, but I pulled away. I couldn’t be touched right now, ready to punch the closest inanimate object. She had unknowingly touched a nerve that she didn’t know was there and now she was seeing another side of me that I wasn’t ready for her to experience. I knew I was distant and cold, a far cry from what I had been moments before. She put her hands in her lap and looked like she was about to cry. Fuck, I needed to snap out of it and fix this.

“Maybe you should take me home, Gabriel,” she said quietly as she lifted her head to look at me. That statement shook me from my reverie. I looked at her and shook my head.

“Jesus, Lily, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s ok, I touched a nerve. I have them too Gabriel, so I understand. You can just take me home and maybe we can try this again at a later date. It seems you have some things you need to work through and I simply don’t have the strength to deal with them right now. I have a lot on my plate and as much as I want to be there for you, I have to take care of myself.”

I stood up suddenly, came over to her, and pulled her out of the chair. I crushed her against me, wrapping my arms tightly around her as if I were afraid she might disappear. She wrapped her arms around me slowly and put head onto my chest.