The Wedding Wager (McMaster the Disaster) (17 page)

CHAPTER 18

While it wasn’t yet sparkling, the place was in a completely different state than when I’d gone to shower. All the surfaces were clear of clutter and Mattie was busy, all decked out in his skinny tie and rubber gloves, wiping everything down with fresh, orange scented cleaner.

He’d opened the curtains and the sun shone in as if it was there just for me, a rebirth, a second at life. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic since I hadn’t had a near-death experience or anything, but still… it definitely seemed like things were turning around.

“That’s better,” Mattie said, setting down the cleaner and tearing off the gloves dramatically, flopping them over the edge of the bucket.

“Thank you so much Mattie. I think you’ve saved my life.”

“From almost certain bacterial infestation, yeah,” he said.

“Har har,” I said back. He knew that wasn’t what I meant.

He sat on the couch and I sat across from him in the chair.

“So um… thanks for not being mad at me forever.”

He shrugged. “It’s no big deal,” he said. “I mean, I know you would have eventually picked, right? And obviously you would have picked me.” He grinned like the Cheshire cat.

“Oh yes, obviously.” I rolled my eyes. “Actually though, my mother did give you a run for your money. That’s why it was so hard to make a decision.” I sighed. “Maybe I just knew deep down that the wedding wasn’t going to happen so I didn’t really need to make a decision.”

“Well,” Mattie said. “I sure didn’t. I was pretty much all ready to go. Oh my God, it was going to be amazing. I was thinking the dance floor would have striped fabric above it, leading into a peak, you know, like a circus big top, and everything would be swirly with lights and everything.” He began to talk faster and faster.

I sank further into my seat. “It really would have been amazing.”

Suddenly Mattie stopped and sat up straighter. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” He smacked himself on the forehead, hard. “I’m the worst friend ever. Here I come over to console you and all I end up doing is reminding you why you’re upset in the first place.” He swiveled on the couch. “Okay, let’s start again. Let’s talk about something fun, like fashion or shopping or something.”

At the mention of fashion though, suddenly all I could think about was that amazing two-toned dress that I would never wear. My face crumpled.

“Or we could go do something,” he said quickly, trying to save the sinking ship. “We could go to a movie, or even bowling or something.”

On the edge of bursting into tears again, I burst into laughter instead. “I can only imagine you in rented shoes.”

“Oh dear God,” he said, fanning himself. “Other people’s feet.” He squeaked out a noise like he was choking on a nut or something. “The horror, the horror!” He feigned fainting and fell back onto the arm of the couch.

After I’d finished giggling, Mattie finally ‘came to.’ “Seriously though Jose, I just want to say I’m really sorry for freaking out like that.”

“God, I’m so sorry I didn’t pick one of you. I just… honestly, both your stuff was so amazing, I couldn’t bear to part with any of yours or my mother’s ideas.” I groaned and put my head in my hands. “I am a terrible person.”

“You’re not a terrible person,” he said. “I think more than anything, I was disappointed that my wedding ideas weren’t going to be seen by the world. I wanted to change the concept of the wedding, I wanted to throw a little Mattie out there into the world.”

I smiled. “I know. And it would have been awesome.”

“Yes, it most definitely would have.” He sat up straighter, as if something had just hit him. “And this thing with Jen… holy crap. I had no idea anything was going on. If I had known she’d taken off on you too, I would have been here way sooner. I mean, sure my feelings were a little bruised, but I would have been over here in a nanosecond if I’d known you were all alone. In fact, I was here in a nanosecond, as soon as I found out.”

“Thanks Mattie,” I said. “You have no idea how much it means to have at least one friend. It makes all the difference in the world.”

“Honey, you will never have to worry about that with me. Sure, I may be a prissy little drama queen once in a while, but I would never abandon you for good.”

“Thanks.”

“Okay,” Mattie said, clapping his hands together once. He’d never been one to wallow into the depths of too much emotion. “What do we do now to get your life back together?”

I looked around at my cleaned up apartment and suddenly everything didn’t seem as daunting as it had this morning. “Well, I have to get in touch with my agent for sure. There could be news with the book, plus we’re going to have to figure out what to do for the option book since the insider wedding guide is out.”

Mattie nodded. “Okay, so then… what can I do?”

I looked at my phone sitting on the corner of the coffee table.

“Well, you could give me a tally on what I owe you for all the deposits and stuff for your wedding stuff. I want pay you and my Mom as soon as possible.”

“Josie, you don’t have to worry about that right now.”

“No it’s fine. I got my advance check the other day, I can cover it all, no problem.”

“Okay, I’ll get it together in the next few days. Then do you want me to go through some of your messages? You must have about eight million of them.”

“Good idea. Just delete anything that’s from the press, I’m sure that’s what most of them are. God, I really need to get a new number.”

“Done.”

And with that we went to work. Me with my computer and Mattie with my phone.

But the thing was, I had no idea what to say to Carla. I mean, how unprofessional could a person be?

I just kept thinking about Jake and the diary and how stupid it was that I couldn’t have one without the other. The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. I mean, who did Jake think he was to tell me what to do with my life? Sure, it might get a little heated when some of the new stories came out and the press would probably ask him stupid questions about what it’s like to date a loser or whatever, but seriously, it’s not like he hadn’t been through it before.

Wasn’t I worth that much to him?

The stupid tears showed up again and I couldn’t help it. As if on their own, my hands opened up a new email message screen and just started typing.

Jake,

I just want to say that I am so sorry about the way things have turned out. It seems like such a little thing to end everything over.

I’ve wanted to be a published writer as far back as I can remember and the Disaster Diary is my way of doing that. Maybe my only way. These chances just don’t come up every day.

I’m sorry the stories hurt you so much. I know it must be embarrassing to be with someone who shows their whole self—especially the bad parts—to the world, but that’s just who I am. I’ve grown into someone who wears the everyday clumsiness and supreme awkwardness as sort of a badge of honor, and it’s because of the diary going public that I’m able to do that. The stories allow people to see me as a real person, which I thought you, of all people, might understand since you’re up on such a pedestal in so many people’s eyes. Maybe that’s the problem. You’ve got so much attention you just can’t handle any more. I can respect that.

But I am my own person. I can’t just be your wife with nothing of my own to be proud of.

Thanks for everything though.

Love always,

Josie

I hit send before I could give myself a chance to overthink it and chicken out. It was what it was. I said the things I couldn’t get straight in my head that day of the fight. I honestly didn’t expect anything from him, I just really wanted him to know that I wouldn’t have changed anything.

I was who I was and I didn’t think anyone or anything could change that.

Maybe the weirdest thing of all: the diary made me realize I didn’t want anyone or anything to change that.

Of course, it’s not like I wouldn’t change anything. I’d take back the drunken slip to Andrea about Jen in a heartbeat. It was the lowest of the low. Sure, I didn’t mean to let it slip out, but I should never have put myself in that situation in the first place.

I had to take full responsibility.

And so I snuck out to the bank—‘disguise’ still intact of course since I had to do this before I lost my nerve and didn’t stop to put makeup on—and I opened a new account with Jen’s name on it and I deposited the damned check I got from Andrea. I sent the deposit slip with a courier to Jen’s mom’s house with a quick note.

Jen,

You have no idea how sorry I am. Please know, and I realize this is no excuse, but please know that I never did it on purpose. I know it’s made a huge mess of your life, and there’s nothing I can do to make up for it.

I’ve put all the money into an account for the baby. I hope you can see past where the money came from and will accept it for his or her education or whatever you think is best. You probably want nothing to do with it, it probably feels like blood money or something, but I swear I never asked for it and I never wanted it. Maybe it could at least be put to good use down the road.

I love you and hope someday you’ll be able to forgive me. It breaks my heart to know I won’t be a part of your little one’s life.

Josie

I headed back to the apartment where Mattie continued to sort through my messages and I made a face, still not wanting to deal with them. “Ugh, just delete them all.”

“Um,” Mattie said, with his signature smirk. “There are a few I think you might be interested in.”

CHAPTER 19

“Oh God, I am so not interested in any other ‘offers’ from any more damned magazines,” I said.

He shook his head. “I’m not a moron. Do you not think I know anything about you by now?”

I sighed and flopped onto the couch. “I really don’t think I’m up for this right now.”

“Oh you are up for it,” he said, spinning my computer toward me.

“When did you grab my computer?” I asked.

He waved me off. “Focus Josie.”

My eyes widened. “And how did you get into my email?” I asked, shocked to see my account staring me back in the face.

He rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen you log into that email a million times. You really think I can’t pick out ‘bridesmaid lotto’ as you’re typing. Puh-lease. I mean really,” he said, shaking his head sadly, “you try to make it like it was all a big sacrifice for you to go in that lotto when all along you’ve used it for your password? Honestly, who do you think you’re kidding?”

My mouth dropped open and I made a little high-pitched sound. “Well…”

Mattie laughed a little at my reaction. “You’re not focusing,” he sing-songed.

Since I really had no argument to redeem myself, I decided to go for the silent approach and just read the damned email he so badly wanted me to see.

It was from Jen.

Josie,

Thank you for the money for the baby, but would it kill you to read your emails once in a while? I mean, I know you’re all down in the dumps and everything, but seriously, you are way behind. I tried to apologize days ago, but judging from the note that just showed up at my mother’s door, you didn’t read any of them. Ugh. And you cannot believe how much time I spent trying to get the words just right.

Anyway, please go back and read them, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Jen

P.S. Did you seriously not realize that the movers never came to take my stuff away?

I glanced up at Mattie. He nodded at me. But it was a sarcastic kind of a nod, like I was the stupidest thing on the planet. God he had a way with saying a lot with such a tiny movement.

Not that I could really argue with the gesture.

“Have you read the rest of them?”

“Of course.”

I couldn’t decide if I should strangle him for going through my private emails or beg him to give me a summary of them. “Those are private.”

He looked at his nails haughtily. “Do you want the skinny or not?”

I slumped my head, defeated yet again. “Yes please,” I conceded.

“Okay,” he said, leaning forward anxiously, looking both ways, as if someone might overhear.

In my apartment.

I rolled my eyes.

“So there were about eight emails. Right away, like the day after she stormed out from what I can gather, she was already saying she was sorry.”

“What? Are you serious?”

He nodded.

“And I put myself through all that torture?”

“Yourself, and your hair,” he said, still nodding. “Honestly, it’s a miracle we got it back to almost normal.”

“Almost?” I asked.

“Anyway,” he said, sidestepping being called on one of his backhanded compliments again. “then there were a couple that were all like, ‘are you okay?’ and ‘why aren’t you answering…’ you know, the usual wondering if a person is dead or alive stuff.”

“Oh my God, why didn’t she just call?”

He tilted his head, looking me straight in the eyes. “Seriously?” He picked up my phone, holding it out in front of him. “Your voicemail reached capacity days ago. People have been calling.”

“Well yeah, but those are all the paparazzi, right?”

“Um, no. Your number is still secure. There wasn’t a single call from a reporter.”

“What?” I asked, not understanding. There had been so many calls I’d finally just turned off my ringer so I wouldn’t have to think about the damned reporters anymore. “But then who…?”

“Well me for one, thank you very much,” he said, giving me the ‘oh no you didn’t’ head cock to the side, “and Jen, and…”

“Wait a minute. If no one could get a hold of me for so long, why didn’t anyone bother coming over to see if I was even alive?”

“That one’s easy,” he said. “Your coffee addiction.”

“What the hell are you talking about Mattie?”

He snorted. “Well since you have to leave the house at least three times a day because God forbid you actually had to make yourself a cup, we all got to see you on a regular basis on the Internet gossip sites. We knew you were fine—I mean except for the unbelievable bad scarf, hat, sunglass cover-ups you thought you were staying hidden behind.” He started to chuckle then. “Good Lord, how could you think you were fooling anyone?”