The Wedding Affair (Rebel Hearts series Book 1) (7 page)

He had not wanted to hurt her. Not any more than he apparently had.

The object of his thoughts suddenly met his gaze. They stared at each other along the table, and the pull of attraction caught him unexpectedly. He steadied his balance on the table edge, determined to control his feelings. Sally was beyond him. She would be another man’s wife soon.

And yet he wanted her with a fierceness that had never abated.

He wrenched his gaze away, cursing under his breath. “I doubt your daughter would ever allow an estrangement to happen, my lady. She is dedicated to her family, as all Fords are known to be.”

“That is true.” The countess sighed softly. “She is so strong a character, so much braver than me. I could not be prouder of the choices she has made for her life.”

His contentment in the evening dimmed. Of course Ellicott would be popular with Lady Templeton. He was as rich as Rutherford and almost as titled. Sally would remain a lady and not an inferior Mrs. Hastings, as she would have become upon their marriage. “An excellent connection,” he murmured with an agreement he did not feel.

“Oh, but you must think it odd to be talking of this now.” The lady smiled quickly. “Forgive a mother’s vanity that her daughter will have a home of her own.”

“There is nothing to forgive you for, my lady. I cannot say the same for my own behavior.” Felix glanced at the Duke of Rutherford. The old man was watching his granddaughter with a puzzled expression on his face. “She seems happy, and that is all that matters, is it not?”

Lady Templeton nodded. “It is what Sally wants, and so we let her have her way. What better outcome is there for a woman but to make a respectable match?”

There was love.

Sally might have been wild with him, but he had not thought her indiscriminant in her passion at that time. He had thought they had been falling deeply in love and that the reason they had behaved so shamelessly together was a binding connection. Sally would only have agreed to marry Ellicott if she loved the man. Which meant she could not possibly love Felix anymore. Not even a little.

He had to give her up or he would only be torturing himself needlessly. When the women excused themselves for tea in the drawing room, Felix escaped to the terrace to rage in private under the stars.

Chapter Seven

S
ally slipped from the house, heart pounding with panic, and ran far into the garden and away from her family and guests.

Panic. Shock. Anger. Hunger. Her skin practically vibrated with sensations she had thought she had given up.

Felix was at Newberry, not fifty yards away. Smiling and laughing as if he had not a care in the world, as if the heart he had shattered six years ago did not matter in the slightest.

She kept running.

He was supposed to be aboard his ship, not breathing the same air she did. His precious
Selfridge
, the command and promotion he had valued more than her love. She did not know how he had wrangled an invitation to Newberry Park, but she would ensure it was the last one the blackguard ever received.
Bollocks!

And if her reaction to seeing him again after so long was any indication, she might not recover at all. She could not seem to catch her breath, and suffering through the interminable meal with her family around them had been almost beyond her capability.

Her eyes had been drawn to him all through dinner, though he barely looked her way again after being presented to her. He had charmed her mother, she could tell, which annoyed her to the ends of the earth and back again. Her mother was supposed to despise him, as was all of her family, for the fool he had made of her.

She did not want Felix to be here.

She stopped at her favorite place, a small pond full of fishes that no one else came to, and lifted her knuckle to her mouth. She bit down on the scream she wanted to let out as a seafaring curse filled her mind. She savaged her finger until it ached and then let it go. “Damn you, Felix.”

All she had wanted, for the rest of her life, was to forget him.

“It is lovely to see you too,” he remarked from the darkness.

She whipped around, searching the shadows of the gardens, attempting to locate where he stood.

Felix came forward slowly, large and dangerous as he skirted the pond. Her pounding heart probably gave her away and her cheeks grew hot as he neared. Could he not have changed? A limp, a scar to mar that handsome face? Was it too much to ask that he be as wounded on the outside as she was within?

For a moment she wavered between running toward him or away. Not that she was afraid of him, but what he represented was hazardous to her carefully made plans for a proper marriage. “What are you doing?”

“Strolling the decks of Newberry Park beneath the stars and asking myself the very same thing.” His deep voice rumbled over her, and she shivered.

She had thought she had forgotten that voice, but when he had spoken behind her in the white drawing room, she had known who it was without turning around. She had desperately wished to be wrong.

“I mean what are you doing at Newberry.” Sally turned away in an effort to gather her scattered wits. She hated him. She truly did for the mockery he had made of her young love. “Are you looking for a way to advance to admiral now?”

He growled, a dark and dangerous warning. Something he had never done around her as a young man. “I have never wanted the distinction because it means playing games with people’s lives the way your father has with mine.”

She spun about and advanced on him, doing little to hide her fury. “Do not say a word against my family!”

“Against your family, no, but against the admiral I will say what I like to you. I will not pretend he did not ruin my life.”

“Ruin your life? That is rich, coming from you,” she shouted. “You were the one who made the fool of me, not him. You ruined me, or have you forgotten?”

“I have not forgotten. How could I?” He stopped a foot away and drew in a deep breath.

In the dark she was reminded of their last night together, and her knees went weak. “Do not come any closer, or, or…”

“I was here first,” he complained, and then he looked her up and down. “I have it on good authority from several reliable sources you still want me dead, but it seems you forgot to bring a sword with which to run me through. So sorry the French could not oblige you during battle, but I will wait if you would like to arm yourself now.”

She took a pace back. “I never expected to see you again.”

“Neither did I.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared. “If you are going to kill me, please start now.”

She took another step back. “I hate you.”

“So I gathered.” He glanced around. “Well, if you are not ready to commit murder upon me, you should go back inside before your mother or sister comes looking for you.”

“Do not dare tell me what to do,” Sally hissed, furious that he appeared so untouched by her presence. “The days when your good opinion means something have long since passed.”

He smiled and took a pace toward her. “I see you have nurtured your temper nicely.”

“Oh, shut up and wipe that bloody smirk off your face.” Sally gritted her teeth at the language she had used. She should not lose her temper with him so much that the thoughts in her head slipped out. In a moderate tone she continued, “You were always too certain of your appeal.”

“I am angry with you too.” He cocked his head to the side but kept a distance. “How could you think I could take you to bed and care so little for your future happiness?”

Oh, this was too much. She threw up her hands. “You would take anyone to bed if they helped advance your cause or career, and we both know it.”

He laughed then, full and heartily, as if she had told the most outrageous joke he had ever heard. “And who do you think might have held more sway over my career than your own blessed family?”

“Lady Heathcote. Lady Windermere now,” she ground out. What man did not know the name of whom he was consorting with? “Or do you not care that she is a married woman?”

Felix advanced on her suddenly until he towered over her. “Say one word against my friend and you will regret it.”

She blinked at the venom in his voice. “Everyone knows you call on her and why.”

“Esme had a great number of acquaintances in London, and before her marriage received many callers, your grandfather included when he was younger and spry.” He sighed. “Are you suggesting she entertained them all just to advance my career? What utter rubbish.”

She shook her head quickly. Her complaints were only against Felix. “I never meant to disparage her reputation.”

“Well, I know for a fact thanks to her last letter that she is deliriously happy being married to Windermere.”

“She wrote to you?” Sally had heard enough. “One of your many letters from paramours, I am sure.”

She spun on her heel, but Felix wrapped his fingers around her upper arm and tugged her to his side. “There is no need to be jealous, sweetheart.”

Fury spun round and round her head. “I am not jealous, you grasping libertine.”

His fingers flexed around her arm. “Esme last wrote to give me her new directions and to share the news she was expecting a babe. Who the devil has been filling your head with nonsense about Esme anyway? I am hardly ever on land to have done as much as you have already claimed.”

“My connections in society keep me well informed.” She wrenched her arm from his grip but continued to feel where he had held her.

He swore roundly, showing little care that his coarse words were offensive to a proper lady’s ears. “I hate to burst your delusions, but your so-called friends are damned liars.” Felix shook his head. “About so many things that do not matter to anyone but your father.”

Her father was many things, but she could not believe he would deliberately mislead her. He protected her and had rebuilt her tattered trust. “Leave my father out of this.”

“Blinded by loyalty to family still,” he growled. “I do not know why I should have cared what you thought of me all these years. It is clear you are the only one who cannot see what he does to further his own purse and ambition.”

He turned away and stalked off into the darkness.

“Do not walk away from me,” Sally cried out. She followed and caught his dark navy coat by the tails and dug her heels into the soft garden lawn. “Damn you. We are not finished.”

He stopped, turned slowly, and then bore down on her again until she felt very small beside him. He did not touch her anywhere, but she was aware of every inch of him.

He sighed softly and her knees went weak all over again at the sound.

“It is either gag you or kiss you until you see reason,” he confessed. He lifted a hand as if to touch her hair but left it poised in midair beside her face. “I think walking away is the safer option all round, because despite your belief—incorrect I might add—it never was my intention to break your heart or mine.”

She gasped, and when he stepped back from her she let him increase the distance between them. He had not a heart to break. He was cold and calculating. When he spun about and strode for the house, she hugged herself. She wanted to hurt him. “She had a son. Lady Windermere delivered a son,” she called. “Robert.”

Felix returned quickly. “I had not heard that. Is she well?”

“As far as I know, yes, though she remains in Gloucestershire at the family estate,” she told him with a smug smile. It was said that Lord Windermere never left his wife’s side, but she kept that warning to herself. If Felix was involved with Esme, despite his claim not to be, he would have to find out on his own that the lady’s affections had been thoroughly claimed.

“That is a relief. She has always spoken fondly of that part of the world and the Windermere estate. I would hate for anything to have happened to her during the birth.” His shoulders relaxed. “I will have to write her a letter and offer my congratulations by post before I return to sea. I do not think I will have time or opportunity to visit them and extend my congratulations in person. Thank you for telling me.”

Sally squirmed that her ploy to hurt him had failed, but she seethed with a dozen questions about their association still. When they had been about to wed, Felix had not known very many women in society. Since those days, he had made his name as captain and built a fierce reputation, leading him to become included on many hostesses’ guest lists. It had always worried her that they might be invited to the same dinners when he was ashore, but somehow they had avoided meeting for six long years.

But she knew his first visit on returning to London had always been to the former Lady Heathcote’s address. “She is important to you.”

“She is like a wicked aunt with a compassionate ear. Good night, sweetheart,” he called out. “Do not forget you have important guests to entertain inside.”

Sally glanced at the brightly lit manor in the distance and blinked rapidly. Dear God, she had forgotten Ellicott. How could she have forgotten she was engaged to marry so suddenly?

Sally patted her blazing cheeks as Felix strode away, heading for the open dining room doors. She checked her hair had not escaped its moorings and hurried for the closest private entrance to the manor and quietly let herself inside. She would make her way to the drawing room and no one would ever know she had just engaged in a blazing row with one of England’s finest captains.